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Can they change overnight??

Old 02-18-2007, 12:10 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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My XAH was a binger. He could go days and/or weeks without alcohol. But that still didn't mean he wasn't an alcoholic or that he didn't have a problem with his addiction.

In my experience, 5 days of not using did not mean that he was changed. He was simply in what I referred too as "suck up mode".

To this day, I believe that my XAH had the best of intentions most of the time when he'd say what I wanted to hear and even try to show me that he was serious. But the truth is that he didn't really work for his sobriety and he still hasn't.

Sorry if it's diappointing for you to read us all say it - but nope, 5 days is not enough to change and be cured of the addiction. He has his motives or maybe even good intentions - but it's going to take a long time for him to be a changed man.

Keep on working on your recovery!
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Old 02-18-2007, 03:40 PM
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(((NEG))) It's so easy to begin doubting ourselves once we've made a stand, isn't it? Be very cautious and not too quick to believe all the promises at this time.

Perhaps your A is sincere in wishing he'll be different, but wishing doesn't make it so. Action is the key. Even with AA, counseling, getting a sponsor, and talking the talk, recovery is a process and it takes a good long time, a lifetime infact.

Words come easy. It sounds so appealing to have the life you've always wanted....See what his actions are telling you and go from there.

Above all, be true to yourself.

Take good care of you.

~GHM
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Old 02-18-2007, 03:51 PM
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Miss C makes very good points.


what a mind f*ck this all is
LOL. Yeah, sometimes it is.

The awesome thing about recovery though is these mind f*cks get less and less frequent for me, bc my sense of balance and health are more in tune. I still get a wake up call sometimes, but it gets better bc Im not hanging my hopes on someone elses actions anymore. Im in control of my life and am not waiting for someone elses choices to validate my emotions or make me happy.

Its less of a trip the further on down the road you get
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Old 02-18-2007, 04:13 PM
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NEG........i will have to disagree with all the other posters. my xh changed overnight.

about one thousand times. probably more. and he was always so well sounding, and sincere that i always bought it hook, line, and sinker.

i used to think.....how could he lie so convincingly all the time like that??? damn, he was good at it.

but then i learned something....he probably sounded so sincere because he WAS sincere at the moment....it was just the next moment that robbed him of his sincerety of sobriety.

and each time, my hopes would soar to the heavens, and my heart would nearly burst with love, devotion, determination and new found strength.

and every time, it all lasted about 2 weeks at the most.

no. no. no. no. no. no. mine did not change overnight, or in one week, or in two months......and i don't believe most do.

alcoholism is a huge, complicated monster....it just doesn't go "poof" for most people.

i sure wish it did.
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Old 02-18-2007, 04:22 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by embraced2000 View Post
and each time, my hopes would soar to the heavens, and my heart would nearly burst with love, devotion, determination and new found strength....

....alcoholism is a huge, complicated monster....it just doesn't go "poof" for most people.

You totally captured the way I felt for a few minutes. I was just elated...he sounded so good...I caught myself thinking that we could just forget the past and move on...that this was just going to be another "story" we'd look back on in our happy golden years. Smack (me hitting myself upside the head)! hey! wake up neg!

sigh.

How sad. I too just wish it went "poof".
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Old 02-20-2007, 04:41 PM
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neg - I so know how you feel. I am just hanging on too...trying to be strong but still wanting to hope this time is when the miracle will happen....hang in there....i will try to do the same.
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Old 02-20-2007, 05:34 PM
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I've read stories about some As hitting their bottom and changing overnight... sitting in an AA meeting everynight, and everything the AA people say suddenly makes so much sense to them, and they haven't picked up aother drink since...

I do believe this happens. But it doesn't happen to every A. And nobody knows how long or how much it'll take for that to happen. When that happens, it'll show in the A's actions.

I've seen my AH's attitude changing overnight many times (so remorseful, so determined to quit etc). But his actions never did. He's never serious about working a program. He's nothing similar to those "My Stories of Recovery" I've read here at SR.

He's been "sober" for a month now. But I'm not as excited as before about his not drinking. And not as worried as before about his not working a program. Reminding myself I'm powerless over it helps, i guess!
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