bostonluv

Hi all,

I was very active on this site for several months last year and was sober from alcohol almost four months. During this time my vicodin use increased. I did the ole switch-a-roo. Swapping one problem for another. Eventually I switched from vicodin to oxy with the encouragement of my bf. Better for my liver, I'm more productive, I can take less of it, etc. You know, lots of reasoning and excuses.

Currently, I have not been drinking and I don't miss it. Probably because I am nauseous 24/7. I also went through a period where I would break out in welts and hives all over my body and face even from very small amounts of opiate (10 mg). I feel like my body is shutting down on me as I can not hold down liquids or food especially in the mornings on most days. I plan to cold turkey it next weekend. I have five days off in a row from the 20th to the 24th. I wish I could do it sooner honestly but I don't have enough days in a row to get well from the wd until then. I started a liquid diet with lots of vitamins to help get my body get in good enough shape to do the detox and be back on my feet ready to work on Wednesday the 25th.

I will need your support and will do my best to support others. I will also need to find a recovery program so that I don't end up switching my drugs or going back to alcohol. I'm scared of course but hopeful. Being ill every day is a good motivator. My goal is to keep my mind more open to a recovery program, to not allow anyone on here to chase me off, ignore the negative and embrace the positive and hopefully live a sober, productive and *possibly* joyous life.

Thank you for listening.

Kathleen

christin1225

Kathleen,

Welcome back! What you have indicated about your health concerns me. Have you spoken with a doctor about your addiction and wanting to quit c/t? It's possible that the nausea, etc. is due to repeatedly putting your body in w/d but it could be something else also. Detoxing from oxys isn't deadly, but it will put a stress on your system. Would you be able to check with your doctor?

Nallabelle

Well congrats on quitting the booze. How much oxy are you taking per day on average? Is your family supportive? Stay on this site before, during, and after your detox. Depending on how much you are taking I think 4 days should be close to enough. I mean you might not be 100% but you should be GETTING better I think.
I would begin now tapering down. if you cant taper down at all with self control then the thought that you can quit cold turkey and stay quit seems unrealistic. Tapering can only help.
Also I dont totally understand the liquid diet...? I would be eating protein and potassium. There is also a ton of info online about detoxing at home (meds, vitamins, etc) I am using in part the Thomas recipe (google it).
Good luck to you. At least now you know you cant take alcohol or drugs. Stay away from both if you cant control yourself.

bostonluv

Hi Christin,


I'm also concerned but don't know how to brooch this issue with my doctor. I'm embarssed and I have no idea how he would react.

Nallabelle

Hey if you dont mind letting me know how much youre taking I can offer some insight on your detox. Also I think the key to talking to your doctor is going to be being honest and accountable. I told my doc and I was really nervous. I didnt want to be judged or catogorized. It wont be the first time hes heard it though, I promise.

amirose

I think most doctors have respect for someone who is admitting they think they might be addicted and asks them for help... that has been my experience. What they tend to look down on is the drug seeking visits, not the I'm in trouble and need help visits. I know it's hard, but once you get the words out of your mouth, you'll probably feel SOOO much better! It is a HUGE step towards the light. Remember you are not alone, many of us have been or are right there with you.

Stagebear

I think you've already guessed that that's not sober. But it seems like you want it now. I haven't had a drink in 5 or so years but sacrificed my sobriety on the opiate altar.

You need medical attention. You state you would be embarrassed. But you need medical attention.

Gently put, your best "plans" have gotten you back here.

What are you waiting for? Until you begin your "plan"? Go now. Find an NA or AA meeting...go and listen.

I wasn't here when you were here before, but am sure I will be one of those who you perceive as "negative" 'cause there won't be a whole lotta hugs right away. The reason, simply put, is you are trying to control this as you controlled your "sobriety" before. it didn't work and your body is telling you it needs help.

Hoping you don't wait until you seek help, I remain,

lostbutterfly

((Kathleen)) nice to see you back. Did you go to AA when you gave up the drink? It might be worth trying a few meetings if you didn't try them before. NA too - but they are basically the same. I find I prefer AA, I relate more, longer sobriety among the members and I'm an alkie on top of the other stuff as well - hey, any chemical will do!!

Do you have five days off and the weekends on either side? Also, try taper as much as you can before your detox. It will help.

All the best, keep posting. There are so many people here who have been through the same thing. I find a danger time for me is when I start feeling better physically, after having been through w/d's and all the symptoms of my pill use start fading. That is when I forget about the bad stuff and usually slip up again.

bostonluv

Hey Lost Butterfly,

It's good to hear from you. I hope you are doing well in trying to be opiate free. I'm glad you are still on here as you are one of the few people I know.

To Nallabelle and the others: I actually don't have medical right now so it's really not an option. Otherwise I agree with you - a doctor would be a good idea right now (embarssed or not)I am supporting myself through freelance projects and also a company I work for part time. I use between 60-80 mg (1 pill of oxy) per day. I take it orally. I do not shoot it or snort it.

Bear - "There won't be hugs right away" Puh-leeze. Who asked for them? Don't want a hug, don't need to be shamed or mocked and don't need a lecture. I was simply asking for advice and/or support. That's all.

Also, if you don't like my plan then give an alternative instead of just shooting down my enthusiasm to give this a go. It's hard enough to muster up the courage to show my face on here and ask in the first place. Thank you Christin and Lostbutterfly for your comments.

Nallabelle

Oh wow thats not TOO bad! Have you considered tapering off by maybe cutting the pill. If you do, let me know and I can tell you what worked for me. Also I didnt have insurance either and saved up and went to the doctor anyway. Wasnt that expenisve and I did it because I had to do whatever necessary to increase my chances of sucess.

bostonluv

Nallabelle,

After reading more posts and these responses I realize my chances of getting through cold turkey are probably very slim. I need to save up and go see a doctor and fix this mess I've gotten myself into. I feel very hopeless today but it was just a reality check. I guess I needed that. Not so sure. Maybe it would have worked if I had gotten the go team! go! Maybe not. I just have to believe there is hope. It can't be this hopeless...

Nallabelle

You are definitely not beyond hope! Your addiction seems TO ME to be more mental than physical. At 60-80mg a day, you are going to have a lot easier time with this than the majority of people on this site. There is no magic pill that the doctor will give you. He can help and monitor the situation though. That is, unless you want to go on methadone or suboxone which is totally your choice though I dont see as necessary. Anyway if you want a good taper schedule, let me know.
Lesley

Angelic17

Bostonluv, I have been where you are, and wanted to clean up for many years. I stayed addicted to opiates for 10 yrs. I always had an excuse for myself. I had no medical, my job, my back hurts, or whatever. Part of me wanted to get straight, and the other part of me didn't want to do the work. It wasn't until I finally got so sick and tired of going to doctors, who never gave me enough of them anyway, and weird looks and arguments from pharmacists, not to mention the feeling of betrayal towards my poor innocent husband who never knew, that I decided to do the work. I anticipated this awful withdrawal, which was mostly in my mind. For me it was much easier than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong it was no bed of roses, and alot of cravings in the early stages of recovery. Sometimes if you just give it a shot, you might realize that it's not as bad as you think. When I finally stopped, I was so happy to be free, I was proud of myself. From what I have heard, and understand Oxy's are tough to get off of. You should consider some professional advice. There is so much help out there for drug and alcohol addiction, and it can be kept anonomous. If you have no coverage or money, there are some treatment centers that will guide you for free. Or depending on your income charge a few dollars a day. I'm routing for you. I know how tough it is. I wish you the peace and freedom of being drug free. Angel :ghug3

Stagebear

But all you got out of my post was the "hugs" thing.

You posted red flags all over your original post.

You asked for suggestions. If someone says they are in severe medical distress, I suggest a doctor. If someone says they can't stay "sober", I suggest AA/NA. So, I gave you an alternative to CT detox on your own.

I've done it again, folks. So.. here goes:
Big hug from the bear. :ghug3

bostonluv

Angel,

I do want to do the work. That's why I laid out my plan but it seemed that people were saying it couldn't be done without a doctor and I felt defeated by the comments. Otherwise, I would love to stick to my plan and just do this on the 20th. Get through withdrawal and seek recovery/sobriety. I really am ill and think I actually might feel better after I go through the wd part of this..........

Belle: What kind of taper schedule to do you suggest?

bostonluv

I don't want to and am not going to fight with you Bear.

Stagebear

(bolds mine)
An amazing response. Spot on. When I grow up I want to be this on the mark.

Nallabelle

Not a doctor and dont play one on TV. Just telling you what worked for me/could work for you:

Ok First of all, Oxy w/d isnt easy of course. No one said it will be. But I am going to once again say this. You are on a VERY VERY managable amount of opiate. Oxy or not (which of course is going to be stronger than vicodin, etc) 60-80mg is NOT that bad. People on this site have detoxed at home, alone with CHILDREN on 5 times the amount you are taking and I am not exaggerating.
I am not making light of your situation at all. Just saying it could be worse and it can be done.
If I were in your position this is what I would do: You have 5 days (starting tomorrow, the 15th) to taper down. Wont help much because that isnt long enough but it definitely wont hurt either. I would decrease your dose by 20% a day for those 5 days which will bring you to zero by the 20th.
Do as much research as you can on the thomas recipe and anything you can find related to home detox. Here is what I would start taking tomorrow: Cranberry pills, multi vitamin, gatorade to start flushing you out, soup and easy food
Get from store for the 20th: magnesium pills, immodium (specifically, NOT pepto), benadryl (youll need it to sleep plus you will get runny nose, sneezing, etc), melatonin, chamamile tea (taste like **** but it helps), L-tyrosine (a must trust me I just went through this). Umm I am probably forgetting something and if I do I will let you know. None of this stuff is expensive. If you have like 40 bucks you should be good.
You have to want to do this. You have to or you are wasting your time.

Angelic17

Nallabelle, great advice for Bostonluv. I used everyone of those methods, and they helped me alot. Hey Bostonluv, You can do this. You don't need a dr.But seeing one isn't a bad idea. Usually they just give you more pills, like suboxone or something else that you have to kick. I was only suggesting one so you would feel safer. Only you can control you. We are all right here routing for you. It's mostly mental, and very little physical. If getting clean were easy, there would be no addicts. Don't be scared, cause there's nothing to be scared of. Hang in there. :ghug3

Angelic17

Thanks Bear, your really a nice guy, I think your misunderstood by some people at times. I know that you almost pi$$ed me off. But, then I realized your really sweet underneath it all.