Obladi

Good to see you've sobered up, friend. I think if this continues going though, you may want to go looking for something akin to a silver bullet. The longer you tarry in ambivalence, the harder you are making it on yourself. I think? I don't know. What do I know aside from my own experience, which I surely don't want for you to reproduce.

Do you literally feel that everyone is against you? Of course that's not true nor is it rational, but if you truly feel that way it's not something to just skirt over. Or is it people in your past that you think are against you? Why would that be? Definitely getting through this day works well - until, of course, it doesn't. I'm not judging or lecturing you, Briansy. I just think some things need more than a stiff upper lip...

I hope you have a lovely time with your folks. How long will you be?

I'm doing a-ok, Briansy.
Striving for balance, but not too far off my rocker.

O

Briansy

Well, back to 3 weeks today! I'm at home in Ireland and having a nice time although I had some issues with my wrist which prevented golf. I did some hiking instead and got a cortisone shot so I can play golf again. It's been good seeing my folks both of whom are in great form - saw several friends too which has been nice.

I had totally moved out of the "cognitive dissonance" phase earlier in the year, but I must admit to having been plagued by romanticised drinking thoughts lately. Drinking dreams, all of that stuff. But I feel I have moved out of that mindset in the last few days and gotten my thinking straight on it. I'll admit that thoughts of the beast and the addictive voice didn't enter my head which I appreciate is classic giving it a seat at the table. Well, there we go. Time to refocus and get some real time accumulated once more.

Busy at work, lots of good stuff happening. Go easy on me!!

ScottFromWI

Glad to hear that you have gotten back on track Briansy and congrats on 3 weeks. Thanks for checking in as well.

FiveTries

Hi Briansy,

3 weeks is great! Just make sure you go easy on yourself 🙂

That's too bad about the injury and golf. I just got a new TS1 driver last week and I'm loving it. Not been scoring well though, I haven't had my focus together and ball striking went bye bye for now. I need to get some practice sessions in. I cut down the shaft on my old driver and re-gripped it for my DS7, he is SO HAPPY. He hits it pretty good too, it's cute.

Hope you heal up soon

Kat1313

Hi Briansy! Glad you are back on track and good things are happening for you. Keep moving forward! You got this!

SpankedbyLife

Just keep it up and stay sober. remember how bad wd is. its taken me 10+ minutess of backspacking and correctin tp type this. day 1 here again and my pulse is 261 and can't quit shaking. i never wanna do this again and niehgter should you or anyeone else

Dee74

if your pulse is 261 you need the ER man.

D

Dropsie

How are you Spanked?

Any my dear Briansy?

Briansy

Hi Dropsie, thank you for asking! I am really well, just on the ferry now from Dublin to Holyhead, I love the ferry! O rightly pointed out that I was in a state of ambivalence which kinda remains the case and I don't like it - although I think the term ambivalence seems to suggest that there isn't a strong resistance there in the "don't drink" camp. There still is. Just the "drink" whispers are being entertained which I don't like.

But I am 4 weeks today which is good so getting some time under my belt again.

There was a temptation to arrive back and get wasted tonight but I am not as enthusiastic about that now. It's just utterly, utterly pointless. But the obsession which I invited back in when I last slipped has continued to dip in and out.

I am borrowing a dog, a little Cockapoo, who I looked after earlier in the year on Saturday. Last time I drank during some of her time with me which was really unfair on the dog. I absolutely will not be doing that this time. She is a sweet little thing. I am looking forward to having her.

How are you? We're in June now and the weather is good. Time for optimism and positive thoughts!

Dee74

I hope you can continue to worth through your ambivalence - for me my ambivalence was directly related to my level of addiction - even after I quit drinking, it took me several months to start thinking in healthy life affirming ways again.

4 weeks along that non drinking path is nothing to sneeze at Briansy.

D

Briansy

Thank you, Dee. That sentence about ambivalence being directly linked to the level of your addiction was very useful for me today. Another way of reminding me that it's my beast talking and not me. Appreciate it.

silentrun

something that helped those whispers for me was every time I got a craving I called up that feeling and held it in the pit of my stomach until they craving passed. By that feeling I mean all the shame, fear, and pain drinking had caused me. I learned to associate alcohol with despair. There is no love between us anymore.

Obladi

Hey Briansy,

You can show your obsession to the door at any time.
I know it doesn't feel that way when you're in the midst of one of those mad spells, but it's true.
What it takes in the end is the conviction that you Do Not Drink.

Getting that conviction?
That was the trick for me.
I wish I could tell you what gave it to me, but I'd say it was something like a deep down (quiet, not raucous or posturing) acceptance that other peoples' problems with me were not about me. I mean they were to some extent, but I was so focused on fixing what I was doing wrong that I just continued down the never-ending road of self-hatred. Which people were happy to foster, with or without and intent to do so. Which led me to drinking. Which led to despair and mayhem.

Hold on, man.
This stuff ain't for sissies, but I know you can get through it.

xo
O