GerandTwine

Hi Sh,

Well, it’s been 4 days. How did this plan go?

GT

tomsteve

its been a bit, sohard. hope youre doing ok.

BullDog777

This makes me sad....

Can somebody remind me why it wasn't immediately pointed out how dumbs#it of an idea it was for her to stop posting for 4 days??

I guess I missed this one. It's like here's a free pass...go isolate and try some crazy new age bulls#it that has like zero chance of working.....

I hate it when people fall through the cracks.

I hope she's ok.

Obladi

Sohard,

Please come back and let us know how you are doing?
There are a lot of people who care.

O

Gottalife

Ah, well, it is about the importance of having our own experience. Every alcoholic I have ever met has rejected good advice a thousand times. Seems like we have to learn the hard way. It is a mistake that we make in AA sometimes, trying to talk someone into recovery when they still have reservations.

Whatever the idea is, and whether it was something that I tried and failed at, for the newcomer it exists as a possible way out of their problems. If we talk them out of trying it, it will always be there as a reservation, an idea in the back of the mind that there might still be an easier way out.

So we can say in our experience this didn't work out too well, but you may be different. By all means give it a try. If it doesn't work out you will be that much the wiser.

Grungehead

I think the sad (or frustrating) part is that I know for a fact that I was very fortunate to live through my hard lessons, and many will not be as fortunate as I was. Addiction is a very subtle, patient and sometimes deadly foe, and it doesn't play fair. One person might get a dozen chances to get it right while the next person might only get one.

Stayingsassy

I dont think anyone told her to stop posting? Anyway: there is merit to all methods. I have tried them all and used more than one in this last time.

But until she's ready, none of the methods will work. And some people will never be ready. And it makes us feel helpless but there is nothing we can do about it.

JudicatorPanzer

This.

GerandTwine

Hi Sohard,
Unless you’ve already quit for good, I know you’re out there reading from time to time. Two weeks ago you posted.

So, it’s two weeks to go to your move.
I believe you’re finding it will be easier to quit as you get closer and closer to that point when you finally make a plan to end your problem drinking once and for all. I wish all the best to you.
GT

Sohard

Thank you all for thinking of me.

Well, I know my alcohol problem developed bc I was medicating my severe depression and anxiety. Once I stopped drinking, I got better and I got an awesome new job starting later this summer. At that point, I “celebrated” with some wine, and then was on/off the drinking ride of hell for a couple months.

Last I wrote with you, I was still struggling to quit. About a week ago, I had a full-on OCD panic attack (something that could never happen anymore sober and medicated) and ended up in the hospital. For anyone who has had severe anxiety, you know the hell that feels like.

So, I’ve been home and easily sober for the past 4 days. At the moment, I’m WAY too scared to drink bc I never want to feel that panic and fear and anxiety again. And I WILL put myself right back in that hell if I pour a depressant down my throat, intentionally deactivating my antidepressants. So, maybe THIS can be what keeps me sober. It’s not about if I want a drink or not, it’s about if I want to live or not. It’s about the hell I just not only put myself but also my family through. I feel so, so guilty. But I’m glad to be sober. Although that panic/anxiety isn’t quite gone yet. It’s too soon for that, but only one step in front of the other will “cure” that. Anyway, that’s that.

Stayingsassy

Hi so hard. I recommend you find some face to face recovery support specific to alcohol addiction. Regular therapists don't often address alcoholism and sometimes attribute it to "stress," so maybe an addiction therapist or addiction support groups. I believe your missing piece is in face to face support.

best wishes. I'm glad you are on the mend from your episode.

tomsteve

i second this. there is no shame in reaching out for f2f support. many of us have had to. its a blessing its available and you deserve the extra support,sohard.

Wholesome

I saw an addiction counselor in the early days of my quit. I got it for free from my member assistant program at work. It was totally confidential too. I bet being a teacher your union will have information about how to get the ball rolling. I had a lot of anxiety in the early days, I found it would crash over me like a wave. It got better over time. Best to you. This really can be the last time you quit. You can turn this around, you deserve a happy sober life.

Stayingsassy

I'm kind of spoiled because my entire family wants me to stay sober. They check in with me. They reinforce my decision with their language. They watch me.

It's a bit like living with four alcohol sponsors, lol. It would be a HUGE tragedy in my house at this time if I drank and it was witnessed by anyone in my family. There are big expectations all around me from the moment I wake up until I go to bed.

You have to have live real people that you talk to a lot, who reinforce your sobriety. Real people in your life, supporting you. You seem to be doing this on your own other than SR.

Obladi

Sohard, I'm so glad you're back and that you're feeling committed. I see a therapist who works with "dual diagnosis" folks - those with addiction + anxiety and/or depression. It's really awesome. This after I spent years with other therapists who were helpful to a point but never with the alcohol.

Anyhow, I just wanted to say I'm glad you're here and look forward to updates on how you fare.

O

Obladi

How goes?

GerandTwine

HI Sh,
Your latest post reminds me of two things about when I finally quit for good.

1 - All the times that I quit temporarily I did it because I wanted to avoid the bad things that were happening from getting drunk.

When I eventually quit for good it was because I was finally willing to give up forever that deep tsunami of pleasure that had grown so accustomed to.

I learned that pain and negative experiences are forgotten faster than pleasurable positive ones. So, knowing I would forget the bad feeling and still remember the good feelings, it was important for me to Recognize from the moment I made my pledge of permanent abstinence that I was giving up FOREVER that assault of chemically enhanced, ecstatic stupidity that I had grown to love over more than ten years.

2 - I didn’t know whether the people who cared about me believed I had a disease, or that I was being grossly self-indulgent by doing things others avoid in the name of common decency.

Me? I never believed I had a disease; and I came to believe the latter. That was why I tried so hard to hide my drinking from others near the end.

When I finally quit for good the guilt I felt DID help me in my resolve to stubbornly pledge absolute permanent abstinence. I will never drink again. NO CONDITIONS ATTACHED.

GT

Stayingsassy

Hi so hard.

I was thinking about you and hoping you're ok. I was also wondering if you told the hospital personnel about the scope of your alcohol problem and if they offered you any resources for that.

I hope you're still sober and feeling better after such a terrible episode. Take care of yourself.

You said in your last post "it's not about whether I want to drink or not, it's about whether I want to live."

Yep. that's exactly how I see my alcoholism on a daily, sun up to sundown basis. A serious disease that requires sobriety just like diabetes type one requires insulin and as long as I maintain sobriety i really am ok. More than ok. I hope you get to "ok, " yourself. The water is nice and warm over here!

GerandTwine

Hi Sh,

You last posted the above 10 days ago, so I’m assuming you’ve now accomplished your two weeks abstinent goal.

You’re now well positioned to make a deeper decision about your future use of alcohol.

All the best to you,

GT

Kat1313

Hi SoHard,
Just want to send positive energy your way and wish you well. I hope you have a better day today. Stay strong and on track. I’m right here with you trying my best to change my life around, too. We can do it! Be good!