One More Day Part 2
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
It's a beautiful day outside but I haven't mustered up any "want to" do much of anything. I am taking my meds, so it's not that. It's kind of like I'm treading water and singing the same songs in my head over and over again. But hey, I'm sober. Changed the sheets, cleaned out the tub and took a shower and filled up my pill boxes for the week.
This lethargy doesn't feel at all a rational thing - there's nothing keeping my from vacuuming or getting my bike ready for a ride or simply taking a walk. I'm gonna give myself a break today but this really needs to end, I think. First step is to get out of my bedroom. I'm in the office right now, so that's one step in the right direction.
Day 13.
This lethargy doesn't feel at all a rational thing - there's nothing keeping my from vacuuming or getting my bike ready for a ride or simply taking a walk. I'm gonna give myself a break today but this really needs to end, I think. First step is to get out of my bedroom. I'm in the office right now, so that's one step in the right direction.
Day 13.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Good morning!
While doing morning routine things in the kitchen, I suddenly realized that I felt "normal." Making coffee, cleaning up the dishes, walking with bare feet on the cool floor - it all just felt fine. Not a struggle, no urge to procrastinate, just normal.
I was up for a couple of hours in the middle of the night, but that's ok because I eventually slept again for a couple more and in all it feels like I got a full night. Showers and clean sheets help with that.
The big news, of course, is that I've now survived two weekends without drinking - and it doesn't even feel like "survival." It feels more like I existed. Which is not where I'd ultimately like to be but it sure is a welcome switch from wallowing. Not so much during the existence, but mornings are getting better for sure.
Day 14
While doing morning routine things in the kitchen, I suddenly realized that I felt "normal." Making coffee, cleaning up the dishes, walking with bare feet on the cool floor - it all just felt fine. Not a struggle, no urge to procrastinate, just normal.
I was up for a couple of hours in the middle of the night, but that's ok because I eventually slept again for a couple more and in all it feels like I got a full night. Showers and clean sheets help with that.
The big news, of course, is that I've now survived two weekends without drinking - and it doesn't even feel like "survival." It feels more like I existed. Which is not where I'd ultimately like to be but it sure is a welcome switch from wallowing. Not so much during the existence, but mornings are getting better for sure.
Day 14
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Hey lady, that is great to hear. Normal is fantastic.
My big news, and you will be the one who realizes just how big this is, is that I am voluntarily, without compulsion, cleaning out my entire junk room. Which, knowing me, was filled entirely from top to bottom with boxes as of yesterday morning.
I hate it, I totally hate it, every single minute! But realize that as of Wednesday when it is empty and clean, it will feel great. It’s that long-term thinking thing…
Of course, I’ve had a lot of help from my daughter and my partner, but still…
Happy Monday!
My big news, and you will be the one who realizes just how big this is, is that I am voluntarily, without compulsion, cleaning out my entire junk room. Which, knowing me, was filled entirely from top to bottom with boxes as of yesterday morning.
I hate it, I totally hate it, every single minute! But realize that as of Wednesday when it is empty and clean, it will feel great. It’s that long-term thinking thing…
Of course, I’ve had a lot of help from my daughter and my partner, but still…
Happy Monday!
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Wowwowwow, Dropsie! Good for you. I'm envious of your progress and you now make me think about cleaning out my bedroom closet - oy vey. Post a picture on Wednesday. 
I'm at work having literally run out of things to do. I guess I'd best go find something to remain an honest woman.
Hey, fini
I'm at work having literally run out of things to do. I guess I'd best go find something to remain an honest woman.
Hey, fini
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Well, nine months in, I still have days, maybe even half the week, where I don't feel normal.
The long term pattern of sobriety is NOT normal for me. I always returned to drinking to cope. with everything. This not turning to drinking thing still, even now, leaves me with "....so what do I do now, then?"
I am close to a year and still giving myself patience: patience with periods of sloth, patience with that extra size up in clothing, patience with my own thoughts. and lots and lots of gentleness toward my own person, my own brain, my own heart. I wasn't doing that before.
congrats on your two sober weekends. Work when it feels good, lie down when it feels good. You aren't drinking so F it. do what comes naturally. Maybe if you feel a pull toward your bed with the curtains drawn, that's what's needed.
Trust in the overall grand plan. and the long, long, long process.
The long term pattern of sobriety is NOT normal for me. I always returned to drinking to cope. with everything. This not turning to drinking thing still, even now, leaves me with "....so what do I do now, then?"
I am close to a year and still giving myself patience: patience with periods of sloth, patience with that extra size up in clothing, patience with my own thoughts. and lots and lots of gentleness toward my own person, my own brain, my own heart. I wasn't doing that before.
congrats on your two sober weekends. Work when it feels good, lie down when it feels good. You aren't drinking so F it. do what comes naturally. Maybe if you feel a pull toward your bed with the curtains drawn, that's what's needed.
Trust in the overall grand plan. and the long, long, long process.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Home again, home again, jiggety jog.
Autopilot on the way home is working for me. I rarely think about it when I'm passing the liquor store(s). Today I did, but I was already past, so no big deal. Was a tetch triggery when I ran out of work today, but that too passed.
Got those flowers, a small potted ivy, a chicken and various other sundries for lunch packing. I like my own lunches so much more than going to buy anything. It's nice to be back on the salad schtick even though it does take me forever to eat them.
Closing in on two weeks solid and AV is nagging around the edges. "You could make Independence Day a 4-day weekend, you know." "How long do you think we need to wait until we can drink again? Would a month be enough?" I'm disregarding these addictive thoughts as just that - AV. To be expected not combatted nor feared. Nor of course, obliged. At least It knows It won't be indulged anytime soon. Of course It has no sense of time, but today is clearly out of the realm of possibility.
Two weeks drawing to a close.
Two weeks ago, I wasn't even sure I could do this. Goes to show that being sure isn't what's needed; only willingness and action.
Autopilot on the way home is working for me. I rarely think about it when I'm passing the liquor store(s). Today I did, but I was already past, so no big deal. Was a tetch triggery when I ran out of work today, but that too passed.
Got those flowers, a small potted ivy, a chicken and various other sundries for lunch packing. I like my own lunches so much more than going to buy anything. It's nice to be back on the salad schtick even though it does take me forever to eat them.
Closing in on two weeks solid and AV is nagging around the edges. "You could make Independence Day a 4-day weekend, you know." "How long do you think we need to wait until we can drink again? Would a month be enough?" I'm disregarding these addictive thoughts as just that - AV. To be expected not combatted nor feared. Nor of course, obliged. At least It knows It won't be indulged anytime soon. Of course It has no sense of time, but today is clearly out of the realm of possibility.
Two weeks drawing to a close.
Two weeks ago, I wasn't even sure I could do this. Goes to show that being sure isn't what's needed; only willingness and action.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Obladi 
Home again, home again, jiggety jog.
Autopilot on the way home is working for me. I rarely think about it when I'm passing the liquor store(s). Today I did, but I was already past, so no big deal. Was a tetch triggery when I ran out of work today, but that too passed.
Got those flowers, a small potted ivy, a chicken and various other sundries for lunch packing. I like my own lunches so much more than going to buy anything. It's nice to be back on the salad schtick even though it does take me forever to eat them.
Closing in on two weeks solid and AV is nagging around the edges. "You could make Independence Day a 4-day weekend, you know." "How long do you think we need to wait until we can drink again? Would a month be enough?" I'm disregarding these addictive thoughts as just that - AV. To be expected not combatted nor feared. Nor of course, obliged. At least It knows It won't be indulged anytime soon. Of course It has no sense of time, but today is clearly out of the realm of possibility.
Two weeks drawing to a close.
Two weeks ago, I wasn't even sure I could do this. Goes to show that being sure isn't what's needed; only willingness and action.
Autopilot on the way home is working for me. I rarely think about it when I'm passing the liquor store(s). Today I did, but I was already past, so no big deal. Was a tetch triggery when I ran out of work today, but that too passed.
Got those flowers, a small potted ivy, a chicken and various other sundries for lunch packing. I like my own lunches so much more than going to buy anything. It's nice to be back on the salad schtick even though it does take me forever to eat them.
Closing in on two weeks solid and AV is nagging around the edges. "You could make Independence Day a 4-day weekend, you know." "How long do you think we need to wait until we can drink again? Would a month be enough?" I'm disregarding these addictive thoughts as just that - AV. To be expected not combatted nor feared. Nor of course, obliged. At least It knows It won't be indulged anytime soon. Of course It has no sense of time, but today is clearly out of the realm of possibility.
Two weeks drawing to a close.
Two weeks ago, I wasn't even sure I could do this. Goes to show that being sure isn't what's needed; only willingness and action.
It's never, ever, ever just a weekend.
I finally knew that about myself. I don't know how I knew it but I finally believed it and I stopped believing the AV.
That's it's favorite lie, you know. It's the one we are most likely to believe and the one we are least likely to accomplish.
And that's why we are here.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Hey lady,
For me, it helped when I told my old friend the AV that it was never ever going to happen. Just like Taylor Swift sang, we were never ever getting back together.
Took him a while to believe me, but once he did, things got a lot quieter. Why are all bad things male in my world....
XX
For me, it helped when I told my old friend the AV that it was never ever going to happen. Just like Taylor Swift sang, we were never ever getting back together.
Took him a while to believe me, but once he did, things got a lot quieter. Why are all bad things male in my world....
XX
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
My beast is also male. Hmmm
Woke up at 5 this morning wondering what that smell was in the house. Took me a few minutes to realize I'd put the chicken in the crockpot. The cats definitely enjoyed their breakfast.
Also took me a few minutes to realize Today is My Birthday!
Moving right along. Day 15
Woke up at 5 this morning wondering what that smell was in the house. Took me a few minutes to realize I'd put the chicken in the crockpot.
The cats definitely enjoyed their breakfast. Also took me a few minutes to realize Today is My Birthday!
Moving right along. Day 15
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