A Choice???
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A Choice???
I keep reading all these posts about how''the alcoholic choose to drink""
I used to believe that not anymore.
WHY would someone choose- a life filled with misery--lose everything they own--thier career--their kids---their minds---their health??????
The bottom line is
It IS an addiction
It is a Disease!!!!
It must be treated like one..
If your AH picks up the bottle its not because''he doesn't care about you"
If my AS relapses it is not because of how he feels about me....
They are sick with a disease--that has such a hold on them-they can't stop-don't you thinl they would if they could?
It is a lifetime chronic disease process--an Addiction--it has nothing to do with US at all.
They can only help themselves---we can't change that--only offer support---that is until the disease process is so advanced it makes that impossible.
Sure we feel hurt-betrayed-abandoned-baterred-hysterical--but it is caused by the Disease?Addiction--it has taken them--we can't stop it--and it kills us right along with them
So if they can't stop you have to make a life for YOU and leave them in their living hell of this disease.A disease they didn't choose anymore than you or I would choose to have cancer.....
I used to believe that not anymore.
WHY would someone choose- a life filled with misery--lose everything they own--thier career--their kids---their minds---their health??????
The bottom line is
It IS an addiction
It is a Disease!!!!
It must be treated like one..
If your AH picks up the bottle its not because''he doesn't care about you"
If my AS relapses it is not because of how he feels about me....
They are sick with a disease--that has such a hold on them-they can't stop-don't you thinl they would if they could?
It is a lifetime chronic disease process--an Addiction--it has nothing to do with US at all.
They can only help themselves---we can't change that--only offer support---that is until the disease process is so advanced it makes that impossible.
Sure we feel hurt-betrayed-abandoned-baterred-hysterical--but it is caused by the Disease?Addiction--it has taken them--we can't stop it--and it kills us right along with them
So if they can't stop you have to make a life for YOU and leave them in their living hell of this disease.A disease they didn't choose anymore than you or I would choose to have cancer.....
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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sunflower, i agree that it is a disease that they really don't have any control over it.
however, i think they can choose whether or not to put themselves in situations that trigger their desire to drink.
my ex chose to leave me for someone who drinks. just as they choose to get help and stop drinking, they often choose to put themselves in situations where they are more likely to drink. they choose the company they keep. and no, it doesn't mean they love us less, i don't think anyone is disputing that.
but to an extent, i believe, they do have a choice, just as they can choose the other way if they so desire.
all in my opinion!
however, i think they can choose whether or not to put themselves in situations that trigger their desire to drink.
my ex chose to leave me for someone who drinks. just as they choose to get help and stop drinking, they often choose to put themselves in situations where they are more likely to drink. they choose the company they keep. and no, it doesn't mean they love us less, i don't think anyone is disputing that.
but to an extent, i believe, they do have a choice, just as they can choose the other way if they so desire.
all in my opinion!
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They chose the FIRST drink....what occurs after is active compulsion.
Denial, chief symptom imo, tells them this time is will be different. Then its not. Then they swear never to do it again. Then they do.
Pretty diseased thinking to me.
Definitely a disease.
Denial, chief symptom imo, tells them this time is will be different. Then its not. Then they swear never to do it again. Then they do.
Pretty diseased thinking to me.
Definitely a disease.
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Well, here goes the issue once again.
To me there is no question about it.
It’s a choice, plain and simple. Here is a prime example.
There are countries and religions that ban alcohol and drinking. Thus they have no alcoholics.
If it was not a choice then where are the alcoholics there? I’m sorry just another excuse for a lack of self-control and poor judgment.
To me there is no question about it.
It’s a choice, plain and simple. Here is a prime example.
There are countries and religions that ban alcohol and drinking. Thus they have no alcoholics.
If it was not a choice then where are the alcoholics there? I’m sorry just another excuse for a lack of self-control and poor judgment.
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I believe the addiction is so strong for some that-the put themselves in bad situation because they want a drink--this is a CHRONIC illness/Disease
It is not hard to imagine why one alcoholic would end up with another as a partner. Can anyone imagine what it must be like to lose everything you hold dear in life because you have to have your ''medicine?''It has to be a nightmare way to exists-which is why their suicide rate is so high and I don't believe any living being would CHOOSE this.
And it is a nightmare to love one as well--we lose everything as well--Time after time you will hear loved ones saying--""I wish they were dead-they are suffering-we are sufferring-at least then there would be peace""
It is not hard to imagine why one alcoholic would end up with another as a partner. Can anyone imagine what it must be like to lose everything you hold dear in life because you have to have your ''medicine?''It has to be a nightmare way to exists-which is why their suicide rate is so high and I don't believe any living being would CHOOSE this.
And it is a nightmare to love one as well--we lose everything as well--Time after time you will hear loved ones saying--""I wish they were dead-they are suffering-we are sufferring-at least then there would be peace""
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what happened to genetics???MrC???
Everyone has had a drink in their life--why can't they stop?
If we were in a country with NO alcohol yes life would be different
but that is not reality is it? There is alcohol and drugs all around us everywhere we go.
Everyone has had a drink in their life--why can't they stop?
If we were in a country with NO alcohol yes life would be different
but that is not reality is it? There is alcohol and drugs all around us everywhere we go.
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Fact is they do choose this, just like my ex. It's a great escape from the real world. It makes them numb, unfeeling. Also they are in fact very weak people to tell you the truth. I've seen many gain strength in AA. They pick themselves up when they make that choice to do so.
Have you worked the 12 steps yourself? Have you read the BIG BOOK?
Have you worked the 12 steps yourself? Have you read the BIG BOOK?
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i think genetics plays a huge role, as well as childhood abuse, neglect, family problems, etc.
BUT... the only explanation for why some people have decades of sobriety and why some people can't even go a few days, is because those who are sober choose to be. therefore, some alcoholics choose to NOT get help and perpetuate the cycle.
we always say it's up to them, it's their choice, if they want to drink they will, if they want help they'll get it. getting control of the disease is a choice, especially if they are able to recognize they have a disease.
BUT... the only explanation for why some people have decades of sobriety and why some people can't even go a few days, is because those who are sober choose to be. therefore, some alcoholics choose to NOT get help and perpetuate the cycle.
we always say it's up to them, it's their choice, if they want to drink they will, if they want help they'll get it. getting control of the disease is a choice, especially if they are able to recognize they have a disease.
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''they are very weak people'' thats a pretty broad statement. The Disease makes them weak.No one thinks 'hey ya know what I can't handle life so I am going to become an alcoholic''"Won't that be great?"" NOPE don't believe it.
Don't change the subject by projecting your hurt feelings on me--what I do with the 12 steps is my buisiness.I have done nothing but read and study any and all info re;addiction and alcoholism believe me.Plus I was a nurse for over 25 years and I have helped many alcoholics and herion addicts go thru withdrawl...
Why some make it in AA or other programs is still a mystery as much as why do somebecome alcoholics in the first place.How many has it not worked for and why???
Do people with dibilitating depression''stand back up'' because they have treatment-did they chose the disease?
Some people still believe being Gay is a choice...NOPE...again why would anyone want to chose a lifestyle that is going to make their life more difficult???Did they choose it?NOPE...they are born that way....just like others who abuse or have a chronic illness--IT chose them!!!!!!!!
How can any logical intelligent human being not see this??
OK they wiped us out and we are here too support each other to get through it all--thats good--but to say''he broke his promise''if she cared she wouldn't'' is not getting a clear picture of the seriousness of this Disease. It is not about US.....It is much bigger...so many questions still not answered re alcoholics...
Don't change the subject by projecting your hurt feelings on me--what I do with the 12 steps is my buisiness.I have done nothing but read and study any and all info re;addiction and alcoholism believe me.Plus I was a nurse for over 25 years and I have helped many alcoholics and herion addicts go thru withdrawl...
Why some make it in AA or other programs is still a mystery as much as why do somebecome alcoholics in the first place.How many has it not worked for and why???
Do people with dibilitating depression''stand back up'' because they have treatment-did they chose the disease?
Some people still believe being Gay is a choice...NOPE...again why would anyone want to chose a lifestyle that is going to make their life more difficult???Did they choose it?NOPE...they are born that way....just like others who abuse or have a chronic illness--IT chose them!!!!!!!!
How can any logical intelligent human being not see this??
OK they wiped us out and we are here too support each other to get through it all--thats good--but to say''he broke his promise''if she cared she wouldn't'' is not getting a clear picture of the seriousness of this Disease. It is not about US.....It is much bigger...so many questions still not answered re alcoholics...
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the doctor on the HBO addiction special compared it to heart disease. your doctor can tell you not to eat the fatty foods in order to not develop heart disease, the same way a doctor at a treatment center will say, don't drink anymore or you'll die!
i believe, with all my heart, that alcoholism and other addictions are diseases... which sometimes makes me feel worse for giving up on my ex, even though she knows she has a problem... but she's currently making the choice to be with someone else who drinks, and she knows i'm here for her if she chooses sobriety.
i believe, with all my heart, that alcoholism and other addictions are diseases... which sometimes makes me feel worse for giving up on my ex, even though she knows she has a problem... but she's currently making the choice to be with someone else who drinks, and she knows i'm here for her if she chooses sobriety.
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mmm..step #2 applies for both codi and alki (restore to sanity)
My gf is a social worker for crying out loud...i think she see enough
from day to day of how alcohol can destroy lives...
So why did she continue drinking ??? A lack of moral judgement ?
It is also a known ...if an alcoholic works his/hers program of recovery
and the codi still stays denial.
The recoverying alki will live a happier and healthy life than the codi
still in denial, Becuase life gose on.
here is the answer how I can have a relationship with my GF I work my CODI 12 steps.
My gf is a social worker for crying out loud...i think she see enough
from day to day of how alcohol can destroy lives...
So why did she continue drinking ??? A lack of moral judgement ?
It is also a known ...if an alcoholic works his/hers program of recovery
and the codi still stays denial.
The recoverying alki will live a happier and healthy life than the codi
still in denial, Becuase life gose on.
here is the answer how I can have a relationship with my GF I work my CODI 12 steps.
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ITFM---wasn't that a great series on HBO?? I am so glad you watched it.I would have hoped that some of the info would have brought you comfort...and sorry it didn't do that for you--you did everything you could possibly do for her--you have NO reason to feel guilty because now you knowit is not your fault in any way.She just can't fight it.And she is the only one who can...If you watched the show (as well as read up on medical litt) you would have heard==some will never be cured--and they don't know why. Still so many questions that need to be answered--but at least the info is out there now and the medical community is starting to become seriously involved in addiction-maybe their is some hope for the future generations with this disease.At least we are not hiding it anymore.
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sunflower, thanks for reminding me that we can't save them all. 
i really did enjoy that special. having a medical and research point of view, and especially the sections where they talked about the brain, cemented it even more in my mind that it really is a devastating disease.
i really did enjoy that special. having a medical and research point of view, and especially the sections where they talked about the brain, cemented it even more in my mind that it really is a devastating disease.
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accept what Mr C??? I accept that my son is an A my EXAH was an A=I didn't cause it....It is a Disease an Addiction---what part don't I accept??
OH--that it is a choice? That people want to be addicts?Maybe it is to hard to wrap you mind around the scientific facts of this disease--there will be no progress with narrow mindedness--that is sad
OH--that it is a choice? That people want to be addicts?Maybe it is to hard to wrap you mind around the scientific facts of this disease--there will be no progress with narrow mindedness--that is sad
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If they had another disease or illness, they would probably seek help. If tests came back and the doctor said you have x, y, or z, usually treatment follows.
Why is there so much denial with alcoholism? If it is truly a disease, why then don't the affected seek help?
Why is there so much denial with alcoholism? If it is truly a disease, why then don't the affected seek help?
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Originally Posted by aztchr 
Why is there so much denial with alcoholism? If it is truly a disease, why then don't the affected seek help?
many of them do, but they can't sustain their sobriety because the disease makes them crave it so much. alcoholism is part of the greater disease of addiction. some people are addicted to food, some to sex, some to binging and purging.
i'm not sure if you mean denial on our part or denial on the alcoholic's part. nevertheless, research over decades of years has found that it is a disease of the brain, and it can be compared to any other disease. smokers know they could get lung cancer, and smoke anyway. the addiction is too great, and severely hampers with one's sense of what is right and what is the more logical solution to solving a problem
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