cinderellawkids

I need help with words describing why I feel Im in immenent danger to file a restraining order. ANyone have advice? Saying he's coming off a three day crack bingee will not cut it, sad huh.

I have to describe why I feel my safetys at stake, I dont but its the only way to get an injunction

Jewelz

I'm not sure..... are you able to refuse him coming back into your home or because your married you need to allow him inside...

Jewelz

cant you say he is using crack and that you dont want him around you and your children because then you and your kids safety is at stake.

pjbs55

You can say you feel that he might verbally and physically hurt you. He might damage the home, break things etc.
You could say that with him using drugs you never know what his actions will be towards you, that is the truth.
Good luck, I will pray that things work out for you

kj0975

yes I think jewelz hit the nail on the head

cinderellawkids

Im going to try that, all of it. Legally letting him in is a fine line. His Id shows the old residence. There is no lease here, the house is owned by my grandfather.
When I bring up he's an addict I am going to be investigated by CPS. Im trying to have everything in order to be ready for that. Im a good mom, Im not worried but it will be a bumpy road

Jewelz

are you sure that definately you will be investigated by cps..

You should talk to someone who knows the ins and outs of this stuff. There might be a nonprofit you can go to that can answer your questions and even maybe help you.

dollydo

I am a little confused, I thought you moved into your own home and that he was living the home that was for sale. Although, I have read your posts that you have let him stay with you, again.

If the home you are now in is in your grandfathers name, just change the locks and don't leave him back in, if he comes around and tries to get in, call the sheriff and then go for a restraining order.

However, if you get the order and don't enforce it, there is no point in doing it.

You toss him out, you take him back, you move, you take him back. Until you make up your mind, once and for all what you want and stick to your
decision, there is not a legal document on the face of the earth that will stop the cycle and the insanity.

I wish you the best.

cinderellawkids

Im sure, I researched it before, but he agreed to leave so I didnt pursue. My other option is Marchman acting him, basically court ordering for an evaluation for treatment. I wouldnt do it for him, have no faith in it, but it would get him out of my hair, he'd be afraid to come around me and have me know what he's up to because Id have the power to throw him in jail for using.

Once I have the garage door opener and car and all his things out of here, he cant come back because there would be nothing to show this is his residence.

Im just ready to break free now. This was the straw that did it before, and after weeks I bended, Im ready to go for it again

cinderellawkids

Dolly,
Im addictted to him. Thats a part of codependency. If I file a restraining order and CPS investigates I will not have the option of taking him back.

It makes sticking with it easier

hope213

just sending hugs,hope

Elana

Best wishes Cindy. You know I agreee 100% with Dolly but it is your choice and up to you.

It would seem to me that the time he put his hands around your neck coming off a crack binge might have some impact in the restraining order.

Having the paper will help but you have to have that line he cannot cross written in your heart.

Remember, as he begs you to come home, you are giving him the dignity to make his own choices. Abandoing you and his children with out a means of transportation was his choice. Going back to the Mistress of Addiction was his choice.

Allowing him to face his own life and his own problems are your choices.
(((Hugs)))

Brownie

Cinder - read your post before church and didn't get to reply until now. I just read your Just for today so I'm assuming you are feeling that you have enough to submit for a restraining order - such a difficult thing to do when you have kids - read some stuff this AM on the net something was mentioned about "fear of physical harm" - that's an awful thing to live with isn't Cinder? Is that how you would like to live? Is it a good example? Do you need to have your kids pass it on to theirs and theirs? I wish it would all go away for you and you live happily ever after. Let us know how you make your decision and best of luck - Sending Love and (((HUGS)))

kj0975

I agree until your stong enough to truley stand by it I wouldnt bother. To get CPS involved is alot of risk of loosing your kids because your addicted to him and stand the chance of taking him back. One of these times it will stick but until then I wouldnt do that. Especially if u will be investigated. U know if u are investegated they will pull your children out of class without your knowledge and question them on what goes on around the house. Trust me they feel this is the only way to get an honest answer out of a kid is to catch them off guard. What will they say? U can be the best mom in the world to them but if they say what they have seen and u havent dont anything who knows. Sorry Just went through this. Well my sister did because her kids rooms werent spotless they will pick on u if they know ANYTHING. If u thing there is a chance of CPS being called I wouldnt do it. Unless your kids have never been afraid of him seen him hit their mommy or strangle her or nasty fights guess what...........................?

cinderellawkids

Hopefully it will not get to that. I changed locks, have car and garage opener, his things out of here. He cannot get in now without breaking and entering. Some day Ill have to get him out of the other house but that is a whole separate legal battle, and who knows he could end up back in jail before then

As far as me all I can say Is I hav a lot of my own issues to work out including mental health issues and I have to take one day at a time

Elana

I think that you are doing the best you can Cindy.

You have more than one issue you are trying to deal with. I wish you the best.

I know sometimes my words may come at you as harsh. I do not mean them to. Life is harsh enough for you living with addiction ANd having other issues beyond that AND having children.

I will pray for you. See if you can get to an alanon meeting if you can (you said your boss is supporting this idea?) and then see if you can go to six meetings.. hard as that is.

Again, wishing you the best.

kj0975

U have done what u can and thats all that matters. The only point that I was trying to make is u yourself can be the best mom in the world when it comes to CPS its whats your kids see and live in is what matters. I guess is what I am trying to say is u may thing your kids live in a peaceful lovley all is well world but they see and hear everything. U promised them when he put his hand around YOUR throught that they would NEVER have to see anything like that again. Ok they havenet but till when......

cinderellawkids

I know KJ.
I have stuck with the boundary of nothing in this house though and him not drinking around me at all. The time I picked him up and discovered he was drunk I would not let him come here. Many things have been different, and I continue to grow.

I havent given up home on him finding recovery, but I no longer will be around while he does

kj0975

Alright I may come off as very harsh here and thats ok to me anyways. Ok now nothing in THIS house yet YOU know at the old house he USES the when all is said and done u let him come back to the other house then when he wants to use again well dump him off at the other house. Is the other house for sale yet? Or is that his playground? I dont mean to sound this harsh One time me and my sisiter where alone and my cracked out dad showed up out of the blue and tried to KILL US so know one would find out. My sister hid me under the bed and called the neighbors until they came in and said "blank" your messed up your kids arent here. Well we were and as I type this I have tears coming down my face of course my mother doesnt remember it we do and thats all that matters... HOW THE FCK COULD SHE IGNORE THAT?????????????????????

cinderellawkids

Im sorry that happened to you, all I can say is I told him last weekend that was enough, if he messed up this weekend he was not to come back and Im sticking with that. He never fully moved in here. His suitcase and tools were here, now they are not.