'at least I didn't get drunk...'
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,608
'at least I didn't get drunk...'
It seems I'm seeing people saying this more and more often here these days....
I've actually been waiting for a day when I haven't seen it here, so I can post this and not have people think I'm picking on them...
but everyday I see some one post saying 'hey I drank, but at least I didn't get drunk'
I understand to a certain extent because I used to do the same.
When I was trying to get a handle on my drinking, not getting drunk was an achievement, a victory - it was hope to me, somewhere deep in me, that hey maybe I could control my drinking whenever I wanted....at the very least it was proof I was 'getting better'...
If I really looked back at my history I'd have seen the times when I drank 'like a gentleman' were the rare exception, not the rule.
I had 100s, maybe 1000s, of times where I got wasted and embarrassed or hurt myself or others - but I'd always go back to those handful of times where I'd had a glass or two and 'nothing happened'.
I really wanted to be a normal drinker, so I guess it's not surprising I clung to those few nights....but I'd always return to my normal pattern of drinking.
Looking back now, the truth was I was a blackout alcoholic drinker who sometimes had a 'normal' drinking experience - it was blind luck, not good management.
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
I've actually been waiting for a day when I haven't seen it here, so I can post this and not have people think I'm picking on them...
but everyday I see some one post saying 'hey I drank, but at least I didn't get drunk'
I understand to a certain extent because I used to do the same.
When I was trying to get a handle on my drinking, not getting drunk was an achievement, a victory - it was hope to me, somewhere deep in me, that hey maybe I could control my drinking whenever I wanted....at the very least it was proof I was 'getting better'...
If I really looked back at my history I'd have seen the times when I drank 'like a gentleman' were the rare exception, not the rule.
I had 100s, maybe 1000s, of times where I got wasted and embarrassed or hurt myself or others - but I'd always go back to those handful of times where I'd had a glass or two and 'nothing happened'.
I really wanted to be a normal drinker, so I guess it's not surprising I clung to those few nights....but I'd always return to my normal pattern of drinking.
Looking back now, the truth was I was a blackout alcoholic drinker who sometimes had a 'normal' drinking experience - it was blind luck, not good management.
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
SoberOutlook
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 3,089
Amen, Dee. Its amazing how cunning the drink is with our psyches. And what a necessity the raw truth is for our sobriety. The courage to be honest with ourselves can break the spell that alcohol has on us, but that same antidote must be applied each day, and we must keep ourselves cognizant daily of the threat alcohol poses in our lives.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Dee it is now more apparent to me that there is a lead up to drinking that clearly is a big part of the problem and unless that is addressed the drinking will occur.
It seems that there is a point at which drinking will occur even though it has not occurred. I know from my efforts to get sober I would start of with the intention of not drinking, get ambivalent and restless then decide. After that the restlessness would settle down even whislt driving to get the booze thinking to myself that I have made the wrong decsion, but at that point I never reveresed it.
It seems that there is a point at which drinking will occur even though it has not occurred. I know from my efforts to get sober I would start of with the intention of not drinking, get ambivalent and restless then decide. After that the restlessness would settle down even whislt driving to get the booze thinking to myself that I have made the wrong decsion, but at that point I never reveresed it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
Very true, Dee. Every time I drank after making that firm decision to quit, I was moving farther from recovery. It didn't matter if it was one drink or a one year, 24/7 binge, the result fed that delusion that, as an alcoholic, I could handle drinking now and again. AA calls it the 'great obsession of every abnormal drinker.'
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I'm a little confused. I don't read every thread, not by a long shot, but usually when I read that someone had a drink, but stopped before bender mode, it was because they caught themselves, and this time were able to say "what the heck am I doing, I do NOT want this anymore"
rather than trying to convince themselves that they could be a social drinker.
But I've not been in recovery, or clean nearly as long as others, so I may not smell the dishonesty in those posts.
For me catching myself, and applying tools I've learned...nothing changes if nothing changes, but now making changes...as in , well, I had one...might as well make a night of it, is a victory, is a step towards recovery.
In early recovery we begin to learn to catch ourselves before we take the plunge. We begin to see our triggers, the thinking that gets us nowhere but wasted, our own dishonesty etc. Ideally we always catch ourselves before we take the first hit, but sometimes not.
I guess I feel like it's how we apply our experience that really shows if we are moving forwards or backwards, and maybe, like identifying as an addict in the first place, only the person themselves knows in their heart whether they are or aren't.
Maybe I am only kidding myself or lying to myself. Let me know if you smell dishonesty or disaster in my post, I am here to learn. My recovery has been far from perfect. But I have the tools now to look back and see what thinking and behavior caused me to slip into the ditch, and what thinking and behavior led to me climbing right out rather than wallowing in the mud.
I understand that slips and relapses are inherently life or death situations. People don't always make it back. Saying they are "ok" and happen to everyone IS a risky thing to do, because a mind looking for an excuse to drink can run all the way to the bar with that one, and lie to themselves that it's really a step towards recovery.
but then honesty IS the key.
Addicts being honest with themselves, but also recovering addicts being honest with newcomers.
I wouldn't recommend slips and relapses to anyone, and there are people who NEVER make it back from one, but the one's that do suit up and show up the next morning do have something positive to acknowledge in themselves, imo. The people who had one, and then said "whoa" and got online here instead of inline for another drink, and then got honest about it, are doing a whole lot of right.
I truly DO see the slippery slope with condoning "well one isn't SO bad", but also the wisdom in saying "you did great to stop and get right back on track"
Recovery for me hasn't been black and white, total success or total failure.
Like I said though, maybe you and I are talking about different posts. Or maybe I am still lying to myself.
rather than trying to convince themselves that they could be a social drinker.
But I've not been in recovery, or clean nearly as long as others, so I may not smell the dishonesty in those posts.
For me catching myself, and applying tools I've learned...nothing changes if nothing changes, but now making changes...as in , well, I had one...might as well make a night of it, is a victory, is a step towards recovery.
In early recovery we begin to learn to catch ourselves before we take the plunge. We begin to see our triggers, the thinking that gets us nowhere but wasted, our own dishonesty etc. Ideally we always catch ourselves before we take the first hit, but sometimes not.
I guess I feel like it's how we apply our experience that really shows if we are moving forwards or backwards, and maybe, like identifying as an addict in the first place, only the person themselves knows in their heart whether they are or aren't.
Maybe I am only kidding myself or lying to myself. Let me know if you smell dishonesty or disaster in my post, I am here to learn. My recovery has been far from perfect. But I have the tools now to look back and see what thinking and behavior caused me to slip into the ditch, and what thinking and behavior led to me climbing right out rather than wallowing in the mud.
I understand that slips and relapses are inherently life or death situations. People don't always make it back. Saying they are "ok" and happen to everyone IS a risky thing to do, because a mind looking for an excuse to drink can run all the way to the bar with that one, and lie to themselves that it's really a step towards recovery.
but then honesty IS the key.
Addicts being honest with themselves, but also recovering addicts being honest with newcomers.
I wouldn't recommend slips and relapses to anyone, and there are people who NEVER make it back from one, but the one's that do suit up and show up the next morning do have something positive to acknowledge in themselves, imo. The people who had one, and then said "whoa" and got online here instead of inline for another drink, and then got honest about it, are doing a whole lot of right.
I truly DO see the slippery slope with condoning "well one isn't SO bad", but also the wisdom in saying "you did great to stop and get right back on track"
Recovery for me hasn't been black and white, total success or total failure.
Like I said though, maybe you and I are talking about different posts. Or maybe I am still lying to myself.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
That is right, I had a similar pattern, until I realized that what I was doing wasn't doing my recovery any good. It's not just about the quantity you have, that small amount can have a massive impact on your being. Though it is preferable to be able to stop yourself before you do yourself some real harm. Some people once started think 'Okay I messed up, I might as well get totally wasted now.' But I know what you're getting at.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 462
That's a great post Dee. So very true of my drinking days....
In reality, the only time I didn't get drunk is because of circumstances, if I'd had the chance, I'd have got drunk every time I drank, end of - sad but true
x
In reality, the only time I didn't get drunk is because of circumstances, if I'd had the chance, I'd have got drunk every time I drank, end of - sad but true
x
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,608
This is not about lecturing - just advice drawn from my own experience...which is no better btw than yours or anyone elses Threshold 
I went to some pains to not single anyone out here and I hope no one feels I have.
I don't want to disillusion anybody or discourage them - but I don't want to steer them wrong either, y'know?
I do read every thread in the forum. I've been waiting for a chance to bring this up for a while - I think it's good to talk out this kind of stuff.
I guess it boils down to what each of us thinks is the best support - do we tell someone it's good they stopped at two, or do we try to get people to dig a little deeper and see that every drink really can keep us in the cycle, and maybe it's better to reach out and find support before they take the first drink?
D
I went to some pains to not single anyone out here and I hope no one feels I have.
I don't want to disillusion anybody or discourage them - but I don't want to steer them wrong either, y'know?
I do read every thread in the forum. I've been waiting for a chance to bring this up for a while - I think it's good to talk out this kind of stuff.
I guess it boils down to what each of us thinks is the best support - do we tell someone it's good they stopped at two, or do we try to get people to dig a little deeper and see that every drink really can keep us in the cycle, and maybe it's better to reach out and find support before they take the first drink?
D
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
This argument comes up quite frequently. I do not believe that relapses are part of recovery, relapse prevention methods are more ideal. The reality though is that they are common in early sobriety, some people manage to avoid them, but stats are that more will have relapses before attaining sustained recovery. I always regretted my relapses, but kept trying and am glad I didn't just give up.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Ohio
Posts: 818
This was very helpful as I'm just beginning to gain some understanding of my relationship with alcohol. Most of the time, I didn't get what I called drunk", but my norm was to have a nightly buzz. Yes, I counted nights of reduced consumption as victories ... and they were in the sense that they were the result of a conscious effort to cut back.
What I'm beginning to recognize now, however, is how I was still needing alcohol. Yes, some nights I didn't drink as much, but I still was drinking. Why? Even now (Day 3), I have visions of being a moderate drinker. Why? Why is it so important to have that one, two, three drinks?
Thank you for the post.
What I'm beginning to recognize now, however, is how I was still needing alcohol. Yes, some nights I didn't drink as much, but I still was drinking. Why? Even now (Day 3), I have visions of being a moderate drinker. Why? Why is it so important to have that one, two, three drinks?
Thank you for the post.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
I can totally relate. I would also point out to people who manage to control their intake for a night.... was it fun? Did you have that big sigh of relaxation at the end of the night after your 2 drinks? Happily go pour a cup of tea to cap off the night? Or did you sit there counting back the drinks.... looking at the clock... calculating drinks per hour... trying to convince yourself that one more in that timeframe would still keep you in the 'normal' range?
For an alcoholic, drinking in moderation is no fun. And no good can come of it!!
For an alcoholic, drinking in moderation is no fun. And no good can come of it!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Washington
Posts: 879
I agree. I could get blackout drunk for 100 days straight and then moderate for one and think "hey I can do it"...how ludicrous, the justification. And if I happened to be in a situation where I had to moderate as there was no booze, I was 100% obsessed on getting the hell out of there to get my booze. Couldn't enjoy anything, so complete was my addiction 
Thankful to be sober.
Thankful to be sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: MI
Posts: 306
Originally Posted by LoftyIdeals 
Amen, Dee. Its amazing how cunning the drink is with our psyches. And what a necessity the raw truth is for our sobriety. The courage to be honest with ourselves can break the spell that alcohol has on us, but that same antidote must be applied each day, and we must keep ourselves cognizant daily of the threat alcohol poses in our lives.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: St Louis Missouri
Posts: 71
My experience was 7.5 years of sobriety. Not a sip of alcohol, all the while working/managing a bar. Whatever the circumstances (that's an excuse, and another story) I decided I could manage drinking again.....WRONG.....I've been in a blackout for 3 years. It took no time at all to get back to exactly the amount I was drinking previous to 7+ years without....
Today I embrace day 10. Starting all over, and getting "me" back. I'm very ashamed of what I did, (again, another story) but I have to live with myself, and I prefer the sober self. It is a sad thing to beat yourself up. I pray that I won't screw this up again. I KNOW I can't have one or two....that thinking led me to missing out on 3 years of my life. I should be celebrating 10 years of sobriety instead I've got 10 days. 10 great days. I am so thankful for this community, it has helped me immensely. Hugs to all !
Today I embrace day 10. Starting all over, and getting "me" back. I'm very ashamed of what I did, (again, another story) but I have to live with myself, and I prefer the sober self. It is a sad thing to beat yourself up. I pray that I won't screw this up again. I KNOW I can't have one or two....that thinking led me to missing out on 3 years of my life. I should be celebrating 10 years of sobriety instead I've got 10 days. 10 great days. I am so thankful for this community, it has helped me immensely. Hugs to all !
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 46
Thanks Dee, I know I've done this a few times since my journey began 
I really do have to agree with Threshold as well in that while I've had a few slips, I haven't returned to the darkness. I've been reading a lot of the threads on here and quite a few people go all out when they fall off. Of course they regret it, but there is something to be said in my opinion for catching yourself before it is too late. The key, as was pointed out, is not letting a "successful" night of drinking trick us into thinking we can control it. Not getting drunk for me is a big deal. I can't think of one time while I was drinking that I didn't. I don't want to drink, and I feel very few people can go from full blown alcoholic to stopped for life in one step. I believe that one should be proud when they catch themselves on the occasions when they slip. Sure it isn't as good as total abstinence, but it is certainly better than a full blown binge. This process is all about steps and for others like myself, not getting drunk is a huge one. I haven't had a drink at all since Saturday and I haven't been drunk (or even buzzed) since I joined SR. I'm not perfect, but I am on the path to recovery. If I should find myself with a drink in my hand and not go for a refill, I'm calling that a success and anyone who knows me will agree.
I really do have to agree with Threshold as well in that while I've had a few slips, I haven't returned to the darkness. I've been reading a lot of the threads on here and quite a few people go all out when they fall off. Of course they regret it, but there is something to be said in my opinion for catching yourself before it is too late. The key, as was pointed out, is not letting a "successful" night of drinking trick us into thinking we can control it. Not getting drunk for me is a big deal. I can't think of one time while I was drinking that I didn't. I don't want to drink, and I feel very few people can go from full blown alcoholic to stopped for life in one step. I believe that one should be proud when they catch themselves on the occasions when they slip. Sure it isn't as good as total abstinence, but it is certainly better than a full blown binge. This process is all about steps and for others like myself, not getting drunk is a huge one. I haven't had a drink at all since Saturday and I haven't been drunk (or even buzzed) since I joined SR. I'm not perfect, but I am on the path to recovery. If I should find myself with a drink in my hand and not go for a refill, I'm calling that a success and anyone who knows me will agree.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Dee74
Looking back now, the truth was I was a blackout alcoholic drinker who sometimes had a 'normal' drinking experience - it was blind luck, not good management.
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by Dee
Please don't fall for the same lies I did for all those years.
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
Alcohol and I have a disastrous relationship. My drinking caused me immense pain and suffering, and it damn near destroyed me and all I loved....
if I drink - even one or two glasses - it's anything but a triumph.
D
Originally Posted by Dee
I guess it boils down to what each of us thinks is the best support - do we tell someone it's good they stopped at two, or do we try to get people to dig a little deeper and see that every drink really can keep us in the cycle, and maybe it's better to reach out and find support before they take the first drink?
D
D
Thanks for being you and speaking up.
Rock on.
Yeah, we gotta stop at that first drink before we take it. Absolutely before we take that next drink. It can be done. Sobriety is not the impossible dream. With some courage the way forward resolves into a real life of freedom from that next first drink. Surrender is the key that unlocks the mystery before us.
Robby
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
