August252015

We def have to break whatever our personal pattern of drinking was. It's just critical.

I seized onto some things that might help you: "look for the people who have what I want," ie happy, hopeful sober lives, in a nutshell. Then do what they do, especially to get started. Willingness + hope that these folks have figured a bunch of stuff out that I haven't.
Also, "to any lengths, at any costs." It was truly my last chance, a life or death thing. Certainly not so literal for everyone, but I think that Step 1 part 2 applies to everyone in our own way: "our lives had become unmanageable." Perhaps think of this as you are not living happy, joyous and free - or alcohol is causing way more problems that not-drinking does (which you have had tastes of, right?).

And, the 2-3 day thing. We just don't get better right away. That's actually what I would call just not drinking some days. It's not actually getting sober, even with 40 days I'd say it's still in the "taking a break" kind of thing like people might do for Dry January.

You do keep coming back to the right acceptance - I find that learning to live in that acceptance, and if all I did one day was to stay sober, that was the ultimate victory.

Silver11

SoberCAH

This sounds like you're making good progress.

I'm glad you are pursuing recovery through AA, because it has worked perfectly for me (i.e. I have stayed sober).

For me, "screw it, let's drink" was my default mindset.

It was like the Homepage for my brain.

Working the AA program and making friends in sobriety helped me put that mindset to rest (give it a decent burial).

August252015

You're starting to get some good insights into yourself!!

One of the ones I recoiled at vehemently was that I played the victim. Really exploring that one and what it means has been huge for me - so I don't do that.