I'm a failure. :(
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Location: Wisconsin, USA
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Originally Posted by Sohard 
Maybe some people just aren't strong enough. Maybe some people have a brain chemistry where success is not possible??
Everyone is "strong" enough to do it and your brain chemistry will literally change as you get more sober time under your belt. It can take weeks, months, even years for all that to happen - but it WILL happen. And everyone - you included - is capable of making that change.
What you might need to do differently is employ some additional help as others have mentioned here. Most of us were not able to just do this on our own - and you won't really know what works until you try it.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
That's just your addiction talking Sohard. Most of us did not succeed the first time we tried, many of us failed multiple times - I know I did.
Everyone is "strong" enough to do it and your brain chemistry will literally change as you get more sober time under your belt. It can take weeks, months, even years for all that to happen - but it WILL happen. And everyone - you included - is capable of making that change.
What you might need to do differently is employ some additional help as others have mentioned here. Most of us were not able to just do this on our own - and you won't really know what works until you try it.
Everyone is "strong" enough to do it and your brain chemistry will literally change as you get more sober time under your belt. It can take weeks, months, even years for all that to happen - but it WILL happen. And everyone - you included - is capable of making that change.
What you might need to do differently is employ some additional help as others have mentioned here. Most of us were not able to just do this on our own - and you won't really know what works until you try it.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Sohard
I'm so frustrated and disappointed and every other negative emotion there is.
You definitely aren't the first person to have this happen, and you won't be the last. But that does not mean it is inevitable - you can learn from it and make better choices down the road. Because the same situation will pop up again sometime, so you will need to be prepared, right?
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
sohard, toss out the ass kikin machine. it aint gonna help ya.
now you have some very valuable experience- apparently coming here and seeing a psychiatrists isnt enough action. yes, they are big steps, but apparently not enough?
maybe its time to look into a recovery plan/program, eh?
then put one into action?
now you have some very valuable experience- apparently coming here and seeing a psychiatrists isnt enough action. yes, they are big steps, but apparently not enough?
maybe its time to look into a recovery plan/program, eh?
then put one into action?
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
If you are a failure..why do you keep trying? Why do you make it to 2 weeks? Why do you want to be a sober person?
WHY BOTHER POSTING?
Because you are NOT a failure. I support those who choose to fight, not just roll over and give in.
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!!!
Support to you and keep posting.
WHY BOTHER POSTING?
Because you are NOT a failure. I support those who choose to fight, not just roll over and give in.
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!!!!
Support to you and keep posting.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 3,027
Originally Posted by Sohard
I just didn't feel I was doing it alone. Going on to SR and seeing a psychiatrist seemed like such big steps. I thought that was enough. I was feeling so good and then BOOM, I decided to order a glass of wine at dinner with my sister and mom. I just casually did it, like not a care in the world. It was nuts, I didn't see it coming at all. Goddamnit. And, of course, once I started, I, unlike my mom and sister, couldn't stop, at least not until I passed out. I'm so frustrated and disappointed and every other negative emotion there is.
I’m telling everyone who asks if the issue comes up. For me it’s simply the truth. I don’t give a rats ass how they react. My mom cried, my husband was relieved, my good friend said “oh I totally understand,” my other friend said “hang in there.” People actually don’t care.
Your mom and your sister are big time triggering you, so tell them the truth and I’ll bet you get past your handful of weeks next time.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by Obladi
SoHard,
Suspecting or believing you are a failure or one of the unfortunates who is doomed to drink until you die is simply your addiction pulling a fast one on you. IT wants you to think you have no choice about drinking. IT wants you to throw up your hands and quit quitting because "what's the use anyhow?"
IT is a selfish jerk that only wants booze. IT doesn't care if that harms you, your relationships, your driving record or anything else. IT only wants booze.
That jerk can go stuff it. YOU are stronger than it is.
Like Dee is always saying, you need a plan and you need to execute it. (He's a smart man, that Dee.) And you need to execute it Every Single Day. You need to practice your sober skills daily so that you will be armed the next time IT comes calling. Then you'll see what a pesky little weasel it is and you'll get busy doing something more important than drinking - which is just about Anything Else.
Ok, first goal: 7 days.
You've done that successfully, so do it again.
Then set a new one - clearly 30 days was too far out, huhn?
Hugs, SoHard, I know you want this enough to do it.
O
p.s. How about those meetings?
Suspecting or believing you are a failure or one of the unfortunates who is doomed to drink until you die is simply your addiction pulling a fast one on you. IT wants you to think you have no choice about drinking. IT wants you to throw up your hands and quit quitting because "what's the use anyhow?"
IT is a selfish jerk that only wants booze. IT doesn't care if that harms you, your relationships, your driving record or anything else. IT only wants booze.
That jerk can go stuff it. YOU are stronger than it is.
Like Dee is always saying, you need a plan and you need to execute it. (He's a smart man, that Dee.) And you need to execute it Every Single Day. You need to practice your sober skills daily so that you will be armed the next time IT comes calling. Then you'll see what a pesky little weasel it is and you'll get busy doing something more important than drinking - which is just about Anything Else.
Ok, first goal: 7 days.
You've done that successfully, so do it again.
Then set a new one - clearly 30 days was too far out, huhn?
Hugs, SoHard, I know you want this enough to do it.
O
p.s. How about those meetings?
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by Stayingsassy
Check in tomorrow with your morning coffee for your fresh start. We’ll be here.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
What it means is you should take a look at how you're trying to stay sober. Thing is, even if we put down the drink denial and rationalization are still whispering in our ear. I couldn't stay sober on my own and went to AA. It's been 26 years.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 167
Originally Posted by Sohard
Thanks. Feeling determined, but also like I'm starting a race for a second time. It's tough.
So get cracking back with the program.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Sohard
Thanks. Feeling determined, but also like I'm starting a race for a second time. It's tough.
think of someone entering,say, a marathon- a race. i'll use myself as an example.
i wouldnt wake up one saturday morning and say,'theres a marathon today. im old, fat, and out of shape, but ill still enter and run it today!"
i would probably determine i want to enter a marathon. then get into shape and practice. learn some tips on how to make it through the marathon without barfin or havin a coronary embolism(
), what could happen during the marathon, and what to do if anything happens during the marathon.to get into shape, i would look into what actions are necessary to get into shape to run a marathon. also what i should do to practice. recovery is similar- we have to learn how to stay sober then practice it.
but then again, this isnt a race, but a journey.
so now i'm on a journey.first i have to want to take a journey. i decide on a journey up to alaska to camp in the wilderness for a month. although ive camped quite a bit in the wilderness in michigan, ive never camped in the wilderness in alaska.
its wise to not just jump into the journey without learning some about the wilderness in alaska- how to camp in the wilderness in alaska- learn tips and what could happen during the time and how to take care of any problems that may come up.
recovery is the same- its wise to learn how to be in recovery. to gain tips on how to handle life on lifes terms along the journey.
ill be rigorously honest,sohard;
getting sober IS tough. some days were extremely hard for me. taking it one day ata time was way too long some days. some days i had to go down to one hour at a time. some days that was way too long. so i took it down to one minute at a time. dome days that was too long so i took it down to one second at a time.
i had days that took every ounce of fight against the mental obsession. it took every ounce of energy i had.
but just as promised in the program i was in, it DID get easier.
staying sober has been relatively easy. that doesnt mean life on lifes terms isnt tough at times. theres some tough things ive had to go through.
but i havent thought about a drink as a solution for a looooong time.
life in recovery has been a bed of roses.
HOWEVER
i have to remember roses have thorns and sometimes they poke and scratch me.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
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Originally Posted by tomsteve
ok, look at it this way:
think of someone entering,say, a marathon- a race. i'll use myself as an example.
i wouldnt wake up one saturday morning and say,'theres a marathon today. im old, fat, and out of shape, but ill still enter and run it today!"
i would probably determine i want to enter a marathon. then get into shape and practice. learn some tips on how to make it through the marathon without barfin or havin a coronary embolism( ), what could happen during the marathon, and what to do if anything happens during the marathon.to get into shape, i would look into what actions are necessary to get into shape to run a marathon. also what i should do to practice.
recovery is similar- we have to learn how to stay sober then practice it.
but then again, this isnt a race, but a journey.
so now i'm on a journey.first i have to want to take a journey. i decide on a journey up to alaska to camp in the wilderness for a month. although ive camped quite a bit in the wilderness in michigan, ive never camped in the wilderness in alaska.
its wise to not just jump into the journey without learning some about the wilderness in alaska- how to camp in the wilderness in alaska- learn tips and what could happen during the time and how to take care of any problems that may come up.
recovery is the same- its wise to learn how to be in recovery. to gain tips on how to handle life on lifes terms along the journey.
ill be rigorously honest,sohard;
getting sober IS tough. some days were extremely hard for me. taking it one day ata time was way too long some days. some days i had to go down to one hour at a time. some days that was way too long. so i took it down to one minute at a time. dome days that was too long so i took it down to one second at a time.
i had days that took every ounce of fight against the mental obsession. it took every ounce of energy i had.
but just as promised in the program i was in, it DID get easier.
staying sober has been relatively easy. that doesnt mean life on lifes terms isnt tough at times. theres some tough things ive had to go through.
but i havent thought about a drink as a solution for a looooong time.
life in recovery has been a bed of roses.
HOWEVER
i have to remember roses have thorns and sometimes they poke and scratch me.
think of someone entering,say, a marathon- a race. i'll use myself as an example.
i wouldnt wake up one saturday morning and say,'theres a marathon today. im old, fat, and out of shape, but ill still enter and run it today!"
i would probably determine i want to enter a marathon. then get into shape and practice. learn some tips on how to make it through the marathon without barfin or havin a coronary embolism(
), what could happen during the marathon, and what to do if anything happens during the marathon.to get into shape, i would look into what actions are necessary to get into shape to run a marathon. also what i should do to practice. recovery is similar- we have to learn how to stay sober then practice it.
but then again, this isnt a race, but a journey.
so now i'm on a journey.first i have to want to take a journey. i decide on a journey up to alaska to camp in the wilderness for a month. although ive camped quite a bit in the wilderness in michigan, ive never camped in the wilderness in alaska.
its wise to not just jump into the journey without learning some about the wilderness in alaska- how to camp in the wilderness in alaska- learn tips and what could happen during the time and how to take care of any problems that may come up.
recovery is the same- its wise to learn how to be in recovery. to gain tips on how to handle life on lifes terms along the journey.
ill be rigorously honest,sohard;
getting sober IS tough. some days were extremely hard for me. taking it one day ata time was way too long some days. some days i had to go down to one hour at a time. some days that was way too long. so i took it down to one minute at a time. dome days that was too long so i took it down to one second at a time.
i had days that took every ounce of fight against the mental obsession. it took every ounce of energy i had.
but just as promised in the program i was in, it DID get easier.
staying sober has been relatively easy. that doesnt mean life on lifes terms isnt tough at times. theres some tough things ive had to go through.
but i havent thought about a drink as a solution for a looooong time.
life in recovery has been a bed of roses.
HOWEVER
i have to remember roses have thorns and sometimes they poke and scratch me.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Canada
Posts: 167
@tomsteve @sohard
while i agree with the marathon race analogy i would add that booze really messes with the thinking process, namely the ability to think clearly without having that 'crazy drinking voice' hijacking goals and undermining confidence.
Definitely easier to get into shape without that AV monkey on the back sabotaging everything. literally everything.
while i agree with the marathon race analogy i would add that booze really messes with the thinking process, namely the ability to think clearly without having that 'crazy drinking voice' hijacking goals and undermining confidence.
Definitely easier to get into shape without that AV monkey on the back sabotaging everything. literally everything.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Bob4x4
@tomsteve @sohard
while i agree with the marathon race analogy i would add that booze really messes with the thinking process, namely the ability to think clearly without having that 'crazy drinking voice' hijacking goals and undermining confidence.
while i agree with the marathon race analogy i would add that booze really messes with the thinking process, namely the ability to think clearly without having that 'crazy drinking voice' hijacking goals and undermining confidence.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I'd also add that your slips can be used to inform your plan of recovery. Like any risk asessment and plan for avoiding slips and trips - we use those past incidents to make sure we are extra careful next time we're in that situation.
So - Next time you go for a meal, what will you do different?
I know this may sound silly, but I like to go places where I can look online at the menus and make my food & drink choices beforehand. I know before I get in there what drink I'm going to request (can even practice saying it so it trips off the tongue) and my 1st and 2nd food choices are (after checking menu for hidden alcohol in the food which can be very triggering).
I also don't eat with drunk people - so some of my old dining companions are no longer options for me - it just makes for a miserable experience.
Exit strategies and support is something else I think about. I try to make sure people are aware that I will need to leave by X time. And if I have my phone with me, then I know I have a pocketful of SR and AA with me.
AA speakers on my mp3 player enroute or just beforehand helps me mentally prepare as well.
AND - as in all situations (for me) - Prayer is a big deal. No something I'd have considered a vital component of my outings 4 years ago by any means.
So, now I have tools in my armoury for getting through these events - but these are things that I learned over time would help me. Now you seem a pretty smart cookie to me, but I don't see why you'd be the first person in recovery who just woke up one day in week 1 knowing all this stuff. You're gonna have to learn it the same as we did. Although, having discovered SR and AA and the like, we can always choose to benefit from others experience and what they learnt rather than trying to reinvent the wheel. I made things pretty hard for myself by not really following others suggestions at first (I though Iwasn't THAT much of an alcoholic - I didn't need to do all that stuff! Lol. )
Things will get better if you keep at it.
BB
So - Next time you go for a meal, what will you do different?
I know this may sound silly, but I like to go places where I can look online at the menus and make my food & drink choices beforehand. I know before I get in there what drink I'm going to request (can even practice saying it so it trips off the tongue) and my 1st and 2nd food choices are (after checking menu for hidden alcohol in the food which can be very triggering).
I also don't eat with drunk people - so some of my old dining companions are no longer options for me - it just makes for a miserable experience.
Exit strategies and support is something else I think about. I try to make sure people are aware that I will need to leave by X time. And if I have my phone with me, then I know I have a pocketful of SR and AA with me.
AA speakers on my mp3 player enroute or just beforehand helps me mentally prepare as well.
AND - as in all situations (for me) - Prayer is a big deal. No something I'd have considered a vital component of my outings 4 years ago by any means.
So, now I have tools in my armoury for getting through these events - but these are things that I learned over time would help me. Now you seem a pretty smart cookie to me, but I don't see why you'd be the first person in recovery who just woke up one day in week 1 knowing all this stuff. You're gonna have to learn it the same as we did. Although, having discovered SR and AA and the like, we can always choose to benefit from others experience and what they learnt rather than trying to reinvent the wheel. I made things pretty hard for myself by not really following others suggestions at first (I though Iwasn't THAT much of an alcoholic - I didn't need to do all that stuff! Lol. )
Things will get better if you keep at it.
BB
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
SoDear,
I've been quitting for years, probably a decade. I've been struggling with depression all my life. What I didn't realize until this time is that when people told me this is Hard Work, it truly is Hard Work.
I don't know what it's like seeing a psychiatrist in the UK because in the US we mainly do med checks with the psychiatrist and talk therapy with a counselor. In any event, I've learned a few things for myself. First is that talk therapy can help to identify and change behaviors supporting drinking, but it didn't really push me over the edge to making a commitment. Second is that not all mental health professionals are born or made equal. I ended up going to several therapists until I found the one that clicked with me.
So the Hard Work is not in quitting; it's in doing everything in your power to support Not Drinking. And in my case, maybe yours too, doing everything in my power to support my mental health. At the moment, there is no such thing as "doing enough." Instead, it's doing all I possibly can, following suggestions and seeing how they play out for me.
I don't want to preach at you, so I won't. You want this. Stand up on your own two wobbly feet and do everything you possibly can to Just Not Drink.
Love you,
O
I've been quitting for years, probably a decade. I've been struggling with depression all my life. What I didn't realize until this time is that when people told me this is Hard Work, it truly is Hard Work.
I don't know what it's like seeing a psychiatrist in the UK because in the US we mainly do med checks with the psychiatrist and talk therapy with a counselor. In any event, I've learned a few things for myself. First is that talk therapy can help to identify and change behaviors supporting drinking, but it didn't really push me over the edge to making a commitment. Second is that not all mental health professionals are born or made equal. I ended up going to several therapists until I found the one that clicked with me.
So the Hard Work is not in quitting; it's in doing everything in your power to support Not Drinking. And in my case, maybe yours too, doing everything in my power to support my mental health. At the moment, there is no such thing as "doing enough." Instead, it's doing all I possibly can, following suggestions and seeing how they play out for me.
I don't want to preach at you, so I won't. You want this. Stand up on your own two wobbly feet and do everything you possibly can to Just Not Drink.
Love you,
O
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
For me, I didn't get sober until I completely, and unconditionally, surrendered.
I went into a treatment center, stayed for 5 weeks and have done what they told me to do ever since.
If you keep returning to drinking, you likely harbor some notions that you can still do it without risking everything important in life.
I suggest that you pursue a plan of recovery and not simply unsuccessfully continuing to try to get sober without working a plan of recovery.
For me, that plan has been AA.
I suggest that you be open-minded to getting help without ruling it out as a possibility.
We all wish you success, and we're glad you're here with us.
I went into a treatment center, stayed for 5 weeks and have done what they told me to do ever since.
If you keep returning to drinking, you likely harbor some notions that you can still do it without risking everything important in life.
I suggest that you pursue a plan of recovery and not simply unsuccessfully continuing to try to get sober without working a plan of recovery.
For me, that plan has been AA.
I suggest that you be open-minded to getting help without ruling it out as a possibility.
We all wish you success, and we're glad you're here with us.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1,283
Thanks everyone. Well, as I said, I started drinking on Sunday, the 29th. Not surprisingly, this continued for 2 more days (the 30th and the 31st). Once I start, I can't stop so easily (thus, I am clearly an alcoholic). I've thoroughly disgusted myself and feel ready to pick myself back up.
Everything has been dumped out (it's amazing how much I could spend and waste in 3 days), and my day #1 starts again today. I'm already scared about tonight, but I'm hanging on by thinking the sooner I get night #1 sober over, the sooner I'll be on my way again. It's tough but I know I can make it since I just did this before slipping. I think everyone was right, though. While quitting is hard, STAYING quit is even harder. Obviously, a therapist and SR wasn't enough. I'm thinking about AA, but I was wondering...I saw I can purchase the Big Book on amazon. Do you think it is is really necessary to start at the meetings, or would reading that solo be a good start? Maybe even better than going to a meeting??
Everything has been dumped out (it's amazing how much I could spend and waste in 3 days), and my day #1 starts again today. I'm already scared about tonight, but I'm hanging on by thinking the sooner I get night #1 sober over, the sooner I'll be on my way again. It's tough but I know I can make it since I just did this before slipping. I think everyone was right, though. While quitting is hard, STAYING quit is even harder. Obviously, a therapist and SR wasn't enough. I'm thinking about AA, but I was wondering...I saw I can purchase the Big Book on amazon. Do you think it is is really necessary to start at the meetings, or would reading that solo be a good start? Maybe even better than going to a meeting??
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