I binged again
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
Thanks so much guys for asking after me and checking in. I haven't been drinking but I haven't really felt like posting. I'm working to regain equilibrium and it's been a long week of working, trying to eat OK, look after the dog and trying to get sleep at night. I'm sorry I don't yet have a foolproof grand plan created for my continued sobriety. I'll post more when I feel I have something to say, but I truly appreciate the advice and comments. Feel relieved to be on day 6 but on a bit of a downer.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,521
We have been friends for a while now dear B and I care about you a lot, so I am going to say please make a plan.
Buy some recovery books or look up AA and do a meeting, or try SMART recovery, or even go have a chat with your GP.
Binge drinking is a term that encompasses so much. But to not drink for so long and then drink that much is so so so so so so dangerous.
Many people have died this way.
Maybe starting with a counsellor.....looking at ways to make you happy and fulfilled so that you don't keep falling into this hole.
I think that is what I would do.
s ❤️
Buy some recovery books or look up AA and do a meeting, or try SMART recovery, or even go have a chat with your GP.
Binge drinking is a term that encompasses so much. But to not drink for so long and then drink that much is so so so so so so dangerous.
Many people have died this way.
Maybe starting with a counsellor.....looking at ways to make you happy and fulfilled so that you don't keep falling into this hole.
I think that is what I would do.
s ❤️
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Briansy 
Thanks so much guys for asking after me and checking in. I haven't been drinking but I haven't really felt like posting. I'm working to regain equilibrium and it's been a long week of working, trying to eat OK, look after the dog and trying to get sleep at night. I'm sorry I don't yet have a foolproof grand plan created for my continued sobriety. I'll post more when I feel I have something to say, but I truly appreciate the advice and comments. Feel relieved to be on day 6 but on a bit of a downer.
This road is not linear for some. It was not linear for me or many of the others on this forum. Up and down and sideways and .....Circular....Squared....Whatever shape and line. Its all been a part of my recovery.
Its okay that you are retreating within.
We will see you when you come back. Take care of you. Be well. Be happy. I believe in you, Briansy.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Dude, you're right in thinking that whatever "it" is has to come from within. It's all in there, banging at your self-erected barriers. You know this. And I know you know this because I knew it too.
But here's a paradox for you (I love those now): You aren't going to find "it" alone. It's not like you're going to finally find the right book, learn and understand it, and suddenly be cured. It doesn't work that way. I don't know a single person in the recovery community for whom it has worked that way. You need other people to help you be able to find "it." At least I did. And I was fiercely opposed to this because I knew it was within me, that it had to come from within. So what was I going to learn from other people? Some people might call that arrogance, but it wasn't - at least in the egotistical sense of the word. It was all kinds of things wrapped into one, mostly confusion and insecurity. And fear, probably fear. Absolutely fear. I was pretty sure that I was going to have to learn to live with myself the only way I'd ever experienced myself. And I'm not talking about my drinking self, you know?
I can't explain it to you, Briansy, because no one could explain it to me. I just had to take the leap and do the (to me, nonsensical) stuff people were telling me to do. I'm not talking about the old timer AA way, saying incantations and whatnot. I'm talking about throwing myself into this sobriety thing with my entire self. With witnesses; some of whom might maybe understand, and from my experience a whole lot who wouldn't. It was hella uncomfortable, but it was also a last ditch effort. For me, that was rehab followed by several months in a sober house.
I don't believe you don't have anything to say right now. I think you may be biding your time until you can come back victorious to tell us how are prevailing and slaying the dragon. I could be projecting - because that's certainly what I wanted to do.
Getting sober doesn't fix anything for people like me. It just gave me a fighting chance to fix the other stuff - to find the "it" I longed for. And I'm finding it! Not everyone sees things the same way I do, but that's ok (now). One huge benefit of hanging around with recovery folks is that we speak in a language that is pretty much not spoken anywhere else. And we all just want to get sober, stay sober and help others to do the same.
xo
O
But here's a paradox for you (I love those now): You aren't going to find "it" alone. It's not like you're going to finally find the right book, learn and understand it, and suddenly be cured. It doesn't work that way. I don't know a single person in the recovery community for whom it has worked that way. You need other people to help you be able to find "it." At least I did. And I was fiercely opposed to this because I knew it was within me, that it had to come from within. So what was I going to learn from other people? Some people might call that arrogance, but it wasn't - at least in the egotistical sense of the word. It was all kinds of things wrapped into one, mostly confusion and insecurity. And fear, probably fear. Absolutely fear. I was pretty sure that I was going to have to learn to live with myself the only way I'd ever experienced myself. And I'm not talking about my drinking self, you know?
I can't explain it to you, Briansy, because no one could explain it to me. I just had to take the leap and do the (to me, nonsensical) stuff people were telling me to do. I'm not talking about the old timer AA way, saying incantations and whatnot. I'm talking about throwing myself into this sobriety thing with my entire self. With witnesses; some of whom might maybe understand, and from my experience a whole lot who wouldn't. It was hella uncomfortable, but it was also a last ditch effort. For me, that was rehab followed by several months in a sober house.
I don't believe you don't have anything to say right now. I think you may be biding your time until you can come back victorious to tell us how are prevailing and slaying the dragon. I could be projecting - because that's certainly what I wanted to do.
Getting sober doesn't fix anything for people like me. It just gave me a fighting chance to fix the other stuff - to find the "it" I longed for. And I'm finding it! Not everyone sees things the same way I do, but that's ok (now). One huge benefit of hanging around with recovery folks is that we speak in a language that is pretty much not spoken anywhere else. And we all just want to get sober, stay sober and help others to do the same.
xo
O
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 1,602
O, your second last paragraph made me chuckle! I mean, it's absolutely true! But at the same time, I only have so much mental energy at the moment. I guess I don't know what to say besides I am truly consumed with just getting through the days at the mo and this was the case before I drank - bar those first two wretched days, very little changed. I suppose I should be doing more but I am just tired. I wake up in the morning and am glad to be at day 7, I think about walking the dog, I come back and bathe (she rolled around in baths of mud again) and feed the dog, I have a shower, I reply to texts, I do some chores and some shopping, I come back, have some lunch, watch the game (I'm not English but glad to see them prevail), send some work emails, walk the dog again, have my dinner and tend to the dog some more!
I am starting to regret telling my Mother I fell off the wagon. She has changed her tone when speaking to me go a kind of hushed: "are you OK?" "Yeah, you are? Oh thank God!" Etc etc it's a bit much!
I am so busy at work at the moment, it's truly exhausting. Our business is going insanely well but my business partner is scoring all the wins right now and I am just about barely keeping up. As we are mostly remote still too he calls me all the time and it is so draining. Even though this year we will make the kind of money I would have only dreamed of in the past, I am still fantasising about winning the lottery and just going back to university and studying something that interests me and not having to answer to anyone.
So there you go. That's my current state of mind...
I am starting to regret telling my Mother I fell off the wagon. She has changed her tone when speaking to me go a kind of hushed: "are you OK?" "Yeah, you are? Oh thank God!" Etc etc it's a bit much!
I am so busy at work at the moment, it's truly exhausting. Our business is going insanely well but my business partner is scoring all the wins right now and I am just about barely keeping up. As we are mostly remote still too he calls me all the time and it is so draining. Even though this year we will make the kind of money I would have only dreamed of in the past, I am still fantasising about winning the lottery and just going back to university and studying something that interests me and not having to answer to anyone.
So there you go. That's my current state of mind...
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
You are doing do well - I hope once you regain some energy from being sober -you can have another think about your dreams of going back to university - it sounds like something you want to do. KEEP GOING even if it feels like plodding from one day to the next - soon those days will be weeks.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Well, that sure does sound like some doldrums to me, Briansy.
What could you do to nurture yourself, stretch your soul, break out of that rut?
Make note: I did not ask what you want to do. I imagine want is pretty low on motivating factors list at the mo.
xo
O
What could you do to nurture yourself, stretch your soul, break out of that rut?
Make note: I did not ask what you want to do. I imagine want is pretty low on motivating factors list at the mo.
xo
O
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Briansy
I looked at symptoms. Persistent Depressive Disorder matches quite closely how I've been feeling. You're right that I am really in a rut.
Doctor?
More exercise?
More sunlight?
More Vit D?
More gratitude?
Mental, emotional, physical and spiritual needs.
Here for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,844
Hi Briansy hope your feeling well.
Just want to agree with Mizz on this one. Its hard enough getting sober as it is but its the tools we give ourselves to stay this way that are so important.
I was there December 2020 again and someone telling me to exercise and eat right was the last thing i wanted to hear but as you know yourself it was coming from a good place from people with the experience. So i hope some of the advice works for you this time round.
Look after yourself Briansy.
Just want to agree with Mizz on this one. Its hard enough getting sober as it is but its the tools we give ourselves to stay this way that are so important.
I was there December 2020 again and someone telling me to exercise and eat right was the last thing i wanted to hear but as you know yourself it was coming from a good place from people with the experience. So i hope some of the advice works for you this time round.
Look after yourself Briansy.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Like Ob often says getting sober didn't fix me - but it did give me a constancy to work on my problems from.
IMO there's no problem that can't be dealt with, with a little work and the right help Briansy.
D
IMO there's no problem that can't be dealt with, with a little work and the right help Briansy.
D
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Briansy
I looked at symptoms. Persistent Depressive Disorder matches quite closely how I've been feeling. You're right that I am really in a rut.
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