Mags1

Where’s this good place this weekend?



What do we need to make a place we’re comfortable with?

I used to think it was in a bottle. Everything was wonderful with a bottle or so I thought! Until it wasn’t and then there didn’t seem enough bottles to make it wonderful anymore.



Being sober, I realise a wonderful place starts with me, inside me.



I read a post on SR from Ann (thank you )about our mind and where we chose to be. I could relate to it.


‘In my mind are many dwellings.
Each of the dwellings we create ourselves – the house of anger, the house of despair, the house of self pity, the house of indifference, the house of negative, the house of positive, the house of hope, the house of joy, the house of peace, the house of enthusiasm, the house of cooperation, the house of giving.
Each of these houses we visit each day.
We can stay in any house for as long as we want.
We can leave these mental houses any time we wish.

We create the dwelling, we stay in the dwelling, we leave the dwelling whenever we wish. We can create new rooms, new houses. Whenever we enter these dwellings, this becomes our world until we leave for another. What world will we live in today’?



How about a good place for the weekend?

If this is your first weekend sober, or many, come join us for support and chat...as we know the weekends can be a struggle sometimes. (We’re here all week too!)

Dee74

Thank you Mags

D

Forwards

Morning Mags - that's an interesting opener, ‘In my mind are many dwellings'. I'm in for another sober one, and did I say SHOTGUN!

Warm wishes to all. Forwards.

Mags1

Congratulations on shotgun Forwards

Reid82

Thanks Mags, I'm in.

Cityboy

I used to spend way too much time in the house of negative. Drinking seemed to be the only way out, but it turned out that the opposite was the case.

theVman31

Thanks Madame Mags...... I am IN too.

The biggest threat to my sobriety and abstinence at the moment is rows with my wife. This massive row yesterday cause i bought a new motorbike....
We just dont seem to get along with me sober... its a bit scary cause i have been having thoughts of drinking and i dont mean enjoying a glass of wine with the dindins...

Sorry to be the moaner !

Mags1

Vinny you’re not moaning. Your wife might be worried about you on a motorbike maybe. It took a long while for me to adjust with Mr. Mags when I got sober. I didn’t know him properly sober.

biminiblue

It takes quite a bit of self-control and mindfulness to keep my head in The Good Place. I didn't even remember The Good Place when I was drinking - unless it was those first couple hours after the first drink...but that artificial euphoria is a dangerous precursor to the horrible negativity and fear created with long-term alcohol use. It took me months of sobriety before I felt actual organic peace for the first time since I began drinking. So worth it.

I do have control over my thoughts. They are mostly random, but I don't have to dwell on the negative ones. I'm free to let them move on and I can think about something pleasant instead.

Cityboy

It would be good to hear from Kaily. I hope she is in the house of positive and joy.

Vman, that's when I think the most about drinking any more also. When the wife and I have friction. After nearly two years without a coozie or bottle opener in my glove compartment or next to my computer in the office, I'm in a better frame of mind for properly addressing long standing issues at the house. It's a major work in progress. So far, I've found The Four Horsemen, And The Antidotes to be helpful. Hope I'm not breaking any copywrite rules or anything. https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-fou...the-antidotes/

MLD51

I'm in!
Desperately busy at work this week, but I wanted to check in.

Kaily, I hope you are doing better.
VMan, sorry to hear about the struggles at home. Have you thought about some marital counseling? Sometimes when one partner makes a big change like sobriety, there's an adjustment period to settle into the new dynamics. Perhaps with a bit of help you can work out some ways to communicate without the rows.

Gotta run to yet another meeting - have a great day, everyone.

Free2bme888

Cool posts.

VMan, from the perspective of a former spouse in a challenging relationship, my ex (good man), bought things, expensive things, for himself and his own self actualisation without consulting me or including me. He enjoyed playing guitars, etc. At one point he had 23 instruments, all over $400 plus, and I was glad he didn’t have an addiction to alcohol, was faithful, etc. But he didn’t include me, and he bought things for himself without question, whereas I bought things for kids and household, never me.

he ran up credit card debt, and it hurt my soul.

one time, a bicycle showed up, it was $2300 titanium, he bought all the gizmos, pump, soft seat, wonderful helmet, repair and tool kit, etc. I said wow, that’s a nice bike. Are you going biking alone, or are we going to get me one, or….. oh. He hadn’t thought about me, or my likes, or us as a couple. 🧐🥺

Im wondering if you spoke about the big purchase with her, not needing to ask her permission necessarily, but had a good discussion first, or did it just come from a unilateral decision?

i know for me, as sensitive female, it hurt my feelings that he felt justified in self actualisation without including me in the discussion.

Free2bme888

Great OP Mags!😍🥰❤️

Thank you for all your time and giving of yourself. You help more people than you know.

Today I choose the house of peace and gratefulness, and to only pass through negative rooms.

Day 54

Free2bme888

Thanks cityboy. Clicked the link, and it was really good for reminding us.

True when we are active in our addictions, our ability to manage conflict is decreased, and true when one partner changes, even when it’s for the better, the dynamics change and causes stress.

Drinking won’t help. It makes everything worse, we must never forget…..

venuscat

I hope it is ok to ask this, but did your wife know about the bike before you bought it? s xxxx

PM anytime dear Vinny..... s

saoutchik

In for another sober weekend!

Thanks Mags!

Congratulations on Shotgun Forwards!

If you're in a happy space why drink? It will only take to somewhere less happy. If on the other hand you're not in a happy space why drink? It will only make you stay in that place for longer. There are no upsides to excess drinking. It is infuriating that it took me a decade and a half to learn that.

I hope you can sort things out with Mrs VMan, i'm divorced so any advice from me has about as much value as one supermarket loyalty point. I would always attempt to apologise in similar situations but my ex wife had have an unwelcome knack of seeing through my apologies. Good luck.

Here's something that DEFINITELY comes from a good place. It's a real shame there is no film of the Jackson Sisters performing this but the video does go with it really well. This should have been a huge hit.

https://youtu.be/g26e89xV1HU

Robbie64

Thanks Mags, I'm IN!

Cityboy

Some of the scenes in the video look like the set from Soul Train. I thought it was going to be the song by Hot Chocolate.

saoutchik

Yes, definitely Soul Train Cityboy. I particularly liked the larger gentleman doing his stuff on the dance floor. That Hot Chocolate song is OK too, I think it was titled 'you sexy thing' in the UK.

I just realised what Mags opening graphic reminded me of. An old comic strip called The Numbskulls - little people who operated a person from inside their head.

Dee74

Hope you are both ok Kaily and VMan.

D