One More Day Part 2
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hi Guys!
I like this thread because I feel like I can talk about myself without starting a thread....nice!
Roof is still roofing. Good grief. I guess I thought they just ripped the shlit off and threw the other stuff on and its done. Little more than that. And we've been having weather so that's delayed it. Sooooo allegedly they are coming today. I mean, yesterday was a beautiful day. They (2 guys) got here at 9:30, worked until 12:30 (I'm usually not here but I wanted to see what was happening), took a long lunch until 2, puttered around cleaning up, worked from 3-5. Called it a day. At this rate my roof won't be done until next fall
Oh well, is what it is. Weather is supposed to be bad beginning of next week so my guess is they won't be done until end of next week. Okaaaayyyyyy.
My daughter is taking the ACT today....I'm nervous for her. She's been doing tutoring and prep for it so she's ready. Her highest practice test score was 33 (out of 36) which is huge. So if she ups that even a point that is an amazing score. She took the SAT the other day and said it was easy. Finished all sections with time to spare and review. So hopefully she hit that one outta the park. She is smart as hell. Crazy smart.
So its off to the gym. Hope everyone is well.
I like this thread because I feel like I can talk about myself without starting a thread....nice!
Roof is still roofing. Good grief. I guess I thought they just ripped the shlit off and threw the other stuff on and its done. Little more than that. And we've been having weather so that's delayed it. Sooooo allegedly they are coming today. I mean, yesterday was a beautiful day. They (2 guys) got here at 9:30, worked until 12:30 (I'm usually not here but I wanted to see what was happening), took a long lunch until 2, puttered around cleaning up, worked from 3-5. Called it a day. At this rate my roof won't be done until next fall
Oh well, is what it is. Weather is supposed to be bad beginning of next week so my guess is they won't be done until end of next week. Okaaaayyyyyy.My daughter is taking the ACT today....I'm nervous for her. She's been doing tutoring and prep for it so she's ready. Her highest practice test score was 33 (out of 36) which is huge. So if she ups that even a point that is an amazing score. She took the SAT the other day and said it was easy. Finished all sections with time to spare and review. So hopefully she hit that one outta the park. She is smart as hell. Crazy smart.
So its off to the gym. Hope everyone is well.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
I had hoped that when youngest moved out, it would flip some sort of magic switch in me like it did last time. In the first place, no it didn't and in the second place, I just remembered that's not how it happened last time. A crisis was required, a feeling of complete helplessness that I never wish to revisit again. And yet, I do long for that surrender those AA folks speak of. How glorious would that be to just give up and give in?
I can't seem to bring myself to that point and I think it's about trust. Or lack thereof. If I don't really trust anyone (including myself), how in the world will I get to the point where I believe things will be better without drinking? Which is dumb, because if I take it down to the basic physical level, hell yeah it's better. Somehow my brain twists that around to, "but that's just you, so what?"
Did 2017 taxes (on time!) and tonight tried to do 2016 but the W2 isn't available on my job website.
Will need to call them Monday. Paid some bills, cleaned the cat box, went shopping and bought Not Too Much for One plus flowers because I'd like to think I love myself. The house is tidy but not clean, excepting the disarray in the basement due to a bit of flooding. Came up with a routine to take my meds and it does make a difference when I actually comply with the regimen. I don't think it will come to desperation to the point of driving to the emergency room again; to this I am at least committed.
Boss said she thought smelled alcohol on my breath "a little bit" early in the week but there were no consequences aside from her asking me if I was ok. Not sure how I feel about that. Relieved, of course, but sort of like I may have lost a friend I never had because she is wary.
In summary, I'm living in a quagmire but keeping on.
I can't seem to bring myself to that point and I think it's about trust. Or lack thereof. If I don't really trust anyone (including myself), how in the world will I get to the point where I believe things will be better without drinking? Which is dumb, because if I take it down to the basic physical level, hell yeah it's better. Somehow my brain twists that around to, "but that's just you, so what?"
Did 2017 taxes (on time!) and tonight tried to do 2016 but the W2 isn't available on my job website.
Will need to call them Monday. Paid some bills, cleaned the cat box, went shopping and bought Not Too Much for One plus flowers because I'd like to think I love myself. The house is tidy but not clean, excepting the disarray in the basement due to a bit of flooding. Came up with a routine to take my meds and it does make a difference when I actually comply with the regimen. I don't think it will come to desperation to the point of driving to the emergency room again; to this I am at least committed.Boss said she thought smelled alcohol on my breath "a little bit" early in the week but there were no consequences aside from her asking me if I was ok. Not sure how I feel about that. Relieved, of course, but sort of like I may have lost a friend I never had because she is wary.
In summary, I'm living in a quagmire but keeping on.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
chances of a magic switch, and it being flipped if it existed, are extremely minimal, O.
which is why plans, programs, methods, blahblahblah are usually recommended.
sigh. Just to add there is for most of us nothing glorious in a moment of surrender. though it is liberating...at least i found it so.
which is why plans, programs, methods, blahblahblah are usually recommended.
sigh. Just to add there is for most of us nothing glorious in a moment of surrender. though it is liberating...at least i found it so.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
I didn't trust or believe things would be better either O, I just knew I couldn't carry on the way I had been anymore. My fear of what would happen if I continued outweighed my fear of the unknowns of stopping. A crisis was required for me too (or more like a series of crises) but in retrospect I already had all the information I needed before I was forced into helplessness.
I'm not even an AA or higher power person but surrender has proved to have a certain sweetness after the awful parts end..
I'm not even an AA or higher power person but surrender has proved to have a certain sweetness after the awful parts end..
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 634
I'm not sure I surrendered... Just one day my promise of, "I will quit on xxxday" finally stuck. I was in the middle of alcohol counselling and some group therapy so I can't say I did it alone. I remember the sheer dread I felt when my alcohol counsellor asked me to have one day in the week that I didn't drink... When I think back to that I appreciate the freedom I have now from the booze. I totally appreciate how hard it all is... Wine was my thing, it was my friend, it celebrated it with me, it commiserated with me, it did everything with me. In the end it was ruining me, sheer feelings of dread, anxiety and an inability to cope. It was no friend.
Keep going O, that's all you can do sometimes.
Keep going O, that's all you can do sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Hey O,
I know how you feel.
Totally.
The hamster wheel s*cks, but when you are in it, you feel like how do you jump off without killing yourself, or at least making matters worse.
It takes trust to jump. And perserverance, etc. But mainly trust.
It will be better. You know that. Now trust it.
Love you.
I know how you feel.
Totally.
The hamster wheel s*cks, but when you are in it, you feel like how do you jump off without killing yourself, or at least making matters worse.
It takes trust to jump. And perserverance, etc. But mainly trust.
It will be better. You know that. Now trust it.
Love you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
so it seems a combination of 1. Not a low enough bottom and 2. Terminal uniqueness.
I had those also. Number two is easier to overcome than number one.
I hope number one doesn't end up being your job. Careful there and blessings. Hope you can find another way out.
I had those also. Number two is easier to overcome than number one.
I hope number one doesn't end up being your job. Careful there and blessings. Hope you can find another way out.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Hey O;
Glad you're taking care of bills, etc. but the job is the thing that makes it possible.
I think your bosses comment may have been a warning shot over you head.
Next one might hit you--what are your concrete strategies to not be smelling / outgassing booze when you are at work?
Even if you are still choosing to drink, some harm-reduction protocol should be in place to get the stink outta the system before and during working hours.
She's had "the talk" and next step will be HR because her azz is on the line if she knows about the issue and doesn't act and it continues.
I know you know this, but are you acting accordingly?
Glad you're taking care of bills, etc. but the job is the thing that makes it possible.
I think your bosses comment may have been a warning shot over you head.
Next one might hit you--what are your concrete strategies to not be smelling / outgassing booze when you are at work?
Even if you are still choosing to drink, some harm-reduction protocol should be in place to get the stink outta the system before and during working hours.
She's had "the talk" and next step will be HR because her azz is on the line if she knows about the issue and doesn't act and it continues.
I know you know this, but are you acting accordingly?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
O,
At ths stage, if you are going to drink, I think you need a 100% solid no drinking before or during work rule and a cut off time at night on school nights, like 10.
And you need to look her in the eyes and tell her if she asks again that you simply dont drink before or during work ever. So if she thinks she smells something she should say something because she is mistaken. And mean it.
Hawk knows the drill and so do you. They have been good to you based on your excellent work, but there are not a lot of chances left.
XXXX
At ths stage, if you are going to drink, I think you need a 100% solid no drinking before or during work rule and a cut off time at night on school nights, like 10.
And you need to look her in the eyes and tell her if she asks again that you simply dont drink before or during work ever. So if she thinks she smells something she should say something because she is mistaken. And mean it.
Hawk knows the drill and so do you. They have been good to you based on your excellent work, but there are not a lot of chances left.
XXXX
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 2,654
Come on O, you’re better than being under suspicion of being under the influence of drink at work. You’ve spoken often of how effective you are at work and the pride you have.
What will it take to happen, before you decide to stop drinking? What is your line in the sand? What losses will be behind that line in the sand; awaiting a fight to regain.
Why not take preemptive, positive, protective action and decide to draw that line yourself NOW; rather than have outside circumstances dictate the line, and your fate, and your losses, later on.
What will it take to happen, before you decide to stop drinking? What is your line in the sand? What losses will be behind that line in the sand; awaiting a fight to regain.
Why not take preemptive, positive, protective action and decide to draw that line yourself NOW; rather than have outside circumstances dictate the line, and your fate, and your losses, later on.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Like I said O, you deserve a higher bottom than losing a job you love.
Stick to the limits dropsie suggested and if you cant, and don't get sober, job loss sounds unfortunately like a reality. Bosses simply don't bring things like that up. It's hugely significant that she did, it's along the lines of my husband telling me in September that we will divorce if I don't stop drinking.
Make a dream list. Quickly and off the top of your head. Is sobriety on it?
Stick to the limits dropsie suggested and if you cant, and don't get sober, job loss sounds unfortunately like a reality. Bosses simply don't bring things like that up. It's hugely significant that she did, it's along the lines of my husband telling me in September that we will divorce if I don't stop drinking.
Make a dream list. Quickly and off the top of your head. Is sobriety on it?
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 675
So true about drawing a line in the sand. And it's not all doom and gloom, redemption is swift with some things. There's the pink cloud (which for me was pretty non-existent but I hear it's nice) and then the things you haven't yet lost quickly revert back to their natural and flourishing state.
You may think your boss is already "wary" so it's too late, but it's really really not. You'll be amazed by how much people are actually rooting for you and willing to give you the benefit of the doubt when you hold up your end of the bargain.
You may think your boss is already "wary" so it's too late, but it's really really not. You'll be amazed by how much people are actually rooting for you and willing to give you the benefit of the doubt when you hold up your end of the bargain.
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