I’m back. Again.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
we get it, Sohard. there are many different ways to calm down without drinking; you can/will learn what works for you by experimenting: walking, singing, writing in a diary, cleaning, going to a meeting, phoning a friend, doing breathing exercises, yoga, cooking up a storm, a bath, on and on. you already know that drinking does not work.
Not The Way way, Just the way
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: US
Posts: 1,413
Originally Posted by Sohard 
I like AVRT. I’m trying.
It’s strange how when I’m doing so well, like my current state (yes, only about a month sober, but “well” is relative), I want a night off in which I can congratulate myself...with a bottle of wine. Yes, I want to celebrate my sobriety with a bottle of wine...so messed up.
It’s strange how when I’m doing so well, like my current state (yes, only about a month sober, but “well” is relative), I want a night off in which I can congratulate myself...with a bottle of wine. Yes, I want to celebrate my sobriety with a bottle of wine...so messed up.
Since you brought it up, I think it’s important to point out what AVRT is. AVRT is an acronym for Addictive Voice Recognition Technique. It is a method exclusively defined by Rational Recovery, an articulated addiction recovery program.
For those who might have further interest, AVRT is well described in the first two Secular Recovery Subforums here on Sober Recovery: Secular Connections, and Permanent Abstinence Based Recovery.
It’s also important to point out that while Sohard likes AVRT, there has been no use of any AVR Techniques in this thread.
I have used AVRT to end addictions to alcohol, drugs, caffeine, nicotine, and man made sweets. AVRT also necessitated putting my recoveries behind me. I have spent less than a minute over the last many years “dealing” with the debate “To use or Not to use” which immediately reverted to “Never again” every time. Zero effort, zero calories, a few seconds, simple ReCognition. I am ME, not IT.
Like Sohard, I also like AVRT. As Sohard is considering becoming a Permanent Total Abstainer of alcohol, I am considering becoming a vegetarian, but have not used AVRT because it would mean I will never eat meat again as long as I live, and I have simply not decided yet to do that.
Yes, as soon as an alcohol addicted person becomes familiar with AVRT, they quickly come face to face with the awareness that “I will Never drink again” must be pledged. In AVRT that pledge is called The Big Plan.
There is just no way around it. If you use AVRT, you become a Permanent Total Abstainer; and you get on with the rest of your life.
GT
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 232
Oh God Its so difficult when your under the grasp of alcohol not to go back. It was like a everyday battle for me.
I'm not sure if you have but if you haven't have you ever considered rehab? I really feel that's what changed me.
I'm not sure if you have but if you haven't have you ever considered rehab? I really feel that's what changed me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Thank you for all the advice. I’m doing OK. I decided to foster a dog, not adopt one. It’s a 3 week responsibility. I think this will be good for me...and for “Josie” the beagle. It’s the first time she hasn’t lived in a cage and she is six years old. I like having this responsibility. No way could I could drink and do this.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,523
Good for you Sohard! Sounds like you're staying the course! That's wonderful to foster Josie. I hear they need a lot of foster parents for dogs. You're doing a really nice thing that may help you out.
Peace and love, Aly xxoo
Peace and love, Aly xxoo
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Originally Posted by Sohard
Thank you for all the advice. I’m doing OK. I decided to foster a dog, not adopt one. It’s a 3 week responsibility. I think this will be good for me...and for “Josie” the beagle. It’s the first time she hasn’t lived in a cage and she is six years old. I like having this responsibility. No way could I could drink and do this.
I fostered a dog 9 yrs ago who I ended up adopting. 
Foster homes for dogs are needed and I'm glad you're doing this. Will she sleep on your bed? My Billie snuggles next to me under the blanket and it's very comforting to feel her against me. 
Taking care of a dog is a great reason to stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
I was letting my tiny chichi sleep on my bed, until the other day I left work for a short midday rest, climbed into bed.....and it was wet from doggie puke and peepee.
No thank you. I had to tell the whole family to start leaving my bedroom doors closed. She is elderly and has various health issues, some days she feels great, other days she doesn’t.
You should probably get to know your dog first! But Josie is one lucky little beagle. Enjoy!
No thank you. I had to tell the whole family to start leaving my bedroom doors closed. She is elderly and has various health issues, some days she feels great, other days she doesn’t.
You should probably get to know your dog first! But Josie is one lucky little beagle. Enjoy!
They weren't getting the best of me, & they deserved it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
I actually go part of the day without thinking of alcohol at all. At all. It is amazing. But then at other times I would kill for a bottle of wine. I would just love it. I tried playing the tape forward and what the tape is showing me is that I’ll be hung over tomorrow but since I’ve wasted so much of my life I have nothing to do tomorrow anyway so why not. I know that’s a negative way to think of it, but it’s true. I talked to a 22-year-old girl who is graduating today and her whole life is ahead of her and she is so excited. I thought of all the years I’ve wasted. I don’t blame myself. I know I had an addiction. But I just even think of myself at 23. I think of myself battling the addiction all those 20 years ago and for the past 20 years. I’m just so jealous she has her life ahead of her without having to try living with the problem that I had. I know I don’t know her, but even if I’m wrong, my point is I’m envious of all the non-alcoholics out there to get to live their life like nonalcoholics. Sorry. Just thinking out loud.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
In recovery we get to live our lives however we want - which I reckon is the best anyone can hope for, alcoholic or not?
Sure I'd rather not have that 20 year hole - but I climbed up and out the other side and got my life back.
You can too sohard
D
Sure I'd rather not have that 20 year hole - but I climbed up and out the other side and got my life back.
You can too sohard
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Originally Posted by Sohard
I’m just so jealous she has her life ahead of her without having to try living with the problem that I had. I know I don’t know her, but even if I’m wrong, my point is I’m envious of all the non-alcoholics out there to get to live their life like nonalcoholics. Sorry. Just thinking out loud.
Don’t listen to that voice, you’re smarter than that and you deserve better!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 33,523
Dee, thank you for your words. You are so kind and the things you say help me when or if I may be struggling. Sohard, I hope you take what Dee says into your heart. He's supportive and his ideas are wonderful.
Sohard, you are in my prayers.
Sohard, you are in my prayers.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Sohard
I actually go part of the day without thinking of alcohol at all. At all. It is amazing. But then at other times I would kill for a bottle of wine. I would just love it. I tried playing the tape forward and what the tape is showing me is that I’ll be hung over tomorrow but since I’ve wasted so much of my life I have nothing to do tomorrow anyway so why not. I know that’s a negative way to think of it, but it’s true. I talked to a 22-year-old girl who is graduating today and her whole life is ahead of her and she is so excited. I thought of all the years I’ve wasted. I don’t blame myself. I know I had an addiction. But I just even think of myself at 23. I think of myself battling the addiction all those 20 years ago and for the past 20 years. I’m just so jealous she has her life ahead of her without having to try living with the problem that I had. I know I don’t know her, but even if I’m wrong, my point is I’m envious of all the non-alcoholics out there to get to live their life like nonalcoholics. Sorry. Just thinking out loud.
I numbed it out for so long. It’s like I was dead, and now I am finally alive. It took a long time to get here. All I had to do was a big plan.
Once the big plan is in place, wishing and wistfulness and romance for the past can disappear. Any thought you have that puts a positive spin on it can be immediately banished. Such thoughts have no place when the drinking life, or the drinking persona, has been killed.
The woman I was doesn’t exist any more. It’s ok that it took this long. It takes how long it takes. I’ll never underestimate the incredible gift of my alcoholism. I never understood what that meant until recently. I always thought people who said that were ******* crazy, but I see it now.
Read gerardandtwines post again. There’s a mental leap that needs to be taken. Once you leap, you can begin to rebuild, that takes a couple years, and then you’re in the sweet spot. Every moment along the way deeply transformative. Sometimes it’s dark, but big changes involving commitment of the heart and soul are, by nature, difficult before they smooth out with time.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
Everyone thinks they know who they are and what they want at 22 but even the best laid plans can crumble and I don't think we stay completely the same over time whether battling addiction or sober. Yes my addiction took me places I never would have otherwise been, but I am also grateful for it. The soul searching, the freedom (from those constricted ideas of who I was supposed to be and what I was supposed to want), the unexpected feeling of purpose and gratification that comes with helping others...
I know you say you want to get back to 4 months and that's a great start, but it honestly does get so much better. You don't have to have faith in a higher power to commit yourself fully to the process and trust those who have been where you are and know what's up ahead. I didn't consciously practice AVRT in the beginning but I did hold "I will not drink no matter what" as my bottom line and it naturally guided me towards the things I needed to be doing to create a new way of life for myself.
I know you say you want to get back to 4 months and that's a great start, but it honestly does get so much better. You don't have to have faith in a higher power to commit yourself fully to the process and trust those who have been where you are and know what's up ahead. I didn't consciously practice AVRT in the beginning but I did hold "I will not drink no matter what" as my bottom line and it naturally guided me towards the things I needed to be doing to create a new way of life for myself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Ironically, four months is worse than one, and six is a bit better, but it took me longer than a year to iron it all out. If you simply make it open ended: the death of the drinking you, the birth of the new you, then you’ll have the time to heal.
There is no way for you to know which side of life is better, or what awaits you well down the path of sobriety, any “it’s no use, I have nothing to do anyway” is the addiction speaking for you....because 15 to 20 months of sobriety down the road, you will have plenty to do. And on days you don’t, you’ll move through your better days with a blissful zen. On your worse days, you’ll know how to distract from the pain. This must be earned. Time can’t be begged away, the time is crucial to meet the end goal.
There is no way for you to know which side of life is better, or what awaits you well down the path of sobriety, any “it’s no use, I have nothing to do anyway” is the addiction speaking for you....because 15 to 20 months of sobriety down the road, you will have plenty to do. And on days you don’t, you’ll move through your better days with a blissful zen. On your worse days, you’ll know how to distract from the pain. This must be earned. Time can’t be begged away, the time is crucial to meet the end goal.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Hi. Nothing big to announce. No bad news that I drank, no great news said I hit a year sober or anything. I’m at a month and a half. But I’m proud of myself and this is the longest I’ve gone since my four month stretch a year ago. I feel really good about it. I fostered a dog and am very much enjoying her. I take her out every night to the dog park, and her happiness makes me happy. I wake up every morning with her and take her out too. I also talk to a lot of other dog owners. And use my money for an afternoon dog walker while I’m at work rather than for wine (and delivery charges for more wine). I’m still wrapping my head around the fact that the whole world is not inside drinking immediately after work. It’s surreal. I want to stop saying things like “I hope this works.“ I want to start saying I’m a non-drinker. I’m a non-drinker. It just is what it is. I am a non-drinker. Even in my brain, I don’t believe it, but I have to start putting that out into the universe. It’s a fact. I’m a nondrinker. Thank you for listening.
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