Relapsed after 95 days sober
Unknown300864
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 336
Relapsed after 95 days sober
Really down with the world and myself. As I was explaining this morning to my partner how I feel sad cause I know my life is great not drinking. I have my best friend back, own stuff, great relationship yet can't shake wanting to feel a buzz of anything. Low and behold I had a sip of what may or may not be alcoholic ginger beer. I knew it had alcohol as I could taste it and it made my head warm and heavy. I only had 1.5 and jumped in my car which has an alcohol interlock thinking I was fine but blew .037 mid range which recorded a violation and cost me $100. I then got really depressed with blowing my progress and the fact I can't drink at all cause it doesn't metabolise or work for me which led to the thoughts of how things will never be fun which led to me asking my partner to hide the Valium and going home skilling straight scotch and lighting a smoke which I quit. Thankfully after my cry I stopped and went to my partners parents for dinner & was nearly unable to start the interlock as he was drinking. Why do I go on a path of destruction and how do I get over the feeling of the void
95 days is great! Don't beat yourself up. I believe that there is always something to learn from missteps.
You know youcan be sober, which is amazing! So many never get there.
Please, please, please work on the idea that you are missing out on fun because you are not drinking. That is your addictive voice talking, and it couldn't be more wrong.
Go for a walk, get some exercise, practic self-care. Don't go too long without food.
Things will feel better in a while.
You know youcan be sober, which is amazing! So many never get there.
Please, please, please work on the idea that you are missing out on fun because you are not drinking. That is your addictive voice talking, and it couldn't be more wrong.
Go for a walk, get some exercise, practic self-care. Don't go too long without food.
Things will feel better in a while.
I';m sorry you drank Kahlia.
At 95 days I was just starting to get things together and moving on to the next stage - how to be happy sober and healing the void.
I found service work was a large part of that for me - that may be helpful for you too, it may not - others use groups like AA or SMART, some seek counselling, some meditate...but it's really important I think, after you have the not drinking part down, to start building a sober life you love.
You AV may scream in your ear and tell you that nothing will ever fill that void - but it lies...
if you stop trying to fill with stuff. and instead work on healing it, I think you'll see different results
D
At 95 days I was just starting to get things together and moving on to the next stage - how to be happy sober and healing the void.
I found service work was a large part of that for me - that may be helpful for you too, it may not - others use groups like AA or SMART, some seek counselling, some meditate...but it's really important I think, after you have the not drinking part down, to start building a sober life you love.
You AV may scream in your ear and tell you that nothing will ever fill that void - but it lies...
if you stop trying to fill with stuff. and instead work on healing it, I think you'll see different results
D
Last edited by Dee74; 05-21-2017 at 05:01 PM.
You were able to stay sober 95 days, you can go longer...think of where you went wrong and what you can change this time.
Here's a link from the Stickys...Pst...there's SO much info in the Stickys!!!
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
Doing it hard seems to be one of those paradoxes around sobriety. You will know from your other thread how we AAs looked for an easier softer more "comfortable" way, but it seemed it was not possible. The more we pursued comfort, the more uncomfortable we became.
Conversely, when we stepped out of our comfort zone, which none of us found easy, and got to some meetings, did some face to face recovery work, life changed and we began to feel more comfortable with the direction our lives were taking.
White knuckling is a tough place to be, and for me anyway, unsustainable. My way out involved sitting down with someone else who had found a way out and was willing to show me how they did it.
The trouble with white knuckling is it takes a lot of effort and effort can make you weary...and it's when we're weary that we can make iffy decisions.
Having a plan can really help - it should make things easier too.
Have you had a look at a recovery plan Kahlia?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
Having a plan can really help - it should make things easier too.
Have you had a look at a recovery plan Kahlia?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
Unknown300864
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 336
Thanks guys
Me and my partner are fighting about the past of me drinking all cause I tried explaining that I feel upset and income when he drinks. When I left rehab he said he wouldn't drink at home and has now started again I feel helpless he slept on the lounge
Me and my partner are fighting about the past of me drinking all cause I tried explaining that I feel upset and income when he drinks. When I left rehab he said he wouldn't drink at home and has now started again I feel helpless he slept on the lounge
I'm sorry you're struggling. You can do this, even if your partner is drinking. This is about you and you can make the changes you want and need for your life. It' s always good to post and read here and be inspired. As Dee said, it's very important to have a plan to help you get through the days and weeks.
It's a super hard situation when your partner still drinks. Even harder if they're drinking in front of you. If he promised to not drink around you after you left rehab, I would "kindly" remind him of that and explain how difficult it is for you right now and you need his support.
My husband and I quit drinking together, then he caved. He continues to try to abstain...sometimes hiding it behind my back... I think that my husband thought that I might go back to drinking with him after he caved (like I have so many times before). Once he realized how serious I am this time, he's been making more of an effort himself to stop drinking. If he IS still drinking, he's hiding it and he wouldn't drink in front of me.
My husband and I quit drinking together, then he caved. He continues to try to abstain...sometimes hiding it behind my back... I think that my husband thought that I might go back to drinking with him after he caved (like I have so many times before). Once he realized how serious I am this time, he's been making more of an effort himself to stop drinking. If he IS still drinking, he's hiding it and he wouldn't drink in front of me.
Unknown300864
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 336
I have now explained it again and he's sober so he can hopefully let it sink in and if it doesn't I'll take him to therapy with me. I explained that he's stressed over $ so he drinks and smokes as a vice and it affects his health. I have no vice no escape so to try and imagine how stressed I am
hi kahlia,
might be that finding and practicing other ways to 'escape' are something that would be really helpful to you.
coping tools in time of stress, things such as taking a walk, or a bath, or knitting, or drumming or singing or stretching or phoning or....most of us had to lern new ways to doa whole bunch of stuff,as drinking had been the former go- to for most everything.
might be that finding and practicing other ways to 'escape' are something that would be really helpful to you.
coping tools in time of stress, things such as taking a walk, or a bath, or knitting, or drumming or singing or stretching or phoning or....most of us had to lern new ways to doa whole bunch of stuff,as drinking had been the former go- to for most everything.
I have now explained it again and he's sober so he can hopefully let it sink in and if it doesn't I'll take him to therapy with me. I explained that he's stressed over $ so he drinks and smokes as a vice and it affects his health. I have no vice no escape so to try and imagine how stressed I am
As Fini mentioned, you definitely need a vice! Daily exercise is one of the tools I use. It relaxes me, gets me out of my head and I'm finally losing weight again. Any hobby or activity that makes you feel good inside will make a big difference.
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