I am back and ready to start again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
I am back and ready to start again
Hello friends
I has given up on sobriety for a while. I was a once a week binge drinker but over the last year I’ve been getting wasted 2-3 times a week.
I have read and listened to audiobooks, yoga, meditation, but always found myself back where I started. I need to kick this habit before it claims anymore of my time.
I need a plan. For now, I will go to an AA meeting this week on Thursday and Friday, and try to make plans for every hour of the weekend. And of course, I will start posting often here again.
I need to get this right once and for all!!
thanks
I has given up on sobriety for a while. I was a once a week binge drinker but over the last year I’ve been getting wasted 2-3 times a week.
I have read and listened to audiobooks, yoga, meditation, but always found myself back where I started. I need to kick this habit before it claims anymore of my time.
I need a plan. For now, I will go to an AA meeting this week on Thursday and Friday, and try to make plans for every hour of the weekend. And of course, I will start posting often here again.
I need to get this right once and for all!!
thanks
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Hi Dee!
yes I did have a sponsor the last time and was on step 5 when I left. I had about 40 days sober that time. I’m going to see if I can get in touch with him again.
Most importantly I need a strategy for when my mind says ‘screw it lets drink’. That thought is the start of a irreversible slide towards that first drink for me. I have tried simply observing the thought without judgement as mindful meditation teaches. But sometimes I’ll spend a whole day wrestling with the thought that I simply cave because I’m mentally exhausted of thinking about drinking.
I need to learn to deal with difficult emotions. This is something I have never been good at.
i have a lot of work to do I know. But for the short term, I need strategies to help me get that thought out of my head or effectively deal with it when it arises. I don’t know if I’m making sense!
thank you
yes I did have a sponsor the last time and was on step 5 when I left. I had about 40 days sober that time. I’m going to see if I can get in touch with him again.
Most importantly I need a strategy for when my mind says ‘screw it lets drink’. That thought is the start of a irreversible slide towards that first drink for me. I have tried simply observing the thought without judgement as mindful meditation teaches. But sometimes I’ll spend a whole day wrestling with the thought that I simply cave because I’m mentally exhausted of thinking about drinking.
I need to learn to deal with difficult emotions. This is something I have never been good at.
i have a lot of work to do I know. But for the short term, I need strategies to help me get that thought out of my head or effectively deal with it when it arises. I don’t know if I’m making sense!
thank you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Thanks controls,
that’s a good idea. However I’m usually safe until Friday rolls around. If I have to go to work the next day, I usually won’t drink. But as soon as I have a day off the next day all bets are off.
im not sure what plans to make on weekdays. I mean, I get home from work around 7pm. Then I catch up with my son and wife. But sometimes if the ‘thought’ has bitten me at around 5pm.. I can feel the slide downhill. I still need to go home to be with my wife and son. Trouble is my place is on top of liquor store. Just being home brings me in close proximity with booze.
the only way for me is meetings I think. I need someone to call. Only AA provides that for me. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I’m 43 but have very few friends I can just talk to and share. I know tons of people. But have no real friends.
anyhoo I’m all over the place today!
i need to start posting here/calling people (even if it’s my mom!) / and just stop living in my shell I guess
that’s a good idea. However I’m usually safe until Friday rolls around. If I have to go to work the next day, I usually won’t drink. But as soon as I have a day off the next day all bets are off.
im not sure what plans to make on weekdays. I mean, I get home from work around 7pm. Then I catch up with my son and wife. But sometimes if the ‘thought’ has bitten me at around 5pm.. I can feel the slide downhill. I still need to go home to be with my wife and son. Trouble is my place is on top of liquor store. Just being home brings me in close proximity with booze.
the only way for me is meetings I think. I need someone to call. Only AA provides that for me. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I’m 43 but have very few friends I can just talk to and share. I know tons of people. But have no real friends.
anyhoo I’m all over the place today!
i need to start posting here/calling people (even if it’s my mom!) / and just stop living in my shell I guess
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 749
You sound a lot like me. You make perfect sense.
I was seeing someone when I first got in the program. Wasn't the best relationship but i guess it helped. Now I'm back to almost no friends and I'm a few years older. It's an uphill battle. I'm still close with my childhood friends but they are out of state, the one that lived here died a few years ago. Now without a GF I'm really in a dangerous spot.
It's good that you are starting to see the where and how your getting beat. I got beat much the same. You seem to have an edge in that you have some yoga background so you probably know more about meditation type stuff than I do. Sometimes just stopping to take a breath helps me during the day. Our breathing and heart rate IS something we can control (unless serious med condition). Evey now and then I stop during the day to breath and/or fire off a quick prayer.
Like one of my defenses against general anxiety, change the channel! Your head is like a television, I like to think about what a loser everyone thinks I am so i change the channel and start thinking about something else.
Lately on fridays after work I've been running 3.1 miles against a watch as hard and fast as I possibly can. I let the thought of how I'm gonna feel after that run consume me during the day.
These thoughts of drink come like waves, be patient they will pass. I know some can be tsunamis but hang in there, every now and then control your breathing, ask God or your higher power for help and change the channel look forward to something else.
I was seeing someone when I first got in the program. Wasn't the best relationship but i guess it helped. Now I'm back to almost no friends and I'm a few years older. It's an uphill battle. I'm still close with my childhood friends but they are out of state, the one that lived here died a few years ago. Now without a GF I'm really in a dangerous spot.
It's good that you are starting to see the where and how your getting beat. I got beat much the same. You seem to have an edge in that you have some yoga background so you probably know more about meditation type stuff than I do. Sometimes just stopping to take a breath helps me during the day. Our breathing and heart rate IS something we can control (unless serious med condition). Evey now and then I stop during the day to breath and/or fire off a quick prayer.
Like one of my defenses against general anxiety, change the channel! Your head is like a television, I like to think about what a loser everyone thinks I am so i change the channel and start thinking about something else.
Lately on fridays after work I've been running 3.1 miles against a watch as hard and fast as I possibly can. I let the thought of how I'm gonna feel after that run consume me during the day.
These thoughts of drink come like waves, be patient they will pass. I know some can be tsunamis but hang in there, every now and then control your breathing, ask God or your higher power for help and change the channel look forward to something else.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Originally Posted by clarkkent11 
Hello friends
I need to get this right once and for all!!
thanks
I need to get this right once and for all!!
thanks
The screw it and F it times are critical moments to overcome and act soberly. Besides myself, in meetings on forums, those S and F times come up a lot. Make a plan for when you start thinking thus.
The hold can be strong...but the decision to live sober far outweighs the short term relief. Thanks for posting
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,578
Originally Posted by clarkkent11
But sometimes I’ll spend a whole day wrestling with the thought that I simply cave because I’m mentally exhausted of thinking about drinking.
And, don't forget to add something enjoyable and fun to your day.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Originally Posted by clarkkent11
Thanks controls,
that’s a good idea. However I’m usually safe until Friday rolls around. If I have to go to work the next day, I usually won’t drink. But as soon as I have a day off the next day all bets are off.
im not sure what plans to make on weekdays. I mean, I get home from work around 7pm. Then I catch up with my son and wife. But sometimes if the ‘thought’ has bitten me at around 5pm.. I can feel the slide downhill. I still need to go home to be with my wife and son. Trouble is my place is on top of liquor store. Just being home brings me in close proximity with booze.
the only way for me is meetings I think. I need someone to call. Only AA provides that for me. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I’m 43 but have very few friends I can just talk to and share. I know tons of people. But have no real friends.
anyhoo I’m all over the place today!
i need to start posting here/calling people (even if it’s my mom!) / and just stop living in my shell I guess
that’s a good idea. However I’m usually safe until Friday rolls around. If I have to go to work the next day, I usually won’t drink. But as soon as I have a day off the next day all bets are off.
im not sure what plans to make on weekdays. I mean, I get home from work around 7pm. Then I catch up with my son and wife. But sometimes if the ‘thought’ has bitten me at around 5pm.. I can feel the slide downhill. I still need to go home to be with my wife and son. Trouble is my place is on top of liquor store. Just being home brings me in close proximity with booze.
the only way for me is meetings I think. I need someone to call. Only AA provides that for me. I’m a little embarrassed to say that I’m 43 but have very few friends I can just talk to and share. I know tons of people. But have no real friends.
anyhoo I’m all over the place today!
i need to start posting here/calling people (even if it’s my mom!) / and just stop living in my shell I guess
So glad you are here! I highlighted a few things - you ultimately got down to the key point, since you are willing to start AA - "the only way for meetings, I need someone to call and only AA provides that for me." For me, that meant every day of the week to start (nearly the 82 of 90 meetings usually recommended by folks). At 3+ yrs I usually go to 4-6 a week. I've varied my schedule and priorities to do that along the way, because it keeps supporting my sober life. And the "I'm usually fine til Friday" stuff is def some thinking that gets so many people...drinking.
A weekday plan might not look like meetings - but it truly can. Even if one night a week you changed plans with your family - that would be one more night closer to a permanent sober life. They - and you - will only benefit!!
You can do this.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
^^Around here (Atlanta) there is a 730 Tu and Fri I love (and, um, it's literally next door at the church by our apt complex!). I've gotten to know the folks there well, and if I were to only go to 2 mtgs a week, it should be these!! I bet you can find & settle in well somewhere on the regular.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Thank you August. Planning to hit a meeting on Thursday. I don’t live in the US. But there are a few meetings about an hour from where I live. Looks like I’ll have time to read the Big Book on the commute!
Day 3 and feeling better apart from some sleep issues.
onward and upward !
Day 3 and feeling better apart from some sleep issues.
onward and upward !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 280
Messed it up again Friday trigger
Man oh man. It’s my fault. I didn’t plan ahead. I didn’t go to the meeting. I just started struggling on Friday afternoon. Kept blocking the thoughts and by the time I got home the anxiety was unbearable.
and again today I am right where I started 6 days. Ago. I need to plan something with someone everyday for the next 7 days. I am not sure why meetings sound like a great idea when I’m hungover. But after 2-3 days of sobriety I feel like I have a handle on things and don’t go.
this broken record is getting so old.
I reached out to a psychiatrist while drinking last night. He’s referring me to someone he knows.
and again today I am right where I started 6 days. Ago. I need to plan something with someone everyday for the next 7 days. I am not sure why meetings sound like a great idea when I’m hungover. But after 2-3 days of sobriety I feel like I have a handle on things and don’t go.
this broken record is getting so old.
I reached out to a psychiatrist while drinking last night. He’s referring me to someone he knows.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,571
Yeah, I think is really important to have a plan Clark - one that you can pit into action easily.
You're going to run into opportunities/reasons/excuses to drink sooner or later, and its way better to be prepared than not.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
You're going to run into opportunities/reasons/excuses to drink sooner or later, and its way better to be prepared than not.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)
D
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