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What's wrong with me?

Old 01-14-2017, 05:55 PM
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What's wrong with me?

I was always the social one. Whether drinking or not. I've been sober 2 months. When I'm out with people I get extremely bored and usually end up going home early. Went to a friend house to watch football tonight and I left after an hour. Most people were drinking but no one was drunk but I was bored out of my mind . If I had been drinking I would have stayed all night. I didn't want to drink at at all .. Not the point.. It's like I have to be entertained or I just go home and do nothing( cause that's real fun) A few times I have gone out to a bar where there is a band and I'm fine because I'm entertained but otherwise I feel bored most of the time when I'm around people. I'm fine around my AA ppl for the most part but that's just a short period of time. I've never liked being alone and now I'd rather sit and read SR than be with people. Hmmm
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Old 01-14-2017, 06:18 PM
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doesnt really read like anything is wrong with ya,pooky. i didnt do good at gatherings for quite some time. even with people in AA, id do ok if it was just a few of us conversatin, but at AA functions? quite often i would rather go home and be by myself.
took me time to learn how to add to those occasions, like the big book talks about

Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there....

actually, it took time for me to learn everything, the main thing is learning who i was.
i still can get bored or reeeeeallly just want to leave some gatherings. just not fun or enjoyable to me, and thats ok.

and,being an introvert(part of that "who i was" i learned) i can really enjoy being by myself, which i couldnt do early on in recovery.

im thinkin youre doin some learnin about you tonight,pooky.
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Old 01-14-2017, 10:03 PM
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It's ok to have sections in your life where you prefer being alone/quiet time. We change & then change again. There's nothing wrong with being alone, unless you are feeling lonely.
We live in a culture that makes us feel that quiet is wrong, that not being busy-busy is wrong. Trust yourself & your instincts. I suspect that as soon as you accept this moment of yourself, it will shift.
I often happily spend whole weekends alone in sobriety. And sometimes I happily interact with people & really enjoy myself & then am done.
Tonight I went to a show with a friend, danced and enjoyed myself, but was ready to leave after the second band. So I left. Now I'm sitting on the porch with SR, & am happy. Just listen to yourself & honor the quiet inner voice.
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Old 01-15-2017, 01:34 AM
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For 20 years my fun came from a bottle...it took me a little time to learn how to have fun sober, but I did. I have more fun than ever now.

Hanging around others drinking to get drink is not my idea of fun - why would it be? so I made some new friends

D
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Old 01-15-2017, 02:09 AM
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Breaking news...breaking news...Bar clubs and parties....are NOT actually that fun!!

I had the occasion to go out with some 20 something year olds on a night out a little while ago...they all revelled in what a fantastic night they had had. From my sober perspective they did very very little and barely spoke to each other

Even the more sedate affairs I think people are often a little bored and mildly uncomfortable...but go through the social rituals of talking and having a 'good time'

You see, I always thought it was just me who wasn't having a good time

P
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Old 01-15-2017, 03:14 AM
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Originally Posted by pooky View Post

I've been sober 2 months.

I've never liked being alone and now I'd rather sit and read SR than be with people. Hmmm
After sobering up I also started to lean a little more that way.
Give me some outside time with a good cigar.
Or a nice afternoon nap on the couch.
Maybe a sober bicycle ride at the beach with best friend.
At many times I call it Serenity.
Can take some time sober to fully appreciate.
M-Bob
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Old 01-15-2017, 04:42 AM
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I don't believe there's anything wrong with you, Pooky. You're going through a process and you may need/want different things right now. I'm also at 2 months, and social gatherings exhaust me after about an hour. More than ever I value my alone time, and try not to feel guilty about chilling on my couch and reading SR.
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Old 01-15-2017, 05:10 AM
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I found the same. After a while in sobriety I realised that quite possibly I was just learning a nd getting comfortable with who I really was and what I really like. Many of the people I hung out with are quite shallow. It suited me well when I was drinking because, quite frankly, I was even more shallow than most of them. Now though I find the conversation in those old friendship groups boring. Sometimes depressing. Sometimes even offensive. And maybe they find me boring now as well. Possibly a little uncool and distant as well. Whatever.

As time has progressed I have developed a new beat for my own drum, and focus on walking to that beat. I have formed new friendships, and still occasionally see old friends, but also increasingly value having time alone now - which would have been painful and very undesirable before - and I know that I do need that reflective time.

Sometimes people will pass a comment about the change, but I know that I don't owe it to anyone to be anyone other than I am now. I will be true to myself, and I they don't like that, well, maybe they're not such great friends.

Wishing you all the best for your recovery. BB
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Old 01-15-2017, 06:47 AM
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Pooky there isn't anything wrong with you.

I think we forget who we are and what we are interested in when we are drinking. We used alcohol to cover all our feelings; good, bad and bored.
I used to do a lot of things out of habit, because I had "always done them that way" which of course included a drink. I didn't experience a lot of different things, regardless of my different surroundings, because I was pretty much always alcohol numbed.
Now that I am sober I feel like I am starting to learn for the first time what I actually like and don't like. It can be overwhelming at times.

Two months is so awesome. Be patient with yourself.
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Old 01-15-2017, 07:21 AM
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It'll get better. It just takes time. You spent so much time using alcohol as a crutch to believing you needed it to have fun. Before my relapse, it took me almost a year to have a good time while people were drinking. Casual drinking parties I'm good with. The only time I left was when it was an all out drink till you drop fest. I found out people that drunk were just annoying as hell and then I would leave.
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