oldmate

First off hello to everyone. My last drink was sept12 so 16 days sober. First 6 days where in a detox center. As i type this there's loud thunder over my head,sounds like corrugated sheet metal buckling. Anyway....

Where to start, most importantly and most valid i think is the sober guy ive become. This is my third detox, first time i was sober for 5 months,in january of 2016 then went in before christmas 2016 and had a few months sober then a couple of weeks ago went in again after an emergency hospital visit.

I do feel a lot better in certain areas but being stressed and angry
about things seems to make me feel sick anyway. I dont have any
interest in drinking but the person i am sober just seems to
be abrasive. Ive pushed people away and put my foot down on a lot of things i just let ride before.

I feel like a different person and anyone who has caused me stress or continues to do so, i stop talking too. Mainly for self preservation and because theres enough going on in my head without more problems. And some of the people around me do just that.Cause problems.

I'm drinking herbal tea and mixing juices with water and trying to
keep busy in the yard and cooking food. Picked up a box of campral lastnight, seems to keep the people around me happy so i keep taking it.

Had a chuckle with the Indian fella at the phamacy,came to over
50 dollars and i said was cheaper to drink Booze. Luckily i had a health care card and got it for 6 bucks. Big box of them. He was laughing his
head off.

I have some bad issues with my back so keeping busy can be a challenge but anyway. Glad i'm on the forum.

Thanks for reading, hope to talk to some of yous soon.

Feel free to post what you like in here, i'll help anyone i can,
if i can in any way.

Dee74

hi and welcome oldmate

some people can quit drinking and that's it - they feel great life is awesome and thats all they have to do.

Other people like me? remove the alcohol and all the things I drank for, or over , came into view.

If you're stressed and angry sober, or scared or resentful or whatever else, then obviously thats something to work on.

I got a little couselling help, I got a lot of perspective changing from volunteering in my community - and I used the heck out of this place.

Still took a month or two for the rather dark worldview that alcohol left me with to dissipate tho...

Hope to see you around some more

D

oldmate

Thanks Dee, your input means a lot, and makes a lot of sense.

Dark world veiw is bang on. Things that would normally blow over my head when drinking seem to sit and fester until i completely get rid of them.
Probably underlying psychological problems more than anything else
but just like anything in my life it's either full pace or nothing.

I approach everything in this manner.

I set unreachable standards for myself and have a right old sook
when it doesnt work out. Probably some kind of self sabotage.
Who knows.

I think i need to retrain my brain somehow. The last week or so
has been very testing,trying to recover and do a million other things
really took its toll.

Just trying to keep eating regularly and somewhat healthily without
turning into a health kick at the same time and putting me off altogether.
Still need a little treat you know to get you through.

Now that ive taking a liking to tea/coffee, the buiscuts dont last long
around here. haha

After coming out of detox ive spent more money on projects to keep busy
than i did on alcohol, but in a week ive built a greenhouse and a pond. So
i can enjoy them hopefully when the sun comes out. have a sober bbq with some music. Money well spent i guess.

Been cooking some nice feeds up too. Problem is i'm eating them
myself because ive pushed everyone away. Oh well see
what happens. Might pop back out in the yard while the rain holds off.

Cheers.

oldmate

Today was probably the first day i wanted to drink,just from feeling destructive. Someone i rely on for support being argumentative and playing games.

The days have been testing thats for sure.

Friday night tonight,might go for a drive,not sure. Havent been
sure about much lately,constantly questioning everything.

Go get some soil tomorrow and spend time in the yard and
fixing vehicles.

Hope everyones having a happy sober night.

Meraviglioso

Hi old mate and welcome. Staying busy is a good idea, it is what works for me too. That said, we must remember to take it easy on ourselves. Don't pile on too many projects or you may get discouraged when you can't get it all done.
For the record, I have taken Campral in the past and found it very effective. I hope it will help you too. Something nice to know about the medication is that it also helps to repair injured pathways in the brain. Give it a google and read some of the information about it- or better yet ask your doctor- they can explain that part much better than I can. But I felt good taking it for that reason. Was like taking a vitamin for my brain with the added benefit of reducing cravings. One warning would be to NOT rely solely on the medication though if you find it working. Put work into a recovery plan that will be there even in the moments the cravings override the medication for I assure you that will happen.
Keep posting here! Sending you support.

oldmate

Thanks for your input mate. Projects and things can get overwhelming can't they,then frustration begins. I'll keep giving the campral a go,seems ok.

In my own head i know if iam going to drink iam going to do it,regardless
of what medication i'm on. People dont realise it's just an aid and you need to make the decision not to drink.

Woke up at 3am this morning still stewing over the crap that happened yesterday. I seem to have trouble letting go of things that frustrate me.
People saying hurtful things or being selfish and nasty.

Ive made it clear to those around me that i'm not having an easy time at the moment and it doesnt seem that important to anyone. They still bicker and argue as if to get a response.

Might have to move away or get rid of more people in my life.

The people around me seem to like playing games and i just dont have
it in me to play them anymore.

Saturday morning.washed the car,going to get soil for the garden.

17 days.

Hope everyones doing well.

Zanna

If people around you are playing games, cut them loose. You really don't (none of us do) need toxic people in our lives.
You're going great

Meraviglioso

That is frustrating to be surrounded by people bickering and trying to get a rise out of you. I think in situations like this you really just need to put on some blinders and do your very best to pay as little attention to them as possible. Keep focussing on you, your recovery and your forward progress, to hell with them!

oldmate

Thanks guys, your comments really help.

oldmate

still sober. cheers.

Dee74

Keep it going oldmate

D

Stronger2017

Good work oldmate👍

oldmate

Thanks for the kind words guys. last week or so hasnt been real
easy to stay away from the drink.

Ive basically been having to look through skip bins for scrap
so i can try and build things to make money. When i was drinking
i wouldnt mind doing things like this. Sitting in an industrial area
wondering what ive done with my life and weather i should go to the
bottle shop before bin diving.

Still havent drank,still on the campral.

Havent drank herbal tea for a while but ive been drinking
about 4 coffees a day and mixing juice with water.

Not having money and boredome do test things especially when theres
other life problems happening.

Being too sore to climb into the bins or pull the tools out isnt helping things.

I'm in the process of trying to sell my bike and car and get a new car project.
Maybe take a small roadtrip somewhere with the fishing rod in the back.

I really hope everyones going well.

I havent been on here for a while because that old friend i broke the friendship
off with decided to hack into my wifi and change everything. (he set it up
and knew how to get in.) - he also knew i know nothing about computers.

After several weeks of no internet and spending money on getting it fixed,its running again. This person has made it their job to keep making my life difficult and it's ongoing which hasnt helped. The lack of internet,although
a trivial first world problem to me, actually nearly jeopardized my sobriety.

I had also just advertised my vehicles for sale,very frustrating.

Fun times, trying to keep my **** together, excuse the language.

Cheers.

oldmate

Bought a bottle of extra stout on thursday (monday today) out
of anger after an argument. The bottle is still sitting in the fridge unopened.
And a big cheer of hoorah for not drinking it. yippee.

My relationship problems continue to get worse with people. I am
in the process of selling my vehicles so i can buy an offroad
vehicle and disappear when i see fit. I am having trouble
dealing with the world,and the people in it, sober.

Before i go further into whinging about things i will say for anyone
reading, im coming up to 6 weeks on wednesday and i do feel
physically better and much stronger.

The only thing from keeping me from drinking is pride at the moment.

It's funny, i could deal with being on the verge of death drinking poison,
i could deal with being locked away for 6 days with no contact,alcohol
or cigarettes, i could deal with coming out of that feeling like hell into a world of problems,but i cant deal with the world and my own head.

I really feel like i need to leave and start again. Or just leave and live in the bush with the dog.

I think trying to find a decent woman is out of the question too. There's just
such high expectations for people these days, and there's a lot of game
playing. Dont have time for it.

Hopefully i can sell my stuff and make some new decisions in a
different direction. Going to get a cheap 4wd and a metal detector and go look for gold. I know a friend of a friend who has a large property
about 10 hours away.

That should give me a good break.

Hopefully everyones chuggin along out there

Thanks for reading,sorry for having a sook guys

Dee74

My advice is to get rid of the stout.

It's good you haven;t touched it but all it takes is one bad moment and...

I can identify with feeling out of sorts with the world and angry and edgy and frustrated. I was like that too.

Some people can quit drinking and don't have to do anything else but I had to do more than that.

I was a deeply unhappy person and I needed to address that.

Some go to AA or some other recovery group, some have some counselling, others make some pretty major changes to their life and how they have fun.

I think a recovery plan is a good idea for everyone

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

oldmate

Thankyou Dee for advice.

i really have no desire for the drink in the fridge, but thankyou for your concern and i know what you mean.

I am unhappy person also. I have made a habit in my life to
put everyone else before myself and even go as far to impact
myself,often heavily to help other people.

When i was drinking i was destroying myself anyway so i didnt
care. I would often get into trouble helping people.

Now ive stood away from that for self preservation i have nothing.

Not completely against it either, its great to certain extent being
distanced from other peoples problems and looking after myself
like a normal person but its going to take a lot of adjusting.

Almost like trying to become a different person. Not real easy especially
considering ive spent the whole time up until now doing it.

Spent so much time helping everyone else, now i'm helping myself and i'm alone. Oh well aye. Oh well.

oldmate

Things still havent been easy, still sober though,6 weeks today.
The stout is still in the fridge. Dee.

Im teaching myself woodwork and building a table, got scrap
wood and i'm building woodworking tools as i have no money.

A lot of my relationships and people around me are going downhill,
i'm going to lock myself in the backyard with the tools and
try keep busy.
Cheers.

oldmate

Just re reading that last post i made yesterday and thinking how positive it sounded. Shame today isnt like that.

The wood project has frustrated me to no end, not so much the project
but the little muppet running behind me moving everything "trying to help".

Woke up in a lot of pain but tried to persevere getting things done. Could
barely get up the single step at the back door this morning,then finding
all my tools have been moved it wasnt much fun.

Its become obvious i need my own house. I simply cannot live
with my belongings being moved on a hourly basis and constantly
hurting myself to look for them.

Not in a financial position to leave the house so iam stuck for now
in the house of riddles.

Ontop of the riddle house i have the usual friend or two wanting to
commit suicide. so i listen and talk to them.

Fun and games.

Really getting pushed to the limit and getting quite angry.
Angry enough to have constant migraines.

Stronger2017

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling a bit down today but six weeks is a great achievement😀.

oldmate

Thanks Stronger