LaTeeDa

My therapist discussed this with me at one time. She said that I probably chose the job I am in partly because of my codependent traits. I like being needed and it seems that IT support is one profession where you are always needed.

Now that I am recovering, I am wondering if there is a way to reconcile my work with my recovery, or if it is time to look at changing careers. And, quite honestly, I think I really want to change careers, but fear is a big obstacle. I have a really good job (as far as income goes) and a lifestyle to match. There are few, if any options open to me in my area that would pay anywhere near what I currently make. This would mean selling my house (in this market) and basically downsizing all my financial obligations. My kids are pretty accustomed to their current lifestyle as well.

But, I can’t get past the inherent unhealthiness of my position. For example, this morning I got a call from an employee who stated there was no power to her computer and monitor. So, I asked if the breaker had been tripped. She stated that all the other power in the offices was on, and even her lights were on, so probably not the breaker. So I said, do you have a power strip or UPS under your desk? She says she has a “black thingy” and a “white thingy” and that the lights are on on both of them. So I say figure out which “thingy” your computer is plugged into and turn it off. Then turn it back on again and see if that fixes the problem. If that does not fix the problem, then unplug everything from the “thingy” and replace it with a new power strip and see if that fixes the problem. If it does, let me know and I will order a new UPS.

30 seconds later, I get a call from her supervisor requesting that IT send someone over because it’s too difficult to figure out. So I put on my coat, hat, and gloves (it’s 15 degrees here and their location is two blocks away), walk over there, turn off the UPS, turn it back on and what do you know, it works.

Now I know this is a trigger for me because I lived with an alcoholic for many years who feigned helplessness in order to get out of doing anything he didn’t want to do. And I was proud of myself for just doing what needed to be done without any additional “comments” on my part and even tried to keep a smile on my face. And every year when I receive my performance evaluation, I always get rave reviews on my problem solving and decision making abilities. And every year I get dogged for not being “nicer” and for “making” people feel stupid. Sorry, I just can’t find a way to be nice to someone who cannot reach under his or her desk and press a button without assistance. And if that “makes” someone feel stupid, well I don’t see it as my fault.

My long-winded question is this. Have any of you ever had to face that your career is just an extension of your unhealthy relationship choices? Have any of you ever managed to turn this around and be satisfied with your work despite it? Have any of you found that you needed to change careers in order to be healthier? If so, how did you go about it?

L

hbb

First i'd like to say i know how frustrating this is. I to work in an office setting and find i'm helping out with little "thingy" problems myself on a daily basis and just smile while i'm rolling my eyes at my desk lol. And i'm more on edge this past year as a whole.

I just spoke to my therapist about my career, like you, i make descent money, great benefits, good people but am also thinking it's going along with my relationship recovery issues and need change. I asked her if i should seek out a new profession and she said that may be good for change but also figure out if it's because of moods lately and not to jump the gun because of other issues with my exbf that seem to compile work and other things.

I too am eager to hear the responses to this very question, i've been wondering for weeks now about this. Thanks!

FormerDoormat

Well, I've noticed quite a few of our members are nurses (as were my mom and aunt) and although I'm an artist, in my spare time I volunteer at a local no-kill animal shelter. So, when I'm not rescuing people, I'm doing the same for animals.

Perhaps your therapist is on to something here....

denny57

I worked in an office for years and I pray to the gods I never have to go back to it. At 30 I decided to follow my dream and went to film school.

A great book I love for figuring out what to do in life is "The Artist's Way." Even while living with active alcoholism I practiced it. One day the words Al-Anon leapt out at me. Before, I had brushed over them, but things were deteriorating, Al-Anon had been suggested to me a couple times and it just clicked. Off I went.

I highly recommend it, even if you don't want to pursue an artist's life. There is an art to living a happy life.

I've done fine financially after leaving the "secure" job. Though my income is less with AH out of the picture, I find I can still do all the things I love - travel, of course, being the main one.

Good luck, LTD! (Follow your bliss)

hadenoughnow

I am an IT manager and I totally hear you on this, I work in a smaller more personal environment where users actually have to face me and if they act TOO helpless get talked to about it. I look at it this way, computers have not been around very long and people in general are not comfortable with the technology yet and are VERY insecure (it is not second nature yet like using a phone or driving a car) so I try not to take it personally and just look at it as part of my job. I love my job way too much to let some annoying users drive me out of this profession.

Zak68

I did 4 years of IT support with my company. I have to say I enjoyed those little lapses people had when they called. It livened up my day and made me chuckle.

For example I did IT support for the executives here which meants Asst. VP up to Chairman's Council and all their support staff. Now, the Exec's were great and very appreciative of us but some of the support staff I think couldn't fight their way out of a wet paper bag with a chainsaw.

One lady called and it went a little like this:
"Hello, my system is not working"
"What's wrong with it?"
"The monitor is blank"
"Ok, what color is the light near the power button?"
"Orange"
"Ok, look on your main computer. See the blue button?"
"Yeah"
"Push it"
silence....
"Hey, it's working that's great what did you do?"
"I had you turn it on" =)

Now, as far as careers go I think I found the path that fits me best. For the last 12 yeras I have done customer phone support in one fashion or another. Sometimes on the phone, others training, others in management of the people on the phones. Inherantly I like to solve problems and I feel I am good with people. To me being able to hear the woes of everyone else puts my life in perspective and makes me feel a bit better about my life. Currently I work in the Bank Collection Center and we deal with Repo's and Foreclosures so I really feel good about my life even though it is rough. I know it could be a lot worse.

LaTeeDa

Ah, yes. That could be one of my problems. Management here actually encourages helplessness..................

(although, not in IT staff, lol)

L

BohemiMamaof3

Ugh! I just responded but lost it. I was thinking the same thing yesterday! Interesting question. More later.

Barbara52

Interesting question. I am also in the IT field but not interacting with the users/customers. I write software/hardware manuals. I am distanced from the end users/customers, instead interacting with the SW developers and other techies to pick their brains to get the info I need to describe everything. I had been thinking choosing a career that didn't involve interaction with the public was perhaps related to being a ACOA rather than being codependent.

LaTeeDa

Hadenough, I'm curious, how long have you been in the field. The reason I am asking is that I probably could've written your post about 4 or 5 years ago. Maybe I'm burnt out, or maybe the change in management a few years ago changed my outlook. I do remember feeling the way you say about it, though. Then again, maybe I've changed........

Anyway, hope you don't mind me asking.

L

hadenoughnow

I've been in the IT field 11 years now

LaTeeDa

Interesting. That's exactly how long I've been at it. Well, this job anyway. I had a couple years at another job before this one. hmmmmmmmm

cmc

I've had a few different counselors/mentors in my life before and only one every made a remark about my (former) career having something to do with my own issues.

I worked in a typical caregiver profession...teaching preschool. In my case that was the one place where I didn't have codie issues. I was properly detached and eventually left the profession for reasons more to do with the business end of things than the 'people' side.

Being able to detach and let go regarding my students and their parents, was fairly easy for me, unlike how things were in other areas of my life. I tended to work overtime alot...with no extra salary... but that was not related to the profession- but my need to 'help out.' I'd have stayed late for any job that allowed me to.

Then again.:chatter..I could still be in deep denial about the whole thing!

What I do now is try to keep an eye on all areas of my life to make sure my tendencies are kept in check. My recovery involves the relationships I have with people, places, and things. To remove all those triggers from my life wouldn't leave me with much! This is why I continue to come here, attend meetings and keep the focus on my choices, boundaries etc.

Thanks for sharing, this is a very interesting topic. btw....I've met many, many people in meetings who are codependents working in caregiver professions like teaching and nursing.

best

Wanna learn Anon skills fast?

Try a job as a pastor or a job in ministry.

But there is a job where being codie to a degree is a good thing.

Sure learn to let go and Let God with that job *LOL*

LaTeeDa

Yes, me too. But, it seems that this is in direct opposition to the higher-ups, who seem to have the attitude of why should anyone have to push a button or replace a power strip--that's why we have you!

So, it seems that maybe IT in general isn't unhealthy, just the particular environment I work in.

Also, I didn't mention it before, but I am the IT manager for my organization. And I think it's interesting that managing my staff doesn't create issues for me. I have confidence in their abilities and encourage them to find answers on their own. They appreciate the confidence I have in them and the autonomy that allows. Even when I have pushed them outside their comfort zone, they have always excelled and appreciated the push. (in hindsight, of course)

So, in my department, I feel like I have created a healthy environment. Unfortunately, I have to interact with all the other departments, lol.

Thanks for all the replies. There is a lot of wisdom here.

L

FormerDoormat

Did I mention my sister is a teacher? Seems all the women in my immediate family (with the exception of me) chose careers that involved caregiving.

There are several things I noticed about the vast majority of my fellow rescue volunteers (a group of ~50 women):

• They tend to be single or divorced women
• They tend to have a fear of commitment
• They feel an overwhelming urge to rescue people/animals in need
• They tend to relate better to animals than to people
• They tend to devote an inordinate amount of time to helping animals in need, to the point of neglecting all else in their lives, then resent the heck out of the powers that be (those in charge) for asking them to do more (for free, of course)
• They get taken advantage of and treated poorly by fellow volunteers and complain bitterly about it, but keep returning for more
• They adopt more animals than they can handle physically, emotionally, and financially because they think no one else is capable of taking care of them properly
• They think their way of doing things is best--for everyone

You would think that this group of women would get along fabulously because they all share a love of animals. But that couldn't be farther from the truth. There is serious in-fighting and the only lasting friendships formed are the ones between volunteers and animals.

Peaches1_99

Well, this has been a little bit of an eye-opener for me.

I am an Executive Assistant with an AH. I am always "fixing" something for someone. Whether it is at home or at work... ARGH!

Have any of you seen the movie "The Devil Wears Prada?" All of my "cubie-mates" say that movie stars me and my boss...

Maybe I need to talk to my counselor...

LaTeeDa

Sorry to keep coming back to this post, but I think I might be having an AHA here.

I believe one of the reasons I loved my job so much in the beginning was because I saw all these people who were insecure and scared of technology and I thought I could help them. One of my missions in this career was to empower people so that they wouldn't be so insecure and helpless concerning that putty-colored box on their desk.

Now, I'm figuring out that they don't want to be helped or empowered, they want someone to just "make it work." So here I am trying to help and teach people who don't want to be helped or taught. Sounds pretty codependent to me.

I still believe strongly in empowering people, though. So I guess it's time to find something to do where I can help people who want to be helped.

L

best

ahhh So all us guys that are dogs still have a chance? *LOL*

FormerDoormat

If you have four legs and can wag your tail, then for me it will be love at first sight!