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I watch Intervention sipping on a cocktail !

Old 02-20-2017, 12:18 PM
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I watch Intervention sipping on a cocktail !

I need some help here...And I don't need the stern finger pointers replies...I point at myself all the time. By the way...I love Hoarders too. I always think....I am still good. Not at that point YET...Both Intervention and Hoarders makes me feel better about myself. I know it is selfish....but I need some self esteem here!

I did reach the double digits. And I had a friend blow thru town...(I live in Wyoming ...the winds reach 75 to 80 miles per hour) so we met for drinks. I knew. As soon as I grabbed my coat I knew good and damn well what my plan was. We do have places to eat with no alcohol but I am not taking him to Burger King or Arbys or A&W. Enough to gag a maggot. Ok...we know the story. I have to start over again.

And Carl and the other dog person (Avitar is a dog) don't yell at me. I know what I did. I know the drill. I am a recovering Catholic so this is my confession. Day one. Someone delete me from the February club. Damn...
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Old 02-20-2017, 12:27 PM
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Yes Intervention also made me feel like my drinking problem wasn't that bad. I will admit the show also made me want to party harder.

But that was my booze soaked brain thinking...now at 119 days sober I look back and those decades of being wasted everyday really sucked.
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Old 02-20-2017, 12:47 PM
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Originally Posted by MsCooterBrown View Post
And Carl and the other dog person (Avitar is a dog) don't yell at me.
Do I yell? I'm not going to yell.

All my relapses were conscious decisions, fully aware decisions to drink and fully aware decisions to get high, knowing full well the risk.

All my decisions to return to recovery were conscious ones too. I was able to quit and I did.

Not everyone, ensnared back in their addiction, gets that option.

If you do, grab it.
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Old 02-20-2017, 12:47 PM
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Been there, done that! Now just get back up on your horse and you know what to do. I think this is one reason why there are so many horses... This is not the 'sobriety religious' thing to say, but don't think it will be your last either. Who needs that pressure. It is a day by day, hour by hour, sometimes a minute by minute thing. You drank, deal with it, now is your present, your drink was in the past. The good thing (IMO) is that you posted it, got it out, now go forward and don't drink!

For the record, I like Intervention as well (but haven't drank during it - yet), I love Hoarders (especially when things around me are messy), and I need to add that I also love My 600 lb Life (especially since I am now on my new weight loss journey).

Do you attend any groups? I love AA, it only costs $1.00 but you don't 'have' to put a dollar in the basket, people say "What is said in the room stays in the room" (but I know for a fact that this is not true, since one day while minding my own business after the meeting, just absorbing the quiet and what I had heard during the meeting that had resonated with me - the leader of that meeting broke my peace and quiet to introduce himself and start telling me about 'his story' and about the hypocrites in the room, pointing out specific people that 'shared' in that meeting - at which point I excused myself and vowed to always remember that moment and never say anything in AA that I did not want to be said outside of AA). But that being said, truly no one cares who I am (I avoided my home group location because it is closest to my home - which was why I finally went there 'that day' I hit my bottom, since some reasoning still existed in my drunk brain that day that if I was going to finally go to AA to try and finally stop drinking, I might as well go to the closest one, to help reduce that chance that I would get my second DUI that day, which while then currently on a 2 year probation could have resulted in suspension of my drivers license and some jail time).

A good friend online told me (she was a 25 year sober person) during my early terrible days of sobriety, to go to a meeting. At first I asked why? She said she did not know how to tell me why, but that I should just go. She said that I might not know it yet, but that my sobriety was more important then my kids, my marriage and my job (believe it or not, I did not think that then), and that if I do nothing else, I should just go to meetings. So I did. We repeated this over and over and over since she was kind of my online sponsor (I refuse to get a sponsor in AA after having a disastrous first one, then a second one who gave me rules, and I don't do rules with other alcoholics), and when I was feeling weak, or depressed, or like drinking might be a good reason, she would say "Just go to a meeting". At some point in my sobriety I finally understood why she said what she said. When I meet 'newbies' now (I hate the term, since I feel like a 'newbie' daily) and they ask the questions that are so hard to answer, so complex too, but I get their urgent desire to 'fix' what they are trying to fix, my simple answer is "Just go to meetings". Then when they stare at me waiting for the wise answer to come, I say "Just keep coming back, one day it will make sense to you."

So, whatever group you are in, just go to one. Or if you like to pray, just say a prayer. If you like to walk, just go for a walk. If you like to..........you get it, just do it.

Thanks for your great post! You helped me today with your post! And that is a blessing you have bestowed on me. Thank you!
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Old 02-20-2017, 12:47 PM
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Agreed there Doug. I just don't want to take credit where it is not due. I dropped off and am climbing back on.

Congrats on your 119 days...keep on keeping on.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:00 PM
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Carl...I really like your persona. Sometimes I feel like you are on a high horse. ONLY because I was on that horse. Didn't want a finger pointing @ss chewing. Just wanted to fess up! And Fess Up I did! <3 I know you went thru the struggle as well. I feel bonded. BUT I think I may be codependent. Just started watching that one. A&E will be the death of me!

Whodathunk I feel bonded to you. Well to all that post actually. I have said it before. The idea of AA would be worth a try IF I didn't live in this population of 3200. Not confident at all that what I say there will stay there. I did payroll for 350 people and I understand confidence. Too bad others do not. Long story short...to go to AA out of town I would have to drive 70 miles. The whole thing just sucks. I can do this. I just post so others know not to feel alone. I also try to do it with humor so I don't hurl myself off a bridge...which...I would also have to drive 70 miles to get to! HA! Thanks for the posts...we will go thru this and figure it out. SR is my lifesaver...I do a LOT of self help books too. AND relapses abound. Steven Tyler...if he can do it...I sure as heck can. <3
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:10 PM
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Originally Posted by MsCooterBrown View Post
I need some help here...And I don't need the stern finger pointers replies..
Thanks for being honest MisCooter. Don't take this as stern finger pointing, but one of my issues when I was on the start/stop rollercoaster was that I wanted recovery to follow MY rules. AKA - sometimes when you don't want a stern finger pointing, it's exactly what you need. Or vice versa.

Your statement above is somewhat indicative of that....you want us to help, but only by your rules. I was guilty of this many times in the past too so I'm not singling you out...but it would be irresponsible of us as a recovery community to not point this out.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:17 PM
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When I watch the Intervention Program I think to myself, by the Grace of God there go I. I consider it a Yet -- haven't gotten there Yet. I know from watching ones around me who have returned to their old ways that if I pick up a drink anything is possible and I don't want to end up on TV or dead or divorced or homeless or without my goats and other animals.

M-Bob
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:17 PM
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MCB, I get the 3,200 population and your job position completely. I have never tried the AA Online thing, but I think there IS such an animal, or possibly other groups that are live online. I would think/hope that you could 'screen-name' with a different name and have volume only. If it is like Skype, you certainly could find a tape on mustache and beard... or stick a wood-floor-stool-leg-pad over your laptop camera (like I have done). Yes, I am of the paranoid sort.....

I don't know why, maybe I am old school, but hearing peoples voices as they reveal their 'stuff' really adds to the effect on me when I am taking in what I hear them say.

Like you, SR has been a life saver for me too. I mostly lurk and read, sometimes I post and comment. I can really relate to what you have to say, so, you pulled me out of my 'lurkingness' today following my previous brain dump from this morning.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:20 PM
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Well Scott...actually that wasn't my intent. Not just on my rules...but also not people saying WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING when if you wanna look at it...relapse abounds. Just saying I will get this. I don't need to get spanked. Not in this forum anyway....

I think I just don't want AA shoved down my throat. I can't do it here where I live. That...is that. Thanks Scott...I know everyone cares. <3
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:23 PM
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I love this forum in that anyone can say anything they want to us, and we can read it, and let some stay between our ears or let it fly out the other side. I know I like that anyone takes the time to comment on my posts. But like the OP, I don't like rules either, or people trying to interpret what I am trying to say. I gave up a long time ago trying to read into what other people say (my wife) and what they really mean (my wife) and finally realized that it does not matter what they said or what I think they said. What matters is what I hear, and they are probably not interested in hearing what I heard. (that confused me to write that). What I do know is that if I try to tell someone what I heard them saying (my wife) she is going to let me know that she did not pay me to analyze what she said. I will just leave it at that...
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:23 PM
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You know Whodathunk...good idea. I really will look into the on line AA. My biggest thing is not wanting to do it here. Not because I think no one knows I drink. But I don't need to share the trauma with the town. Some of it is shoved down so deep that only I can deal with it. And after thinking about it...I had to edit to say ...and I am not dealing with it very well..Thanks...will look into it.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:24 PM
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Hang in there, MCB. Get back on track, you can do it. I've have a couple of shaky days myself this last week, getting back into the good habits.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:38 PM
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MCB, just to clarify what I might have said or not said, when I go to AA, I seldom if ever share, talk, or open my mouth. I usually get there just after 10 minutes have passed (which is how long it takes for the same thing to be said at the first of every meeting) and I like usually to leave right when the group leader indicates the meeting is over and it is time to hand out chips, or close the meeting which (for our group means) holding hands and praying. I don't like holding other people hands either. However, my job (I have my own small company and basically am a salesperson) takes me as far as I can drive and come back in one day. So I have experimented going to meetings in towns your size or smaller. YIKES! The worse case scenario was in a brightly lit room, with tables in a circle so you are facing others, there were a handful of people, and in that one meeting the group leader liked (I guess was his custom) to go left to right, each person saying something about themselves or having to say "Pass" was seems adversarial to me, then if no one was sharing, which is more typical statistically with fewer people, he would call on people to share, or say "Pass" which if I said "Pass" I would feel like I was hiding some deep dark thing about my alcoholism which was bad enough to know each of them knew simply by my walking through the door. So, not being a runner, I stayed for the meeting. From then on, I never went to a small town meeting again. I even will walk out of a room if I walk in and see that I will be facing people. And for GOD sakes, if the leader of the meeting starts calling on people, I am getting up and walking out.

So, I feel ya and thoroughly understand what you are saying. And it is one thing for people to know that you drink (small town bar or dance joint or whatever - I lived in a small town for 2 years, so I understand), and it is an entirely other thing for people who you probably will know to see you walk into the doors of AA. And I get the 'everyone knows your business' thing too.

Hopefully you might find something online where you can be truly anonymous, unlike that second A in AA. Just know that if you do go to the meeting, you are not supposed to have to talk, but I have experienced first hand that in smaller town meetings (like I said) the leader will call on people, otherwise the leader might be forced to talk the whole time or read from the Big Book for the 45 remaining minutes. I certainly don't need to go to a room with other people to read from my hard copy book or the book that I have on my Kindle.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:40 PM
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Thanks Snazzy! I know we can do it! I am staying very close to SR. Currently reading a book by Elizabeth Vargas from 20/20. Man she has been thru it and finally got sober. It is in the cards for everyone if we let go of the hand we have been dealt. That just came out of me...it is true. We must let go of the hand we were dealt. I will put that in the book! <3
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:48 PM
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i got sober in small town northern michigan where, other than the meeting in small town, the next closest meeting was a 52 mile round trip. quite a few times i put 150-200 miles on my car going to meetings.
people i may know seeing me at an AA meeting, beings how it didnt bother me if they saw me fall off a barstool, was the least of my concerns. i was going somewhere for help. if anyone had a problem with me getting help, they had a problem.
i was willing to go to ANY lengths for victory over alcohol.
doesnt matter what program is chosen, it requires a decision to work it, dedication,action, and vigilince.
p.s.
thats pete thedog. he can be a real finger pointer.
especially when i dont have scoobysnacks.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:51 PM
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You know Whodathunk...I have a Nook (akin to Kindle)....I will download a copy just to see what I think before I join the on line group. And you hit the nail on the head with your post....I moved here because I had a REALLY good job with good pay. Which allowed me early retirement after 33 stress filled years. NOW ...I feel like a leftover. I have two daughters that moved out ..I encouraged them to so they had a chance at good employment. They are both doing well. One lives in Milwaukee..the other in Co Springs. So proud of them. I stayed to provide for them. BUT also the cost of living is way low. I mean...who in there right minds lives in this GOD FORSAKEN WIND???? I get stuff that blows out of my yard...but in the morning I have stuff from other peoples yards. Ya never know what you are getting. OK..you get my point. I always loved The Clash...Should I stay or should I go. For now...working on me...we will think about that later.
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:55 PM
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HA! tomsteve you were the dog. I have only seen you and Carl. Was Pete the real name of Scooby Doo?
Funny. Thanks for your input. Checking into all options and staying out of trouble...Will think about The Drive (in these winds...in my Jeep...it is pure hell) after I read the book and check into the on line options. Sure do appreciate all input. Thanks.
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Old 02-20-2017, 02:03 PM
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There's no need to delete yourself from the Class of February group...if you start again you'll have over a week before the beginning of March

I think you need a better recovery plan than whatever you've been doing.

Do you think thats a reasonable, non admonishing, assessment Ms CB.?

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Old 02-20-2017, 02:07 PM
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I think we watch Intervention while we're still trying to get sober because we secretly hope to see or hear something that is going to shock us or scare us.. but we don't, we have the "not me yet" response.. We can be smug. For now.
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