Hard to believe...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 185
Hard to believe...
I had my two-year anniversary this week. June 10 was two years for me. I can hardly believe it. I still get the occasional voice telling me it sure would be nice to unwind with a glass of wine, but I know exactly where that will go.
And I have come to learn that the voice isn't actually a desire to unwind. It's a desire to shut down completely. Thus the desire to get obliterated.
I'm still working on that-- on managing my busy life, spouse hood, parenthood, work, etc.--without wanting to silence all the noise. They are two separate problems, the way I see it-- managing life's noise, and a desire to drink as a way to manage life's noise--so that's how I am approaching them.
Anyway, every evening I spend some time on SR just to keep myself grounded. And then I close my eyes and actually sleep. 'Tis good.
xo
And I have come to learn that the voice isn't actually a desire to unwind. It's a desire to shut down completely. Thus the desire to get obliterated.
I'm still working on that-- on managing my busy life, spouse hood, parenthood, work, etc.--without wanting to silence all the noise. They are two separate problems, the way I see it-- managing life's noise, and a desire to drink as a way to manage life's noise--so that's how I am approaching them.
Anyway, every evening I spend some time on SR just to keep myself grounded. And then I close my eyes and actually sleep. 'Tis good.
xo
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Congrats and welcome to the 2 year club! haha.
Yeah, oblivion. I completely relate and I guess I'm working on that too. I know that hiking by myself helps. Also making sure I don't over think...just simply stop myself. Do something to keep that brain from circling around and around on something that is out of my control. That concept of acceptance dripping over into every aspect of my life really.
I have a feeling my fleeting desire to mentally check out will always be there. But drinking won't actually accomplish that...I have to always remember that.
I want to try one of those sensory deprivation tanks.....
Yeah, oblivion. I completely relate and I guess I'm working on that too. I know that hiking by myself helps. Also making sure I don't over think...just simply stop myself. Do something to keep that brain from circling around and around on something that is out of my control. That concept of acceptance dripping over into every aspect of my life really.
I have a feeling my fleeting desire to mentally check out will always be there. But drinking won't actually accomplish that...I have to always remember that.
I want to try one of those sensory deprivation tanks.....
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Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
FMN, two years is fantastic!!! I'm just starting my way into my second year and am feeling better than I have in ages. Thank you for sharing that it just came upon you and that you are dealing with things so appropriately. I think that I am at a point where I am able to work on me as much as the sobriety efforts, and I like that.
Entropy, I have been in a sensory deprivation tank a couple of times and really enjoyed it. It was a tank that was not fully enclosed but rather a large tub in a space that was completely shielded from light and noise, so no mental idea of being pinned in and getting claustrophobic was an issue. You could stand up if you wanted. If you are a person into meditation (I'm not), it would be fantastic for that, I believe. I was so comfortable that even my mind wandering where it wanted to didn't take me anyplace difficult for me, and I had a lot going on at the time. Fully recommended!
Entropy, I have been in a sensory deprivation tank a couple of times and really enjoyed it. It was a tank that was not fully enclosed but rather a large tub in a space that was completely shielded from light and noise, so no mental idea of being pinned in and getting claustrophobic was an issue. You could stand up if you wanted. If you are a person into meditation (I'm not), it would be fantastic for that, I believe. I was so comfortable that even my mind wandering where it wanted to didn't take me anyplace difficult for me, and I had a lot going on at the time. Fully recommended!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Congrats on two years!!!!
I’m right behind you and already feeling that two year vibe. I desperately want everyone stuck in the death cycle to know what this feels like, trying so hard to let it come across. It feels like peace.
I’m right behind you and already feeling that two year vibe. I desperately want everyone stuck in the death cycle to know what this feels like, trying so hard to let it come across. It feels like peace.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,913
Inspirational—and helpful. Thinking about the desire to silence the madness of a busy life (I’m in same boat—parent, crazy job, spouse, etc.) and desiring alcohol as the means of achieving this. After close to a year and a half I’m coming to find a lot of the noise is in my head...but anyhow have a long way to go and I’ve never really hard it articulated as well as you did. Glad you’re still around and congrats on 2 years!
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