digdug

Hey all,

I'll have 6 months sober on Saturday. I just finished my 4th step and will probably do 5 sometime this week if my sponsor has some free time. I have a home group and I attend meetings almost every day.

Anyway, my sponsor has been pushing me to do more service. I already make coffee, setup chairs, talk to newcomers after the meeting, attend the business meetings, etc.

So on a whim, I signed up to bring a meeting to a local treatment facility in October. I had a nice talk with our intergroup rep and he said that a person usually need a year+ to do this, but he feels confident in my sobriety and my commitment to the principles of AA, so he thought I'd be ok.

It's a speaker discussion meeting. Now I've told my story before and I don't have any issues speaking in public (I do a lot of presentations to large clients in my day job).

But thinking about it now, I'm feeling hesitant. The truth is, 6 months ago, I was in a treatment facility myself. Now I loved when outside groups would bring us meetings every night. I loved hearing stories of experience, strength and hope. Those rehab meetings made me feel comfortable enough to walk into the rooms without fear when I reentered the real world.

But honestly, what can I really offer these people? I've only been at this for six months. I have not completed the steps. I don't have much experience to share about my sobriety other than I've taken every single suggestion made to me. Hell, 6 months ago, I didn't even know what the steps were (this is my first try at sobriety). I still feel like a newcomer sometimes, especially when I attend meetings with AA's who have 20-30 years.

My sponsor just said to tell the truth. But of course he is talking in "sponsor-speak" so that can be taken in so many ways.

Any advice for a first time H&I commitment? I just don't want to come across as this phony AA person when the TRUTH is that I'm still scared to death of my own relapse and I'm just doing everything in my power to not go back to the living hell that was my life in active addiction.

It's a one person commitment but I was told I could bring someone else. Everyone seems to be busy that night so it looks like I'll probably be on my own.

Thanks

Coldfusion

Just be yourself and tell your story. You could also explain a little of what the program is about. The progress and confidence you have gained over the past six months will come through.

yeahgr8

I love that the guy from intergroup said usually 1 year but you are doing so great that the rules do not apply to you, AA is so inconsistent! I went through the same thing after 6 months sober but i sure as hell wasn't doing as much service as you are which is a good thing for you provided you keep monitoring how you feel and don't take on too much.

There is a theory that seems quite sound and that is a person who is fresh sober will be able to relate to someone with 6 months or a year clean time more than someone with 25 years so personally i think you do have something to offer at 6 months as you have started working the steps, this will be even more apparent to you after you finish your step 5.

Good luck on the new commitment and kep working through those steps as quickly as possible:-)

GracieLou

You have a lot to offer.

I will have six months tomorrow. I am on step eight. I have had people ask me to chair and even lead and I was like WOAH, How can I talk about the 12 steps if I have not even completed them all. I felt the same way you did. Basically I was scared and I still am. I thought I had until a year to worry about such things.

My first was a secretary. I stamp and sign the court ordered/treatment center papers. WHAT? Put my signature on a piece of paper for the world to see? WOAH, Hold the phone. I was told I could make it messy so that people could not really read it. And I tried this, it was like trying to control my drinking, I could not do it. My signature is not the best but you can read it. Now I just sign them.

Then I was asked to chair. WOAH again. I mean there is a script to read and it is our BB meeting which only reads the preamble but still. Okay, I did that, today will be my third time. Okay, that has gotten easier.

Next month comes the biggie. I was asked to chair again but this time it is a mini-lead/topic followed by discussion. I had to find people to bring the lead/topics. Of course I had to have a five week month!!! This was pretty intimidating. I have to ask people to speak. I have to keep track and I have to make the calls to remind them. DOUBLE WOAH!

To be part of the solution and to give back is has helped me a lot. It is scary but I know this is just another growing pain.

It is just like the first time I read the preamble, How it works or the 24 hour book. I was scared and I messed up the words but I did it and now it is no big deal at all.

paul99

Absolutely true!

This is precisely what I tell my sponsees when we do something like doing alumni meetings at our old treatment center and we tell our story. I tell them that the guys who are still in there are almost always interested in hearing from the guy who left a week ago, or has 3 months at most. They are still in the infancy and immediacy of their recovery. I know when I was there and listening to different gents come in and tell their story, I inevitably found myself drawn to those with a few months of sobriety, as I could grasp that. I could see perhaps having 2-3 months sobriety. They spoke about the things that I was interested in, like how did the obsession to drink lift? How did they go about their day, being "free" from rehab rules and supervision? When the guys with 5, 10, 15 years spoke, I had a harder time identifying, because they were on a different plane of their journey - something hard to decipher and connect with. Sure they offered a good message, but I wasn't able to receive it fully. You know what I mean?

So this is why I say that at 6 months, I think it's a wonderful opportunity for the people you speak to and put on meetings to see how great six months can be! You will find that they will connect with you much quicker than perhaps an old timer with 30 years. Again, generalization, but that has been my experience so far.

Great news

four812

Go for it!

mfanch

Six months sober was a lifetime when I was in rehab. I couldn't stay sober six MINUTES.

Sometimes the folks with 6 months-2 years are the most credible folks there! My dad and I go to treatment meetings all the time. My dad has decades of sobriety and they just gawk at him when he says how much time he has.

I would focus on the men and women who need you at the treatment center.

Also, when I had 6 months sober, my sponsor also "suggested" that I do this and that service commitment. I balked. What?! Me?! Ready to do THAT?! Yes, I was. My sponsor knew when I was ready. I followed her direction and I was fine.

Glad you are here.

muvinon

lol.......that is just so cute. Sponsor-speak, I mean. Your sponsor is bang on.

JUST tell the truth. You have a LOT to share, particularly since you experienced exactly what they are going through just a few months ago yourself.

Kudos to you! You did what's suggested....

tomsteve

one thing I would be concerned with is too much service work. im not too fond of sponsors tellin any sponsee they need to do more service work. that can lead to burnout and resentments.
check yer motives.

what do you have to offer? what you used to be like, what happened, and what yer like now.

digdug

Heh. It wasn't like he said, "you're not doing enough." It was more like, "you should try some speaking commitments, I think you're ready and you have an amazing story."

Besides, it's not like making coffee is hard lol. And, my month is up this week anyway.

I have no resentments toward my sponsor. He's my second sponsor (my first just wasn't available enough to do step work; meeting once a month just wasn't cutting it for me). He is the best thing that ever happened to me. We are so different and lead completely different lives, but he gets me like no one else ever has and tells it to me real. No BS. I needed that so much, given my penchant for manipulation.

And he is quite fond of the phrase, "check your motives."

digdug

Thanks everyone! I feel so much better about this now!

I will definitely report back in a few weeks how it went.

GracieLou

I do agree to much or doing it to fast can lead to burnouts and in some cases to much pressure and the person relapses. I have seen this and it breaks my heart. I see people chairing meetings at two months and I think of myself at two months and there is NO way I could have handled it. I was to busy trying to get my head straight and sort out step work.

I know in some cases keeping busy can be the key but if they are to busy doing service and not enough on step work and their recovery then it backfires. You can't give what you don't have yet.

My sponsor did not suggest service work. Someone asked me to chair so I took it to her. She suggested I chair her HG, the BB meeting, first and then chair the lead/topic the next month which is what I am doing. The secretary kind of fell in my lap. They asked me to do it one night and then it was my job. I don't mind. I loved how they just slipped that chair right under me when I was not looking....lol


I am so glad to hear this. Please keep us updated!

CaiHong

You definitely have a lot to offer the person new to recovery, tell it how it is for you, how you fear relapse, how you followed suggestions to stay sober and how you don't want to go back to the old life.

I really would have a much harder time relating to someone with 20 years up than to your heartfelt early sobriety.

I think you are perfect for this group.

I loved how you gave the message in your thread.

CaiHong

Gottalife

You have great experience to share with the newcomers, not just from the book, but the fact that you have really grasped this way of living and are putting the suggestions into action in your own life. There is nothing more powerful in this fellowship than leading by example.

Also, in my experience, the folks in AA that do this work, H&I, reaching out and trying to help others, seem to stay sober. Your sponsor is steering you towards long term sobriety.

"Nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with alcoholics. It works when other activities fail".

The real power in this program is in the giving, not the receiving.

All the best to you!

Music

You offer those people YOU! Be honest with them, tell them who you are and be an example to them through your actions of what can happen as a result of working the steps. This is an opportunity for you to further ensure your own sobriety by being of service by chairing this meeting. I don't sponsor people, go to meetings, speak at meetings or help set up or tear down after meetings to keep others sober. I do it for me, so I can stay sober. Just be yourself and share what you can for now. Share more as time goes on and you work and re-work the steps. This is a great opportunity for you.

lizw

Thank you so much for sharing this. It was such a delight to read.

I think it is so awesome you are going to do this or just taking the steps to make it happen.

What you have to share is it experience of staying sober just like you have done here. And it's your experience.

That's the thing about AA is that while we all have the 12 steps we experience the results of these differently but the basic result is generally the same - sobriety.

They'll be things u've experienced in your sobriety that will help others (in that treatment centre) just like others have helped you by sharing their experience.

I am excited for you. What an awesome opportunity!

Eddiebuckle

The above is plenty of Experience, Strength, & Hope for somebody in rehab to hear. Don't hide from the truth - the fact that you are six months from where your audience is gives your story great relevance. You ARE a newcomer (relatively), but the six months that you have gone through were the hardest six months in my experience. Tell your story and don't feel like it has to be anything other than what it is. If one person gets the message that recovery is real, achievable, and so much more than white knuckling it for the rest of your days - you have done all you have been asked to do. Tell it from the heart and I guarantee you will connect with way more than one person.

Let it rip, you'll do fine.

digdug

So I did my service commitment tonight.

I brought a friend to chair. I just did as suggested, to be honest about what it was like, what happened, and how it is today.

I really don't know if anyone got anything out of it. It's different than speaking at an AA meeting where everyone there wants to be there and is listening intently.

The guy in the front row kept checking his watch, but I probably did the same thing when I was in rehab. Although we weren't allowed to wear watches so I had to stare at the clock instead.

All in all, a good experience. I will volunteer again.

lizw

They use to have a meeting in the treatment centre I went too. I attended the most exciting aa meeting of my life in there as one resident threw a chair at another after he decided what the guy said was racist.

But it impressed me that aa members took the time to come in and be part of the meeting and talked to us after.

I think it is awesome you went in there and shared your story.

My first sponsor use to say 'service keeps you sober.'

Very ace my friend.

GracieLou

Thank you for coming back and letting us know how it went. You never know who may reach when you are sharing your story. It still amazes me when I hear a lead and they say something that I can relate to so much it blows me away.

You are giving back, your are part of the solution and it keeps you sober! Keep on keeping on