How many times did you relapse?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 61
How many times did you relapse?
I exagerated a bit earlier when I said that I drink everyday. I usually take 1-2 days off a week to dry up and go right back to it. Tuesday morning I had my mind set that I would not drink again by Wednesday night (last night) I was drinking. I felt a bit guilty buying the alcohol, but once I had those cold bottles in my hands it was like a loving hug from a mother. It's my comfort. Honestly I don't even know if I'm ready to quit. I know that I need to, but I don't know if I'm ready. I've been waiting about 5 years to 'be ready'. I came here hoping to find the motivation to be ready. So here I am at work, hung over, under these flourescent lights that make my eyes feel wobbly and tonight I'm going to a friends dinner party and I don't know how to say no to the drink.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
How many times did I relapse? That's a difficult question, because although I haven't relapsed once since I decided to get sober for good, there were many times in my past where I planned to not drink and drank anyway, so in that sense I've relapsed LOTS of times. But, the good news is that since I decided I would never drink again and never change my mind, I haven't even considered drinking as an option.
I think you probably need some more tools in place. Have you thought about using any programs? AVRT has been an invaluable help for me. If you fancy taking a look at it, there's a crash course online and it takes no time at all. You can google it. It was revolutionary for me. It will probably help you say no at your dinner party tonight. Though I would suggest that since you are in very early sobriety that for the time being you avoid situations where alcohol is freely available to you. I know temptation is everywhere and you're going to have to be in those situations at some point, but right now you're struggling and it probably isn't a good idea.
I think you do have to be ready. But you can also decide to be ready, as easy as that. You just have to want it and believe in yourself and be willing to do anything you can to be sober.
I think you probably need some more tools in place. Have you thought about using any programs? AVRT has been an invaluable help for me. If you fancy taking a look at it, there's a crash course online and it takes no time at all. You can google it. It was revolutionary for me. It will probably help you say no at your dinner party tonight. Though I would suggest that since you are in very early sobriety that for the time being you avoid situations where alcohol is freely available to you. I know temptation is everywhere and you're going to have to be in those situations at some point, but right now you're struggling and it probably isn't a good idea.
I think you do have to be ready. But you can also decide to be ready, as easy as that. You just have to want it and believe in yourself and be willing to do anything you can to be sober.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Morning Klia...Tough way to start the day. I hope you are ready to quit, cause if you read posts here you probably have a good idea where it is going!
I have been here since last November. Have read many posts and have been struggling with moderation ( not really working) and accepting that I have a problem.
It is comfort isn't it.(not exactly a hug from my Monther, but I know what you mean).But that is what the addict wants you to think, to feel. I am having a hard time re shaping my life with out alcohol. It is difficult. But I do believe the negatives are getting to the point where I have to much to lose. That is my motivation. I don't know where yours will come from, but I do believe you can find it.
The fact that you are here posting tells me the negative aspects of drinking finally have you at the point where you examining the impacts of quiting. (How long to you want to go to work hung over...awful!).
Keep posting..reading..examing what it is you feel alcohol is giving you (if anything) against what it is taking away from your job, finances, family, and most importantly you as a person.
Just my thoughs. Best Wishes.
Jim
I have been here since last November. Have read many posts and have been struggling with moderation ( not really working) and accepting that I have a problem.
It is comfort isn't it.(not exactly a hug from my Monther, but I know what you mean).But that is what the addict wants you to think, to feel. I am having a hard time re shaping my life with out alcohol. It is difficult. But I do believe the negatives are getting to the point where I have to much to lose. That is my motivation. I don't know where yours will come from, but I do believe you can find it.
The fact that you are here posting tells me the negative aspects of drinking finally have you at the point where you examining the impacts of quiting. (How long to you want to go to work hung over...awful!).
Keep posting..reading..examing what it is you feel alcohol is giving you (if anything) against what it is taking away from your job, finances, family, and most importantly you as a person.
Just my thoughs. Best Wishes.
Jim
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 61
Originally Posted by Taking5 
Hundreds. I would feel like crap in the morning and say to myself I wouldn't drink that night but by 6pm I was ready to have a few. More than a few.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Klia
I know that I need to, but I don't know if I'm ready. I've been waiting about 5 years to 'be ready'. I came here hoping to find the motivation to be ready.
For change to occur, you have to make some drastic changes in your life. Start tonight. If socializing is an excuse to drink, skip your friend's dinner invite.
I imagine you're going to say, "But I can't. They've made plans."
Stop worrying about other people's feelings. Start worrying about your recovery.
But I kept on getting up and trying again and now I'm over two years sober, so yes, this thing can be beat if you just don't give up.
Let go and Let God!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 352
I relapsed so many times that I can't count. Looking back on it, I wasn't ready. I knew I didn't to quit, but I kept hanging on. When I finally got serious I did whatever it took to get sober. I now have over 9 years.
The key is you have to completely surrender.
The key is you have to completely surrender.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 61
Tonight, I will attend the dinner party because I never go anywhere. And I mean NEVER. I'm a hermit. I hole myself up in my house with the curtains drawn and just sit and drink. Alone. Going out will be good for me. When I feel loved and cared for (which is something I never had as a child and took me 26 years to learn, I'm 28 btw) I don't need alcohol, but when I feel alone and unloved, I drink. I said in a previous post that my boyfriend of 2 years just moved out and my drinking got heavier. I don't know how to sit alone at home and just deal with feeling slighted and shoved aside, so I drink until those feelings go away. It's my fault he left. I wasn't taking my mood stabilizer and I was horrible to him. I thought that I could beat the bi-polar. I thought my mind was strong enough to kill it. He couldn't handle my ups and downs anymore so I got back on my meds, but started to drink because I was so heartbroken and alone. I can't deal with being unloved.
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Klia.... Something you said hit me....
I have felt with this. Even this morning I was looking at many friends kids on Facebook and thought what would I be if I was given that kind of love as a child. It must feel awesome to have a parent care what I did or who I was with.
My point is simple.... I could never stop drinking until I realized I need to love myself. No one was going to come along and love me enough for me to stop.
Please think about that and consider the fact that you are a lovable person... And that self love is the most important kind of love.
You are worth getting sober... Now you need to believe that.
All my best to you!
Ken
When I feel loved and cared for (which is something I never had as a child and took me 26 years to learn, I'm 28 btw) I don't need alcohol, but when I feel alone and unloved, I drink.
My point is simple.... I could never stop drinking until I realized I need to love myself. No one was going to come along and love me enough for me to stop.
Please think about that and consider the fact that you are a lovable person... And that self love is the most important kind of love.
You are worth getting sober... Now you need to believe that.
All my best to you!
Ken
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
When I feel loved and cared for (which is something I never had as a child and took me 26 years to learn, I'm 28 btw) I don't need alcohol, but when I feel alone and unloved, I drink.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Many times. I had a consciousness that I was drinking too much at one point, soon found out there was more involved in quitting than I thought (despite my best resolves, I'd only last a few days). It was at that point that I sought some outside help.
Even then, I had a few more relapses before managing to get 2 years plus sober, a feat I once would've thought impossible.
I do however know some people who quit without relapsing, so it's not always a given in recovery.
There is no 'right time' to quit I don't think. I spent several years, most of my thirties, waiting for the right time to quit, I'd always find some reason to put it off a bit longer. I hate to be depressing but there are some people who will die still waiting for the right time. They'll either think they're not ready or conversely, they might think that they're 'too far gone'.
An unfortunate thing I think is that people tend to focus on the extreme end of alcoholism, the stereotype example, before they will admit there is a problem. There are many points of progression, and in the middle is tolerance, which sadly gives the illusion that the person is in fact in control when they are in fact consuming more and becoming more dependent.
I'd advise you to inform yourself of recovery options, testimonies etc. To me what defined my alcoholism was my mental obsession over it, the emotional/spiritual bankruptcy etc. I didn't have to be arrested, have an accident, lose money etc.
Even then, I had a few more relapses before managing to get 2 years plus sober, a feat I once would've thought impossible.
I do however know some people who quit without relapsing, so it's not always a given in recovery.
There is no 'right time' to quit I don't think. I spent several years, most of my thirties, waiting for the right time to quit, I'd always find some reason to put it off a bit longer. I hate to be depressing but there are some people who will die still waiting for the right time. They'll either think they're not ready or conversely, they might think that they're 'too far gone'.
An unfortunate thing I think is that people tend to focus on the extreme end of alcoholism, the stereotype example, before they will admit there is a problem. There are many points of progression, and in the middle is tolerance, which sadly gives the illusion that the person is in fact in control when they are in fact consuming more and becoming more dependent.
I'd advise you to inform yourself of recovery options, testimonies etc. To me what defined my alcoholism was my mental obsession over it, the emotional/spiritual bankruptcy etc. I didn't have to be arrested, have an accident, lose money etc.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Originally Posted by Weasel1966
No one was going to come along and love me enough for me to stop.
Our addictions are quick to point to a void in our lives, and say, "See, that's why you can't quit. Maybe when that hole is filled, maybe then you'll be able to quit. But not now. Not yet." There's always something for the addiction to point to. Some deep regret, some unfulfilled ambition. Relationships, jobs, the city we live in—there's always something that needs to change.
I suspect many people let their entire lives slip away waiting for the change to come, without realizing that they've been looking at the thing backwards the whole time. We have to stop drinking first. Then we're in a position to begin addressing the rest.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 198
Although my DOC was opiates... I relapsed more times than I remember. I knew I had to quit for years before I ever wanted to... and even once I wanted to it took more years "waiting for the right time" before I ever gave it a serious go.
For me, the time was never going to be right. I was never going to be "ready". I just had to do it.
Took probably at least a half dozen serious attempts before I found any success.
50 days clean & sober. We did it, you can too!
For me, the time was never going to be right. I was never going to be "ready". I just had to do it.
Took probably at least a half dozen serious attempts before I found any success.
50 days clean & sober. We did it, you can too!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 61
I don't love myself and I don't know why. I have a lovely singing voice, I'm a talented song writer and painter, I have the best sense of humor, I'm very unique, and I have a pretty face. I know these things, but I still don't love myself and THAT'S my biggest problem. That's why I drink. I'm afraid to quit because then I'll just have to be with me and I don't like me even though I have all of these awesome qualities. I've been in therapy for 2 years and nothing helps. More than anything, I want to love me.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Central New Jersey, USA
Posts: 1,345
I feel so bad for all of you who didn't as children feel loved. I have always been very loved. (Not feeling loved for me was my own fault not my parents or family or husband - who showed love that I simply did not recognize.) I must caution though - even when I feel very loved - I still want to drink - so be careful when the love comes to keep your guard up because love isn't the only answer to this particular probelm
A simple guy making his way
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Klia.... What does loving yourself mean to you?
That's real important because I could not find anything I liked or could list anything good about me. Unlike you who can say the great things about you so easily.
Maybe you just don't know what it means to love yourself.
To me? It's the understanding I give myself when I mess up. The reassurance I can try again.
To me? It's finding ways to give those gifts I do have freely to others so they feel love.
To me? It's taking a moment to look around me and know I am part of something larger than me and that I have something to contribute. Large or small I can. So I do.
There are many ways to express self love. They are not alway characteristics of one self. For me it is an expression of myself.
Painting... Singing... They are true expressions of self love... In my humble opinion.
That's real important because I could not find anything I liked or could list anything good about me. Unlike you who can say the great things about you so easily.
Maybe you just don't know what it means to love yourself.
To me? It's the understanding I give myself when I mess up. The reassurance I can try again.
To me? It's finding ways to give those gifts I do have freely to others so they feel love.
To me? It's taking a moment to look around me and know I am part of something larger than me and that I have something to contribute. Large or small I can. So I do.
There are many ways to express self love. They are not alway characteristics of one self. For me it is an expression of myself.
Painting... Singing... They are true expressions of self love... In my humble opinion.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 61
I'm so happy I came here. You guys are great. You all make me think from a different perspective.
Weasel: I'm not sure what loving myself means. Yes, I do find it easy to look from the outside and see my charming qualities, but I still feel that I don't love myself. The only times I've felt that I 'loved myself' were when others loved me. That's kinda messed up right? But it's true. When my ex loved me and I knew it and I felt it, I loved me too. Him loving me made me see that I'm worthy of good things, but when he left, I began to doubt myself again.
I know it might seem ignorant to base your self worth on someone else loving you, but that's how it works for me.
Even more than drinking, I have a problem with self love and that's the root of my drinking. That I know. But how do I fix it? I have no idea.
Weasel: I'm not sure what loving myself means. Yes, I do find it easy to look from the outside and see my charming qualities, but I still feel that I don't love myself. The only times I've felt that I 'loved myself' were when others loved me. That's kinda messed up right? But it's true. When my ex loved me and I knew it and I felt it, I loved me too. Him loving me made me see that I'm worthy of good things, but when he left, I began to doubt myself again.
I know it might seem ignorant to base your self worth on someone else loving you, but that's how it works for me.
Even more than drinking, I have a problem with self love and that's the root of my drinking. That I know. But how do I fix it? I have no idea.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Kila,
I wish I knew what to write. I want to write something that you will find comforting and beneficial; however I am not the best with words.
It is not always easy to love yourself. I think that society thinks because you are attractive or pretty that you must be happy and love yourself.
I had had times when it is hard to accept and love myself, but I think that is where you need to focus your energy. How you get there I'm not sure. I do like the comments weasel wrote. I think contributing and giving something back to society is a source of achievement to alot of people.
You are unique. You are you. You will make mistakes (don't we all), and you are not perfect (who is). Be kind to yourself, and know that you deserve to love yourself.
Please keep posting!
Jim
I wish I knew what to write. I want to write something that you will find comforting and beneficial; however I am not the best with words.
It is not always easy to love yourself. I think that society thinks because you are attractive or pretty that you must be happy and love yourself.
I had had times when it is hard to accept and love myself, but I think that is where you need to focus your energy. How you get there I'm not sure. I do like the comments weasel wrote. I think contributing and giving something back to society is a source of achievement to alot of people.
You are unique. You are you. You will make mistakes (don't we all), and you are not perfect (who is). Be kind to yourself, and know that you deserve to love yourself.
Please keep posting!
Jim
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