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He Can't Quit Without Help ... A few questions

Old 01-01-2009, 09:16 PM
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He Can't Quit Without Help ... A few questions

I know that someone posted asking if they could quit on their own and many said yes.

The problem with my AH is that he's tried to quit about 50 times in the past 13 years we've been together and the longest he's gone is 3 days (except when he was in the hospital for a week after his heart attack).

Would it be safe for me to say that he can't quit on his own? I'm tired of hearing (when he's drinking) about how he's planning to quit, when it never really happens. I've told him that he can't do it without help - because he hasn't done it on his own ...

A couple of questions:

1. Do you know of people who have taken prescribed drugs to help them quit and if so, what were they and how did they help (he doesn't sleep well if he doesn't drink).

2. Are people who have quit that have been given drugs to lessen the withdrawal, much easier to be around?

3. Do the AA programs help so much more when they're quitting if they are willing to stick them out?

I guess it's wishful thinking, but I'm hoping he can finally get the help he needs and that he will get better - for himself - not just for me.

Thanks
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Old 01-01-2009, 09:23 PM
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IMHO, A's need the group setting of AA and individual counseling. Most importantly they have to admit they have a problem, are unable to stop on their own and not be enabled by their friends and family. So......I don't think they can do it on their own.
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Old 01-01-2009, 09:54 PM
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I agree with DII, my XAH quit drinking but is nowhere near sober. He is a mean "dry drunk" now and there are times i wished he would drink again since he was a much nicer person when he was drinking. I couldnt stand him drinking and i couldnt tolerate him when he is not. He went to very few AA meetings and has basically gone "cold turkey". It has been an ugly ugly year and i wouldnt wish it on anyone.
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Old 01-01-2009, 10:06 PM
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Do you know of people who have taken prescribed drugs to help them quit and if so, what were they and how did they help (he doesn't sleep well if he doesn't drink)

Are people who have quit that have been given drugs to lessen the withdrawal, much easier to be around?
Initially (first week or so) he would be given something to ease his withdrawals ad help with sleep. Later you can take campral or naltrexone to ease cravings, however these drugs can hurt your liver which can already be damaged by drinking. In any case he needs to see a Dr as going cold turkey can be fatal.

On the "easier to be around" comment I have no idea what you are talking about.

Do the AA programs help so much more when they're quitting if they are willing to stick them out?
ANYTHING in life works better when you stick it out. Has he tried AA? If so how did it not work for him?
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Old 01-01-2009, 11:10 PM
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Dazed

There's help there for him if he wants it, medical help, AA, outpatient programs etc.

Alcoholics sober up every day by getting help, but "It takes what it takes"

I was watching a speaker the other night that knew and partied with John Belushi, he was saying he died and he STILL didn't reach his bottom, just kept partying (this was funny) but the point was, every alcoholics bottom is different and it takes what it takes. When he's ready to quit the resources are there. AA works if you actually work it.

OK, enough

What can you do for you?

Seriously, I mean LTD commented on another thread (the one you referred to I think) that one alcoholic just talked about quitting and there was 20 responses and not one addressed the OP (I was just as guilty as everyone else) all about how to get some guy to detox that may or may not even want to detox, it might have just been "quacking" we don't know, but we all jump in to "save" him, forgetting the poster is the one in pain.

Let him get his own God Damned help. What can we do for you? What can YOU do for you?

This may sound harsh, but this is from an alcoholic who knows that's the only way an alcoholic ever gets and stays sober is by doing it for himself. "Enabling" alcoholics is not helpful, my mother has literally been "murdering" my sister for twenty years by being "helpful" and protecting her from the consequences of her actions.

You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, you can't control it, I know that's "the basics" and I'm sorry for pulling that tired old saw out of the books, but it's true.

What can you do for you?

There are a ton of resources out there for alcoholics now, it's time to take care of yourself kiddo ( hell I wouldn't even be one of "us" if I hadn't availed myself of this help, I'd be dead, drunk, or dead drunk, or in jail somewhere)
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Old 01-01-2009, 11:16 PM
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Hi,
My experience with my aw is that they have to be surrounded by people that can help them,on her own she could not get past the 3 month stepping stone,once she had accepted to talk to a doctor who could listen to her give her some medication(the names are not the same here in france)she was calmer and able to take decisions to help herself go forward!
Only you know if you want to be with this person sober(another of your posts) but its great to try and find out isn't it?
It's much better than just accepting and suffering as we have all done!!?!!
I hope he can find a way to want to stop,
I hope you can find your way to deal with whatever happens,
Wishing you a great 2009
N.Walker
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Old 01-01-2009, 11:38 PM
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hi

my experience is that i was given antabuse to make me sick if i drank anything at all and anti depressants to help with the anxiety etc. also i see a counseller 2 times a week, its an effort but beats the alternative.

been sober 10 weeks+ now and happiest i have ever been, started spanish lessons and fitness training so not heading the dry drunk route.

i will go down to aa this year as it is obviously important for support and also to remind you why you stopped in the first place as time goes on, also you can work the 12 steps to improve your life as well.

i tried to quit 100's times in the last 7 years and could not go more than a few days too so its a bit of a miracle for me! also i was drinking everyday!

took rock bottom for me to do something about it and ruined every single relationship, friends, family etc that i have ever had so i would heed the advice of Ago and worry more about yourself than him! By all means, if you have not done so yet, make an appoinement for the counseller, find out meeting of AA, look up the drugs (im on paxil and antabuse, there are others), go to docs for advice on withdrawls and then present to him in a manner of sort it out or im offski...if he fails to make an effort you are totally wasting your time!

good luck and hope he gets it, took me ages!!!

x
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Old 01-02-2009, 04:48 AM
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I'm with Ago in what can we do for you? Let's focus on you and the effects his drinking has had on you. How can we help?
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Old 01-02-2009, 05:53 AM
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Originally Posted by dazednconfuzed View Post
I guess it's wishful thinking, but I'm hoping he can finally get the help he needs and that he will get better - for himself - not just for me.
You can hope all you want but only your AH can decide to get sober and enter recovery. It doesn't matter what others have done. He will do it his way WHEN he wants to, if he wants to.

All you can do is take care of yourself, regardless of what your AH does. You cannot do this for him you know.

What can you do to improve your life?
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Old 01-02-2009, 09:24 AM
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Sweetie, he's QUACKING.

He knows there is help out there. When HE IS READY he will find it. And he may never be ready.

So far it seems every time he says he's going to quit and tries it on his own, he thinks he is 'appeasing' you and you back off, so it's been working.

When you set boundaries, and stick to them, in other words, change YOUR ACTIONS and REACTIONS toward him, then he things will change.................they may get worse before better, he may leave, you may leave.

But when you CHANGE your actions and reactions you will be doing it for YOU not him.

Maybe it's time for you to STOP trying to help him, YOU CANNOT HELP HIM and start helping and working on YOU instead.

J M H O

Please start working on you. Please keep posting and let us know how YOU not he is doing, we do care so very very much.

Love and hugs,
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