Sohard

I’m literally lost on this whole sobriety thing. Let me explain. I WANT it. I TRY. I was so good for 4 months. Then, I messed up. Now, I can’t get on steady ground. 10 days sober and messed up.

I just don’t know how to make it stick. I am literally begging you for help. You tell me to surrender, get a plan, etc. but I’m TRYING. Please say the magic words (whatever they are).

I just want someone to be a wizard and make this work. Sorry.

Dropsie

We have all been there.

For me, it really was when I realized that every time really was going to be like the last, only worse.

There was no one drink, or just tonight. I totally and completely accepted I was addicted so it was a choice. No more kidding myself.

So I stopped. Not easy. But it was what I knew I had to do.

You can do this.

Dee74

Hi sohard

If you're having trouble even getting a day one - maybe it's time to try everything?

Leave no stone unturned - AA SMART, Lifering...

Sit in SR from sunup to bedtime if you have to.

You have the power. Yes, even now

The AV can make a laundry list of demands as long as your arm but if you don't buy the booze? Party's over.

Do anything but buy that next lot of booze.
It won't be a great couple of days but it will a fresh star

csilvers1984

Keep your head up!! You're already ahead of myself as you've been sober!! It's taken myself getting some not good health news for me to want to make a change. I'm not sober yet but I'm getting into a facility in the coming week.

I have severe anxiety and withdrawal symptoms or I would stop now. Good for you for wanting it!!! It's taken me 10yrs to really want it.

Keep the want and the passion to quit! Thinks positive and continue to strive for sobriety!

least

None of us are wizards and there are no magic words. It takes hard work to get sober. But the key is wanting to be sober more than you want to drink!

Grungehead

Go back to AA, find a sponsor and work the steps...ASAP.

You asked.

And what I underlined is the only thing that worked for me. I went to hundreds if not thousands of AA meetings without working the steps and I always ended up relapsing. I know that AA is not for everyone, but when nothing else seems to be working it might be time to give the program (the steps) a try. AA is known by many as "the last house on the block". If you've reached that point it might be time to go knock on the door.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back so hard, lots of great advice here already. I too wanted a magic pill, technique, cure once and for all - I think most of us did. While there is no universal solution, you do hold the absloute power inside you to choose sobriety. Addiction, while powerful, is not all controlling and there is no “fate” involved. It’s all about the choices you make each and every day.

For some people, having an ultra regimented plan like AA or rehab is necessary to get started. But even in those cases it’s still about choices you make. You can just as easily decide to go to a meeting as you can go to the liquor store. Being around others who have experience can be helpful in learning how to make good choices. You are literally learning a new way of life and it’s not easy....nothing in life worth having usually is.

Stayingsassy

Hey sohard, give AA a try.

I even went to AA the other night! and I have eight months without it. But I'm working through some issues, thought it might help.

It was nice. I ended up counselling more than getting counseled (true to form, unfortunately) but I think I'll go back. It has a nice nurturing vibe and everyone there is in some stage of fighting this.

Keep an open mind, hey?

Hugs, girl. Im so sorry you relapsed again. I know how frustrating this is.

Cosima11

I don't know if you're into journaling but I'm using that as a tool to help me quit smoking. Basically my only "job" is to get through the day without a cigarette and then document all the frivolous and ridiculous thoughts that came into my head about it throughout the day.. So I can look back and remember why I'm doing this, what's hard about it, and what's worked in abating the cravings.

Sometimes it really is necessary to have a way of keeping yourself accountable every. single. day. Whether it's posting here daily, going to meetings, checking in with a friend/family member, or just checking in with yourself through journaling or meditation, or whatever works.. choose a method and stick to it 100%.

And please don't lose hope, it can take many attempts and every practice run you've had is something you can now build on.

AlwaysGrowing

As the saying goes, Do! Not try!

Once drinking is taken off the table COMPLETELY then life will change. Find a tree and hit it with a 2x4 if you need to. Reese's Cups filled that sugar void early on for me.

tomsteve

im glad youre back,sohard.
unfortunatly, theres no wizards with magical,mystical words or a shiney wand to wave over us and we are automatically never drink again.
you WANT to stop- awesome!!
are you WILLING to go to ANY lengths?

when i first got sober, i didnt have a problem with the obsession with alcohol- i was too miserable. when the mental fog wore off, thats when the obsession came in big time. every friggin thing i did brought up the thought of " have a drink!"
and i had some serious work to do to not pick up that first drink.
some days not drinking was a one day at a time thing.
some days that was too long so one hour at a time.
some hours were too long so one minute at a time.
some minutes were too long so one second at a time.

i was also going to a lot of AA meetings, reading the BB, and working the steps. eventually i made it a full 24 hours without even thinking about a drink, which i didnt realize until the next day. that was just one of the promises and miracle to occur for me.

BullDog777

This part of the illness is quite often what proves to be fatal. This is the part that should scare the hell out of you.

My last relapse was supposed to be over a weekend. Just a couple of days, and I'd be right back on the wagon. Right?
Wrong.
It took me 4 years of trying before I was able to get sober again. I could get a few days here and there, but nothing long term.

For me, I always had it in the back of my mind that I could do it if i really wanted to. But maybe I wasn't ready yet...I'll just have a few more....then get sober and get back to work...a bad day....a good day...whatever...a holiday. Any day that ended in Y is what it became.

Towards the end of my last relapse, stringing those few days together got fewer and fewer. Harder and harder. Until it was next to impossible.

My last trip to the ER, the dr said to me "I'm sure you can get drunk again..you do that well. But sir, you don't have another detox in you. This is going to end your life in a very short time if you don't address this. "

I had organ damage, diabetes, and dangerously high blood pressure.

SoHard...I was only supposed to be out for a couple of days.

This is the part of the illness that gets deadly. You NEED help, now. Do whatever it takes....

An listen, i'm all for the "you've got this girl!" and gotta stay positive!!" type of stuff....but in the back of your mind...maybe you should be scared s#itless right now....because your last few attempts have not worked.

If you don't get help....these days are going to get worse and more hopeless.

I urge you to get professional help. At the very least, AA. You have to change the plan or this is going to get to be too much.

I'm sorry if I sound scary or a tad hard right now but this is so very serious and we all care for you and want to see you live.

Life can be so very beautiful if you just hang in there.

biminiblue

I agree with everyone Sohard.

It won't get better, only worse and the longer you keep drinking and quitting and drinking and quitting the worse the consequences for you.

I know you used to post in the Secular side...is that because you don't like AA for some reason? At the very least, give it a chance.

Contempt prior to investigation could kill you. What you've been doing isn't working and there are many people in real life that will help you - but you have to take the first step.

No pun intended.

Stayingsassy

I think if SMART worked for you, we would not all be addressing AA.

AA at its core is simply a support group for alcoholics, with a program and plan of action to keep you sober. It gets you sober with others people's help and keeps you sober by helping others. What is the issue with that?

There's lots of nice normal women there who will take you to a meeting or help you get going. Go to noon meetings downtown, you'll see a bunch of people in business suits. Not that the suit has any less of a problem than the folks with shopping carts....but it might make you more comfortable.

Mtphc

I know exactly where you're at. It's not easy. I'm in early recovery and had a heck of a time getting to where I'm at right now. Really thought it was never going to end.

Wish I had magic words, it would be amazing if there was. Sounds like you're on a binge, maybe medication will help just to get you through the difficult stages?

Wholesome

SoHard, I think your AV has you convinced you are not in control - but you are. You are in control of your body and you can choose which thoughts to nurture and which thoughts to dismiss. Stay busy, distract yourself, don't let your mind ruminate and dwell on those annoying incessant AV thoughts. Whatever you have to do, do it. Try not to focus on your failures but let yourself feel excited about your future as a woman free of her addiction. Envision that. You deserve it and it's yours for the taking.

It's the first drink that you need to stay away from. Stay in the moment when your AV starts to take over your thoughts and shut them down, NO I never drink.

You can do this. Keep your chin up. I know it can be disheartening, but you have all you need inside you to beat this.

Gottalife

Abra Kadabra, just don't drink. They are the magic words that alcoholics of my type love to hear because we love to believe that we still have the power of choice. We've got options, we can do this anyway we want.

Unfortunately, they don't work, and it is not for the lack of trying. Lack of power is the problem. Where to find the power? Through AA and the steps seems to be the most reliable path.

".There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation."

Well, my wife and I definitiely did not like the Chemotherapy regime the doctors put her on, if there was any other way we could have spared her that misery.... but there was no alternative.

Same with alcoholism, except there is the added hope of ultimate recovery which was not available to my wife. The choice was simple, learn to live on a spiritual basis, or face an alcoholic death. With the true diehard alcoholic this always brings the question "How bad can an alcoholic death be?" I didn't want to find out.

BullDog777

incredibly powerful. It also paints the insanity of this illness so terribly well.

On one hand you have a loved one with cancer who has no choice and will do whatever is in front of her to try to get through it...and then there's the alcoholic...always looking for an easier answer than just put the bottle down and get help.

Like...we just lose that knee jerk survival instinct to survive...to simply stop poisoning ourselves.

So sorry about your wife Gottalife.

I have a few close friends and a cousin battling cancer right now. Another battling end stage lung disease. It used to make me feel so selfish and horrible that I took EVERYTHING in my life for granted. I was just pissing it all away when they' re fighting just to stay here.

I'm not minimizing our illness but talk about feeling like a selfish a$$...Like they'd give anything to get my alcoholism if it meant they'd stop having to do chemo...or surgery, or more chemo..because after all...this is OUR choice to be sick. That's Fing crazy man.


Sohard,

The sick, vile, nature of this illness tell us we don't have an illness. That life is hopeless or too frustrating or whatever it is that keeps so many people out. Because of that....so many people give up and give in. If the newly sober could just hang on for like a year or so...man...it's like opening a new set of eyes.

You don't think the same...you don't react the same...this will become something you remember going through, but it's never something i ever obsess over anymore. People CAN and DO recover. They just need to show up with the willingness to do what it takes.

Easier said than done, I know.

But it's 1000000000% worth every fu#$ing nightmare I had. Every frustrating day, every compulsion, every tragedy, every fear walked through every single emotion i felt that got me here is worth it because today I am alive.
An I don't suffer anymore.

Because I put in the time, the blood, the sweat and the tears...and most importantly...I never gave up..

If I can do it anyone can do it. I'm a bottom barrel case.

Wholesome

Having cancer is not the same as being addicted to alcohol, although continuing to drink high levels of alcohol can lead to developing cancer, which you won't be able to pray away.

SoHard, please don't listen to these people telling you you don't have the power. Just because they want to believe that AV lie doesn't mean you have to. You do have it. Believe in yourself.

Cosima11

From my understanding addiction hijacks the part of the brain that relates to survival.. so while your "beast brain" instincts will do anything and everything necessary to defend and acquire more of what you perceive to be keeping you alive, your addiction actually has the power to kill you (literally or figuratively). Twisted indeed but there is a way out. Actually there are numerous ways out. They all begin with applying that same willingness to do anything and everything necessary..

You can re-train your brain. You can find a connection to the "divine" in realizing you're a part of something larger. Maybe that something larger includes your own human ability to place intellect above the acting out of instincts. I hope you find and stick with whatever method resonates the most with you. Also I should say it doesn't have to be so binary and mutually exclusive. I personally find value in both AVRT and the AA principles..