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I'm a failure. :(

Old 11-05-2017, 04:08 PM
  # 81 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
And I can see why that would help. And I'm so grateful to be sober, even if it's only been five days. The thing is, I've spent so much of my life escaping into the wine bottle. It's like, that's the me I know. This me here, I don't really know. As much as I love not drinking, I feel anxious because I want to have a bottle of wine and become the me I know. Even if I'm just sitting here watching TV drinking wine, it's like I recognize that state of mind, I don't recognize this one. So strange. This is actually harder than when I went out with my family yesterday and they drank. Because so much of my drinking has been solo. It's in times like this I want it the most.
You’re not alone in that feeling. One thing taking away the drink does is force us to recognize what it is we need in our life. Filling it up with alcohol is so easy. And for alcoholics it’s effective. It always puts life on hold, though. It puts you on hold. The “me” you miss with wine isn’t actually you. You miss an illusion. If you do the work to be sober and fill your life with people who are also sober, you will find out who you are. You knew her before....before wine claimed her, it’s just time to find her again.
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Old 11-05-2017, 04:26 PM
  # 82 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by Sohard View Post
Day #5 and feeling so-so. I know I shouldn't focus so much on the days - I should be in the here and now. I'm trying. I really am.

I used to drink every night, although night kept getting earlier and earlier. Eventually 4:45pm was considered night in my mind, maybe even 4:15pm.

As I've been getting sober, I've found myself CRAVING at much earlier times than I used to (like, 10:00am), I think because I'm no longer hung over then like I used to be. Of course, the fact that I am craving alcohol at 10:00am only reinforces to me I have a real problem, but it's certainly a challenging problem to have.

I know if I just HANG IN THERE, that these cravings will get easier (maybe even eventually go away??). So, I'm trying to remind myself of that. But, it would be so nice to escape into a bottle of wine for a bit. I'd feel horrible later, though, I know it would only be putting off quitting and extending this misery. I would like to be all through-it, though. I mean, the most difficult part of recovery. I guess who wouldn't. Ugh.
Sohard,
Do you think you can satisfy your cravings with sugar? Then how about some ice cream, maybe a la mode? Alcohol will kill you, but ice cream won’t! Whatever it takes, especially in the beginning...
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Old 11-05-2017, 04:32 PM
  # 83 (permalink)  
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Maybe changing your routine would help sohard? if you usually watched tv at night and drank,for example, maybe read a book instead, play some music etc?

D
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Old 11-10-2017, 09:06 PM
  # 84 (permalink)  
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I remember thinking that way more times than I can count.

You are not a failure. This may merely by an indication that what you are trying to stay sober over the "hump" needs some re-examining. Try something different, try and identify your triggers. For me it was over-excitement. So for the up-hill period, which is different for everyone and can recur after days, weeks and even months of smooth sailing, I tried to keep that sort of stimulation within limits.
The fact that you are here and not giving up is powerful testimony that you are not a failure.
And besides, failure tells you one thing and one thing only. Try again.
Fear, however, tells you "don't even bother trying." I choose failure over fear. How about you?
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