(Very long sorry!) This is me trying to get help and support.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: ON, CAN
Posts: 9
(Very long sorry!) This is me trying to get help and support.
Let me start by saying that addiction has always been a constant companion and accepted fact, my whole life. My whole family smokes, is riddled with a history of violent alcoholism, or other narcotics. My parents were intravenous drug users before they had kids and unfortunately both of them now have to live with hepatitis. They quit the "heavy stuff" upon becoming parents but my mom was left with an addiction to purcoset (hope I spelled that right). She wasn't a bad mom. I have fond memories of love and support and lots of good cooking. But the sickness she would experience some times, the lack of family funds and our visits to "aunt and uncle" whoever all the time, are memories I'm not as fond of now that I understand them. She got sober with methadone about 9 years ago and has been clean ever since. I myself am now a full time smoker and an avid coffee enthusiast (but I thouroghly enjoy my coffee addiction lol). To shorten up: I really dislike drugs.
I have never wanted or envisioned a future with someone who has problems with narcotics or alcohol. But things never go as planned and you can't always help who you fall in love with. My BF and I have been together almost 4 years now. He works hard and has big dreams. He is honestly a really great guy OTHER than the things I am about to share. Which is possibly a big part of why this is so hard...
We met through mutual friends and partied together a few times. He seemed very fun while he was drinking when we first met. After we started dating he quickly deduced my feelings towards drugs and was honest enough to come forward about his relapsed addiction to oxycotin, offering me the choice to leave or stay if I wanted. He was ready and willing to quit though. He had been addicted to it before and got off it with methadone which he quit on his own to and was then sober for a few years. He did quit it again and the experience of going through that with him in our fairly new relationship was a bonding one. I'm proud to say he hasn't gone back since
Sadly though, the story doesn't end there.
After he quit those, we started drinking together on weekends for something to do. I don't drink much myself but enjoy it socially when I can. Anyways, I very quickly realized that alcohol was a problem for him to. Once he started he just couldn't stop. He became someone completely different. Obnoxious, mean, delusional and just crazy. I don't know how I got through our first year, honestly. Maybe it's because he was such a good guy otherwise. When he wasn't drunk. He always felt guilty and sick for days afterwards. I felt bad for him so I always forgave. But he always found a way to do it again the next weekend (I deserve this, I have a stressful job, etc). I begged him many times not to drink that night or this night and he always just asked for my trust and promised he wouldn't over do it. I finally put my foot down. Me or the booze. It sounds selfish but I just didn't want to deal with him drunk anymore. I didn't even care that it was an addiction problem, I was just fed up. I didn't deserve this. He stopped drinking for the most part. After that he would only be able to convince me to let him drink every couple months. I guess we both figured that at least it wasn't every weekend. After he "quit" drinking, he talked to me about getting this herbal supplement called kratom to help him curb that feeling of need for ANYTHING that would make him feel different from his boring life. Of course I was unhappy about it. I knew it was just another thing for him to make a habit of. He assured me to no end that it was just something to have instead of drinking every once in awhile and it wouldn't become a habit.... Fast forward a few years and he takes it every day. We spend about 100$ a month on it, which isn't bad compared to some things or even my own smoking habit... And to top it all off he has started taking purcs every "once in awhile". He had taken them once or twice after a bad drinking night when we first got together, but I always lectured him heavily on it and he knew my personal problem with purcs in particular because of my mom. Very slowly, I see now that he is doing them more and more often. Every few months, to once a month and now twice a month or so. It's been causing big fights between us. I f***ing hate it. He won't take no for an answer. He isn't mean about it but he will argue and convince and twist it around till we are both exhausted so it's like he deserves it and it isn't everyday so it's not a problem, he's a man and it's up to him. We recently (like a week ago) had a really big fight about it and decided he would have one last hurrah and then not do it "for a really long time".... He called me last night and told me that he really just needs my trust and if I give that to him, the problem will resolve itself because he really just needs to feel like he's in control of it. He tells me that's how all his relationships have been, and when he feels like he's in control he gets bored and just forgets about it so it's not a problem. We decided that each week we would both get 20$ as spending money (we spend to much as is so I was happy about that idea) and we could both just spend it on what we wanted. He promised he wouldn't always spend his on purcs if I would just trust him... With extreme reservations I agreed and said we would talk about it in a few months and discuss how it was working.... I found out this morning, he tells me like it's no big deal, that he went to go buy some purcs today with his "allowance". One week after his supposed last hurrah and one night after he promised he wouldn't spend his on this all the time....
I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do. When we arnt fighting he hints at getting married and we talk about having kids sometimes. It sounds beautiful for a few minutes, right up until I run into that huge elephant in the room... And that's it. That's my story. That's where I'm coming from. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading it all. You deserve a pat on the back and a glass of water :P
I have never wanted or envisioned a future with someone who has problems with narcotics or alcohol. But things never go as planned and you can't always help who you fall in love with. My BF and I have been together almost 4 years now. He works hard and has big dreams. He is honestly a really great guy OTHER than the things I am about to share. Which is possibly a big part of why this is so hard...
We met through mutual friends and partied together a few times. He seemed very fun while he was drinking when we first met. After we started dating he quickly deduced my feelings towards drugs and was honest enough to come forward about his relapsed addiction to oxycotin, offering me the choice to leave or stay if I wanted. He was ready and willing to quit though. He had been addicted to it before and got off it with methadone which he quit on his own to and was then sober for a few years. He did quit it again and the experience of going through that with him in our fairly new relationship was a bonding one. I'm proud to say he hasn't gone back since
Sadly though, the story doesn't end there. After he quit those, we started drinking together on weekends for something to do. I don't drink much myself but enjoy it socially when I can. Anyways, I very quickly realized that alcohol was a problem for him to. Once he started he just couldn't stop. He became someone completely different. Obnoxious, mean, delusional and just crazy. I don't know how I got through our first year, honestly. Maybe it's because he was such a good guy otherwise. When he wasn't drunk. He always felt guilty and sick for days afterwards. I felt bad for him so I always forgave. But he always found a way to do it again the next weekend (I deserve this, I have a stressful job, etc). I begged him many times not to drink that night or this night and he always just asked for my trust and promised he wouldn't over do it. I finally put my foot down. Me or the booze. It sounds selfish but I just didn't want to deal with him drunk anymore. I didn't even care that it was an addiction problem, I was just fed up. I didn't deserve this. He stopped drinking for the most part. After that he would only be able to convince me to let him drink every couple months. I guess we both figured that at least it wasn't every weekend. After he "quit" drinking, he talked to me about getting this herbal supplement called kratom to help him curb that feeling of need for ANYTHING that would make him feel different from his boring life. Of course I was unhappy about it. I knew it was just another thing for him to make a habit of. He assured me to no end that it was just something to have instead of drinking every once in awhile and it wouldn't become a habit.... Fast forward a few years and he takes it every day. We spend about 100$ a month on it, which isn't bad compared to some things or even my own smoking habit... And to top it all off he has started taking purcs every "once in awhile". He had taken them once or twice after a bad drinking night when we first got together, but I always lectured him heavily on it and he knew my personal problem with purcs in particular because of my mom. Very slowly, I see now that he is doing them more and more often. Every few months, to once a month and now twice a month or so. It's been causing big fights between us. I f***ing hate it. He won't take no for an answer. He isn't mean about it but he will argue and convince and twist it around till we are both exhausted so it's like he deserves it and it isn't everyday so it's not a problem, he's a man and it's up to him. We recently (like a week ago) had a really big fight about it and decided he would have one last hurrah and then not do it "for a really long time".... He called me last night and told me that he really just needs my trust and if I give that to him, the problem will resolve itself because he really just needs to feel like he's in control of it. He tells me that's how all his relationships have been, and when he feels like he's in control he gets bored and just forgets about it so it's not a problem. We decided that each week we would both get 20$ as spending money (we spend to much as is so I was happy about that idea) and we could both just spend it on what we wanted. He promised he wouldn't always spend his on purcs if I would just trust him... With extreme reservations I agreed and said we would talk about it in a few months and discuss how it was working.... I found out this morning, he tells me like it's no big deal, that he went to go buy some purcs today with his "allowance". One week after his supposed last hurrah and one night after he promised he wouldn't spend his on this all the time....
I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do. When we arnt fighting he hints at getting married and we talk about having kids sometimes. It sounds beautiful for a few minutes, right up until I run into that huge elephant in the room... And that's it. That's my story. That's where I'm coming from. If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading it all. You deserve a pat on the back and a glass of water :P
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Anonymette, welcome to SR. Sorry you had a need to find us here, but you're in the right place for help.
First, I'd suggest you read as much as you can here. I think you'll see yourself in a lot of the stories and you'll realize you are absolutely not alone w/your problems. Make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. Here's a thread from there that you may find especially useful: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
It sounds as if you've already had a fair amount of experience w/the repeated broken promises and with the failure of your attempts to moderate his using. Sadly, you simply can't influence his behavior regarding his addiction. Alanon has a saying about the 3 C's: You didn't Cause his addiction, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it. Your attempts at setting budgets and so on are doomed to failure.
Thank heavens you realize that getting married won't solve his problem--remain strong and don't give in to some rosy dream of the future. You've already seen how easily promises to "behave" if only you'd "trust" him go down the drain. This won't change w/marriage.
Looking into Alanon would be a great source of f2f support and education. Attend a few meetings if you possibly can. The more you can educate yourself about addiction, the better able you will be to make decisions about your future w/this guy.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
First, I'd suggest you read as much as you can here. I think you'll see yourself in a lot of the stories and you'll realize you are absolutely not alone w/your problems. Make sure not to miss the stickies at the top of the page. Here's a thread from there that you may find especially useful: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...l-problem.html
It sounds as if you've already had a fair amount of experience w/the repeated broken promises and with the failure of your attempts to moderate his using. Sadly, you simply can't influence his behavior regarding his addiction. Alanon has a saying about the 3 C's: You didn't Cause his addiction, you can't Control it and you can't Cure it. Your attempts at setting budgets and so on are doomed to failure.
Thank heavens you realize that getting married won't solve his problem--remain strong and don't give in to some rosy dream of the future. You've already seen how easily promises to "behave" if only you'd "trust" him go down the drain. This won't change w/marriage.
Looking into Alanon would be a great source of f2f support and education. Attend a few meetings if you possibly can. The more you can educate yourself about addiction, the better able you will be to make decisions about your future w/this guy.
Wishing you strength and clarity.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Hi! Welcome to SR.
It sounds like your boyfriend is an addict and unfortunately you have become his enabler. Everytime you say "ok, just one more time" or yes to drinking at this party but no at this event. You are enabling him. Right now he can say look YOU said I could. YOU gave me permission. He doesnt have to be responsible for any of it. And if you start to waiver he just has to start making all those promises you so desperately want to hear and he reels you right back in.
Its said often here and speaking as a recovering alcoholic I can promis you its the truth:
You didnt cause it, you cant control it, and you certainly cant cure it.
It sounds like your boyfriend is an addict and unfortunately you have become his enabler. Everytime you say "ok, just one more time" or yes to drinking at this party but no at this event. You are enabling him. Right now he can say look YOU said I could. YOU gave me permission. He doesnt have to be responsible for any of it. And if you start to waiver he just has to start making all those promises you so desperately want to hear and he reels you right back in.
Its said often here and speaking as a recovering alcoholic I can promis you its the truth:
You didnt cause it, you cant control it, and you certainly cant cure it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: ON, CAN
Posts: 9
Thank you, both of you, for the advice and support. I will certainly look into attending a meeting. I even found out where/when they are in my city. I have so many questions. I need clarity. I mean, yes he takes that tea supplement everyday but so far nothing else has become an every day thing. Am I over reacting? I try to talk to him about it but he makes me feel like I'm blowing it out of proportion ei "You're making me out to be this big addict! I'm not taking stuff everyday or stealing and lying to get drugs."
It's driving me crazy. He works hard, he's a great cook and lots of other things but while I feel like this is driving a big huge wedge between us, he makes it out like it's not a big deal because he's not your classic "junkie". God, I kind of dread telling him I've even signed up to this forum and have shared this stuff. I believe in not keeping secrets though.
Iv learned so much about the concept of "for better or worse" and "love isn't all roses and morning dew" but I feel like I have lost the understanding of when enough is enough. I don't want to run out when the going gets rough. I have put so much time and emotion into this relationship. I want it to work... But I guess we will see what happens.
It's driving me crazy. He works hard, he's a great cook and lots of other things but while I feel like this is driving a big huge wedge between us, he makes it out like it's not a big deal because he's not your classic "junkie". God, I kind of dread telling him I've even signed up to this forum and have shared this stuff. I believe in not keeping secrets though.
Iv learned so much about the concept of "for better or worse" and "love isn't all roses and morning dew" but I feel like I have lost the understanding of when enough is enough. I don't want to run out when the going gets rough. I have put so much time and emotion into this relationship. I want it to work... But I guess we will see what happens.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Run. Sorry to be blunt but this guy will suck your life away.
P.S. They're all a "different" kind of addict. Not like those other ones. Get out before you're legally tied to him or worse yet he's some poor infant's father.
P.S. They're all a "different" kind of addict. Not like those other ones. Get out before you're legally tied to him or worse yet he's some poor infant's father.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Maybe he isnt doing those things yet but he is illegally purchasing and taking a controled substance. Not all addicts are falling down drunks living under a bridge and not all pill poppers are robbing pharmacies.
If you do nothing else I recommend you read the book codependent no more by melody beattie.
If you do nothing else I recommend you read the book codependent no more by melody beattie.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: ON, CAN
Posts: 9
Well Santa, unexpected pregnancy is not something I'm worried about in this situation. Not only am I strict about birth control but I have a condition that will make ever getting pregnant very hard. It's a sensitive subject for me. I'm more focused on my future with and if that's a possibility. I'm not being forced to marry him and be legally stuck to him. If I wasn't interested in trying to get us both help so we can possibly work it out, I wouldn't be here. It would solve my problem to just break up with him yes, but is it the right thing to do. Just because we aren't legally forced to be together (married) doesn't mean I don't want to do what I can for myself, him and us as a couple in this situation. I can't say I know better than anyone else. Perhaps I'm just a stubborn for love young person, but I can say I don't feel right about just cutting my loses and leaving just yet.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by Anonymette 
Thank you, both of you, for the advice and support. I will certainly look into attending a meeting. I even found out where/when they are in my city. I have so many questions. I need clarity. I mean, yes he takes that tea supplement everyday but so far nothing else has become an every day thing. Am I over reacting? I try to talk to him about it but he makes me feel like I'm blowing it out of proportion ei "You're making me out to be this big addict! I'm not taking stuff everyday or stealing and lying to get drugs."
It's driving me crazy. He works hard, he's a great cook and lots of other things but while I feel like this is driving a big huge wedge between us, he makes it out like it's not a big deal because he's not your classic "junkie". God, I kind of dread telling him I've even signed up to this forum and have shared this stuff. I believe in not keeping secrets though.
Iv learned so much about the concept of "for better or worse" and "love isn't all roses and morning dew" but I feel like I have lost the understanding of when enough is enough. I don't want to run out when the going gets rough. I have put so much time and emotion into this relationship. I want it to work... But I guess we will see what happens.
It's driving me crazy. He works hard, he's a great cook and lots of other things but while I feel like this is driving a big huge wedge between us, he makes it out like it's not a big deal because he's not your classic "junkie". God, I kind of dread telling him I've even signed up to this forum and have shared this stuff. I believe in not keeping secrets though.
Iv learned so much about the concept of "for better or worse" and "love isn't all roses and morning dew" but I feel like I have lost the understanding of when enough is enough. I don't want to run out when the going gets rough. I have put so much time and emotion into this relationship. I want it to work... But I guess we will see what happens.
You are really enmeshed with this guy and his reactions and your anticipation of his reactions is heavily influencing your behavior and choices right now.
Not keeping secrets does not mean you have no right to privacy. My ex used to read my personal journals and fly into a rage over what I had written (my private thoughts). That is not right. It sounds like he has kept a lot of secrets from you. Why does he have to know every little thing you're doing?
You want it to work, but it is already not working. Every day he is slipping a little deeper into addiction and every day you give up a little more of yourself to keep the relationship going. The fact that you have spent a lot of time and effort on this relationship is not a good reason to continue on this path with him. I wasted five years trying to get my ex to see that he needed to sober up. That didn't mean I needed to sink another five years into someone who is content with being an alcoholic and has no desire to quit drinking or change any of his behavior.
I grew up in an alcoholic family, and that was the behavior modeled by adults in my life. Even when my conscious mind swore I'd never get involved with an alcoholic/abuser, anyone remotely like my father, my subconscious was pulling me toward those types of relationships.
Alanon has helped me tremendously, along with individual counseling and the forums here at SR. Keep reading and posting, we are here for you.
Hugs.
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 182
Hi. Welcome to the forums. I'm new here myself but here is my take...
I'd be very, very concerned that your BF doesn't see this as a problem. I've learned (from my AH) that addictions are progressive. Each time one quits and relapses it's worse than it was the last time. If your BF isn't willing to admit he has a problem AND get help it's quite possible that your best days in this relationship are behind you. I can't tell you what's right for you, but, were it not for the most amazing kid my husband helped create, I wish I would have walked away from him as soon as I had any inclination he was abusing alcohol. It would have saved me so much pain, money and anger.
Wishing you peace and clarity.
I'd be very, very concerned that your BF doesn't see this as a problem. I've learned (from my AH) that addictions are progressive. Each time one quits and relapses it's worse than it was the last time. If your BF isn't willing to admit he has a problem AND get help it's quite possible that your best days in this relationship are behind you. I can't tell you what's right for you, but, were it not for the most amazing kid my husband helped create, I wish I would have walked away from him as soon as I had any inclination he was abusing alcohol. It would have saved me so much pain, money and anger.
Wishing you peace and clarity.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 214
Welcome to SR! Reading the posts here helped me understand that I'm not alone, and that the loved ones of alcoholics feel isolated, like we're the only ones--but we are sharing a common experience.
Al anon was a really great place for me. I grew up in an alcoholic/addicted home and so, when I met my ex, his behavior was right in my blind spot. I couldn't see his dysfunction, because dysfunction was my normal.
Al anon helped me understand alcoholism, how to be a healthy person in the midst of other people's problems, and how to recognize my own needs (this is all very much a work in progress!!!)
Alcoholics are rarely the evil gutter dwellers we imagine. Most are very normal for most of their lives. Unfortunately, if they don't seek help, it continues to get worse. A lot worse. I wish you and your BF a future of sobriety and health, wherever life leads you!
Al anon was a really great place for me. I grew up in an alcoholic/addicted home and so, when I met my ex, his behavior was right in my blind spot. I couldn't see his dysfunction, because dysfunction was my normal.
Al anon helped me understand alcoholism, how to be a healthy person in the midst of other people's problems, and how to recognize my own needs (this is all very much a work in progress!!!)
Alcoholics are rarely the evil gutter dwellers we imagine. Most are very normal for most of their lives. Unfortunately, if they don't seek help, it continues to get worse. A lot worse. I wish you and your BF a future of sobriety and health, wherever life leads you!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Originally Posted by Anonymette
I'm not being forced to marry him and be legally stuck to him. If I wasn't interested in trying to get us both help so we can possibly work it out, I wouldn't be here.
He won't force you to marry an alcoholic and drug abuser, you'll build that prison brick by brick yourself. Honey I've been there. As far as what you've already invested, how would you like to devote 20 or 30 YEARS of your life to curing someone else's addiction? Guess what, you can't.
Welcome to SR. Don't get mad if you hear some truth over here.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Run. Far, far away. This guy isn't great. He's a loser. It's only going to get worse and you'll be sitting there wondering what went wrong, because you ignored all the signs and still thought you could fix it. He's an addict who doesn't think he has a problem, and nothing you say or do is going to fix him or your relationship. Get out now before you're completely drowning and don't know which way is up. Don't marry him and for the love of all things holy, don't ever get pregnant by him. Trust me, I've got a condition that makes it nearly impossible to get pregnant, and I've got three kids of my own and two stepchildren. Relying on that to keep you without child is like expecting a cardboard box to float in a flood.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: ON, CAN
Posts: 9
Well I'm not just relying on my condition to save me from an unwanted pregnancy. I am aware that things just happen. I'm also very big on birth control, not that it's anyone's business. I appreciate the advice from everyone, from all of your point of views. I should say though that as of right now I am not interested in ending the relationship just yet. I'm wondering if he is willing to get help and commit to doing so (which I know I myself will not be able to push him in to), but if he is and starts the process himself, does anyone have any tips on how I should continue to be a supportive partner?
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Originally Posted by Anonymette
Well I'm not just relying on my condition to save me from an unwanted pregnancy. I am aware that things just happen. I'm also very big on birth control, not that it's anyone's business. I appreciate the advice from everyone, from all of your point of views. I should say though that as of right now I am not interested in ending the relationship just yet. I'm wondering if he is willing to get help and commit to doing so (which I know I myself will not be able to push him in to), but if he is and starts the process himself, does anyone have any tips on how I should continue to be a supportive partner?
The best thing you can do for HIM is to take care of YOU. Seems counterintuitive when you grow up caretaking the adults in your life, I know, but it really is true. Not only for this relationship, but for your whole life.
Glad you're here, you're in the right place.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Anonymette, you sound like a really nice person and very young. Please do look into the recommended resources.
You just do need to know that the bottom line is, addiction is not something that can be worked out between two people. It's not like deciding for example, where to live, or whose job will take priority, or whether to support someone through another degree, or other important life decisions. Addiction is a threesome, and the non-addict is the third wheel. Keep reading and good luck to you.
You just do need to know that the bottom line is, addiction is not something that can be worked out between two people. It's not like deciding for example, where to live, or whose job will take priority, or whether to support someone through another degree, or other important life decisions. Addiction is a threesome, and the non-addict is the third wheel. Keep reading and good luck to you.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: My mind wanders a lot, but I try to stay in the present.
Posts: 1,007
Originally Posted by Anonymette
I feel like I have lost the understanding of when enough is enough. I don't want to run out when the going gets rough. I have put so much time and emotion into this relationship.
This quote concerned me. It reminded me of how my teenage daughter was acting a few years ago, before therapy and a lot of Alanon. She didn't know how to cut her losses with her friends, even when they were being jerks. She would put up with bullish*t. One day, in a moment of clarity, she screamed out at me "I'm just so tired of dad letting me down, I've vowed that I would never do that to anyone"
She somehow had confused healthy boundaries with letting people down.
I think it's quite possible that you have never known when "enough is enough" because it may have never been modeled for you in a healthy way.
I think the best thing for you to do right now, here today, is to start seeing yourself as the babe-in-the-woods that you actually are when it comes to interpersonal relationships. You, like many of us, may need to start from square one. Then, starting asap:
Read, Read, Read. Get your hands on anything and everything about addiction.
Go to Alanon
Visit the ACOA forum here at SR (but keep visiting us as well.
)and most of all......
SEPARATE YOUR FINANCES
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Welcome welcome welcome Anonymette!
I am glad you found SR! Even if you get upset at the harsh truths people are posting, they are trying to save you from going down their well trodden paths. Most of us show up here in worse spots than you or with decades more of time in the rut.
If you determine to keep on long term with this fellow and things get worse you know there are lots of people here who will totally understand.
You have a lot of experience with addiction. Did you know people are attracted to what makes you comfortable in a relationship? Working with a counselor who is trained in addiction might help you piece out what your attraction is to this kind of person. I think looking into Adult Child of Alcoholics and their Laundry List would be interesting for you. There is a thread here just a bit further down in the forum here. I fit into their criteria as family dysfunction messes with your head and how you approach relationships too.
You know the guy is snowing himself and dragging you down on a toboggan he can't steer.
Be careful, eh!?
I am glad you found SR! Even if you get upset at the harsh truths people are posting, they are trying to save you from going down their well trodden paths. Most of us show up here in worse spots than you or with decades more of time in the rut.
If you determine to keep on long term with this fellow and things get worse you know there are lots of people here who will totally understand.You have a lot of experience with addiction. Did you know people are attracted to what makes you comfortable in a relationship? Working with a counselor who is trained in addiction might help you piece out what your attraction is to this kind of person. I think looking into Adult Child of Alcoholics and their Laundry List would be interesting for you. There is a thread here just a bit further down in the forum here. I fit into their criteria as family dysfunction messes with your head and how you approach relationships too.
You know the guy is snowing himself and dragging you down on a toboggan he can't steer.
Be careful, eh!?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: ON, CAN
Posts: 9
Thank you so much Especially to the last four posters. This advice is very very helpful. I am very young (24 to be exact). It's really hard (as I know you all understand) to suddenly see someone you love for what they really are aside from the things you want to only see and keep seeing. Like a veil is being lifted to reveal a messy room you don't want to deal with. I will certainly look into the information provided. Again, thank you all so so much
Especially to the last four posters. This advice is very very helpful. I am very young (24 to be exact). It's really hard (as I know you all understand) to suddenly see someone you love for what they really are aside from the things you want to only see and keep seeing. Like a veil is being lifted to reveal a messy room you don't want to deal with. I will certainly look into the information provided. Again, thank you all so so much
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