mendingheart

I have met what seems to be a wonderful man, and he has the above. It is controlled by his meds which he takes regularly.
I am trying to understand this better....his OCD is in orderly fashion, not cleaning, but lining things up, or squaring off items. He also has a mild Turettes....no one would really notice it unless you were in his home, and then it seems to manifest when he is in another room, with little blurts. He seems totally normal when in a crowd of people, and I did not even see this for some time.
I am trying to find out what kind of bipolar he has, so I can take better care of me during the difficult times, should they arise. He says his meds have controlled many of these things.
I am finding some insecurities with the time issue. How do you find a balance that allows them to deal with it, and meet the needs of the normal routine?
He can go for days, loving .......and then need his cave time. We have talked about this, and he has agreed to try to express these feelings when they arise.
I guess I am waiting for the bomb to fall out from under this great thing we have, and so far, it has not. What should I be on the look out for? Any signs?
Any input would be greatly appreciated.
Mendingheart

historyteach

Here's a site that may help.
Bipolar II, Mood Swings without Mania; Brain Tours; Stress and Depression; Hormones and Mood; and more...
Each individual is different. If his symptoms are well controlled with meds, then you may be seeing all there is to see. Sometimes, there needs to be an adjustment in the meds though. Depending upon where he falls in the spectrum of the disorder, the symptomology will be different. Open communication is the best thing there is between the two of you.

Shalom!

mendingheart

Thanks teach. It has come to a head. He has felt the spiraling for a couple of weeks now, and basically is struggling to function I guess. He had a bout with the flu for about five days, and has not snapped out of it, or bounced back. We have gone from speaking, texting almost several times a day, to nothing. He says he cannot do for himself, much less be concerned about my feelings when he is in this place. He just had an appt. with his dr. last friday. Says he needs to pull back. I am trying to get it, however, it is difficult not to question how he can be so loving, and then nothing. I am using my codie tools, taking care of me, doing what I need to do. I either seem to separate totally, or be on the worry cycle of seeing all this in a turmoil. I am struggling with feeling secure in the midst. It comes in waves. I don't know if I am giving up, or just waiting to see when the storm blows over. Typically he says these feelings last for a few days. Anyone have any suggestions? Greatly appreciated.

indo

I would just take his word for it. The feelings will most likely go away in a few days.

mendingheart

Thank you for your help!

tinypeach

ohh, i have OCD and bipolar too! (rapid cycling bipolar I) he sounds a lot like me. if i can help in any way let me know, i know how difficult i for one am to deal with when i'm having one of my 'down periods' as i call them. is he in therapy? an honest and totally open discussion is probably best if you havent already...it took about 10 of those discussions with me and my current boyfriend until i was really 100% truthful about both my bipolar and OCD (i minimized/lied about the severity, and wouldnt tell him exactly how i feel for fear of losing him eg when i'm down - which for me personally tends to most often last days or weeks, sometimes more - i actually just hate everyone, and want complete solitude and resent everyone in my life)
hmm i dont think i've helped at all, but if there is anything i can help you with let me know. hope it is all going well.

mendingheart

tinypeach, thanks you have helped me more today than you know. It has been a week since we have last spoken, and I feel like he is in a desperate place. He will not answer nor return any calls, has disconnected his answering machine, and picked up the cell only to sit in silence for a very long time. I told him how much I cared, and it was going to be OK, but I needed some kind of input while this lasts.
I think he did not tell me how severe his was either. This is nothing like how he has been.
He told me his episodes, he had four last year, usually lasted about a few days. It has been two weeks, and out of that a week of total disappearance.
Do you have any interaction with your bf when this happens, or do you just need to be alone?
He was upfront with me from the beginning, but on his return to the dr. he mentioned she felt maybe being in a relationship would be too much for him at this time. He has not been in one for two years.....but felt good about himself. I think when he comes out of this, he will be very sorry for what has happened. I understand it is the bipolar, not him...but how would you suggest letting him know I am here for him when he comes out of this ??
Thank you.

mendingheart

Update, moved on and let it go. Thank you to those who offered some support to my questions. I have spoken with his brother, and this is typical of him. ..with many more hurtful stories. Apparently, they went for two years not speaking, and he said you never know what you will get. At least I have some peace of mind, and know it is time for me to move forward. He self medicates on top of the meds. I did not see this. Good hiding techniques! He seemed so together for about three months. Then the switch flipped,and he has disappeared permanently. Anyone feel like just running away and never speaking again? Hard to understand. I do not mind that he would want to leave ....but tell me what you need.!!! It is frustrating. Communication was an attraction initially.

least

Good communication is essential to a healthy loving relationship. I don't think I could have tolerated the lack of it either. Whatever you do, take care of yourself first.:ghug3

mendingheart

Thank you for your post. I have spoken with his brother, that states this has continued and affected many people over the years. I guess he was much worse than I ever knew.. I still have not ever heard from him again, and it has been over a month. He continues to tell family I am doing fine when they ask.?. Such a scary thought. How does he live with himself?

nandm

YOu might find this thread useful http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...lar-facts.html

evmdimples

Mending, I'm 3.5 wks. into breakup with GF who has been told is bipolar, definitely has OCD and I suspect has BPD... no therapy and she got off meds a few months ago... it was a year of... inconsistencies and me thinking I was losing my mind. That's the only way I can explain it. In the beginning I gave her the benefit of the doubt, blamed myself for... misunderstandings, miscommunications, stuff. But after a while, I realized something was wrong, same stories with different outcomes, all talk no substance, no communication about her needs, I asked repeatedly what she needed, she never said. And then outbursts about it being all about me... and lots of anger. It was so frustrating. I got into CoDA because of her. Thank god I have my CoDA tools to help me stay away, but it's the hardest thing to do, my CoDA is flaring up, guilt over leaving someone I love who is ill, but who isn't taking responsibility. And I'm just not strong enough to deal for her and for me. Stay strong.

elena