Really struggling
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Thanks Mizz, for the support. Well, maybe seeing a professional would mean it's explored in a constructive way which soubds helpful. I've just had a really weird thing happen just now. I am on a website in London called BorrowmyDoggy.com - it is for dog owners to connect with dog lovers who occasionally want to take their dogs for walks or to look after them while they are away etc. I have just messaged a lady that I hadn't been in touch with for a while but I used to take her dog out for long walks about once a week or so. She has a beautiful French hound dog called Suzie. I went to message her on WhatsApp just now and her profile picture isn't showing and my message has only one tick next to it which means it hasn't delivered. That usually means I've been blocked. Getting ready paranoid I might have messaged her when drunk but surely not. This lady has stage 4 cancer and the alternative concern is she is unwell or passed away. This is the kinda thing I would straight away chat to my friend about but can't now and feeling worried and sad and paranoid too. Sorry, I'll try not to document every sad event in my life on this thread cos that might get a bit OTT but need to tell someone. 
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I had no idea there was such a website. How interesting.
All of that actually sounds really distressing. The not knowing is very hard, right? You said she had stage 4 cancer?
Maybe you should go over there and see if she is home. That is really the only way to figure this out. I doubt this has anything to do with your drinking. If it does have something to do with your drinking then you can address it right then and there. That is if she is still alive. Strange to be typing that out but this is what we are talking about!
All of that actually sounds really distressing. The not knowing is very hard, right? You said she had stage 4 cancer?
Maybe you should go over there and see if she is home. That is really the only way to figure this out. I doubt this has anything to do with your drinking. If it does have something to do with your drinking then you can address it right then and there. That is if she is still alive. Strange to be typing that out but this is what we are talking about!
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Yeah I just messaged her via SMS. I am hoping she just deleted the app or got a new phone or something. I wonder if she got a bit offended that I hadn't been in touch lately. I hope not and hope she is OK. I'll go over there if I don't hear in the next couple of days. She's a lovely lady.
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I get real intense anxiety over situations like the one you speak of.
I deleted all of my social media accounts months ago. I just had a phone call yesterday where the person thought I had blocked them. Its funny how all of this works now. So, for the past 4 plus months this person has been in their head about something that had nothing to do with them. I felt bad. Maybe I should of made a public announcement? I really didn't think It would affect people. The social media was food, politics and virus.....I was way over it.
I'm not sure why I am telling you this? I guess Im saying its interesting how our brains can go to places and those places are not even the reality of what is actually happening. I go there often......
I deleted all of my social media accounts months ago. I just had a phone call yesterday where the person thought I had blocked them. Its funny how all of this works now. So, for the past 4 plus months this person has been in their head about something that had nothing to do with them. I felt bad. Maybe I should of made a public announcement? I really didn't think It would affect people. The social media was food, politics and virus.....I was way over it.
I'm not sure why I am telling you this? I guess Im saying its interesting how our brains can go to places and those places are not even the reality of what is actually happening. I go there often......
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I'm with you 100%, Mizz, I'm the exact same. My immediate concern is around blocking even though I have to think that is the least likely scenario here. Surely I wouldn't message her drunk? Or maybe she saw me drink when I bought more alcohol at the store that time while blacking out? Until she responds to my text I'll worry about it for sure. London is a big, impersonal place. Having a local connection or two in your neighborhood feels nice. I'd hate it if anything happened to her. Fingers crossed all will be well!
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I have also got rid of all my social media. The only one left is LinkedIn and that is strictly for my job as I work in recruitment. There are times when I feel very isolated indeed, like this week when I miss having Instagram as a means by which to reach out, but it was causing its own unhealthy anxiety. Haha, talk about riddled with personal issues!!!
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Originally Posted by Mizz 
I had no idea there was such a website. How interesting.
All of that actually sounds really distressing. The not knowing is very hard, right? You said she had stage 4 cancer?
Maybe you should go over there and see if she is home. That is really the only way to figure this out. I doubt this has anything to do with your drinking. If it does have something to do with your drinking then you can address it right then and there. That is if she is still alive. Strange to be typing that out but this is what we are talking about!
All of that actually sounds really distressing. The not knowing is very hard, right? You said she had stage 4 cancer?
Maybe you should go over there and see if she is home. That is really the only way to figure this out. I doubt this has anything to do with your drinking. If it does have something to do with your drinking then you can address it right then and there. That is if she is still alive. Strange to be typing that out but this is what we are talking about!
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Briansy,
Hey friend. So glad your doggie friend is OK and you were able to connect.
About your relationship with your lady friend, I have had many friends on the lady side of that equation, but I have never really heard the guy side, so interesting to me. Sounds to me like the two of you were not really hearing each other because the actions and the words did not align. If things were not going to change, a clean break was probably best especially for her.
I guess what I would think about if I were you is whether in the long run you should look at yourself and why you are setting such a high bar for a romantic relationship (you cut this gal off based on age alone before you met her.) I suspect you would say that the heart/body knows what it wants, but I don't completely buy that. I have a friend in his 60s who has the same issue and he is in his handsome, nice, financially secure, and alone but with dozens of woman friends. Because the women he was attracted to were always above his pay grade and the many who were interested in him were below his. Sad to me.
But we digress... for now, staying stopped with drinking is the thing, and the rest is secondary.
You got this, one step in front of the other, just don't get distracted.
Keepa go.
.
Hey friend. So glad your doggie friend is OK and you were able to connect.
About your relationship with your lady friend, I have had many friends on the lady side of that equation, but I have never really heard the guy side, so interesting to me. Sounds to me like the two of you were not really hearing each other because the actions and the words did not align. If things were not going to change, a clean break was probably best especially for her.
I guess what I would think about if I were you is whether in the long run you should look at yourself and why you are setting such a high bar for a romantic relationship (you cut this gal off based on age alone before you met her.) I suspect you would say that the heart/body knows what it wants, but I don't completely buy that. I have a friend in his 60s who has the same issue and he is in his handsome, nice, financially secure, and alone but with dozens of woman friends. Because the women he was attracted to were always above his pay grade and the many who were interested in him were below his. Sad to me.
But we digress... for now, staying stopped with drinking is the thing, and the rest is secondary.
You got this, one step in front of the other, just don't get distracted.
Keepa go.
.
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Dropsie I think you are spot on. On reflection, knowing what I know now about how this panned out and what it is about her that was attractive. I would say her maturity and the kind of pragmatic outlook that comes with age / experience and general calm way about her meant her age was actually a big plus - for me. But by the time I reached that conclusion we were in a different spot. I will admit a that I liked being mothered which is probably a sign that I wasn't in the right place to begin with and have some developing to do before I can offer a future partner as much as she did me in terms of support. Not that we were ever partners, but we kinda were.
So, yes, back to sobriety. Let's crack on. Thanks for the feedback. It's much appreciated.
So, yes, back to sobriety. Let's crack on. Thanks for the feedback. It's much appreciated.
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It is so good to hear that your dog friend is alive and there is nothing more for you to worry about. With her having stage 4 cancer, I think checking in on her is the proper thing to do. Keep doing that. Cancer sucks. She could use all the checking in and love she can get.
Your heart can rest easy knowing you didn't say anything that was "left field" with this person.
Good for you. I appreciate that you are sharing your thoughts and struggles here. You are finding a way through and you are not alone.
(calling her "your dog friend" isnt sitting well with me. Your friend. That is how I will say this moving forward
)
Your heart can rest easy knowing you didn't say anything that was "left field" with this person.
Good for you. I appreciate that you are sharing your thoughts and struggles here. You are finding a way through and you are not alone.
(calling her "your dog friend" isnt sitting well with me. Your friend. That is how I will say this moving forward
)
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Originally Posted by Dropsie
Suzie's mom??
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Wow, the book "under the influence" is going in to detail about the pleasurable physiological affects of alcohol in a way that I don't need to be reading right now. I think it's trying to sell me on a concept that I am already familiar with and thoroughly sold on. I think I will out it away before I start obsessing.
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Try "The Heart of Addiction" by Lance Dodes.
It is, hands-down, the best explanation of my addiction I've heard or read anywhere. (There's a bit I don't quite connect with, but believe is quite possibly a factor for me. I'll withhold exploration of that point until or unless you read the book and want to discuss.)
O
It is, hands-down, the best explanation of my addiction I've heard or read anywhere. (There's a bit I don't quite connect with, but believe is quite possibly a factor for me. I'll withhold exploration of that point until or unless you read the book and want to discuss.)
O
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