Weekend survival - plan your entertainment. Weekenders 21-23 July
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
Weekend survival - plan your entertainment. Weekenders 21-23 July
In the last year to 18 months before I quit on 30th December '14 I was drinking so much that I mostly drank alone as I did not want to alert people to how much I was drinking. Before then most of my social life revolved around alcohol one way or another.
If this is true of you then it is a good idea to plan your weekend, especially if you are new in recovery because those displacement activities keep the cravings at bay. It is also important to avoid finding yourself bored with nothing to do as that is when the drinking or drugging impulse will strike.
It takes some thought or planning because for the confirmed drinker even something as innocuous as going to the cinema would usually involve drinking at some point so here are a couple of tips to make life easier:-
It is a good idea to have a stock answer to the curious who want to know why you have quit. I found that simply saying "I was drinking too much"can put people on the defensive and may draw you into an unwanted debate. These days that question is rarely asked but my answer to it is "I was scaring myself with the amount I was drinking" This is both true and does not challenge anyone else's drinking.
It is stating the obvious to say it is important to stay away from your fellow drinkers and once again this is especially true in early recovery. That said, if you really really have to go somewhere alcohol is being served then drive if you have a car. It is much easier to remain sober when you have responsibilities and it will reinforce the impression to your friends that you are serious. They will be appreciative of any lift home on offer too.
Don't stay more than an hour, 90 minutes tops. That is as much time as anyone needs in the company of drinkers when you are sober (it really is)
Lastly, avoid at all costs situations where drinking is the only activity, it is like feeding steroids to your Addictive Voice (AV). It is easy to get sucked in to going for a drink after some other non drinking activity so make it clear that you will not be going
If you do slip up, don't beat yourself up, it does absolutely no good. Just reset the calender and carry on the next day. If you really want to, you will.
I hope this OP doesn't come across as too hectoring in tone, it's just that a little bit of preparation can make the weekend a whole lot better.
Let's have a grrrrrrreat weekend!
If this is true of you then it is a good idea to plan your weekend, especially if you are new in recovery because those displacement activities keep the cravings at bay. It is also important to avoid finding yourself bored with nothing to do as that is when the drinking or drugging impulse will strike.
It takes some thought or planning because for the confirmed drinker even something as innocuous as going to the cinema would usually involve drinking at some point so here are a couple of tips to make life easier:-
It is a good idea to have a stock answer to the curious who want to know why you have quit. I found that simply saying "I was drinking too much"can put people on the defensive and may draw you into an unwanted debate. These days that question is rarely asked but my answer to it is "I was scaring myself with the amount I was drinking" This is both true and does not challenge anyone else's drinking.
It is stating the obvious to say it is important to stay away from your fellow drinkers and once again this is especially true in early recovery. That said, if you really really have to go somewhere alcohol is being served then drive if you have a car. It is much easier to remain sober when you have responsibilities and it will reinforce the impression to your friends that you are serious. They will be appreciative of any lift home on offer too.
Don't stay more than an hour, 90 minutes tops. That is as much time as anyone needs in the company of drinkers when you are sober (it really is)
Lastly, avoid at all costs situations where drinking is the only activity, it is like feeding steroids to your Addictive Voice (AV). It is easy to get sucked in to going for a drink after some other non drinking activity so make it clear that you will not be going
If you do slip up, don't beat yourself up, it does absolutely no good. Just reset the calender and carry on the next day. If you really want to, you will.
I hope this OP doesn't come across as too hectoring in tone, it's just that a little bit of preparation can make the weekend a whole lot better.
Let's have a grrrrrrreat weekend!
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Congratulations, Lunar!
Thanks for the excellent intro, Sao!
Good advice to say, "I was scaring myself with the amount I was drinking." That's a very non-judgmental and non-threatening way to get people to back off.
Thanks for the excellent intro, Sao!
Good advice to say, "I was scaring myself with the amount I was drinking." That's a very non-judgmental and non-threatening way to get people to back off.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: usa
Posts: 3,938
I'm in for another sober weekend -
thanks for the intro, Sao. In the beginning, planning was very important for me. I had to keep busy and needed to avoid any boredom. I didn't go around any drinking activities. Way to risky for me. As a result, my friends changed and I found activities and volunteer work that didn't involve alcohol. It hads worked well for me.
ok..two more days of work until the weekend officially begins.
See you all later -
thanks for the intro, Sao. In the beginning, planning was very important for me. I had to keep busy and needed to avoid any boredom. I didn't go around any drinking activities. Way to risky for me. As a result, my friends changed and I found activities and volunteer work that didn't involve alcohol. It hads worked well for me.
ok..two more days of work until the weekend officially begins.
See you all later -
Sober-T- Dragon
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Manitoba
Posts: 8,762
Congratulations on shotgun Lunar! Thanks for the post Sao.
So I'm out at the family cabin, just me and my wife. I forgot that I know where all the alcohol is hidden. I was standing in the kitchen with a clear view of the deck when my wife appeared outside on the deck. I had an instant mental reaction "The coast is clear, you can take a swig from the vodka bottle in the pantry". This is what I use to do when I could see that all the family is safely outside. You may think you know all your triggers, but be careful, they can sneak up on you when you least expect it.
So I'm out at the family cabin, just me and my wife. I forgot that I know where all the alcohol is hidden. I was standing in the kitchen with a clear view of the deck when my wife appeared outside on the deck. I had an instant mental reaction "The coast is clear, you can take a swig from the vodka bottle in the pantry". This is what I use to do when I could see that all the family is safely outside. You may think you know all your triggers, but be careful, they can sneak up on you when you least expect it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 285
I'm in for this weekend too! Going to go paddling again tomorrow at sunrise, have my training group Saturday at 7am and then going to visit my nieces and help my mom who is babysitting them for the weekend.
Sunday is a big day. I am hosting another running group at my house. We'll do a short 5K and then I have a pool so we will cool off in the pool! After that, my daughter and I are going to see Tom Petty! I love his shows and am so excited to share it with my girl.
Monday I start vacation. Going up to Wisconsin to my boyfriend's family. We shall see...
Have a good one everyone!!!
Another good answer to "why aren't you drinking?": It was making me sick so I stopped.
Sunday is a big day. I am hosting another running group at my house. We'll do a short 5K and then I have a pool so we will cool off in the pool! After that, my daughter and I are going to see Tom Petty! I love his shows and am so excited to share it with my girl.
Monday I start vacation. Going up to Wisconsin to my boyfriend's family. We shall see...
Have a good one everyone!!!
Another good answer to "why aren't you drinking?": It was making me sick so I stopped.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I think I might have shown my hand a little bit this morning. I stayed home on a day I would normally have been gone before mom got up, my keys were there by the door but I didn't come downstairs while she was home. I almost never sleep past 8 any more. 9 at the absolute latest if I'm off on a Friday. But to sleep til noon on a Thursday? Definitely maybe showing my hand to her..
Good news, my doctor's office called me back today and my doctor will probably be willing to work with me since I don't have insurance and my symptoms were depression and anxiety, she may not have me submit to a drug test when I visit the office, unless the need should arise for some reason (read: I show up high). I was worried because of the bill I got from it before. But I will finally be going to see my doctor next month and get back on some depression and anxiety medication.. something very very mild that I can increase if I need to when winter and graduation and all these changes roll around.. Next semester my days when I have no school coincide with the two days my doc is in office.
Speaking of changes, I want to call the staffing agency I previously worked for and see if they will throw some cases my way, so I can get out of the one with the agency that keeps (inadvertently) screwing me over. But I am nervous.. maybe I will call today, maybe I will call tomorrow, maybe I will sit on it for another weekend. The thing is, even if I am left alone with both clients, I still have enough down time to study for Monday's test, so I do feel like maybe I shouldn't mess with that just yet. Next semester exams will be simpler. It will be a lot of prep for the boards.
I have some cleaning to do today.. some crap to pour down the sink drain.. laundry, study, I want to bake something and relax.. maybe go to a meeting later.
Good news, my doctor's office called me back today and my doctor will probably be willing to work with me since I don't have insurance and my symptoms were depression and anxiety, she may not have me submit to a drug test when I visit the office, unless the need should arise for some reason (read: I show up high). I was worried because of the bill I got from it before. But I will finally be going to see my doctor next month and get back on some depression and anxiety medication.. something very very mild that I can increase if I need to when winter and graduation and all these changes roll around.. Next semester my days when I have no school coincide with the two days my doc is in office.
Speaking of changes, I want to call the staffing agency I previously worked for and see if they will throw some cases my way, so I can get out of the one with the agency that keeps (inadvertently) screwing me over. But I am nervous.. maybe I will call today, maybe I will call tomorrow, maybe I will sit on it for another weekend. The thing is, even if I am left alone with both clients, I still have enough down time to study for Monday's test, so I do feel like maybe I shouldn't mess with that just yet. Next semester exams will be simpler. It will be a lot of prep for the boards.
I have some cleaning to do today.. some crap to pour down the sink drain.. laundry, study, I want to bake something and relax.. maybe go to a meeting later.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,476
Thanks for the opener Sao! I'm IN!
This weekend I will most likely be working. DH and I are bidding on a new account (crossing my fingers) and our deadline is Monday. In addition, I'll be working out and getting some swimming in as well. It's been super hot here the last few days...thank God for the pool.
Make it a great one everyone!
This weekend I will most likely be working. DH and I are bidding on a new account (crossing my fingers) and our deadline is Monday. In addition, I'll be working out and getting some swimming in as well. It's been super hot here the last few days...thank God for the pool.
Make it a great one everyone!
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Smuggling liquor into the movie theater - been there done that. SO happy I am not that guy anymore.
My oldest is coming home for the weekend. Really looking forward to that. We haven't had a proper visit in more than a year. He's been over in Africa building a clinic.
Also, for my business venture I rented an entire office suite and have been trying to sublet the extra space I don't need. I am FINALLY fully rented. First time since I picked up that lease back in May 2016. Leasing to 3 different therapists, none of whom knew each other before sharing office space.
In horribly depressing news, my Downs Syndrome brother (age 48) is starting to exhibit signs of dementia. Really common for people with Down Syndrome to develop dementia, but we were hoping he would dodge that fate. He has not been formally diagnosed, but the symptoms seems pretty clear.
My oldest is coming home for the weekend. Really looking forward to that. We haven't had a proper visit in more than a year. He's been over in Africa building a clinic.
Also, for my business venture I rented an entire office suite and have been trying to sublet the extra space I don't need. I am FINALLY fully rented. First time since I picked up that lease back in May 2016. Leasing to 3 different therapists, none of whom knew each other before sharing office space.
In horribly depressing news, my Downs Syndrome brother (age 48) is starting to exhibit signs of dementia. Really common for people with Down Syndrome to develop dementia, but we were hoping he would dodge that fate. He has not been formally diagnosed, but the symptoms seems pretty clear.
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
That's great about seeing your oldest Nonsensical, a year is a long stint. Well done on renting your entire suite too. That is desperately sad news about your brother. Hopefully he is being well looked after.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
I'm in.
Just the other day, I had someone ask me why I quit drinking. I was at a bar where a band was playing outside - we were sitting outside, but I went in to get a club soda. A guy I used to see at bars a lot was standing there ordering drinks. He saw my club soda and said something about me not drinking that day, and I said "actually, I quit over two and a half years ago." He wondered why, so I told him it was because I decided it was getting to be too much for me and that I just felt it was time. He said that was great and then started defending his own drinking... Just like I would have done in the past. It really made me think, and made me realize how much time I had spent in denial. I have no idea if this guy has an actual drinking problem - I just found it interesting that he right away switched to explaining to me that he generally didn't overdo it.
Planning weekend activities - was very very vital to me in the beginning. It was just simple activites - hiking, going to meetings, going to movies, spending more time with my kids and grandchild. I don't feel like I have to plan every minute any more, I just really enjoy sometimes being at home with no plans. That would have been a recipe for disaster in the past. I do like that I now have the freedom to do anything I want on the spur of the moment now - in the past drinking got in the way of that.
This weekend will be pretty busy - my son starts rock band camp, and we will be getting him ready for that, and I'm driving him to camp about an hour and a half away Sunday morning.
Just the other day, I had someone ask me why I quit drinking. I was at a bar where a band was playing outside - we were sitting outside, but I went in to get a club soda. A guy I used to see at bars a lot was standing there ordering drinks. He saw my club soda and said something about me not drinking that day, and I said "actually, I quit over two and a half years ago." He wondered why, so I told him it was because I decided it was getting to be too much for me and that I just felt it was time. He said that was great and then started defending his own drinking... Just like I would have done in the past. It really made me think, and made me realize how much time I had spent in denial. I have no idea if this guy has an actual drinking problem - I just found it interesting that he right away switched to explaining to me that he generally didn't overdo it.
Planning weekend activities - was very very vital to me in the beginning. It was just simple activites - hiking, going to meetings, going to movies, spending more time with my kids and grandchild. I don't feel like I have to plan every minute any more, I just really enjoy sometimes being at home with no plans. That would have been a recipe for disaster in the past. I do like that I now have the freedom to do anything I want on the spur of the moment now - in the past drinking got in the way of that.
This weekend will be pretty busy - my son starts rock band camp, and we will be getting him ready for that, and I'm driving him to camp about an hour and a half away Sunday morning.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 2,950
I say things like it affects me funny.. or I'll say, I can't drink anymore, the older I get everything affects me more, I mean I'll have one cigarette and get bronchitis.. So I have already changed the subject. Or I'll say I can't, it messes with me / it talks back to me.. Few people ask for more details. LoL
As I get older, I have one drink and I'll have a hangover. The remarks about age take the focus off of the alcohol part of it. I think anyway.
People on SF sometimes say we should have no reason to explain our drinking to others and that's true.. but at the end of the day I think we protect our own dignity if we keep our cards close to our vest.. What the other person thinks of me isn't important, if I tell them I have had a drinking problem, my feelings are important. The older I get (again) the more I learn that I really don't have to be honest with other people all the time.
Just thinking out loud lol I'm lonely and trying to muster the balls to do something at the moment..
As I get older, I have one drink and I'll have a hangover. The remarks about age take the focus off of the alcohol part of it. I think anyway.
People on SF sometimes say we should have no reason to explain our drinking to others and that's true.. but at the end of the day I think we protect our own dignity if we keep our cards close to our vest.. What the other person thinks of me isn't important, if I tell them I have had a drinking problem, my feelings are important. The older I get (again) the more I learn that I really don't have to be honest with other people all the time.
Just thinking out loud lol I'm lonely and trying to muster the balls to do something at the moment..
saoutchik
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
Marty, I was going to say in the OP that you don't have to plan every minute for all eternity - I did not want the OP to resemble War and Peace so I left it out.
Brenda, I only say what I say as it is a polite way of closing off further debate without telling any outright fibs. I hope you will not be feeling lonely for long.
Brenda, I only say what I say as it is a polite way of closing off further debate without telling any outright fibs. I hope you will not be feeling lonely for long.
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