Can we help someone avoid a relapse?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
Can we help someone avoid a relapse?
The more people that show they care, the less the chance of one of us relapsing. That's just my opinion, but I do think it is a valid one. If four or five SR members show their solidarity with one who is struggling with his/her demon right then, the chances of that person/friend relapsing is way smaller; if a hundred of us SR's show our support, the chances of a relapse are way-way-wayyy smaller. Strength in numbers, as they say.
So why are we not doing it then? Why don't we support people who have a very REAL problem - like all of us - and show that person we care. Why do people post a cry for help, and two or three days later, they have received eight or nine replies; but four or five hundred views? And yes, I know the difference between the two; also the difference between a visitor and a member.
I'm just as guilty as anybody else when it comes to "Replies" on posts, but as of now, I am going to try and be more actively supporting.
I know that this post probably won't make one little bit of difference, but it was just something I thought should be addressed. Taking an hour out to write something which should find rapport with hundreds of us, and receiving five or six replies - although gratifying in a sense; Thank You!! - is somewhat disheartening.
Post AND reply, I say! Tell us your heartaches and struggles; share with us and let us share with you.
Just my two cents worth.
So why are we not doing it then? Why don't we support people who have a very REAL problem - like all of us - and show that person we care. Why do people post a cry for help, and two or three days later, they have received eight or nine replies; but four or five hundred views? And yes, I know the difference between the two; also the difference between a visitor and a member.
I'm just as guilty as anybody else when it comes to "Replies" on posts, but as of now, I am going to try and be more actively supporting.
I know that this post probably won't make one little bit of difference, but it was just something I thought should be addressed. Taking an hour out to write something which should find rapport with hundreds of us, and receiving five or six replies - although gratifying in a sense; Thank You!! - is somewhat disheartening.
Post AND reply, I say! Tell us your heartaches and struggles; share with us and let us share with you.
Just my two cents worth.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I would argue that there is a tremendous amount of support given here Corrie. And it's also important to remember that every person here, including the administrators and moderators are volunteers. We all have jobs, families, and life to deal with as well. Another factor to consider is that the lion's share of posting here on SR happens over in the Newcomers and Friends/Family sections. So when a newcomer or someone in need does post with a dire request for help, those threads do generally receive a large number of replies.
Regarding the "views", i wouldn't worry about those numbers too much. There are bots and anonymous guest users on SR all day long, so the numbers can be misleading.
Regarding the "views", i wouldn't worry about those numbers too much. There are bots and anonymous guest users on SR all day long, so the numbers can be misleading.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Why don't we support people who have a very REAL problem
just because there arent as many replies as ya feel there should be doesnt mean people arent supportive. theres many times many people here dont reply because what they were going to say was already said.
theres other times,too, where someone may come here and have a situation members have absolutely no experience with so members dont post because they have no experience to share.
just because there arent as many replies as ya feel there should be doesnt mean people arent supportive. theres many times many people here dont reply because what they were going to say was already said.
theres other times,too, where someone may come here and have a situation members have absolutely no experience with so members dont post because they have no experience to share.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,846
Support is great and very helpful, for sure. But IMO, true recovery comes from within. I know that no amount of advice/prodding from family and friends could get me to change my ways until I was ready to surrender and make the change for myself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manchester, UK
Posts: 1,111
SR is as good as any environment I have come across I believe on the whole it's very supportive. There's always room for reflection and improvement that's for sure.
As for support...a couple of observations I'd make:
- It's vital...with alcoholism we need to feel safe and understood
- There is a difference between blind indiscriminate support and compassionate genuine support. The best support I've received has been non-judgemental...but not necessarily always what I wanted to hear.
- Everyone I've seen get well...in the end the onus has been on them...you can lead a horse to water but not make them drink. I can't save anyone and noone could save me...but some great folks were there for me when I was ready to reach out for help.
I certainly hope anyone lurking in the background here knows that there is a lot of compassion and experience on this board and mostly we are all here for the right reasons...to help in the best way we can
P
As for support...a couple of observations I'd make:
- It's vital...with alcoholism we need to feel safe and understood
- There is a difference between blind indiscriminate support and compassionate genuine support. The best support I've received has been non-judgemental...but not necessarily always what I wanted to hear.
- Everyone I've seen get well...in the end the onus has been on them...you can lead a horse to water but not make them drink. I can't save anyone and noone could save me...but some great folks were there for me when I was ready to reach out for help.
I certainly hope anyone lurking in the background here knows that there is a lot of compassion and experience on this board and mostly we are all here for the right reasons...to help in the best way we can
P
I am not these thoughts - I am the Master of these thoughts.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 134
I carry with me the words I read here throughout my day; I had a moment of feeling agitated as the day wore on and work was nearly over. I knew I wasn't going to drink but remembering some of the encouraging words I read on here over the past weekend, was the extra bit of encouragement I needed.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Can we help someone avoid a relapse? Yes and no in my experience. When someone posts that they are having problems, many people respond who have had similar experiences, and they share how they resolved the problem. There is an implicit suggestion that maybe the person might like to try whatever it was that worked for the other person. Sometimes they pick it up and run with it, and get some good results.
Other times they dont like the responses for one reason or another, or completely miss the point. This happened to me a lot. The suggestions that would really help me went right over my head. I have toyed with the idea of responding to a plea for help with 'What really got me well was total committment to AA, and I made a point of eating at least one banana a day for the special nutritional benefit" And I wouldnt be surprised to get a response like" Thanks for your suggestions Gotta, I will definitely try the bananas".
Research shows that being supported/helped by using a sponsor has no better outcome than going it alone. What makes he gretes positive impact is helping others and sponsoring. In other words be a supporter, a giver, not a taker.
So whether we can help someone depends entirely on what they are willing to do for themselves. Many a time I was just looking for a bit of sympathy. If you had my problems you would drink too. The sympathy just helped me build a case for more drinking.
Other times they dont like the responses for one reason or another, or completely miss the point. This happened to me a lot. The suggestions that would really help me went right over my head. I have toyed with the idea of responding to a plea for help with 'What really got me well was total committment to AA, and I made a point of eating at least one banana a day for the special nutritional benefit" And I wouldnt be surprised to get a response like" Thanks for your suggestions Gotta, I will definitely try the bananas".
Research shows that being supported/helped by using a sponsor has no better outcome than going it alone. What makes he gretes positive impact is helping others and sponsoring. In other words be a supporter, a giver, not a taker.
So whether we can help someone depends entirely on what they are willing to do for themselves. Many a time I was just looking for a bit of sympathy. If you had my problems you would drink too. The sympathy just helped me build a case for more drinking.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I'll have my banana and my meeting today.
Totally agree with Gottalife.
I am firmly on the "side" that the best way we can help anyone is by example- AA's attraction not promotion. And everyone has to go to meetings, be around other alcoholics, get a sponsor, etc to hear the messages of hope and recovery others bring. There's a correlation to 'helping others avoid relapse' but I think it's not measurable and ultimately, everyone has to choose recovery to any lengths, at any costs regardless of anyone else.
Totally agree with Gottalife.
I am firmly on the "side" that the best way we can help anyone is by example- AA's attraction not promotion. And everyone has to go to meetings, be around other alcoholics, get a sponsor, etc to hear the messages of hope and recovery others bring. There's a correlation to 'helping others avoid relapse' but I think it's not measurable and ultimately, everyone has to choose recovery to any lengths, at any costs regardless of anyone else.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
My biggest disagreement with 12-step recovery is on just this issue. Yes, I think we can help someone avoid relapse. But I think that it is the give-and-take that allows us to do that. It it not posts, but rather dialog that makes the difference.
I do not think it is a post that does it, but rather a relationship with the person posting.
I do not think it is a post that does it, but rather a relationship with the person posting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
I have a daily thread going here. I don't get many replies. I don't really need them. On the occasion that someone does respond it feels good but ultimately this road I travel is mine alone.
I have taken to involving myself more in what other people are posting and offering support. Asking questions. Befriending people. I do this because I know that giving back is an important part of life. Also, I genuinely care.
I think relapse will happen no matter the replies. Its an inside job. A million people can support and give me wise words but at the end of the day, I'm going to do what I think is best even if that thinking is not sound and is not the best for me.
So....I hear you. I do think it's more complex and its a mission that we ultimately walk alone.
I have taken to involving myself more in what other people are posting and offering support. Asking questions. Befriending people. I do this because I know that giving back is an important part of life. Also, I genuinely care.
I think relapse will happen no matter the replies. Its an inside job. A million people can support and give me wise words but at the end of the day, I'm going to do what I think is best even if that thinking is not sound and is not the best for me.
So....I hear you. I do think it's more complex and its a mission that we ultimately walk alone.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
my issue with relapseing is not so much all the support. I realize theres support i can go to AA or post here or call a friend etc.. But for me at this point I'm able ot see through my own BS or at least I think i am. So when the idea of relapseing comes along the SANE part of me starts talking the the INSANE part of me out of its BS. If I posted here i can pretty much predict the types of responses i'd get to talk me out of picking up. Ik now the drill and basicly now just think of all this stuff if i do think of drinking.
But When i got certain situations going on i will post cause i just need to hear it from someone else etc...
But When i got certain situations going on i will post cause i just need to hear it from someone else etc...
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
i think when people ask for help SR is awesome at providing the support people generally need.
The main idea is asking for help.
Sadly, most relapses are premeditated and their decision is already made. The only thing that stands between them and the drink is an admission to the group that they need some support, a meeting and or their higher power. Otherwise, it's basically what we always see on monday mornings...another new person who gives in and has to start over bewildered and ashamed.
I think what you're talking about is a lot of what they push in rehab and IOP.
The idea is great in theory, but not at all practical online.
The main idea is asking for help.
Sadly, most relapses are premeditated and their decision is already made. The only thing that stands between them and the drink is an admission to the group that they need some support, a meeting and or their higher power. Otherwise, it's basically what we always see on monday mornings...another new person who gives in and has to start over bewildered and ashamed.
I think what you're talking about is a lot of what they push in rehab and IOP.
The idea is great in theory, but not at all practical online.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: UK
Posts: 4,553
I think I understand what you were trying to get across corriec. My participation in SR has slowly grown since I joined back in April 2016. For me it has been a confidence thing really particularly when it comes to posting on the threads of others. I do try and post when something "speaks" to me, a person with similar experiences or situations. And yes I've seen with my own eyes cries for help and a wonderful gathering of support. It really does make my heart sing when someone can be hand-held through a bad craving or a period of withdrawal. I was on the receiving end of that support too during a particularly difficult cold-turkey withdrawal. It was absolutely amazing and for that I will be forever grateful and attempt in my own way to give back to SR every day.
Sometimes though it's not about (IMO) necessarily about the nature of the post or advice but it's simply the act of saying hello or welcome. As a newcomer (by that I mean a person's very first post) many people are totally isolated by their addiction and don't really know what SR is about. I remember very clearly being so relieved that there were real life actual people I could communicate with when IRL I felt utterly alone.
Yes sometimes the cry for help comes when the person posting is sometimes already committed to drinking but for every 10 if even only 1 changes their mind that's still got to be worth a shot in my eyes. And even if they do drink then maybe then next day they log in and see that people did actually care it might help them get back on track.
I do believe there is a collective responsibility for us to look out for one another and I am here to vouch for the fact that SR has saved me from the bottle on several occasions. Even if it is just the bonds I have and not wanting to let anyone down who has invested their precious time in me.
Thank you for the thread corriec xxx
Sometimes though it's not about (IMO) necessarily about the nature of the post or advice but it's simply the act of saying hello or welcome. As a newcomer (by that I mean a person's very first post) many people are totally isolated by their addiction and don't really know what SR is about. I remember very clearly being so relieved that there were real life actual people I could communicate with when IRL I felt utterly alone.
Yes sometimes the cry for help comes when the person posting is sometimes already committed to drinking but for every 10 if even only 1 changes their mind that's still got to be worth a shot in my eyes. And even if they do drink then maybe then next day they log in and see that people did actually care it might help them get back on track.
I do believe there is a collective responsibility for us to look out for one another and I am here to vouch for the fact that SR has saved me from the bottle on several occasions. Even if it is just the bonds I have and not wanting to let anyone down who has invested their precious time in me.
Thank you for the thread corriec xxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: Northwest U.S.
Posts: 778
I agree with the basic premise that corriec made, which is that more explicit support is a good thing. I will strive to do better in that regard. I agree with others that this is, on balance, an exceptionally welcoming and supportive community. We are all lucky to play a role.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 147
Thank you everyone for your replies. Especially the last few. I do think, unfortunately, that the context of my post was not really understood by a few SR friends.
I simply meant that if a person has the time to view a post - here and at the "newcomers" forum - and it has pertinence/reflects on your own situation, it might be helping someone who's right now/then grasping at the last few straws available, to say something encouraging. I understand that a lot of us work each day, and have other tasks and duties as well; A few more seconds more of our time, however, might have saved someone from relapsing. Or one step further - it might have helped save someone's sanity, even life.
I simply meant that if a person has the time to view a post - here and at the "newcomers" forum - and it has pertinence/reflects on your own situation, it might be helping someone who's right now/then grasping at the last few straws available, to say something encouraging. I understand that a lot of us work each day, and have other tasks and duties as well; A few more seconds more of our time, however, might have saved someone from relapsing. Or one step further - it might have helped save someone's sanity, even life.
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