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I binged again

Old 06-08-2021, 04:58 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Hi Al, I am still a bit delicate today but I got over the first night of hell. I barely slept but I got enough to be able to function today. I also took a little dog to look after for its owner for the next 10 days so I'm glad I was feeling well enough to take it for a walk and I will take her for a long walk after work to tire both us out.
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Old 06-08-2021, 06:03 AM
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Howdy, The dog sitting will be good for you I think, dogs are awesome companions.
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Old 06-08-2021, 06:34 AM
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Originally Posted by Briansy View Post
Hi Al, I am still a bit delicate today but I got over the first night of hell. I barely slept but I got enough to be able to function today. I also took a little dog to look after for its owner for the next 10 days so I'm glad I was feeling well enough to take it for a walk and I will take her for a long walk after work to tire both us out.
Thats a start. Good you have the dog to look after it will keep you occupied. Make sure to keep hydrated and get some fresh air when you are up to it.Most of all keep posting and reading. You're lucky you can call your family for support there's such a stigma in my own I'd never admit how bad i got,must be an Irish thing but thankfully i have other people and outlets if needed including here.
Look after yourself.
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Old 06-08-2021, 06:37 AM
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Hi, Brainsy. This is just my take, and it doesn't carry a whole lot of weight like some of the "old-timers" advice here on SR, but I'll give it in any way. Stop bashing and blaming yourself. There's no use in that. Instead, I think you need to congratulate yourself. Your last thread - "Really Struggling" was on the 29th of January, and by my reckoning that means you stayed of the booze for 4 months this time, which, I also think, is a new record for you? The previous was around 100 days, was it not? No matter. You tried, and you succeeded for a good many months. Now try again. The dog is good; YOU are good. Hang in there, and talk to us here on SR often. And keep sharing with your mom. You're blessed to have her. I re-post a reply I posted on your "Really Struggling" thread, because it still carries water, and always will. To me at least.
""Someone once said that there is no profit in regret, which is very true. I believe though, that there’s plenty of profit in gratitude, and in mindfulness. Talk to yourself, Briansy, talk to God, and talk to the trees and birds – like I do… But don’t kill yourself over things that are behind you and you (maybe?) can’t change"".
Best wishes to you, Briansy.
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Old 06-08-2021, 06:46 AM
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Your experience is very common. As the Big Book describes it:

At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

And yet:

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet.

I have come to conclude that there is a type of alcoholic whose only hope is Alcoholics Anonymous -- and I am one of those alcoholics. PM me if you want to chat more about that.

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Old 06-08-2021, 06:19 PM
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Hey Brainsy,
your initial post described what used to happen to me. I had to repeat it a few hundred times before I was able to see what was happening, and I only got to see that with some outside help. My pattern was to decide not to drink and then end up taking the fatal first drink without any reason and often with no thought of the consequences. Having taken it and put alcohol in my system, an overpowering craving meant that I would continue to drink way past the intended amount. It takes about 5 days for the alcohol to be gone from my system, so I tended to continue on a binge, driven by the craving until I became too sick or broke to carry on. Then would come the hangover and withdrawal, then the craving would be gone, and a dry period would ensue until inevitably I would take the fatal first drink and set it all in motion again.

The answer for me has been to find a way to combat the insane thinking that puts the fatal first drink in my hand. While I used to think it was due to a number of external factors, I came to realize that the main problem was my alcoholic mind.
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Old 06-08-2021, 07:41 PM
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Some wise words here Briansy - do something different this time, man
D
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Old 06-09-2021, 02:06 AM
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Briansy,

I would say exactly what Gottalife said.

Its like being deathly allergic to peanuts and deciding to give on a try to see if maybe I am no longer allergic to peanuts. Only a crazy (or suicidal) person would do that right, but we do it all the darn time.

I had the same more often that I can count, all of a sudden I was drinking and it was like it had happened spontaneously -- again, sounds nuts, but it did not feel like a choice.

BUT, I am sure it will never happen again because I now fully know and accept that I am allergic to peanuts so I will never eat peanuts again.

So friend -- peanuts or not?? I vote not, the rest really is execution but you need to take the peanuts totally and completely off the table.
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Old 06-09-2021, 02:20 AM
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You are so right, Dropsie. Your analogy is excellent. I’m allergic to a certain antibiotic and I would be insane to try it again. I make sure all my doctors know this. Yet, we continue to try the very poison we’re allergic to.

Excellent post!
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Old 06-09-2021, 04:02 AM
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Hi Briansy how are you doing today?
Its miserable here at home grey damp and depressing nothing unusual really about it but still got out there for my walk before work. Hope today sees you a bit better and the dog is keeping you busy.
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Old 06-09-2021, 11:38 AM
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Feeling better today, thanks Al. Physical anxiety will be there for a few days yet and had night sweats and nightmares last night that I'm hoping don't repeat themselves. It is lovely having the dog, she's a sweetheart and gets me out of the house to walk her. Primarily focusing on getting through the week at the moment. Glad to be close to the end of day 3
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Old 06-09-2021, 12:12 PM
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Originally Posted by Briansy View Post
Feeling better today, thanks Al. Physical anxiety will be there for a few days yet and had night sweats and nightmares last night that I'm hoping don't repeat themselves. It is lovely having the dog, she's a sweetheart and gets me out of the house to walk her. Primarily focusing on getting through the week at the moment. Glad to be close to the end of day 3
Thats good to hear Briansy.
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Old 06-09-2021, 12:36 PM
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Glad your hanging in there.
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Old 06-09-2021, 02:53 PM
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Good to hear you are feeling better. Do you have any feedback on the questions regarding what you might do/change differently this time around? You have found a good companion in a dog and you did mention potentially some reading on issues surrounding mental health, but you still haven't really addressed the elephant in the room, no? Sorry to point it out so soon but if you don't address it it's never going to change.
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Old 06-09-2021, 07:38 PM
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Sorry to hear you've been having some struggles Briansy.

Whenever there's a set back, the only way is forward.
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Old 06-10-2021, 11:20 AM
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How is it going friend?
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Old 06-10-2021, 02:31 PM
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Rooting for you.
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Old 06-10-2021, 08:17 PM
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I hope you are doing well, Briansy.
It would be nice to see you around on the boards a bit more.
There are some really good people here that I am sure would want to get to know you.
It just might help a bit to have more connection.
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Old 06-10-2021, 11:01 PM
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I agree with Mizz, Briansy. Connection with others makes a real difference. Complete difference.

Come back and let us know how you are doing. The good the bad and the ugly.

We get it.
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Old 06-10-2021, 11:33 PM
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Hi Briansy hope you are doing well this morning. Took a walk through my town last night and it looks like the country has taken a week off and come to my town for a break as the hotels have opened again. Weathers terrible but the atmosphere is lovely although i only observed from afar as im not at that place yet where i can go to the pub. Hows the dog sitting? My own dog loves to sleep all day go for a walk in the evening and then sleep again. Im jealous of her sometimes. She was a great source of comfort the first few weeks if that makes sense its like she new something wasn't right with me. Anyway look after yourself.
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