Sohard

Well, I just can’t seem to make this stick for a very long can I? I am happy to report that I have not drank for a month. I was feeling pretty good about it. Tonight was my first night out at dinner with some coworkers. It was just tremendously hard not to order a glass of red wine. But I knew if I did, that’s all I would be thinking about the rest of the dinner and then I would go right home and have another bottle. And then I would be back at square one. To be honest, I definitely wavered. I feel relieved that I’m back and safe at home. I just wish I didn’t want one. I know many of you heard me explain this 1 million times, but my longest sober time ever was 4 months. I intentionally went back out, as they say, because I wanted to make sure that I hadn’t in fact beat this and could now drink normally. What a mistake that was. I just want to get back to that length of time again. But I know I can only do that day by day. Time just seems to move so slow when you’re counting days. Anyway, thanks for letting me share.

Hevyn

I'm so glad you came back to talk about what happened, Sohard.
Before I finally admitted I could never drink again, I tried numerous times to see if I was 'cured'. I was sure willpower would save me - I was so determined to be a social drinker. If it had been possible, it would have happened many years ago. I almost lost my life proving one drink always leads to many more - and a dangerous binge.

You learned something valuable. This can be the end of your misery. Good to have you with us - keep on posting & reading. We care.

fini

.” I just want to get back to that length of time again. But I know I can only do that day by day. Time just seems to move so slow when you’re counting days“

Sohard, idon’t think it is a mistake to make sure you cannot drink normally...for me, the knowledge that i cannot had to be absolutely certain before i could be sober for good. meaning: i had my own numerous varieties of experiments before that knowledge really stuck so that i have not questioned it ever again.

yes, the doing is day by day, as you say. you can’t get it any other way. however, if you let go of the idea of just getting to that length of time again, then there is no need to count days and you can concentrate on figuring out what path you will follow to get to permanent sobriety. if that is what you want.

Sohard

Thank you for your replies. Maybe I made a mistake by going out to dinner so early in my sobriety. It was just so hard, which made me doubt my strength. Perhaps I should not do that again for a while. Something to seriously consider. I thank god I didn’t screw up.

BullDog777

I don't know your story, but I'd just like to remind you that every time you go back-however small- it makes it that much harder to get back to long term sobriety.

a few slips here and there can turn into a flat out train wreck with dire consequences if we don't remain vigilant. It can sneak up on us when we least expect it.

Glad you're back. Write this down, and tape it to a mirror you look into every day... "I cannot ever drink safely"

You need a daily reminder.

Stayingsassy

Yeah, when I quit: there was no bargaining with time. There was just forever. When I bargain with the future, I drink.

Even when I used to do 30 day, 6 week, 7 week, 90 day stretches in a row (damn there were a lot of them in that ten years) I couldn’t really even get a week unless I believed I was quitting forever. If I leave that door open I’m buying a bottle that day! Now that I have 20 months, it’s still “forever,” even though I said “forever” a hundred times before. I have to believe. If I don’t believe, I drink. Yep, in the past I drank anyway after a period of time. But I get no traction at all without belief.

I am blessed to have kept the door shut, sometimes I’m in awe that it’s been so long. I remember people telling me at my old website “you won’t want it anymore after while” and I thought it was the biggest load of BS I’d ever heard! But they were right.

Best wishes. You say you have a month? Congrats!

least

A month is a good start to a better life. Come here and post often. Especially if you want to drink. Post here first so we can talk you out of it.

The early days do tend to go slowly. I had to take it minute by minute sometimes. But yes, it gets so much better.

The best thing I ever did for my sobriety, the best advice I ever got, was to start practicing gratitude every day. Even on my worst days I'd find something to be thankful for. Anything counts, no matter how small, as long as you're grateful. And it can make you happier too. This is a good article about how gratitude rewards us.

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/22/o...pier.html?_r=0

Dee74

I struggled for a long time because I wanted to keep my old life.
As that life was all about drinking, that was untenable.

Maybe you need a better plan SoHard?

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

NYCDoglvr

During the first 90 days I had to go to a business Christmas party in a bar and took another alcoholic with me for support. After a half our or so the smell of wine bothered me and I left. Best to wait a while, I think. What else are you doing to maintain your sobriety?

August252015

Sohard - you did the best thing after leaving the dinner sober, and you came here to tell on yourself. So important- and tough, right?

Also....what are you doing for IRL support? Whatever you choose, an active program (mine is AA) helps us replace words like hope, and strength, and maybe and consider with action words like choice [not to drink.] It's not an accident, true?

And if anyone reads my repetitive words of caution, you'll know I recommend caution and a slow and conservative approach to EVERYTHING "out there" when we first get sober. You had 4 mo - which is awesome- and a month now - so very early in both cases. I had to put "no" into my head as an ever-acceptable answer - to anything. Period.

What's up today? Check back in with us, I hope!

Obladi

So glad to see you back! Stick around?

Sohard

ljc267

I can only speak for myself, but what finally worked for me is simply stop entertaining the thought of ever drinking. Once I opened my mind to the possibility of drinking it was over.

Don't consider drinking. I know that sounds simplistic but it's effective. When you go to dinner order a diet coke or whatever your non-alcoholic drink is, eat and enjoy yourself. I think us alcoholics get inside our heads to much. We make everything the biggest thing ever. Make things simple. I don't drink.

DayTrader

My hat is off to so many of you. It's so sad for me to hear about / see people trying to quit and fail for years.........many years.

About a year of that type of failure had me quite suicidal. I can't fathom how bad several years of it would feel. I'm willing to help in any way I can, know that for sure.

bimbott

I'm a month in too and have just been on a week-long work trip away from home with a large group of drinkers. There was only me and one other who didn't drink. I was dreading it, but I had a thought shift - along the lines of ljc's post. I ordered my lime and sodas and sat and enjoyed each meal and the company of others. I didn't drink. More importantly, I found I didn't want to drink.

Learning more about AVRT has helped me to not want to drink, in addition to beginning to appreciate just how much damage I was doing to my body by poisoning it every day. I spent that week away observing others throwing poison down their necks and thanked God, I wasn't.

Maybe read around the different types of recovery programmes? Good job on the month!

ScottFromWI

How is it going Sohard? Staying in touch with our support networks, whatever they may be, is critical - especially early on. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.

Sohard

Dee74

are you working to any kind of a plan sohard?

D

Sohard

I like AVRT. I’m trying.

It’s strange how when I’m doing so well, like my current state (yes, only about a month sober, but “well” is relative), I want a night off in which I can congratulate myself...with a bottle of wine. Yes, I want to celebrate my sobriety with a bottle of wine...so messed up.

Dee74

It takes time relearning stuff and rewriting those neural pathways...plenty of other, more positive, more life affirming ways to reward yourself

D