Sohard

Of course I'm only finishing up this attempt's Day #2 sober, but what I think will never stop blowing my mind is how many people are at the gym in the evenings, or at work earlier than they need to be, or up on a weekend morning, etc. All times if drinking I would've been on my couch with a bottle of wine or hungover in bed. These, however, are times when people are living, interacting, being productive, getting healthy, etc. I literally didn't even realize that people were OUT. It's like I forgot about them in my little world.

I worked out tonight in a attempt to throw myself back into the healthy living I'd been doing for 2 weeks before my slip. It's a bit easier than last time because I know I can do it, and I remember how good it feels. I just have to make sure not to mess it all up again.

Obladi

SoDear,

Happy end of Day 2 to you.
SoGlad you are pushing through this - it's hard, hard work.

Can you maybe think about rephrasing your parting shot (at yourself) to something like, "I just need to keep sobriety and the forefront of everything else and I know I will succeed." ??

xo
SoO

least

It took me many tries, but I finally got it and am coming up on 8 yrs sober. If I can do it, so can you!

Hevyn

Same here, SoHard - lifetime of drinking, now almost 10 yrs. sober for me.

I agree - drinking narrows our world. Instead of making it more fun & relaxing, it hijacks our life & leaves us isolated. I'm glad you worked out last night - good distraction. Hope all is well today.

Sohard

Thanks, Hevyn...all is well on this day 3. Thank god.

Obladi

Yes, and thank yourself too!

Sohard

You're right, I should! Day 4. Just want to speed up time and get to my 2 week mark!

Mac4711

Sohard,
Just my opinion, but don’t get hung up on the 2 week mark, just because you made it that far last time.
What's more important is the here and now - I think a certain level of paranoia is healthy in early recovery, because alcohol IS out to get you!
What is your plan for today and Sunday? How will you avoid getting bored? Any plans to read up on sobriety? What can you do that is fun that does not involve alcohol? I remember you struggling with thoughts of not ‘being allowed to drink anymore’: You need to start building a sober life full of adventure, where you are excited to get out of bed every morning, ready to start your day. And today is a day as good as any to work on firming up your sober habits! Carpe diem!

Obladi

^^^Yes!!

You should be feeling much better already. What can you do that you will enjoy or will give you satisfaction in having done it? Both at one time are good, but one at a time is good too. Go see a movie, explore that park you've always been meaning to check out, clean your pantry or the junk drawer (is it a rubbish drawer in the UK?).

And don't tell me you don't want to do anything. Want has nothing to do with it right now. Do and you will be glad you did.

O

Stayingsassy

So hard!! Doing So great. I want you to start a new thread though because I don’t like the “I’m a failure” heading on this one!

Sohard

Thanks, Mac! I started the day reading a book on alcoholism which I got. Then I went out to lunch with my mom and sister and my niece and nephew. My mom and sister had a couple of drinks, but I most definitely did not. I know I probably shouldn't have even gone, but especially during these difficult times I like to be around family. It's like I don't want to be doubly punished and not allowed to see them now that I'm getting sober. But, I normally would've spent the night with one or the other and had a bottle of wine. Instead, I dropped everyone off at their respective homes and headed back to mine to do a little bit more reading on alcoholism. The more I immerse myself in reading about it and also staying on SR, the more I remind myself of the problem I have and that I really can't drink. I'm feeling really good about this.

Mac4711

Sohard,
Awesome that it all worked out well. I think it’s great that you spend time with your family, even if they drink, as long as they understand that you won’t. Just stay in combat mode and be alert, adding one day of sobriety one day at a time. Have a wonderful evening!

least

Keep going, it gets better.

Obladi

SoDear,

I'm happy that you were able to have a nice time with your family without drinking. Glad too that you are feeling good about your decision not to drink.

But... are you feeling good? You said you were being "punished" because you can't drink. My wish and hope for you is that you start feeling relief because you choose not to drink.

For one, I am very happy that you continue to fight this battle. It is really tough, really. Finding a different way to live is enormously challenging - at least I think so. Finding joy in the skirmishes along the way can be done. Reading helps. Community helps. You know how I feel about in-person support from other addicts, so I won't harp on that today.

xo
O

(I do wish you'd change your username, can you tell? SoGlad would be so much more affirming. )

Ojsober

I have the same prob i understand what u feel but part of getting better and lasting longer on the dry land is that u must stop being so hard on yourself.
Find what triggers the relapsing do reseach and get knowledge abut how avoid slipping again.
If u did it numerous time u will do it again no doubt.
This is a battle get armed with resources.
Im coming from 2 weeks of binging i feel like trash but theres hope.
Good luck

Sohard

Day #5 and feeling so-so. I know I shouldn't focus so much on the days - I should be in the here and now. I'm trying. I really am.

I used to drink every night, although night kept getting earlier and earlier. Eventually 4:45pm was considered night in my mind, maybe even 4:15pm.

As I've been getting sober, I've found myself CRAVING at much earlier times than I used to (like, 10:00am), I think because I'm no longer hung over then like I used to be. Of course, the fact that I am craving alcohol at 10:00am only reinforces to me I have a real problem, but it's certainly a challenging problem to have.

I know if I just HANG IN THERE, that these cravings will get easier (maybe even eventually go away??). So, I'm trying to remind myself of that. But, it would be so nice to escape into a bottle of wine for a bit. I'd feel horrible later, though, I know it would only be putting off quitting and extending this misery. I would like to be all through-it, though. I mean, the most difficult part of recovery. I guess who wouldn't. Ugh.

Done4today

You're doing great Sohard. It does get easier and tremendously better.

Couple suggestions that work for me- I do a grateful list every morning before I get out of bed. Helps me think of the positives rather than my old pessimistic view point. Then I read a passage from "Buddhist Bootcamp", this helps me think on the spiritual plane.

Keep up the good work, just like all hard work the effort you put in early saves you exponentially on the back end.

Sohard

Thanks so much for your advice. I'll take it all!

least

Yes! Practicing gratitude saved my sobriety early on when I was depressed. Being grateful helps me focus on the positive instead of the negative.

Sohard

And I can see why that would help. And I'm so grateful to be sober, even if it's only been five days. The thing is, I've spent so much of my life escaping into the wine bottle. It's like, that's the me I know. This me here, I don't really know. As much as I love not drinking, I feel anxious because I want to have a bottle of wine and become the me I know. Even if I'm just sitting here watching TV drinking wine, it's like I recognize that state of mind, I don't recognize this one. So strange. This is actually harder than when I went out with my family yesterday and they drank. Because so much of my drinking has been solo. It's in times like this I want it the most.