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Feel like I have lost it

Old 08-10-2017, 06:45 PM
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Feel like I have lost it

I had a good sobriety starting. Problem is my best friend is very judgemental and puts me down all the time. Last night I was meant to meet my girlfriend's and had to wait in the pub half an hour. Of course I bought a drink. That just set me off and I couldn't afford another so I eventually drove home and bought 2 bottles of wine. I was having massive panic attacks after waiting. Of course today I am drinking. My friend who is a boy came over last night and abused the hell out of me for sending him a message about what happened. He was really horrible and scary. He reckoned I would upset his wife after the whole week of him asking to move in with me. I know I couldn't live with him and don't want to break up a marriage. I'm just so down and can't seem to move forward. I had good sobriety and now I have ruined it. Has anyone else had this experience of friends just putting them down so much that I feel like a piece of poo? Maybe he is driving my drinking. Not sure. I had problem before I met him. I don't know what happened with my girlfriend s not showing up.
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:57 PM
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Sweetichick, the person you are describing is not a friend. It's someone who is toxic to you. Friends don't continuously put you down and make you feel horrible. Friends are not judgemental all the time. I hope you begin to believe that you deserve better people in your life and work to make that happen.
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Old 08-10-2017, 06:58 PM
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is this the "friend" who lives across the street - that seemed to cause you problems? or another friend who seems to cause you problems? you seem to be vulnerable to the influence of others.......AND you let those who influence you give you an excuse to drink. it's a closed system.

it's possible you need some outside help. i hope you consider reaching out for help.
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Old 08-10-2017, 07:12 PM
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Thanks Anna. I was thinking how I would reply if it was someone else posting. And Anvil it is the friend across the road. You are right Anna, not a friend. I seem to be vulnerable to attracting using people. I'm planning on not answering the door when his wife goes to work. Can't endure any more abuse.
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Old 08-10-2017, 07:23 PM
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it would be most helpful to you if you quit referring to this person as your Best Friend. you are assigning a role of privilege and intimacy that is not only misplaced but DANGEROUS to you.

not a friend. a leech. someone who is trying to manipulate you. keep you one down. he and his wife are oppressive.
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Old 08-10-2017, 07:33 PM
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Wow Anvil that was tough but spot on. You described him to a T.
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Old 08-10-2017, 08:18 PM
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Hi, sweetichick.
I can see that you are struggling, and I'm very sorry that you are.
Couple of things: if you truly, absolutely don't want to drink, then you must avoid the pubs.
Huge trigger.
Agree with Anvill, your friend sounds more like a vampire than a friend.
I stopped, started, stopped drinking several times before I finally recognized that drinking is just not in the cards for me.
I couldn't handle it like other people do.
Once I accepted that fact of my life, my way forward became much clearer.
I know you want sobriety.
You can do it, but not without some changes.
Friends, places to go, what you do.
Change that up, which is huge, I know, and things will, I think, be easier.
Peace.
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Old 08-11-2017, 05:45 PM
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I can't believe that one vodka at the tavern would end up in five bottles of wine and still craving more. Feel so ashamed. If I ever doubted that I am alcoholic I don't now. My kitchen is full of empty bottles and spilt coffee. Definitely time to change.
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Old 08-11-2017, 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Maybe he is driving my drinking.
The only one driving your drinking is you.

Chaos begets chaos. When you get sober you have a lot of work to do to get your life in order.

But it starts with sobriety.
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Old 08-11-2017, 07:15 PM
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if nothing changes then nothing changes.
you made a conscious decision to wait in a pub......................................
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Old 08-11-2017, 07:25 PM
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I couldn't stand my friends up by walking out. After that one drink I waited in the car and kept checking for them. They don't know I have a problem with alcohol. They are the only girlfriend's I have.
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Old 08-11-2017, 07:44 PM
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Real friends pick you up, not put you down
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:03 PM
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My best friend is no longer my best friend. I plan on having a chat about how he makes me feel later. Instead of drowning my sorrows in more wine. Thanks for all the replies.
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:20 PM
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Hi sweetichick

I agree with everyone else that this guys shouldn't be in your life - but I think thats a side issue to the real problem of you continuing to drink when you know what happens to you when you do.

I think, whatever you're doing for your recovery now, you need to do more.

You already know the choices. AA or some other group...outpatient or inpatient rehab... seeing your Dr for medication help....even posting more regularly and consistently here could help.

sometimes try as hard as we may, we need other peoples help to get sober and to stay that way.

I think you're at that point - you either have to accept that or prove me wrong by staying sober yourself, no matter what.

D
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Old 08-11-2017, 08:55 PM
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You are right Dee. I try to do everything alone.
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Old 08-11-2017, 09:06 PM
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With friends like ours who needs enemies!

I think, myself include, that a lot of alcoholics go through a period of losing friends when they quit drinking. I didn't really have a drinking buddy crowd but find myself currently not speaking to two. Well, they're not speaking to me, at the very least.

You have to put yourself first, emotionally speaking, and if some people don't like that your sobriety is too important to risk on people who don't treat you very well.
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Old 08-11-2017, 09:11 PM
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Thanks And. I'm really struggling today and needed to hear that.
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Old 08-11-2017, 09:13 PM
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Hi Sweet!

All I hear is you worrying about others... your girlfriends? Your "best friend "?

You have posted a lot about this man and you know what we are all telling you about him is true. Why are you allowing him to treat you this way? Ugh! He sounds terrible! Do not ALLOW this.

What's more important? You and your wellbeing or this man? Your wellbeing or "standing up" your friends?

Dig deep. Your heart is going to tell you what is right and what is wrong so look past all the fuss and focus on you and what you want and need.

Learn this lesson. Tweak plan. Move forward.

We are here for support.
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Old 08-11-2017, 09:16 PM
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Doesn't look like my talk to him is happening. Probably a waste of time anyway. I will just roll with the punches so to speak. An abusive friend is not a friend. I get that now. Maybe I will go back to AA and get out of this negative headspace. There's meeting s tomorrow.
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Old 08-11-2017, 09:51 PM
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I think going back to AA is a great idea

D
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