How to deal with drinking buddies
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Posts: 145
Very good question. I am right about where you are in my sobriety. And you know what? It's ok to be selfish. It is REQUIRED this early on, right now, in my opinion. If this person is a "drinking buddy" I would stay far away. If, however, this person is a good friend then be there as much as you can without compromising your sobriety. I have found, like another person said, that my "friends" have not checked on me since I started this journey. But I am ok with that. I am not in their "club" anymore, and they don't know what to do with me. My new "club", however, is much more bad ass. Never feel guilty about putting your sobriety first. It's a matter of Life and Death. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: West Tn
Posts: 3,043
There is a saying in AA (ain't in the BB, I don't think) that there is a better chance of your drinking buddies getting you drunk than there is for you to help them get sober.
I have been sober a while and sometimes call my best former drinking friend to go to lunch.
He knows that he can turn to me at any time for anything.
But I couldn't go around him for the first few years, because it played a head game with me.
I have been sober a while and sometimes call my best former drinking friend to go to lunch.
He knows that he can turn to me at any time for anything.
But I couldn't go around him for the first few years, because it played a head game with me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 252
Sober Day # 68 after being dependent on wine, daily, for years.
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Whenever the subject of our drinking came up, I would let her convince me that we didn't really have a problem, and that we could moderate.
I DO have a problem, and I don't want to talk about it with her anymore.
The only answer for me is to never drink again.
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But I couldn't go around him for the first few years, because it played a head game with me.
I DO have a problem, and I don't want to talk about it with her anymore.
The only answer for me is to never drink again.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 425
Originally Posted by Berrybean 
Me too. Way I see it with my old drinking buddy, at the moment I don't have anything he wants and he doesn't have anything I want. All he wants is someone to listen to him go over and over the problem. But ultimately he wants to carry on drinking without the consequences of drinking. The day he contacts me to say he's ready to start talking about the solution I'll be there, but for now, he doesn't get a seat at my table. He's sick, and I have to remember that I have a low immunity for that kind of stuff myself and stay away from slippery people and places.
Might sound harsh to some. The people who think that are welcome to go listen to his drunken or hungover self-pity record on repeat if they believe that will help him. I don't belive for one second it does anything to help him while he still wants to drink, and I value my sobriety too much to jeopardy it.
BB
Might sound harsh to some. The people who think that are welcome to go listen to his drunken or hungover self-pity record on repeat if they believe that will help him. I don't belive for one second it does anything to help him while he still wants to drink, and I value my sobriety too much to jeopardy it.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,901
Originally Posted by grayghost1965
I guess I've been doing it wrong - my old "drinking buddies" are not toxic to me in the least. They respect my decision and have been nothing but supportive. It's a bit different dynamic than some, since we work in health care, but we have an honest caring for each other that transcends any drinking we did together. Since quitting, I have attended a wedding and a cookout, and was totally comfortable not drinking. One thing I've learned is that people that are drinking seldom care whether you are.
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