HealthFirst

I feel like I'm always complaining, I'm sorry in advance. I just need advice about dealing with all of these new situations.

In my group of friends, I've always been the guy to count on to get drunk with. We almost ALWAYS have a drink when we hang out.

One of my best friends is having a bachelor party and we are getting a hotel room "to party in" as they put it. I have no doubt, this room will be filled with alcohol. It is EXPECTED that we drink heavily during this time to "celebrate" his upcoming wedding.

I am really frightened to be with these guys over a two-day period. I've known most of them for over 20 years and its rare that any of us ever got together without drinking.

I've thought about being up front and saying "I'm not drinking; it doesn't get along with my body", but I know with certainty that the result will include "come on, it's my bachelor party", "come on, not this weekend", and any other variety.

I would like to eventually have the talk with them that I'm done with alcohol, but not before/during the bachelor party. It'll be too much pressure to put up with over there - and I'd rather them focus on having a good time than on me. Has anybody used excuses that they're on antibiotics (or other meds) to avoid the pressure? I really don't want to lie, but it'll be really hard for these guys to understand that I quit drinking for an event like this.

For context, there was heavy alcohol and drug use during my bachelor party not too long ago.

Please don't recommend not going. I realize this is the "best" way to avoid any possible slip ups. I know that I can control myself, I just hate having to deal with all the B.S. judgment.

I'm sorry if this all sounds silly... but I figure someone out there can share something that can help.

least

Just tell them you can't drink. If they press you about it just repeat it until it sinks in.

seek

Tell them you are on probation and have to take a test on Monday

PurpleKnight

Do they know you don't drink anymore? because that needs to be clear before you think about attending!! . . . they need to know before you even arrive you are no longer interested in drinking and you will be the Sober one at the back.

. . . and that doesn't even address the question of attending in the first place!!

Low

Bummer that your best friends judge you and you have "to deal with it..." None of my normal friends care, just the ones with their own substance problems are interested or push it. If someone asks me, I just say: "I've drank enough, thanks". It confuses them and they move on.

Dee74

I'll just talk about me then - it might be useful to someone else

I really needed to put my recovery first.

2 days of drink and drugs and people wanting me to drink and drug, and me not telling them I've quit...is not a place I need to be.
Full Stop.

I always had two choices - go and drink, or go and not drink and be miserable.

Now I know there's a third option

D

HealthFirst

Thank you, guys. I'm only on day 6 and haven't seen them in order to tell them I'm not drinking anymore. After writing this out, my options are:
1. Tell them straight out that I've stopped.
2. Tell them I'm on antibiotics and cannot drink (I would tell them I stopped at a later time, when we're back home and under normal conditions)
3. Not an option - not attending.

seek

Yes. If you are serious about your recovery "not going" SHOULD be an option. Why isn't it?

HealthFirst

Because I owe it to this guy to be there. It is -almost- as bad as missing his wedding "because there will be an open bar there". I want to work on self control, being direct without worry of judgment, rather than avoiding places.

PurpleKnight

Well option 1 is the way forward then . . .

I guarantee you will be handed a drink and experience more pressure than you can handle if you go and these people aren't prior warned . . . the end result will be coming back to SR to say "I drank" . . . people need to know your not drinking.

thenewguy

This is with all due respect

Frankly, you don't owe anyone anything.

You're username says it all. HealthFIRST.

If you're genuinely concerned for your health and well-being, there's only one obligation, and that is to place your health and sanity above all else in the early days of recovery.

Wishng you the best of luck..please take good care of yourself.

miamifella

A wedding is different since a number of people there will not be drinking. However, at the bachelor party, it sounds like you will be the only non-drinker.

But if he gave you a kidney, I guess you do owe him. Short of that...I do not see what he could have done for you that puts this obligation on you.

Dee74

Those are admirable aims - but a week ago you were drinking.

I can't help feeling you're trying to lift a 300 pound weight straight off.

Please don't underestimate this addiction thing or overestimate your capabilities.

I can think of two other alternatives for you.

Make an appearance at the bachelor party - stay an hour and leave...

or what would be my preferred option, get together with your friend on some other night.

Best wishes with whatever you decide

D

SoberLife2014

There is an antibiotic that reacts very badly with alcohol called Flagyl and it's used for stomach infections including liver abscesses... In case you decide to go that route...

Mountainmanbob

just seems like
besides the drinking and drugging
there will be some other unmoral things going on there

the AA Big Book mentions that once we get sober
we need to let go of some of our old ideas (old ways in which we lived)

guess for some of us if we live long enough we grow up

that upcoming party sounds to me like a party with the devil
I have had enough of those

MM

aasharon90

If I had to go then id make sure I have
recovery support with me because alcohol
will be calling my name. If I had to go
and was in early early recovery, id make
an appearance quickly and have an honest
excuse to exit in my own car.

Staying around all those under the enfluence
would make me feel uncomfortable because
when talking to someone who is filled with
drugs, alcohol or some mind altering drug,
then they will not be sober or clean minded
to carry on a conversation with.

It would definitely feel arkward.

Id also make sure I have a whole bunch
of recovery tools and knowledge to help
me stay calm till I am away from the
temptation within a situation I couldn't
get out of.

courage2

Healthfirst, I know you say not going is not an option. If I were forced in earliest sobriety to go to something like that, I'd never make it. Maybe 4 hours, and the rebound cravings would be hell. No way I'd stay sober for two days.

If you really owe something to this friend, you owe it to him to share your real life, not a lie about antibiotics or your miserable sober presence at his party. So meet him for coffee, tell him you can't go to the party, tell him honestly why, tell him you appreciate his support in your decision to stop drinking and that it will allow you to be his friend long into his marriage and a friend to his children. And tell him you love him. Problem solved.

doggonecarl

Posts like this never bode well when the poster is determined to go. Sounds like a recipe for relapse.

When is this event supposed to occur?

james186

I pick this one ^^. I'm certain of one thing; if you're not honest, you'll never find out who your real friends are, ie; the ones who'll stick by you through whatever and the ones who're just there for the parties. Also, if you turn up sober to a party where everyone is either going to get, or is already ****** up, they won't listen to reason. It'll be the booze and drugs talking and not them. That is THE SINGLE WORST TIME to break the news you're no longer doing the exact same mind altering thing they're doing.

dSober

Ok, you've already decided.