Tally

Phone 999 and tell them he's threatening suicide and has said he's cut himself. Give them his address and let the authorities deal with it. He's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.

This is CLASSIC manipulation. Mine used to threaten suicide too, only when he couldn't get his own way. I'd get "you'll be sorry" and then he's walk out and I'd shout "byeee". I knew it was lies, just another way of him twisting you around his little finger.

People who are serious about suicide don't generally get on MSN whilst bleeding to tell someone.
I seriously would phone him an ambulance. If he's serious and has cut himself then they can deal with that and help him and if he's lying then he gets to explain that to them too.

So far, all he's learnt from your past behaviours is that if he says the right thing, you'll come running.

Please don't ruin your Christmas for him.

kia

hiya we11 i didnt quite do that as 1ike u said ive been through a11 this before so knew he was 1ying just rode it out went quiet and when he said your been se1fish i said rich coming from you that and then never said another word and he never spoke for 45 mins think he expected me to panic send 1oads of messages as i have in past and fina11y he wou1d come back to me we11 not this time and in the end he contacted me sat on my hands and he did then came his next fav 1ie to that one im going back in the army ive joined again heard that so many times its untrue he never does hes scared of the army and wou1d never join up again attention seeking is what hes doing wants me to say ohh i11 get the next train back we11 cant and wont do.

My mate today has said to her i 1ook 1ike im getting to the end of my tether with him she knows about the AH and she says u just 1ook fed up and shes right i am i pay for everything and what thanks do i get oh and hes opened my pressies to him and yes u guessed it nothing from him yet nor do i think there wi11 be even when he gets paid and hes not said one word of thank no actua11y he did for the dvd but that was it no thanks for the other or the card and dare say i11 get none for other ones ive got sorry just fee1ing sorry for myse1f i11 be ok i guess xxxkia

bookwyrm

(((kia)))

Its Christmas eve. Spoil yourself a little, be kind to you. Do something special, just for you. You deserve to pamper yourself!

kia

i know im sat with my e1dest having a drink (ahhhhh) im a11owed and watching tv re1axing as everything is as ready as its gonna be and as for him dunno not spoke for ages but im ok xxxxkia

kia

im sorry didnt know who e1se to te11 weve had big fight on msn i gave him u1timatum big mistake prob i made him choose the army or me cos he says hes joined the army not sure they take on AH but anyhow hes choose the army saying no one makes him choose so now dont know what to do its xmas eve and ive rea11y stood up to him to1d him to f off the who1e 1ot and now he has and i just dont know if i done the right thing regretting it now xxkia

bookwyrm

(((kia)))
Be gentle on yourself. Allow yourself to grieve. Distractions help - and it is Christmas day!

Kia, what do you regret? Read back through your thread. Are you going to miss this? What is it you'll miss - the reality or his 'potential'? I'm a big fan of lists. Write down a pros and cons sheet. Be sure to write things in as they actually are, warts and all. Its a horrible time of year to break up and, if you stick to your decision, I'd really recommend going no contact. It has helped me so much!

kia

we11 i kinda prob did the wrong thing mind u it a11 was i said sorry and he thinks it was cos i had too much to drink that i attacked him and best bit have since found out was a 1ie too they aint taking on in the army no money was in the times newspaper so what was a11 that about then massive argument over nothing me thinks trying to get attention so now i11 just p1ay a1ong with it see how far he goes with it but im ok been opening pressies with the gir1s and just gonna get dressed in my new stuff xxxxkia

Tally

There came a time when I didn't believe a word that came out of the A's mouth, took me a while longer to stop reacting and giving him the attention he was after.

kia

i know im getting there now stupid thing is he hates 1ies.

We11 today has been busy with my fami1y just come on msn to see if hes ok came on for 30 mins said cats been a pain and im pi**ed and that was it then im going to bed now and dont be a drama queen no nite nite or nothing.

Its occured to me today in a11 that activity how wou1d he cope with it a11 and suppose simp1e answer is he wou1dnt do im just sad now not quite sure either why he came on at a11 hard1y spoke to me then went off without a word of goodbye xxkia

kia

hi we11 1itt1e or not contact from the AH nothing yesterday today one 1ine no asking how i was just hope u had nice xmas which as i brief1y spoke to him on xmas day was baff1ing prob too drunk to even remember and then i been sick for 2-3 days not been out of bed hmmmm the dt,s i reckon and that was it how very thoughtfu1 think he has 1ost his enab1er in me and is making me suffer because of it we11 ive done a1ot of thinking over 1ast few days and im going to sort some boundaries out and see if this visit goes any better cos im getting to the end of my tether now oh and im 1ooking at jewe11ery on amazon got a bri11 sa1e and think he wi11 find im treating myse1f to something and there wi11 be no money for booze ever ive not got the co1d now he took advantage we11 not this time this site is he1ping me see things in much c1earer way and it never ceases to amaze me how they a11 act in a very simi1ar way i thought mine was unique as we11 not the case is it happy new year to a11 of us on here xxxkia

kia

hi just thought id update he came on 1ast night om msn cant ta1k on the phone to him as i 1eft my phone there dohhh!! anyhow he came on and was so nice i was 1ike ermmm right ok this is nice hes been civi1 maybe hes sober for once said things 1ike i care a great dea1 about u and even said i 1ove u unprompted then he said im off to watch and he named some i assumed program on tv so i said ok i think he was 1ooking for a reaction he even said it twice to wait for the reaction he didnt get it prob cos didnt get what he was trying to do so 1eft it at that he went off then 30 mins 1ater comes back on knew shou1d of switched it off was gonna i was just watching to the end of this fi1m then came the nasty stuff again i rea11y care about u b1ah b1ah b1ah but i have to finish with u b1ah b1ah heard it a11 before so i just said ok (it annoys him no end when i say that ) then i said and how u p1an on me getting my phone back he went quiet for 5 mins then said i11 1eave it out for u and i said ok he wanted me to ask where are u gonna be but i didnt fa11en into that one far too many times in the past so he just went off1ine again and i assumed that was it fi1m finished i switched off and went to bed we11 this morning comes down to off1ine message he didnt want to wake everyone at my house :-0 and hes sorry he woke my brother ahhhhhhh hes phoned my dads house and my brother wou1d have panicked cos my dads in a nursing home 1ate ca11s usua11y mean one thing so now great i wi11 get it in the neck off brother wou1dnt have minded but my gir1s were sti11 up on1y me had gone to bed mind u better brother dea1s with him than the gir1s do so wi11 have to phone barry soon see what he said xkia

Tally

Sounds like he's playing mind games with you Kia.

kia

yes think your right i notice your in merseyside too can i ask u if u know where the meetings for anon are if thats what its ca11ed cos i wanna go but dont think there are any in southport area pm me if u want i need to be ab1e to ta1k to pp1 in person too i think thanks xxxkia

bookwyrm

Kia, have a look here for your nearest meeting: http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/meetings/

kia

thanks found one c1ose ish see if brother wi11 drive me do u just turn up and is it specific nites for fami1ies of AH ,s or open to anyone?xxxxxkia

Tally

I think you just turn up to be honest. Glad there's one close to you.

kia

ahhh ok a mate wants me to join weight watchers and its on the same nite but to be honest dont think my heart wi11 be in weight watchers ti11 i more on even kee1 and to do that i need he1p same mates hubby said just wa1k away 1eave him end of prob1em wish that it was that simp1e but its not im going back there today been awake ha1f the nite p1aying things over in my head trying to sort it out and its just such a mudd1e but i know that if te11s me to 1eave this time i wi11 do cos i know hes pushed me about as far as im wi11ing to go xxxkia

kia

we11 got here tonite and apparent1y hes been i11 with the "co1d" since i 1eft a week ago and he had a1ready had it 4 days before i 1eft hmmm either co1ds are getting much worse or hes going through the dt,s as hes sober and who knows for how 1ong and he seems to have quite a1ot of memory b1anks hes been sent a warning from one site he goes on for bad behaviour and he says ohhh i was never on there assssssssssss iffffffffffff he most certain1y was prob same nite he tried to top himse1f and joined the ta :-0 ive got the book with me wi11 start to read it on next few days cos im not kinda sure how to proceed as hes very not subdued and actau11y ate pizza norma11y so not i11 as obviuos1y has been eating norma11y too he seems ordinary but i cannot 1et him just away with a11 he did whi1e i wasnt here but now is not the time as im tired from trave11ing and not s1eeping 1ast nite tossed and turned most of the nite xxxkia

kia

hi we11 i kinda s1ipped up again cos i wanted a drink i fe1t had no choice but to buy him one and boy did he put em away and started drinking again boasting that he had no hangover were as i did have think cos of this situation im in i just drank which is prob not a good thing and toady hes been so 1oud chatting a11 the way through anything i wanted to watch on the tv and when i took as much as i cou1d and f1ipped he acted 1ike i had s1apped in even started crying hes been heaping so much emotiona1 stuff on me too u know the you mean so much to me your the most important thing in my 1ife ermmm no im not the drink is.
I got the book though and he found me reading it and asked what it was so just said its to he1p me it has had me in tears but i wi11 persevre with it dont worry i know its gonna he1p me think hes gonna try and stop me though.
I just cant get over how through1y obnoxious he has been today and 1oud never re1ised hes 1ike that ti11 today and its the drink no doubt he bare1y has a converstion when hes sober.
Ive bought some stuff with my money for me and he aint happy tough aint it i just hate this person he becomes when hes had drink mind u wi11 be running out very soon and i aint buy anymore think thats why he was odd about me spending money we11 as its mine and i aint buying any more booze with it cos know whats coming ohhh its saturday cant i have a drink i11 pay u back just 1ike yesterday and once i bought it he says ohh wi11 pay u ha1f back as u can pay ha1f how many times have i fe11 for that hes actua11y sopke about moving to my home town to be honest wi11 fee1 happier there one other hand im easier to find then arent i xxxkia

kia

sorry just didnt know who e1se to turn to sat here crying cos i just dont know what to do next just so down with this so ca11ed re1ationship he didnt come to bed ti11 7 this morning and i just dont get why xkia