So much pain
 

I don't know where to start.

I supported my single parent sister with her 3 children both emotionally and financially since 1996. That is a long time. Many months surpassed my income to feed them, provide fiel for their home or for incidental expenses
She often used her children as a weapon to control me. Often years would pass without contact if she so chose, if she had an alternate source (men or another sibling ) of support.
I have been extremely attached to her children obviously
In 2009, my only child; my daughter died by suicide, and I became emotionally dependant (attached) to my niece's and nephew's. They were the reason for me to 'be'
They are presently 28, 25 and 23 y/o.
Three years ago, i had enoigh of my sister's drama and financial drain, lies, deception, drama and disregard for our dying Mother; so I cut ties with her completely.
Sadly; that meant taking the risk of losing her children (now adults) as well.
I have contact with only the youngest of the three now, as she has poisened them against not just me; but all the family, now.
I still grieve the loss of my child, but also the loss of two of my neice's; whom I love with all my heart and soul. Whom I helped raise from early childhood. I feel i am in a constant cycle of grief, sadness.with additional burdens of friends needs when what and who I want in my life is so distant.
I have zero time to myself. I have huge demands on me physically, emotionally, finacially. My love tank and bank account is empty.
I am struggling to not only stay sober but alive.
I feel disconnected to those I love ( including my stepson & his children/ don't get me started there) and overhelmed by friends who are in constant need of support.
I have six siblings all in a state of emergency; 8 disfumctional neices and nephews, greiving the recent death of my mother; a BF with a DUI another (recent immigrant) friend who left an abusive husband, BFF who.lost her job due to physical health issues ( no insurance, no husband) sister with 4 immune defficiencies, cardiac failure.... Blah blah blah. A brother who just passed away in another country. A brother on the streets. A schizophrenic sister demandind help every fricken day
I am sinking . but I am sober. Today.
I really want to jump.

God help me.

I'm really sorry you have so much on your plate Normi.

I can really recommend some of the readings here, as well as the crisis numbers if you want someone to help.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

There is of course an amazing reservoir of help and support here too :)

Somedays it's all I can do to get through the day and crawl into bed. We have to stay sober but it doesn't always need to be graceful.

I gain a lot of strength from this community. They've seen me through some dark nights.

I'm glad you're with us :)

D

Thanks Dee, I am doing my best to trip into bed gracefully.
Some days, i do feel the devil is nipping at my heels. This is one of those days.
It is 4 am here MST and I am still wound up like a piano.
I have to be up and out ny 8 to start all over.
CRA is threatening to shut down my bank accounts by months end and I see no present way of getting my business reporting done.
My previous records are with an accountant gone AWOL.
My husband left today to go attend to our home & business in the US; business and rental properties here are in need of attention, friends and family feel neglecyed, i am free.... Oy.I need a vacation.
I have a good life. I have a good life. I have a good life.i have a good life.

I can keep all the balls in the air IF I stay sober.
And only IF I stay sober.
I can do this. Right?
argh

I believe you can - but yeah sobriety would be a prerequisite.
In trying times we have to do our best - can't do that drunk.

D

Stormi- when I feel overwhelmed my mantra starts with the basics. Safety first- don't drive if drinking, distracted, no sleep- real basic stuff. Then HALTS. Then talking/sharing- AA meeting, sponsor, SR, priest, counsellor- once again KISS, basic. My plan when emotionally overcome is to become more aware of triggers and plan to control them. It sounds as if you need to focus on yourself- not others. Your health and well being is paramount to you. Do you need a check up?
Keep posting.PJ

Nope. You are right on that mark.
Gratefully sober today. Tired. Exhausted. Overwhelmed
But gloriously sober.
Amen

I have set bounderies for the weekend with friends and family. No contact until Monday, so that I can address business and personal needs.
This includes me time.
I am fortified with plenty of groceries, so no need to leave my house.
I know I need to shut out the noise and focus.
I am getting up now (since I can not sleep anyhow) to make lists.
I need to prioritize yes.... But I need to ground myself first and foremost.

Isnt it comforting to know that you are
not alone here in SR? I recognize your
name and believe you have been here
in SR for some time now.

I may not write to each and every person
that comes here to SR, but I try to focus on
their names to recognize them each time
I sign in for the day. :)

It's just like going to my face to face meetings
in early recovery and yrs afterwards, I would
show up regularly to be seen so that folks
would know I was sober and putting one foot
in front of the other doing what I needed
and eventually wanted to do in recovery.

Dee said some good stuff up top and I
too echo what was shared.

Coming here to share with us what is
going on with you and in your life is very
helpful, because, keeping all this to only
yourself, can be a heavy cross to carry
each day. By sharing lightens that burden
and lifts that weight off you and doesn't
that feel freeing?

In recovery, learning to live life without
alcohol, that addiction, first and foremost
is important. That in itself is a tall order
to fill and accomplish.

In a selfish kind of way, we have to learn
how to stay sober for ourselves first are
we cant be helpful to anyone else.

It will take some pushing away things,
people in ur life at this time to concentrate
on you in order to become healthy.

Many of us have reached that last piece
of string holding on for dear life needing
and wanting help to live and survive. Once
we let go, placing ourselves into their hands
to take care of us for awhile, helping us get
better, healthier, teach us what is necessary
to live life without dependency and addiction
to a toxic substance is what is important right
now at this time in your life.

As you continue to share here in SR, their
will be many folks sharing their own ESH,
experiences, strengths and hopes of what
their own lives were and are like before,
during and after addiction paving the way
for you to follow and offering helpful suggestions
to guide you into make some important
decisions in reaching for that help you
need to reach many wonderful gifts in
your life just waiting for you to enjoy.

Health....Happiness....Freedom from addiction
and all that come with it.

We are here for you with loving, caring,
understanding support. :)

Aasharon. I wept as I read your message. IDK why, it is as if you said it is ok to drop the ball once in a while. I can be the child in need today.

I am 54 y/o. The youngest of seven. As long as I remember; i have taken care of everything and everyone. No one has ever said what you did.
I am okay. But thank you for being kind to me.

priest, counsellor- once again KISS, basic. My plan when emotionally overcome is to become more aware of triggers and plan to control them. It sounds as if you need to focus on yourself- not others. Your health and well being is paramount to you. Do you need a check up?
Keep posting.PJ
PhoenixJ is online now Report Post

Phoenix; how ironic. Our business in the US is based on Phoenix.
I recently had an appt with my Dr.. (An addictions specialist)
He says I am his poster child.
Oy- why does society think you have it under control if you are sober???
I will heed your advice and follow your mantra.
Safety first.

(((( Stormi )))) Your strategy for the weekend sounds really good.

I don't have much advice, but please know I am praying for you. Good work in hanging on to your clear-headed sobriety for dear life.

Thank you Gilmer for your vote of confidence.
I am ashamed to say if LQ stores were open at this hour (6 am MST) I might be tempted.
Keeping mindful HALT- i am certainly aware of my vulnerabilities.
I am all of the above

ya know, stormi, its ok to extend those boundaries past the weekend. you are allowed to put you 1st.
have you visited the f&f of alcoholics sub forum?
what im reading is there is a LOT of information and advise over there you could use. just my opinion but I read a wee bit of codependant, enabling stuff happening.

Sending you a hug.

Alcohol dissolves resiliency, rational thought, and energy. So we're overwhelmed and exhausted and upset...so we reach for more alcohol...which makes it even worse. Sometimes I think a huge part of it all is simple sleep deprivation...when we try to sleep when we're drinking, we never sleep deeply or well. Over months and years, that damage adds up.

You have much too much on your plate, that's for sure. Good for you for carving out some time for self-care. At some point, if we don't, our bodies will just give out and we end up really sick.

Hang in there and give it time...oh and ice cream is your friend in those early weeks!

Hi Stormi

You have a lot of weight on your shoulders. I'm glad you are seeing you need to take care of you this weekend. I would actually suggest you take care of you first always. Put on your own oxygen mask first. I know I can focus on other's problems as a way of deflecting from my own. And I also know, and I hope you don't misunderstand this, that I allow people to treat me the way they do.

Sometimes detaching with love is the healthiest thing one can do. Hang in there.

FrickaFlip your post reminds me of a very wise saying.
"Go as you wish to grow"
Thank you for that. &
Thanks for the reminder.

Albeit; how do you change a 35 year relationship?

You start today ;-) We can always change for the better, no matter how long we've been around! Things won't miraculously transform overnight, but just doing little things one at a time will help. Just like you are setting boundaries for the weekend - that's a small step to help you deal with everything that's going on.

As addicts we tend to seek instant gratification in all areas of our life. Part of sobriety is learning that it's unrealistic to expect that.

I'm assuming you're referring to the sister? I guess the way you change anything. Incrementally. I would try not to over complicate it.....maybe try to detach from the emotion. Yeah, very challenging. But make changes to take care of you, your thinking, your emotions and your life. Enmeshment with family and loved ones is really common for addicts and so hard to see how to untangle the knot if you look at the whole mess. One step, one right action at a time.

Hi Stormi. Boundary setting sounds good. I know you can do this, take care of yourself first. Staying sober is the building block to that.

Your story told is such a sad one.
I wish that I could do something right now so as to help you.
I also cry out to God often -- God please have mercy on me.
Staying sober is so very important for us.
If I could ever be of help ?
M-Bob