petals

Hi Khalia.
How's things? Xx

Youngaddictionwarrior

Hi all. I just came to bed and god told me to pick up my AA big book due to some recent negative addiction voice thoughts trying to creep their way in. For those of you who don't know which may be nearly everyone I have problems with food, alcohol, prescription drugs and whatever can give me a buzz. I have relapsed once since February 2014 I had 3 drinks stopping before I was out of control and got straight back on the wagon. It led to crazy thoughts which were a blessing in disguise & showed me how easy and bad it can be. Quick rundown is age 0-7 mum & dad domestic violence drug use alcoholism and moved from Sydney to qld for a new life. 7-11 mum & dad separated. Mum became a lesbian we were home invaded due to drugs & I had to change schools and was living with grandparents. 11-21 my recriational drug and alcohol use started around 13 after being sexually assaulted and then came full blown bulimia. Mum met step dad she is still with and got off drugs. I rebelled and was a shocking teenager. 17-20 illegal drugs were very bad as they overrode eating food and I couldn't possibly get drunk. 18 high grade cervical cancer removed, boyfriend wouldn't touch me cause thought I was gonna die, separation, mum couldn't cope and started drugs again. 21 moved out west away from drugs (never gone back to illegal drugs only here and there for party's) 22 bulimia recovery which it is clear I put on weight and started drinking and prescribed pills instead of eating. 24 moved back to the Gold Coast met my amazing partner 26 high grade cervical cancer back. Had another operation and was addicted to Valium, panadine forte and endone. February 2017 booked myself into rehab best thing I ever done my grandma passed away whilst I was there but she's in a better place and I found AA which my life has been wonderful. So many great things have happened being sober I can't begin to explain but yesterday I went for my 6 month check up at the hospital and the doctor saw signs of the high grade cervical cancer being back. He is going to call in 2 weeks with biopsy results and let me know if it is which means I have to have another operation my 3rd one making it extremely difficult for child birth and also I am very scared about the pain killers as I fight taking them more than I seem to fight alcohol urges. The doctor was quite sure and I want to be positive but feel like I have to be prepared. I'm scared and so is my partner so he is drinking heaps cause he has depression and I just want to be numb. Tonight I stuffed my face and now down about it and I really need you guys xxx thanks for reading

Mizzuno

Kahlia,
That is quite the heavy load to carry. I am so sorry for this medical news. Its frightening to say the least. It is good that you have reached out to this community for support.

Kahlia... You have to take this one moment at a time. The pain meds have not been prescribed yet, right? Go down that road when it is necessary to go there. Be here in the moment now. There is nothing that you can do about the news or the future. You have a community of people here to support you.

I am really sorry about this turn of events. You have made such a great decision in reaching out here. Stay close, Kahlia. Post often. Know that you have all the tools to get through this and when you dont we can offer support and advice. We are here for you.

applewakesup

HI Kahlia,

It sounds like you are only thinking of sobriety as not being allowed to drink. "I have no vice no escape so to try and imagine how stressed I am"

Drinking isn't a real escape! It's the cause of most of the problems. I only have 37 days of sobriety, so take what I say with a grain of salt, but recently, I have stopped feeling like I am losing anything by not drinking. Sure, I no longer get to hit myself over the head with a hammer - but it feels so good now that I stopped!

Finding some sober friends or support group or even a group of people doing healthy things (hiking, yoga, outdoor activities) may be a big help in showing you the abundance and beauty of a life of sobriety.

Good luck and keep at it!

Dee74

2 weeks wait suggests to me maybe he's not too worried?

I hope that the news will be better and that your doctor is just being over cautious.

Lean on us, and your AA support, in the next 2 weeks

D

Youngaddictionwarrior

Thank you guys. Thankfully it's hasn't triggered me to drink at all just my partner lol. I am more worried about the pain killers as it's a setback and I'm scared I will get joy out of them even know life is better sober. It takes 2 weeks for the biopsy to culture which sucks cause I want to know now. I will keep everyone posted