Hello
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Cape Town - South Africa
Posts: 36
Hello
Hi - my name is Michelle. I found SR a few days ago. I have to say that i thought i was nobody could understand how it felt to have someone you love addicted to drugs. In a way its kinda comforting to know im not alone.
Addiction runs in my family. My grandfather was an alcoholic. My uncle recently killed himself because he realised he couldnt stop drinking. He had been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. All he owned was a shoe box with a few things in it. My brother is 19. Im 16. Hes been an addict since he was 14. He has been in and out of rehab 4 times and every time he just gets worse. He steals, lies, yells and doesnt think he has a problem. Since i was 12, i have listened to screaming matches between my parents and my brother. My brother started off on dope and moved onto acid. Now hes a tik addict. He doesnt just take tik. He sells drugs too. He is extremely paranoid and thinks everyone is out to get him. He owes alot of people money and ive heard many times that me and my family are in danger. Weve had drug dealers come to our door with guns and demand money. My brother is being watched by the police and he could end up in jail very soon. It has come to the point where i fell absoloutly nothing for my brother. I am "numbed" towards him. I hate feeling this way. I wish there was something i could do for him but i know he is going to have to hit rock bottom before i can do anything.
Anyway, its just nice to know that there are people out there who can help even if its by saying something nice.
Addiction runs in my family. My grandfather was an alcoholic. My uncle recently killed himself because he realised he couldnt stop drinking. He had been an alcoholic since he was a teenager. All he owned was a shoe box with a few things in it. My brother is 19. Im 16. Hes been an addict since he was 14. He has been in and out of rehab 4 times and every time he just gets worse. He steals, lies, yells and doesnt think he has a problem. Since i was 12, i have listened to screaming matches between my parents and my brother. My brother started off on dope and moved onto acid. Now hes a tik addict. He doesnt just take tik. He sells drugs too. He is extremely paranoid and thinks everyone is out to get him. He owes alot of people money and ive heard many times that me and my family are in danger. Weve had drug dealers come to our door with guns and demand money. My brother is being watched by the police and he could end up in jail very soon. It has come to the point where i fell absoloutly nothing for my brother. I am "numbed" towards him. I hate feeling this way. I wish there was something i could do for him but i know he is going to have to hit rock bottom before i can do anything.
Anyway, its just nice to know that there are people out there who can help even if its by saying something nice.
Last edited by mish99; 03-12-2007 at 03:00 AM.
grateful rca
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: atlanta, ga.
Posts: 4,671
welcome to sr, you are so young, im sorry that you have a reason to be here but i am glad you are. you are so right, there is nothing that you can do to help your brother. you could try to introduce your parents to sr too, do you and your parents attend alanon or naranon meetings, there are also alateen meetings, maybe you can find one in your area. do what you can to take care of yourself and keep safe. sounds like you are living in a dangerous situation. i'm so sorry. i will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((mish))
Welcome to SR. I'm so glad you found this place. Your post captured my heart because certain aspects of it reminded me of "me" at that age.
I know I used to feel "numbed" and dis-associated to my whole family. I watched my brother destroy himself and every one around him. I was forced to be mature and grown up before I was even a teenager. At the age of 8, I was more mature and responsible than a lot of adults are in their 40's. It felt like the weight of my families problems were on my shoulders. I loved them. I wanted to help them and fix them. I wanted to make their lives easier, so they would be happy, so that I could be happy. No matter what I did, I couldn't help them. I just became numb, and sad, and depressed and finelly I became an old woman before the age of 18.
The numbness was just my mind self preserving me, because I could not handle the stress and the pain any more.
You have something that I didn't though. You have a support group here. You have information available to you to help you understand that you can't help your brother, you can only help yourself. You can love him with all your heart, without carrying the weight of all this on your shoulders.
I'm so drawn to just writing a book here for you about my own experience. But I realize there is so much that it would be overwhelming. So I'll end this post now, with letting you know, I care. Anything I can do to help you, just ask.
Sending you lots of hugs and Prayers
Ms B
Welcome to SR. I'm so glad you found this place. Your post captured my heart because certain aspects of it reminded me of "me" at that age.
I know I used to feel "numbed" and dis-associated to my whole family. I watched my brother destroy himself and every one around him. I was forced to be mature and grown up before I was even a teenager. At the age of 8, I was more mature and responsible than a lot of adults are in their 40's. It felt like the weight of my families problems were on my shoulders. I loved them. I wanted to help them and fix them. I wanted to make their lives easier, so they would be happy, so that I could be happy. No matter what I did, I couldn't help them. I just became numb, and sad, and depressed and finelly I became an old woman before the age of 18.
The numbness was just my mind self preserving me, because I could not handle the stress and the pain any more.
You have something that I didn't though. You have a support group here. You have information available to you to help you understand that you can't help your brother, you can only help yourself. You can love him with all your heart, without carrying the weight of all this on your shoulders.
I'm so drawn to just writing a book here for you about my own experience. But I realize there is so much that it would be overwhelming. So I'll end this post now, with letting you know, I care. Anything I can do to help you, just ask.
Sending you lots of hugs and Prayers
Ms B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Cape Town - South Africa
Posts: 36
Frankly - thank you so much! Everything you said is exactly what im feeling and going through. Just reading what people are saying on SR has helped me. You all are great!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
I had to look up what "tik" was on Google! Mish, you just hang in there gal, and take care of yourself because you are #1!! You seem like a very perceptive person for your age and you are absolutely right about your brother---you can't help him, only he can help himself. There is lots of good stuff on this forum about codependency and I highly recommend you read all the "stickies" at the top. Welcome and peace!
Just plainly tired
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: crossroads
Posts: 2,834
Welcome To SR and I am so happy you found us as well. You seem like a very bright and mature young lady. I will pray for you, your brother and your family.
I am also going to look up tik i never heard of that before as well.
Hugs,
jewel
I am also going to look up tik i never heard of that before as well.
Hugs,
jewel
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Cape Town - South Africa
Posts: 36
Hey guys!
Thank you for your support!
Im sorry, i should have explained what tik was. Its the common name in South Africa. Its chrystel meth but its "dirty" as my brother says. Its very cheap and very addictive!
Im so glad i found this site!
Thank you for your support!
Im sorry, i should have explained what tik was. Its the common name in South Africa. Its chrystel meth but its "dirty" as my brother says. Its very cheap and very addictive!
Im so glad i found this site!
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
Mish,
Glad to meet you, but sorry for the reasons that lead you here.
Plenty of great people are on these boards, and lots of support.
You already sound like you're well informed and realize there's nothing you can do to stop him.
Kick your shoes off, and get comfy...
glad you found us..
Glad to meet you, but sorry for the reasons that lead you here.
Plenty of great people are on these boards, and lots of support.
You already sound like you're well informed and realize there's nothing you can do to stop him.
Kick your shoes off, and get comfy...
glad you found us..
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Mish...
Welcome to SR!!! Read lots, post lots. We're glad you've found us. It's hard to walk this road dealing with addiction, and it helps knowing you are not alone. We're glad to have you with us, but OMG...you are soooo young to be facing all this stuff. I wish I had a magic wand to make it better for you, but unfortunately I cannot even help myself
Luckily we've all found SR!!!! You sound very mature and level headed for your age, I guess that's because of all you have been through. I hope you are proud of yourself. What your brother does, although very painful for the whole family, is no reflection of or on you and what your potential is!!! Try not to let him drag you down!!! You have a shining future ahead of you, by the sound of what you have written. And we will help with emotional support, as we can.
Again....WELCOME HOME
Welcome to SR!!! Read lots, post lots. We're glad you've found us. It's hard to walk this road dealing with addiction, and it helps knowing you are not alone. We're glad to have you with us, but OMG...you are soooo young to be facing all this stuff. I wish I had a magic wand to make it better for you, but unfortunately I cannot even help myself
Luckily we've all found SR!!!! You sound very mature and level headed for your age, I guess that's because of all you have been through. I hope you are proud of yourself. What your brother does, although very painful for the whole family, is no reflection of or on you and what your potential is!!! Try not to let him drag you down!!! You have a shining future ahead of you, by the sound of what you have written. And we will help with emotional support, as we can.
Again....WELCOME HOME
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i am glad you found us too.welcome to S.R. mish... you sound like a very nice girl & i can understand your way of thinking about your brother. my a.s. has been using since he was 17,started with alcohol & by 23 he had moved up to crack.learn to work your recovery so you can take care of yourself & not get pulled in by other peoples problem. their life can suck the life completely out of you. it is probley best if your brother gets caught & put in prison,at least then your family will be safe.i am sorry for what you are going thru.you are so young. you,your brother & your family are in my prayers..hugs,hope
Get Caught Reading
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Not in the boonies, thank God
Posts: 1,410
(((((Mish)))))
I just want to welcome you too, sweetie.
I, like Frankly, can relate so much to your story.
I had a brother, who was 22 when he drowned in the river.
He was an iv drug user. I was 13 at the time. My mother and stepfather
were both alcoholics, as was my oldest brother. My sister married early, (she's been married 3 times) and was very, very codependent.
My little brother and I grew up the best way we could.
Today, I am 42, married for the second time to a wonderful man.
We've been together for 12 years. My children, from my previous marriage, are my son, (25 and an addict) and my daughter (20 non addict).
My daughter lives in Pennsylvania with her gf. She's very happy with her life.
My son, on the other hand, lives with his dad, and struggles daily with his life.
He drinks beer and smokes pot. I am grateful that he no longer uses intravenous drugs.
I've been coming to soberrecovery since October, 2005.
This place saved my sanity and my life.
I still struggle daily with the need to "fix" everybody. lol
Well...
That's me in a nutshell.
I hope you continue to take care of yourself and plan on attending alateen meetings if they're available in your area. If not, I'm sure you can find alanon/naranon nearby. There are help groups everywhere. Check your yellow pages or online.
Keep coming back for support, prayers, and friendship.
I'm so very sorry for what is happening in your life, with your brother and his addiction.
I hope that your relationship with your parents are good and that you can encourage them to attend meetings and join soberrecovery, as well.
You sound like such a wonderful, young, lady. Keep up a good spirit and be optomistic about your future. By coming here, you've taken a step in a good direction. I believe you to be a shining example of survival.
We're here for ya, sweetie. Keep coming back, and anytime you want to talk, I'm here for ya.
Your new sr friend,
Linda
I just want to welcome you too, sweetie.
I, like Frankly, can relate so much to your story.
I had a brother, who was 22 when he drowned in the river.
He was an iv drug user. I was 13 at the time. My mother and stepfather
were both alcoholics, as was my oldest brother. My sister married early, (she's been married 3 times) and was very, very codependent.
My little brother and I grew up the best way we could.
Today, I am 42, married for the second time to a wonderful man.
We've been together for 12 years. My children, from my previous marriage, are my son, (25 and an addict) and my daughter (20 non addict).
My daughter lives in Pennsylvania with her gf. She's very happy with her life.
My son, on the other hand, lives with his dad, and struggles daily with his life.
He drinks beer and smokes pot. I am grateful that he no longer uses intravenous drugs.
I've been coming to soberrecovery since October, 2005.
This place saved my sanity and my life.
I still struggle daily with the need to "fix" everybody. lol
Well...
That's me in a nutshell.
I hope you continue to take care of yourself and plan on attending alateen meetings if they're available in your area. If not, I'm sure you can find alanon/naranon nearby. There are help groups everywhere. Check your yellow pages or online.
Keep coming back for support, prayers, and friendship.
I'm so very sorry for what is happening in your life, with your brother and his addiction.
I hope that your relationship with your parents are good and that you can encourage them to attend meetings and join soberrecovery, as well.
You sound like such a wonderful, young, lady. Keep up a good spirit and be optomistic about your future. By coming here, you've taken a step in a good direction. I believe you to be a shining example of survival.
We're here for ya, sweetie. Keep coming back, and anytime you want to talk, I'm here for ya.
Your new sr friend,
Linda
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewher
Posts: 259
hi mishel
im very happy yu found this place,, youll get lots of good freinds here!!
i can relate toyou alot too,,my sister is also an addict although she thinks she has no problem,,.. and since she was like 15 she has changed alot alot,, i used toblame myself at this,, becouse iwas her best freind and couldnt help her,, but its not my foult she has to save herself. i have seen how she used to steal themoney from my parents,, and scream ,and going in and out of treatmets,, but now 7years later she is still not addmitting she has aproblem,,, its very sad for me to seeher destroy her life,, like this as i love hera lot. i have few brothers but one of hem is also an addict and i talk to him not so ofetn as life has changed him alot,, when we talk i just miss him alot. and my husband is also and addict.
so i know its not easyall u are going trough now,, but we all on this board share this things and we all here for each other. i hope you find here the peace ur looking for.
we love ua lota nd take care and concentarte on ur school,, ur life ur freinds and dont take too much onuself,, us stuill so young,, i remeber how hard it is but ytou need to continue be stronga nd take good care ofurself.
mishel hugs toyou and prayers and take care ofyourself and come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im very happy yu found this place,, youll get lots of good freinds here!!
i can relate toyou alot too,,my sister is also an addict although she thinks she has no problem,,.. and since she was like 15 she has changed alot alot,, i used toblame myself at this,, becouse iwas her best freind and couldnt help her,, but its not my foult she has to save herself. i have seen how she used to steal themoney from my parents,, and scream ,and going in and out of treatmets,, but now 7years later she is still not addmitting she has aproblem,,, its very sad for me to seeher destroy her life,, like this as i love hera lot. i have few brothers but one of hem is also an addict and i talk to him not so ofetn as life has changed him alot,, when we talk i just miss him alot. and my husband is also and addict.
so i know its not easyall u are going trough now,, but we all on this board share this things and we all here for each other. i hope you find here the peace ur looking for.
we love ua lota nd take care and concentarte on ur school,, ur life ur freinds and dont take too much onuself,, us stuill so young,, i remeber how hard it is but ytou need to continue be stronga nd take good care ofurself.
mishel hugs toyou and prayers and take care ofyourself and come back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Mish,
I'm so glad you found us. You sound like you have done your homework here and you know what needs to happen in order for your brother to get better.
I have had three addicted siblings and the current one is my brother, whom I love. It is very hard, and I'm so glad that I found SR for support.
Sending out hugs to you -- and strength to find your own way, far away from addiction, no matter what happens to your brother.
Love
GL
I'm so glad you found us. You sound like you have done your homework here and you know what needs to happen in order for your brother to get better.
I have had three addicted siblings and the current one is my brother, whom I love. It is very hard, and I'm so glad that I found SR for support.
Sending out hugs to you -- and strength to find your own way, far away from addiction, no matter what happens to your brother.
Love
GL
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Welcome. Both my kids are addicts, my son is a pot/alcohol addict and my daughter's drug of choice is meth (tik).
It is a nasty, horrid drug. But it is not impossible to get clean and sober from it.
Letting go of our addicts means not being there to "help" them while they are using. When I helped my kids, I actually provided a "soft landing" ... they never felt the pain of what their using caused. When they used food money on drugs - I gave them food. When they sold/ruined/wrecked cars while chasing drugs - I gave them another car. When they lost/sold cell phones - I gave them another cell phone. When they needed a place to sleep (because they couldn't work due to drug use) - I gave them a place to sleep.
If a drug addict can have a hot meal, a warm bed a roof over his head AND his drugs... why would he ever stop?
It took me a while, and I still struggle some days, but I finally stopped doing the things for my kids that they COULD do for themselves. They had to live IN the pain they caused by their own use. Yelling, crying and caterwauling the whole way.
Alanon helped me be strong about my detatching and helped me to understand I can still LOVE them, even when they are still using. My daughter is sober today, and my son is not....but I love them both.
I hope this helps.
It is a nasty, horrid drug. But it is not impossible to get clean and sober from it.
Letting go of our addicts means not being there to "help" them while they are using. When I helped my kids, I actually provided a "soft landing" ... they never felt the pain of what their using caused. When they used food money on drugs - I gave them food. When they sold/ruined/wrecked cars while chasing drugs - I gave them another car. When they lost/sold cell phones - I gave them another cell phone. When they needed a place to sleep (because they couldn't work due to drug use) - I gave them a place to sleep.
If a drug addict can have a hot meal, a warm bed a roof over his head AND his drugs... why would he ever stop?
It took me a while, and I still struggle some days, but I finally stopped doing the things for my kids that they COULD do for themselves. They had to live IN the pain they caused by their own use. Yelling, crying and caterwauling the whole way.
Alanon helped me be strong about my detatching and helped me to understand I can still LOVE them, even when they are still using. My daughter is sober today, and my son is not....but I love them both.
I hope this helps.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome, glad you found us.
Addiction does seem to run in families. I do wonder sometimes, both my parents were alcoholics,Mom still is, Dad quit 10 years ago. I am not addicted to anything, nor is my brother...makes me wonder how we "Didn't catch the disease"...neither of us have children so at least we don't have to worry about passing the disease on.
Take care of you, keep posting, we are here for you.
Dolly
Addiction does seem to run in families. I do wonder sometimes, both my parents were alcoholics,Mom still is, Dad quit 10 years ago. I am not addicted to anything, nor is my brother...makes me wonder how we "Didn't catch the disease"...neither of us have children so at least we don't have to worry about passing the disease on.
Take care of you, keep posting, we are here for you.
Dolly
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: totally lost
Posts: 250
Originally Posted by dollydo 
Welcome, glad you found us. Addiction does seem to run in families. I do wonder sometimes, both my parents were alcoholics,Mom still is, Dad quit 10 years ago. I am not addicted to anything, nor is my brother...makes me wonder how we "Didn't catch the disease"...neither of us have children so at least we don't have to worry about passing the disease on. Dolly
Science has proved unequivocally there is a genetic defect that causes addiction. This is no longer a theory, but a proven FACT. You don't "catch" genetic disorders. They are ingrained in your DNA. And you sure do have to worry about passing the disease on, because it's a gene...it can be recessive (hidden) or dominant (obvious), but it's still there. It can skip several generations only to surface again in a grandchild or greatgrandchild.
Also, I have never found a single person with four grandfather alcholics that did not have some sort of addiction. It could be sex, food, the computer, anything....but it's there. I'm talking about my four grandfathers, of course, you only mentioned your mother and father.
If you are serious about you and your brother never having kids, then the genetic defect will die out. But we play a game of dice everyday that we wake up....taking a chance, having kids is still the most fullfulling thing to do.
Love, SM
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