Cool posts.
VMan, from the perspective of a former spouse in a challenging relationship, my ex (good man), bought things, expensive things, for himself and his own self actualisation without consulting me or including me. He enjoyed playing guitars, etc. At one point he had 23 instruments, all over $400 plus, and I was glad he didn’t have an addiction to alcohol, was faithful, etc. But he didn’t include me, and he bought things for himself without question, whereas I bought things for kids and household, never me.
he ran up credit card debt, and it hurt my soul.
one time, a bicycle showed up, it was $2300 titanium, he bought all the gizmos, pump, soft seat, wonderful helmet, repair and tool kit, etc. I said wow, that’s a nice bike. Are you going biking alone, or are we going to get me one, or….. oh. He hadn’t thought about me, or my likes, or us as a couple. 🧐🥺
Im wondering if you spoke about the big purchase with her, not needing to ask her permission necessarily, but had a good discussion first, or did it just come from a unilateral decision?
i know for me, as sensitive female, it hurt my feelings that he felt justified in self actualisation without including me in the discussion.