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just a little update

Old 08-23-2007, 08:18 AM
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just a little update

hey guys-

it has been a little while since i posted, work, kids, school, life, it has been busy, busy, busy. we have been doing great, my daughter started first grade, likes it so far, the boys are growing like weeds. they have already started making out there Christmas lists. we have been in out new home for about 4 months now, love it, i am amazed at how easy it is to keep it clean, and smells so good. (no yucky beer smell or cigs)

now for the scary part - i have a date this weekend, kind of snuck up on me. nothing fancy, just and early sunday evening dinner. I AM TERRIFIED, and don't know why. It sounded like a good idea at the time, nice guy, hard working, makes me laugh. by the time sunday gets here i will probobly be breathing into a brown paper bag. i have been seperated for over a year and divorced since january, but still I feel like I am doing something wrong. all the insecurities i have worked so hard to overcome are popping back up. my xah voice tellin me that I cannot do better than him or that no on else would want me. I think I feel a stomach virus coming on.

maybe i am not ready for this yet......where is that paper bag.
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Old 08-23-2007, 08:40 AM
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I don't believe I have read any of your posts before, Lifeoutthere, as I am pretty new here but.....you sound well and content with your life and....life keeps going on both for your children and, most importantly, for you.

You have an invitation out to dinner with a FRIEND. It just so happens that your friend is male and if, in your new life, you want male friends, you can have male friends too. And you can forever be "just friends" if that is all YOU want.

XABF had this real problem with me having "just friends". It didn't stop him cruising the adult porn sites with a profile describing his ideal partner. He called this his "social life" and considered it harmless. He couldn't seem to get his head around the fact that I could also desire a harmless (but healthier) social life when we were apart.

Please don't let your XH's "quacking" influence the decisions you make now about YOUR life. He never had any control over you. You control you! You are making a success of your life and you need to keep taking the steps to more success.

Have fun at your dinner!

ARL
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Old 08-23-2007, 08:45 AM
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Hey Life, Glad to hear things are going so well!! I think it's great you have a date...remember it's just dinner and laughing is a good thing!! Just breath deeply through your nose and you'll do fine!

Most importantly, HAVE FUN!!
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Old 08-23-2007, 08:58 AM
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Oh boy, I remember when your daughter started kindergarten LOL!!

Glad to hear these are going well and have fun on that date!
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Old 08-23-2007, 10:57 AM
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OMGosh Denny, I was a total mess then. I went back and read that post. lol, thanks for reminding me. I very much remember how hopeless I felt then, I was so lost. I have grown so much in so many ways. What a difference a year can make.
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Old 08-27-2007, 12:46 PM
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So..................................

I'm curious (okay, nosey!). How did it go?

L
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Old 08-27-2007, 01:41 PM
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i can relate to this-- i am completely fearful, too, so fearful i won't put myself out there, and the couple times i have, i get so wrapped up in my thinking that i can't be myself-- i am scared to be myself-- but i keep telling myself every bit of practice and experience will help. maybe this date won't be comfortable/you will be insecure, or fearful-- but this experience will add up to whatever comfort you will eventually have later on down the road. so take it easy on yourself-- and remember, you don't HAVE to go-- so if you do, be easy on yourself. i figure i'm gonna be a big old insecure weirdo for at least another year, and i'm trying not to freak out about that fact... what you see in yourself now isn't necessarily what you'll see or feel in a few months- and it probably isn't what others see. sorry to ramble, but i FEEL like the ugliest, stupidest, more undesirable person in the world-- and i sure act like a loon- insecure, guarded-- but i've had a couple of experiences that make me think that there are others who don't see me as being as bad as i feel. anyway, hope you had fun.
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Old 08-29-2007, 08:49 AM
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Originally Posted by LaTeeDa View Post
So..................................

I'm curious (okay, nosey!). How did it go?

L

lol, well it was just ok. no sparks. and to be very honest, I don't think that I am ready for the dating thing just yet. I really like being alone right now, well really never alone with the kids, but I like where I am right now. and the good night kiss thing, wow, I really screwed that up too. lol

he did call and ask for another date, which I declined. It really is just about me right now, the dating thing can just wait.
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Old 08-29-2007, 09:06 AM
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Originally Posted by LIFEOUTTHERE View Post
he did call and ask for another date, which I declined. It really is just about me right now, the dating thing can just wait.
And that's ok! But, by taking a chance and going on the date, you learned that you need 'you' time! There's nothing wrong with that. You'll know when you 'are' ready.
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Old 08-29-2007, 09:43 AM
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"How does it affect your today"

My sponsor recently asked me this,,as I was relating my insecurities about a new relationship I was in,,,

The challenge is putting my new TOOLS to work, and keeping in the positivie about myself. Like you, I am finding myself going back to all the verbal abuse my XA use to lay on me when it came to the control he had over me to continue my enabling him to drink.

And that's ALL it was. No reflection on me, just another tool for him to use in his cunning and baffaling disease.

I too, wanted to run from the dregged up memories of how he beat my self esteem into a pulp. But I am choosing to remain and FIGHT it, and continue MY recovery. I REFUSE to allow him to take another thing from me,,TRUSTING another human being. It dawned on my, that if I ran, I would remain 'stuck" forever, and unconciously proving my XA RIGHT when he said, I could NEVER do better than him, and no one would EVER want me

I went on that first date. I BELEIVE all the wonderful things he says to me, not because I am needy and want to be loved, but because I KNOW it is who I am!!! I am wiser for my expereinces and smarter in seeing red flags. But I'm a simple peace loving native hippie, and my core sees people for who they are,,,

Believe what they say, until they prove you wrong,,,

Peace
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