GeorgiaPeach

I need some advice that I don't feel I can get from anyone else except from someone who has been through this personally. My husband woke me up last Wednesday morning at 5:30am to inform me that he has been using pain medication for the last 3-4 years and now he realized that he was addicted to them. That morning he was wanting help. We went to our local ER and because he wasn't showing any symptoms of withdrawal (he took 2 that morning), they would not help. He wants go get clean or so he says. I really felt like he did last week but on Thursday he took 3 or 4 (Methadone) and on Friday he took 2 or 3. On Saturday he took none and slept all day. On Sunday he woke up and took 2. On Monday he took none but then yesterday he took 2 and wanted another one last night. I have them and I would not give him one. We are using an all natural approach to all of this with vitamins and minerals and they seem to be working very good unless he is using and not telling me and that is why things are going so good. I did leave him 2 this morning because I was afraid of what he might do if he couldn't find the ones I have hidden and the feeling of not having any and going to find some (more than 2 probably) might be worse than taking 2 today. It seems as if he is doing too good and that he isn't as concerned with getting clean as he was last week. He was spending so much money and I started looking closer at our bank accounts and was getting closer and he couldn't come up with good lies anymore and I think that is why he told me. He acts as if he can take one or two and be fine and it won't hook him again. He hasn't been completely clean but he did say that the 0-2 a day that he has been taking lately was the least amount that he has had in his system in 3-4 years. I know that he is doing better but an I being hard enough? Should I still be concerned that he is still using behind my back? It seems too good to be true because he didn't have hardly any withdrawal symptoms and very few cravings that he told me about. Is my natural approach working that well or is he covering up that well? Any ideas? He doesn't understand that the supporter also has issues to deal with like all the money and lies for the past few years. Any suggestions? Thanks for listening.

GeorgiaPeach

Maybe I went about asking this the wrong way. I meant no disrespect by anything that I said and I hope that no one feels that I was and if so, I an truely sorry. I just don't have anyone to turn to. We live in a very small town and he doesn't want anyone to find out about this. He doesn't even know that I have registered on this site. Can anyone out there please help me so that I can help him?

yeahme

I commend you for trying to help your husband and him for realizing he has a problem. But by leaving him a few pills so he doesn't search for more isn't being supportive. If he has some hidden and he wants to do them he will, don't aid him by leaving him anything. Has he ever been in-patient? I know how it feels to not want anyone to know and live in a small town ( I lived in a town of 1700 people in Arkansas), but to tell the truth..... people know. and they would be more supportive than you would think. If he takes vitamins and supplements that's good for the body to heal itself of course, but he needs something to fill that time that he usually spends being messed up on pills with something positive that will distract him from wanting to do more. The best advice I can lend is to be there for him, not with drugs but with a stern heart and hand. If you think he has pills hidden (most of us hide lots of stuff very well), go on a hunt and flush, flush, flush it all!! If he gets mad........ just remember you're doing it to help not hurt him and let him work through his emotions.
Good Luck

GeorgiaPeach

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for responding. I was feeling that way, you know like I was helping but maybe being more supportive than stern. I want to be both. I told him last night that he wasn't getting anymore and that if he wanted to get mad at me then he could and I would deal with that but I would rather have him there clean & mad at me than the alternative. See, he actually took 15 Oxycontin last Tuesday (when he layed out of work again) and they really didn't do anything and as the day went on, he was just sleepy. He has never been one to lay out of work but he had been doing it more frequently in the last 2 months and has been moody for years. He had a very stressful job until Monday when he resigned and took a more "busy" job. Your words have helped me more than you know. I love my husband very much and I just want him well again. Oh, just in case anyone wants more info on these natural things, the website that I got the info from is http://www.go-symmetry.com/health/ba...-addiction.htm. Ginsing is actually helpful for withdrawal symptoms and something called Glutathione helps with cravings and these can be bought at any Herb Store.

GeorgiaPeach

Just talking to you guys is helping me so much. I had no one until today. I am the one that my husband can talk to but he is still somewhat moody and if I catch him right we talk but if I don't he gets mad when I try to talk about it so I just really appreciate you helping me understand and just letting me talt to you and you giving me an accurate reaponse. Thank you!!!!! I am so glad that I found this site.

yeahme

Hey Peach,

I'm really glad you found us and opened up. Keep coming back and keep us up to date. Be strong and keep your faith!

Time4Change

Hi GeorgiaPeach!

I'm really glad you're here, too! Welcome! I'm sorry you didn't receive a lot of responses right away, but we're all in different time zones and check in at all crazy hours of the day. I'm sure by this time tomorrow you'll have a lot more info (not that you haven't received a lot of great advice already, though). The members here are awesome! So please keep sharing and we'll do our best to help, k?

I'm a recovering pain pill addict (10 months clean time) and I know, personally, I couldn't get clean on my own. My husband was incredibly supportive, but was not an addict. I needed to surround myself with people who knew exactly how I felt and what I was going through, and who could show me how to live clean. I hope your husband will look into some type of recovery program, because of the many years he was using, it's not going to be easy for him to stay clean, no matter how supportive and loving you are.

Take care!

Kelly

GeorgiaPeach

I'm not going anywhere! You guys are wonderful! He started out on Percocet, then Lorecet 5 then 10 and moved up to Oxycontin. Within the last year he somehow got some Methadone and wanted to try to stop but that just got him hooked on those. I figure that if he stays busy and when he is not busy I am around or he is sleeping then that is a start. He won't take them in front of me so that is good. I am working on getting him some counseling or something like that but he is also very stubborn but I will keep on working on him. I figure that if I can handle the arguments from the mood swings for the last 3-4 years then I can handle him getting mad if I am helping. You just don't know what a relief it is to be able to talk to others who can help me and in turn help him. The only thing I am afraid of if I don't give him the 1 or 2 a day is that he will feel like he needs them and doesn't have them and will go back to one of his sources and get a lot more than 1 or 2. He has a less stressful job now but he can also come and go at somewhat of his leisure. I was going to start giving 1 a day from now on until they run out. Is that stupid of me? He just seems more relaxed this week than he did last week when he told me. I am afraid that he is using more than I have left. Like Yeahme said, he probably has them hidden everywhere. I guess I will Spring Clean this weekend in the house & in his car. Thank you so much for your advice & support, I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders because of all of your warmth & kindness and wisdom! I have to go home from work now and I will not be back on until tomorrow but I will let you know in the morning how my evening went! Thaks again! All advise is greatly appreciated!

Done_With_It

GeorgiaPeach

Thank you guys. I am going to look into the nar-anon for myself but I feel that I need to know what he is going through as well. I know how I feel and I will go to nar-anon for myself but by talking to others who know what he is going through I feel that I can help him even more. He won't talk to me about it much at all. He gets mad when I ask him anything about it. He told me last night that his back was starting to bother him again (the reason he started taking pills in the first place) and that he felt bad because what he is taking now is the least amount he has taken in years. I was so proud of him on Monday when he didn't take any and he was really in such a good mood but Tuesday, Wednesday and probably today he has taken 2 in the morning and by the afternoon he is moody (more mean) than when he didn't take any. I guess I am telling myself what needs to be done, huh? He has to come off of them completely! I know this is going to be a long hard road and it will be physically harder for him but it may be mentally harder for me, which is worse, the mental stays with you forever as long as you remember it. Just frustrated I guess but being able to let it out helps my stomach which until yesterday had been in very tight knots and making me sick, you know, stress. Thanks for all of the advice and support!

yeahme

Hi Peach,

Sounds like you are a trooper!! Hang in there and do go to naranon, he's very lucky to have you. It's going to be tough for both of you but keep in mind when he's angry or "mean", it's not him it's the addiction. The addiction is making him be something he doesn't want to be. When someone asks you questions you do get offensive because you're ashamed and embarrassed. He does need to come off the completely!! But you should really think about in patient, the withdraw is not going to be pretty and if he's at home he can cheat. If you're not home you can't cheat and you have to face the reality of what's going on.

GeorgiaPeach

My sister's ex-husband was addicted to Meth and had been for the last oh, 8-9 years. He has recently gotten help with this due to the death of his 5 month old daughter & DFACS getting involved. I was the one who was there for her during all of that & I did feel strong and felt that I helped her a lot. About 10 months ago my family & I found out that my brother was using Meth (he got stopped by the police & was tested). I approached him and VERY sternly told him that we loved him and wanted to help him get the treatment he needed but only if he wanted to and was ready and that if he was not, to not waste our time or his by telling us he was getting help and then going out and using but if he really wanted help then we would do anything that we possible could to help him and he is about 8 months clean and goes to his counseling (therapy) scessions every Wednesday and feels good about himself and the best part is that my "real" brother is back. I want my "real" husband back but I know that it takes time but until he is willing to let go of those last 2 a day he will not get any better. From everything I have read, it is harder to get off Methadone than a lot of other things because it is so long lasting. I feel like he is not a humble this week as he was last Wednesday when he went to the hospital and tried to get help. He wanted it bad then and he has seemed to lose interest in getting off of those last 2 a day. I want him to do one of those Rapid Detox centers but they are so expensive and we certainly don't have anything saved up, not after the last 3-4 years. He was spending anywhere from $1000.00 to $1500.00 a month. The one good thing I can say about him right now is that before he would get anything, he made sure that all of out bills were paid, he just spent the extra that was left over and then made me feel guilty for buying $125.00 worth of groceries. When I confronted him back before Christmas about all of his spending and my lack of spending, he never said anything to me about what I spend again. He actually thinks that if something were to happen to him in years to come and he needed to take some pain pills that he would be ok. I tried to expalin that he could never take them again and that he better get use to Advil & Tylenol. I tried to get him to take some Advil last night for his back but he wouldn't. Thank you guys so much for listening, I just feel so helpless and numb. I am the one who always makes things right and fixes things and I can't fix this. I am getting to the stage where I am less comforting and more mad at him. My dad always told me, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again! That is what I will do! My dad also said, Anything boys can do, girls can do better! Those words are a lot of what I lived by growing up! I use to look up to my husband sort of the way I do my dad but the way I see him righ now has changed but I think that is more because he seems to be backtracking in his efforts to get clean. Anyway, again thanks for the words of advice and encouragement, I am hanging in there. I checked out the Nar-anon Threads. They can be somewhat brutal but I have always been told that the truth hurts!

run

Hello Mrs. Peach You sound so much like my wife. I was taking 40 to 45 hydro's and perk's a day. Been clean and free for 7 week's.I would give my wife my so called stash to give me a few every day but I always had more hid away to take with what she gave me. It would be very unsually for your husband to be taking only 1 or 2 a day. I have sit in several N/A mettings with opiate users and all were daily taking a lot more. However as they stress in N/A the question now is not how many or how often but what can we do to not take any (NONE). That's where your husband has to get or he will never be free and clean from these things. Please do not give him any would be my advice. It's all so true that 1 is to many and 1000 is not enough. My wife finally refused to give me any or to help me in any way to get more. He has to come to the decision himself that he really want's help and is determined to get off and stay clean no matter what. I'm really glad you have chosen to come to this site. The people here are so loving and caring. Everyone has helped me so much.I just want to say thank's to everyone.

GeorgiaPeach

He has been "out" to me for a week and 2 days now. I told him last night that I was only going to give him one a day now. He said "if I pitch a fit then you will get mad at me?" He said "what if I tell you to give me 3?" I said "what if I tell you I'm giving you none?" He said that one would be fine. He has had some throwing up and weak muscles and just an overall bad feeling this last week. I want to trust him so bad and believe that he is not taking anymore than I have given him but I can't be sure. I am going to snoop this weekend and see if I can find anything, I'm pretty good at that. I have seen some posts where others were tapering off. He started to go to the "club" where the people hang out that supplied him. I told him that I didn't think that it was a good idea and believe it or not, he did not go, he stayed home with me so maybe that says something for him? I welcome any opinions or any advice from anyone because I really need all the help I can get. Much love to everyone out there who has helped me and to all of you who are going through what my husband is going through, I really admire you and your strength to want a better life for yourselves. Not everyone is as lucky as you are and realize that there is a problem. Keep talking to each other and keep helping each other!!!!! The first forum I went to last week was "I'm Still Alive" by Vic. I was so drawn to him and now I am so worried for him and I hope he sees that light again soon and will come back here again real soon and give it another try! I am praying for him. Come back Vic, if it weren't for you, I probably would not be here on this site getting the help that my husband needs!!!! You inspire us so much more than you will ever know!

BigSis

Georgia... have you been down in the Naranon forums below this one? Lots of us who love addicts hang out down there.

One thing I don't think I would do is hold my kids' drugs (both my adult children are addicts). I am not their keeper, or their doctor, or their parole officer... I am the mom, and it is NOT my job to dole out drugs or take the abuse for not doling them out. Alanon is my program and it has helped me understand that I AM being a loving mom by distancing myself from the addiction and allowing my ADDICTS to figure out how to stay clean... even if that means they DON'T stay clean initially.

Please stop in downstairs, I think you will be surprised how many people are in the EXACT same position as you are.

I wish you the best....

MeggieStar

Hi Georgia,

Welcome to SR. Like BigSis, I am a greeter on the NarAnon forum. I read over this thread and saw that you did check out some threads. I know it does seem brutal at first...everyone telling you to forget about the addict and concentrate on yourself. Sometimes it feels like all we have to do is just get them clean or close to clean and things will be ok. I learned the hard way with my husband that isn't true, at least it wasn't true for us. My husband started off on RX drugs then moved to heroin, which is when i found out he was using.
In the beginning, I did many of the things you have mentioned. I obsessively checked the house for drugs. I snooped in all his personal stuff and kept all the money under lock and key. I had to know every moment where he was, what he was doing and how he was feeling. I felt powerful because I had ALL the control....and then I realized that I had NO control...my AH used when he wanted to use...he found a way...and no matter what he was telling me he was STILL doing what HE wanted to do.
My AH got help when he decided he was ready. He's had several relapses and has been in and out of AA. When the pain of trying to keep him under control got greater than the fear of losing him, I started to get help for myself.
We all get there in our own time. These boards have been really helpful for me, because other people out there have been where I was and they knew how I felt. Losing control over my husband and my life made me feel worthless, and these people helped me see a better path.
I hope you post on Naranon, if you can. You never know, you may make some great new friends and you will definitely help others with your story. If you don't feel like it's for you, that's ok too. We'll be here if you need to vent for YOU.

Hugs...
Meg

GeorgiaPeach

Thanks MeggieStar. I am going to post on there today if possible. I guess you can tell from all of the long reply's that I have that I really need to talk, maybe that group will help me so that I can help him. I will still be on this forum also so if anyone has any other words of advice, please post and I will keep it as short as I can. Thanks to everyone! Oh, sending out love and hope for Vic!