aasharon90

I often remind myself that I have to
remember to wear my recovery armor
for the day just incase I have to ward
off demons or life's struggles that lurk
around me daily.

In fact for a future tattoo idea, I was
googling religious armors or anything
with a helmet, sword, shield.

When im wearing my recovery shield
on a daily bases, it reminds me to be
strong in the face of whatever comes
my way. To remember all that has been
taught to me as a guideline in keeping
with the steps and principles I incorporate
in all my affairs.

You too can imagine this recovery shield
that you can wear to help you remain strong
in the face of life's struggles.

And to know as I have to do on a daily
bases that our HP - Higher Power isn't
gonna give us anymore than what we
can handle even tho it seems like the
world is weighing extremely heavy on
you now.

There hasn't been a time in my life whether
it be before, during and after my alcohol
addiction that my HP has ever left me alone.

He has always been with me as I look
back on many times that seem bleek.
Then when I got sober and needed Him
more than ever, He had a plan for me
even when I didn't know it.

He gave me a gift that allowed me to
exit my 25yr marriage peacefully and
move back to my home town and has
continued to bless me and guide me
along today some many one days sober
for the past 26 yrs.

All I continue to do is living what was
taught to me thru the yrs and doing the
footwork to continue recieveing the
wards of the promises as written in
the Big Book of AA if you are familiar
with them.

I hope you find strength, guidance
and peace from Above each day you
remain sober on our own journey in
life. sobriety and recovery.

Grateful2BHere

Stormi,
My heart goes out to you........I can so relate to your feelings....I am a people pleaser and can get easily overwhelmed by the demands or needs of others....that is why I attend Alanon.
Coda (codependents anonymous) meetings are also very helpful to me.
Maybe you already attend these meetings? If not, it may be worth your time to check it out.

Dee74

I'm really glad to see this community support Normi - I hope it helps in some small way

D

StormiNormi

It really is Dee. Thank you. i feel stronger alreadyi sent out this message today & feel empowered by saying it out loud;

Just saying FYI.. I think I am a gracious person but if you EVER insinuate my daughters death was my fault; or because of bad parenting.... i will sever you from my life like a hot knife through butter.
No second chances there. Ever.

My Sisters words today brought me back 7 years. Hard earned and painful years.
I am not going there ever again

StormiNormi

Is it normal to want to be violent in Sobriety?

I am a passive person. I am so angry today I am vibrating.
I dont know what to do with this emotion.
Please help me

ScottFromWI

Feeling strong emotions is common, both good and bad. Feeling a compulsion to actually be physically violent to yourself or someone around you is not healthy though. Do you have a counselor or doctor you could talk to?

Ariesagain

Beat up a pillow, go to a remote location and sit in your car and scream at the top of your lungs, write scathing letters that you never send and tear up/burn...

Yes, it's normal. We stuff down a ton of emotions and paralyze them with alcohol...they get pretty frisky for a while when they wake up. I was...ahem...not angelic (to say the least).

Better out than in!

StormiNormi

I live on an axreage in the middle of nowhere. I can walk and scream at the moon and the stars
No I dont have a counselor; just a regular gp. And God.
I am not feeling very satisfied though.
I am thinking if ripping apart my storage room, but am afraid I will have to deal with the consequenses

Dee74

I don't think we can ever have too much support Normi - a counsellor could be a good thing?

D

StormiNormi

Yes Dee. You are right. It is just not in the budget presently. Unless I (we) forgo food this month

soberlicious

I get extremely angry feelings toward my very sick sister too, Stormi. She leaves like 5 or more voicemails on my 76 y/o mother's phone every other night, calling her a c**t, b***h, and other vile names, repeatedly tells all of us that we have caused all her problems, etc. No matter that we've supported her above and beyond in so many ways over the years. She also becomes erratically physically violent, so we can't be around her too much. It's too dangerous. She has end stage cirrhosis. So many extreme emotions surround this situation for all of us; sadness, despair, helplessness, anger...

Dealing with a mentally ill person who is drinking and doing drugs is impossible...and I only have one. I can't imagine what you are going through with so many siblings and family members who are not well. One thing you must recognize though, is that sick or not, what is happening to you is abuse. You cannot allow yourself to be verbally (or otherwise) abused by anyone. You must make very clear that you will not engage in any conversations with anyone once it becomes abusive and circular. It's so hard (I know first hand), but it must be done for your own survival.

My heart goes out to you. You cannot fix them, Stormi. I'm so sorry and I hope that you continue to set boundaries like you have begun to do and take care of yourself.

PhoenixJ

Support for you all the way S. Drinking will kill you. You need outside help and guidance for you to get better. I think removing yourself from the abuse you are describing is a must do.

StormiNormi

Dearest Soberlicious (great name BTW)
I have no contact with sibling #1, thank God and all the Saints.
Sibling #4 is not a drinker nor user; just a bonified abuser
I have firmly shut that door after 30+ years of her sporadic craziness.
There comes a time when the ill hide behibd their illness(es) as an excuse to be whatever they choose to be in any given moment.
I am not buying into that anymore.
After 30+ years of medication and handling with Kitt gloves; she is as sane as you or I.
My BFF ... Sibling #6 is my greatest cheerleader. I with her.
��

StormiNormi

Done and done.
I do gave a good support system. Dee. SR. That is you ppl. Sibling #6 a few dear friends. And an awesome husband. .when he is home
Plus.. I have a great big God.

soberlicious

I agree. People sometimes say to me, "Well, she can't help it, she's sick". No, she may not be able to help it on her own, but she has refused help in every form...doctors, therapists, treatment centers, groups...according to her there is something wrong with all of them.

This makes me happy to hear you say this, and me neither!!

I'm so glad you have sibling #6 and the rest of your support system! <3

StormiNormi

I have lived with this guilt trip forever.
She is Ill; she cant help it.
Malarkey

This woman gets $2700 /month in government aide each and every month. A housekeeper 2 x month. Nursing on demand. Free vision and health care. Free prescriptions.
Am I jealous? Hell yes. I work my but off. 8 months/year and can't afford a counselor.
I pray daily for the grace of God and peace of Christ.
Yup, life sometimes sucks and it is ok life isnt always fair.
I am doing ok in the scope of life

StormiNormi

I had a wonderful 12 hour sleep.
I am making a pot of soup and quietly getting through some chores this morning.

The ringer is turned off on my phone.
I feel more at peace today.
I am not going to give any of this another thought for the next 24 hours.
I am going to relish my alone time, by treating myself with permission to do what I want to when I want to and with (or without) other people around me.

Thank you all for your wonderful support yesterday and for your continued prayers.
My sponsor is out of town, but we stay in daily contact.
All is well with my soul.

ScottFromWI

Really glad to hear that today is a better day Stormi, enjoy the soup!

sleepie

Sounds great, Stormi. Glad you are taking a well deserved break for some "Stormi Time". Enjoy Soup sounds lovely.

StormiNormi

I just keep falling asleep.
I slept 12 hours last night and have had 2 three hour naps today.
It does feel wonderful, but seriously; is this normal?
Or am i just finding another route of escape?