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One Clown's Story (or, Some Words Kill)

 
Old 07-24-2002, 08:18 PM
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One Clown's Story (or, Some Words Kill)

"I have a son who is a,...(sigh)...a... a Frown addict.

He never smiles, or jokes, and Monty Python simply confuses him. Now he's in trouble with the Drama Dept., and I don't know if I should pay for the Mirthless Classes he's been turned over to. I have to slave all day trying to make some crying kid smile with those weird long ballons, I mean, I feel like he should be responsible for his own smiles, and Mrs. Wacko & I, I mean, forget it, we are shamed and mortified to go out, what with the whole circus talking about it. Am I enabling his morose lifestyle by still trying to help; I mean, I am at my wits end with that boy, ...etc etc...."

But then, I remembered that hey, for better or for worse, I am this child's parent!! BONG!! Even when said kid is f*#king up bigtime. I can't fix him myself, but I can be there telling him he's good enough and important enough to me to assist him to come around. I have the choice to help, with all the accompanying crap that entails, or not to. But either way, even in a venting-type situation, I will look out for him and circle the wagons a little.
I certainly don't ever want my humorless child to see a letter on the net where I call him out and label him publically with a very heavy epithet (even if it's technically accurate at the time). I 'd say my son is in trouble, and he's getting high and all the rest. There's no need to share the details of his pain here. It might just be the final nail in a nightmare of confusion, and he might just believe that he's not worth coming back.

Drugs, drink, money, whorin, gambling, violence, politics, (HA), et al, they're all like different places that people turn to when they are running from holes in themselves, and we all have them in all kinds. It's part of Life, you must learn that it's your job alone to do this. But they aren't fixing, it's easier to run from it. They begin to get addicted to the easy way, to not giving the effort. It becomes easier to not fight for those things, and at first, the drugs are simply one part of the escape. Yes, in the end the drugs become physically enslaving addictive killers, but at the outset, it's the kids. They've quit trying to fix their holes, for some reason. Ask. Ask again. But when they're lost, tell them you'd like them around when they will fight for themselves as hard as you have. Only they can make that choice.

???? Maybe????
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Old 07-24-2002, 08:25 PM
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Morning Glory
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Thank you Wacko,

That was a wonderful post.

You have a lot to offer.

Keep posting,

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-24-2002, 09:48 PM
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Ann
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Whacko

I think your post is very deep. I'm not certain I even understand it, but strangely, it makes a lot of sense to me. We all have a lot of holes that need fixing. My son gets help for his addiction but doesn't talk to counsellors much about the holes from his early childhood (he is my foster son and came from an addicted abusive family). So the holes remain. And the addiction returns.

I hear a lot of pain in your post, hidden perhaps in the humour. We all have our hiding places...they keep us safe.

And we do fight harder for our sons than they fight for themselves. Maybe that is why they hang on to us so tightly.
I don't have many answers here, but thank you for making me think.
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Old 07-25-2002, 11:04 PM
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Wacko,
I understand everything you had to say
here, and I am guilty of venting in a
disturbing way when I feel MY world
is in a upheaval. For me this is the
only place to vent, share, freak out,
etc.etc.etc. When I am sad, angry,
confused--I wish I could remain calm
through the storm, and that's what I am
working on for myself and dealing with
my kids in a positive way. They don't
need to see or hear "ol Mom" at her
worst. Thanks for the input, I think
you are a very wise man.

Hugs,
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Old 07-26-2002, 03:12 PM
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More Clown Noises (sorry)

My dearest Jonsey,

As a man who, by choice of profession, must wear giant shoes, bright red nose enlargers, and an enormous fright wig, AND who must carpool from town to town with 9 other just-as-weirdly dressed employees in a really, really small auto, to the job which requires avoiding elephant waste, falling down, endles seltzer sprays & scaring the bejasus out of 3-year olds by twisting balloons that look like wiener dogs into reproductions of my lower intestine, I too know upheavals ( often my lunch ). Don't misunderstand my ravings as an attack or criticism of a situation I'm not experiencing & of which I know nothing. Venting & screaming with lit sparklers stuck into several of my body orifices, these are all valid to me. In fact, passion and volume, intensity and pyrotechnics are all cool with me and I use them often without regret or shame. I just wanted to suggest a kind of controlled rage...hell, yelling's better than what we are thinking we'd like to do to them. That's the idea, though; that even in rage we must use the same powers of wisdom, respomsibilty and restraint that we are asking them to start using. It might take high volumes to get their attention, but if & when you begin to get some, step back and remember: your goal is not to show them you're right; of course you are. Your goal is to remind them that while you love them, you can't make them love themselves. Everybody has to pull their pants up and take stock That's life. Getting high isn't inherently bad, but ONLY getting high can be deadly. You'll always love them. Ask them if they want you to respect them as well. That kinda line has much more power than shock-effect labeling, and can be done both loud or soft.
"ol' Mom" can be seen any way she wants. She's earned it. They haven't.

Oh, shut me up.

Wacko
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Old 07-26-2002, 04:22 PM
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Ann
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Hi Wacko

I agree that yelling and screaming and namecalling is not for the feint of heart or mothers of addicts.

My son listens best when I am calm and non-confrontational. And that is the same circumstance when I listen to him. When we aren't plugging our ears with noise, we can hear so much better.

Respect is something we each deserve, and I respect his dignity even when I don't like him much.

Your post is really food for thought.
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Old 07-26-2002, 04:28 PM
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Morning Glory
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Yuh, yuh-wuh-huh, yuh-wuh-huh-wuh Wah!, Ditto!

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-26-2002, 07:48 PM
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Clown Disclaimer

By the way,

I trust it is clear that our client, Mr. W.T. Clown, wishes to convey the fact that he sorry if he has appeared as if he actually knows anything, at all, at any time, any place, ever. He is, after all, a Clown.

Thank you.
Hubert L. Dewey
Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe, Attnys at Lunch
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Old 07-26-2002, 08:01 PM
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Ann
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Dear Huey, Dewey and Lewie (or something like that)

W.T. Clown knows a lot more than you think. Don't let the big red nose fool you (it never fooled my Aunt Norma when Uncle Chester's nose got red). Somewhere behind that red nose and funny wig (my Aunt Ada had a funny wig)...is a brain. Mr. W.T. C. can also see into our brains. He could see into yours, if lawyers had any brains yuh yuh yuh..

Anyway, he is a breath of fresh air and Lord knows we need all the fresh air we can get.

So Dewey, hang on to your wallet, wipe the cobwebs off and do something nice for yourself. Maybe we could help you and your partners here...feel free to share...I am sure we could "fix" you, but first you have to fix yourself yuh yuh yuh

And welcome to our forum.
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Old 07-26-2002, 10:26 PM
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That was pretty good Ann.

You might want to trade in that Angel outfit for a clown suit.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-27-2002, 04:18 PM
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That is so good Wacko!! I understand part of it,Just keep listening to that Boy{or child] and someday he will reward you nicely.Have Faith,keep waiting,and smiling yourself.And remember I am here if you want to HOLLER!!!I will keep you in my prayers also.Old Lady N Shoe
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Old 07-28-2002, 08:02 AM
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Good Morning Wacko: Sometimes it takes me awhile for things to sink in.If I think long enough I come up for some good things.I had a young man who was into pot and maybe a few other things,he was quite and didn't have many friends.One night he called for help ,it seems his father exposed him in school and his peers where very angry with his father ,but took it out on him.He was at a point of realy hurting himself.I put my arms around him and held him for many hours,him crying,and me praying ,Before the night was over he was stable,he also knew I was there for him anytime he needed to talk,and also knew God loved him also,and would be there.Things were very hard for about a year.He graduated from high school.He joined the forces,is home from Korea now and has bought him a new truck.He no longer uses and knows God is always there along with his Grandma the x-drunk.I hope you can get some of this and use it for the good.Fill those empty holes with LOVE and YOUR HP. Old Lady N Shoe
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