Did anyone else develop health anxiety after recovery from drinking too much?
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Did anyone else develop health anxiety after recovery from drinking too much?
Like, does anybody else deal with anxiety every time you get a tummy ache, thinking it's your liver about to explode?
Some background on my drinking history and current practice:
For a year, I lived in a place that I hated 3000 miles away from friends and family, worked a very high-stress job that overworked and underpaid me while I supported my unemployed husband, who couldn't find a job when we moved for mine. For that entire year, we both drank. A lot. Think 15 (standard unit) drinks every night. We packed on the weight. I suppose we were functional alcoholics, since it never impacted my work performance or anything else I did during the daytime. Then one day I was told my job would end in 2 months because of budget cuts. I quickly started interviewing elsewhere and had a great opportunity to get my dream job, back in the place where my friends and family were. Terrified I would lose that opportunity due to a drug test, I quit cold turkey the night before the final interview, flew 3000 miles across country while detoxing and made it through the grueling 8-hour interview on no sleep or food in two days. Long story short, I got the job. We moved, I got a great salary, life became good, for the first time for us in 8 years. We lost a ton of weight and are still losing at a healthy rate, due to good diet and exercise. I have lost 35lb since 12/2015 and am still losing at a healthy rate.
In the new job/living situation, we took 3 months off alcohol completely, then re-introduced it in moderation (6 standard units per week or less--the equivalent of 2 martinis or less). We have had absolutely no problem drinking at or below this level--no cravings, no "relapse". I've had no physical problems other than a non-related thyroid condition (genetic). No digestive problems, no blood pressure or blood sugar issues, no sleep issues...except for the health anxiety. That's new.
7 months after we stopped drinking too much (4 months after we started drinking in moderation), I decided to go for a physical and asked my doctor for a liver panel to make sure everything was okay. Everything checked out fine. My ALT, AST and their ratio were all normal (albeit a hair above dead-center of normal). However, something about that being even a hair above dead center freaked me out. I went 6 weeks without drinking at all, then came back for another test. Same results.
Ever since then, I am terrified to go back to my doctor to inquire further, and she hasn't called so I haven't gone in. I can't seem to stop obsessing over that "one point above dead center of normal".
It's very weird--I've never had health anxiety before. It doesn't appear to be tied to our moderate drinking--it seems to be entirely tied to my stomach. For example, I'll go a couple weeks feeling great and then one day I'll get some mild heartburn and get it into my head that my liver is failing and I'm dying. (I'm aware that freaking out every time I get a little indigestion is not typical behavior for the mentally healthy.) If I have any sort of stomach issue, like heartburn or nausea, I take over-the-counter stomach remedies like Tums or Nauzene or ginger tea, and when the stomach issue goes away so does my anxiety. In the rare case where the nausea meds don't help my stomach--i.e. two weeks ago I got food poisoning--oh boy am I in for a long night even after the worst of the symptoms goes away because that's when the anxiety sets in. My heart will keep racing and I'll have insomnia and my brain will circle continuously around the thought that maybe it wasn't food poisoning and it's really that glass of wine I had two days ago finally killing my liver to the point where my digestion is failing.
Honestly, I'm not even sure if going back to my doctor would help with this, because even if any further tests came out normal I might convince myself there's still something wrong. (Since, you know, all the websites about cirrhosis make it sound like you can get ultrasounds and labs and still miss that your liver's dying, with the exception of getting a biopsy.) I'm trying to control the health anxiety by keeping my liver panel handy so I can see the results were normal, and by reminding myself that if I was going to die of liver disease it would've been a year ago, when I was drinking insane amounts, not now. I told my doctor about my six standard drinks limit and she said she saw no problem with that, but I'm so paranoid part of me even wonders if she's missed something with my labs or something. Seriously, why am I so convinced every tummy ache is my liver exploding? (I have IBS, btw, so just eating too many tacos can send me into a mental tailspin...)
So, long story short, I was just hoping someone out there might have dealt with the health anxiety and figured out a way to curtail it. Anyone?
Some background on my drinking history and current practice:
For a year, I lived in a place that I hated 3000 miles away from friends and family, worked a very high-stress job that overworked and underpaid me while I supported my unemployed husband, who couldn't find a job when we moved for mine. For that entire year, we both drank. A lot. Think 15 (standard unit) drinks every night. We packed on the weight. I suppose we were functional alcoholics, since it never impacted my work performance or anything else I did during the daytime. Then one day I was told my job would end in 2 months because of budget cuts. I quickly started interviewing elsewhere and had a great opportunity to get my dream job, back in the place where my friends and family were. Terrified I would lose that opportunity due to a drug test, I quit cold turkey the night before the final interview, flew 3000 miles across country while detoxing and made it through the grueling 8-hour interview on no sleep or food in two days. Long story short, I got the job. We moved, I got a great salary, life became good, for the first time for us in 8 years. We lost a ton of weight and are still losing at a healthy rate, due to good diet and exercise. I have lost 35lb since 12/2015 and am still losing at a healthy rate.
In the new job/living situation, we took 3 months off alcohol completely, then re-introduced it in moderation (6 standard units per week or less--the equivalent of 2 martinis or less). We have had absolutely no problem drinking at or below this level--no cravings, no "relapse". I've had no physical problems other than a non-related thyroid condition (genetic). No digestive problems, no blood pressure or blood sugar issues, no sleep issues...except for the health anxiety. That's new.
7 months after we stopped drinking too much (4 months after we started drinking in moderation), I decided to go for a physical and asked my doctor for a liver panel to make sure everything was okay. Everything checked out fine. My ALT, AST and their ratio were all normal (albeit a hair above dead-center of normal). However, something about that being even a hair above dead center freaked me out. I went 6 weeks without drinking at all, then came back for another test. Same results.
Ever since then, I am terrified to go back to my doctor to inquire further, and she hasn't called so I haven't gone in. I can't seem to stop obsessing over that "one point above dead center of normal".
It's very weird--I've never had health anxiety before. It doesn't appear to be tied to our moderate drinking--it seems to be entirely tied to my stomach. For example, I'll go a couple weeks feeling great and then one day I'll get some mild heartburn and get it into my head that my liver is failing and I'm dying. (I'm aware that freaking out every time I get a little indigestion is not typical behavior for the mentally healthy.) If I have any sort of stomach issue, like heartburn or nausea, I take over-the-counter stomach remedies like Tums or Nauzene or ginger tea, and when the stomach issue goes away so does my anxiety. In the rare case where the nausea meds don't help my stomach--i.e. two weeks ago I got food poisoning--oh boy am I in for a long night even after the worst of the symptoms goes away because that's when the anxiety sets in. My heart will keep racing and I'll have insomnia and my brain will circle continuously around the thought that maybe it wasn't food poisoning and it's really that glass of wine I had two days ago finally killing my liver to the point where my digestion is failing.
Honestly, I'm not even sure if going back to my doctor would help with this, because even if any further tests came out normal I might convince myself there's still something wrong. (Since, you know, all the websites about cirrhosis make it sound like you can get ultrasounds and labs and still miss that your liver's dying, with the exception of getting a biopsy.) I'm trying to control the health anxiety by keeping my liver panel handy so I can see the results were normal, and by reminding myself that if I was going to die of liver disease it would've been a year ago, when I was drinking insane amounts, not now. I told my doctor about my six standard drinks limit and she said she saw no problem with that, but I'm so paranoid part of me even wonders if she's missed something with my labs or something. Seriously, why am I so convinced every tummy ache is my liver exploding? (I have IBS, btw, so just eating too many tacos can send me into a mental tailspin...)
So, long story short, I was just hoping someone out there might have dealt with the health anxiety and figured out a way to curtail it. Anyone?
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I know exactly how you feel Beached. I've dealt with health anxiety for quite a while and also thought it might have been tied to my alcoholism. I also saw a lot of doctors and had a lot of tests done but would still fear something being wrong. Every little twinge in my body used to make me start googling to find out what it might be. If I saw someone else who was sick or heard about someone else who was diagnosed with cancer or something else I would start diagnosing myself, etc.
The solution for me has been a combination of therapy, mindfulness and meditation practice and spending a lot of time here. I also try to make sure i'm getting enough sleep and eating right.
The real crux of the problem for me though was accepting my anxiety for what it is, very similar to the way i accepted my addiction. I now know that for whatever reason, I am simply an anxious person. Therapy has helped a lot, but initially I went seeking a cure - so it would all just go away. There is no magic bullet that can just erase it though, so accepting it for what it is was half the battle. And to be honest I'm still working on that part but my daily anxiety has decreased significantly. I've also nearly completely eliminated my "googling" and other bad health checking habits ( pulse checking, blood sugar testing, etc...).
I've also accepted that it doesn't really matter what caused my anxiety - my drinking or maybe it was even before that. But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter..it's a problem that exists so I need to deal with it.
The solution for me has been a combination of therapy, mindfulness and meditation practice and spending a lot of time here. I also try to make sure i'm getting enough sleep and eating right.
The real crux of the problem for me though was accepting my anxiety for what it is, very similar to the way i accepted my addiction. I now know that for whatever reason, I am simply an anxious person. Therapy has helped a lot, but initially I went seeking a cure - so it would all just go away. There is no magic bullet that can just erase it though, so accepting it for what it is was half the battle. And to be honest I'm still working on that part but my daily anxiety has decreased significantly. I've also nearly completely eliminated my "googling" and other bad health checking habits ( pulse checking, blood sugar testing, etc...).
I've also accepted that it doesn't really matter what caused my anxiety - my drinking or maybe it was even before that. But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter..it's a problem that exists so I need to deal with it.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
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I didn't have health anxiety but worried about everything else. I think it's part of early recovery and it will pass once you feel comfortable in your own skin (it took me a good six months to calm down). In the meantime, just go to the doctor. Are you going to meetings?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Los Angeles, CA
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Originally Posted by NYCDoglvr 
I didn't have health anxiety but worried about everything else. I think it's part of early recovery and it will pass once you feel comfortable in your own skin (it took me a good six months to calm down). In the meantime, just go to the doctor. Are you going to meetings?
My husband's theory is that my health anxiety is sort of a delayed reaction to what I went through back in December 2015, when I quit cold turkey without being under a doctor's care right when so much was on the line. I knew at the time that quitting cold turkey could be dangerous (I read it can kill you) but felt I had no choice but to risk my life because if I didn't get that job I'd have ended up homeless. Granted, I'm not sure my "detox" experience was life-threatening, but try telling anxiety that! I had no DTs, no vomiting or headaches or even cravings, just loss of appetite, insomnia and horrible anxiety attacks lasting for days which all subsided immediately after the final interview was over.
I'm just wondering why now, when life is so, so good (I make great money at my dream job and live near family and friends again), would the health anxiety surface? Is it guilt, maybe? Or do we just become so numb to caring what we're doing to ourselves while we're drinking too much that once we stop all the worry about what we were doing to our bodies comes rushing back?
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Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
I know exactly how you feel Beached. I've dealt with health anxiety for quite a while and also thought it might have been tied to my alcoholism. I also saw a lot of doctors and had a lot of tests done but would still fear something being wrong. Every little twinge in my body used to make me start googling to find out what it might be. If I saw someone else who was sick or heard about someone else who was diagnosed with cancer or something else I would start diagnosing myself, etc.
The solution for me has been a combination of therapy, mindfulness and meditation practice and spending a lot of time here. I also try to make sure i'm getting enough sleep and eating right.
The real crux of the problem for me though was accepting my anxiety for what it is, very similar to the way i accepted my addiction. I now know that for whatever reason, I am simply an anxious person. Therapy has helped a lot, but initially I went seeking a cure - so it would all just go away. There is no magic bullet that can just erase it though, so accepting it for what it is was half the battle. And to be honest I'm still working on that part but my daily anxiety has decreased significantly. I've also nearly completely eliminated my "googling" and other bad health checking habits ( pulse checking, blood sugar testing, etc...).
I've also accepted that it doesn't really matter what caused my anxiety - my drinking or maybe it was even before that. But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter..it's a problem that exists so I need to deal with it.
The solution for me has been a combination of therapy, mindfulness and meditation practice and spending a lot of time here. I also try to make sure i'm getting enough sleep and eating right.
The real crux of the problem for me though was accepting my anxiety for what it is, very similar to the way i accepted my addiction. I now know that for whatever reason, I am simply an anxious person. Therapy has helped a lot, but initially I went seeking a cure - so it would all just go away. There is no magic bullet that can just erase it though, so accepting it for what it is was half the battle. And to be honest I'm still working on that part but my daily anxiety has decreased significantly. I've also nearly completely eliminated my "googling" and other bad health checking habits ( pulse checking, blood sugar testing, etc...).
I've also accepted that it doesn't really matter what caused my anxiety - my drinking or maybe it was even before that. But at the end of the day it doesn't really matter..it's a problem that exists so I need to deal with it.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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I'm just wondering why now, when life is so, so good (I make great money at my dream job and live near family and friends again), would the health anxiety surface? Is it guilt, maybe? Or do we just become so numb to caring what we're doing to ourselves while we're drinking too much that once we stop all the worry about what we were doing to our bodies comes rushing back?
I know for me it was like i was always worried about my health just becuase of the sins of my past no other good reason i mean odd ball symptoms but nothing concrete.
I think for me i had lived a life where something bad was always happening that i didnt know how to deal with myself if things where tame / ok for a while.
staying more present more in the moment helps. am i sick this minute? no? ok move on nothing to see here. etc..
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Originally Posted by zjw
because surely something must be wrong no way your allowed to be happy and content?
I know for me it was like i was always worried about my health just becuase of the sins of my past no other good reason i mean odd ball symptoms but nothing concrete.
I think for me i had lived a life where something bad was always happening that i didnt know how to deal with myself if things where tame / ok for a while.
staying more present more in the moment helps. am i sick this minute? no? ok move on nothing to see here. etc..
I know for me it was like i was always worried about my health just becuase of the sins of my past no other good reason i mean odd ball symptoms but nothing concrete.
I think for me i had lived a life where something bad was always happening that i didnt know how to deal with myself if things where tame / ok for a while.
staying more present more in the moment helps. am i sick this minute? no? ok move on nothing to see here. etc..
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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I had dreadful health anxiety too. The one thing that helped me reconcile that and finally believe I wasn't going to die was committing to abstinence.
It's not really expressed clearly here, but in another thread you mention you and your husband are drinking in moderation now. Please correct me if I've misunderstood that.
If you're worried about the effect on alcohol on your health isn't there some cognitive dissonance in continuing to drink, even in moderation?
D
It's not really expressed clearly here, but in another thread you mention you and your husband are drinking in moderation now. Please correct me if I've misunderstood that.
If you're worried about the effect on alcohol on your health isn't there some cognitive dissonance in continuing to drink, even in moderation?
D
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,673
Beached- the anxiety or fear of doing something positive- but subjectively scary is often worse than actually doing it. Fear of the fear. Kind of like getting angry at being angry. Worse still getting angry because I predict I will get angry. Talk about self fulfilling prophecy. The anxiety may not be directly related to alcohol. That was surely on your mind- why else post here? I think you are concerned about the reasons for your anxiety. I could say to you- it is all natural, do not worry about it! Everybody does that! Is it and do they? I don't know- I'm not those people. I would suggest if you have concerns over anxiety- seek out appropriate support. You have an awareness- so this gives you leverage in doing something about it. PJ
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Antonio
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I was pretty anxious about my health when I first stopped drinking, but it was merited. I was in bad shape, things weren't working right. The longer I stay sober, the less health anxiety I have. I can tell my body is healing now, slowly but surely, and I know I've done the most important thing to facilitate that by not drinking. Also exercising and eating right helps with the mental stuff too.
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Originally Posted by Dee74
I had dreadful health anxiety too. The one thing that helped me reconcile that and finally believe I wasn't going to die was committing to abstinence.
It's not really expressed clearly here, but in another thread you mention you and your husband are drinking in moderation now. Please correct me if I've misunderstood that.
If you're worried about the effect on alcohol on your health isn't there some cognitive dissonance in continuing to drink, even in moderation?
D
It's not really expressed clearly here, but in another thread you mention you and your husband are drinking in moderation now. Please correct me if I've misunderstood that.
If you're worried about the effect on alcohol on your health isn't there some cognitive dissonance in continuing to drink, even in moderation?
D
Now, I think you ARE right about the cognitive dissonance in the sense that we drink in moderation despite my issue with health anxiety. I can read between the lines of your post enough to see the "If you're not addicted, why not just quit altogether?" We absolutely could. Logically, removing alcohol from our lives altogether should ease my paranoia about liver cirrhosis. Unfortunately, I fear logic has no place in my health anxiety, so even dropping the occasional glass of wine or martini from our menu would not be enough. I could be completely dry right now and still panic over a stomach-ache, imagining my liver was a scarred mess from the abuse I put it through in 2015. I could go back in to my doctor for a liver ultrasound and have her find nothing and months later insist on coming back for a liver biopsy because I was afraid the liver ultrasound missed something. :-p That's the level of crazy we're talking about here.
Perhaps this anxiety will subside as I put more years between myself and 2015, and learn to enjoy it without needing something to stress over. In the past--well before my year of drinking--I have had anxiety over other things like hostile work environments and such. I guess now that work is good it's manifesting as health anxiety.
I am looking into behavioral counseling, because I'm starting to suspect I might have GAD....just found out my mom has it.
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Perhaps this anxiety will subside as I put more years between myself and 2015, and see that my life is still good and learn to enjoy it without needing something to stress over.
It didn't stay that way tho
I think I got better mentally for two reasons - I was no longer contributing to the problem and every week that went by I wasn't dead, in fact I felt a little better...
and secondly...around 3 months in, I began to realise how much even little amounts of alcohol could affect me and my world view, and the way I thought about my myself.
I appreciate that you're not committing to abstinence - but I really genuinely feel that last point may be something to consider if this panic turns out to be an on-going problem.
D
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Originally Posted by Dee74
That was absolutely my experience. Even tho I was sober and completely abstinent, I could 'still panic over a stomach-ache, imagining my liver was a scarred mess from the abuse I put it through'.
It didn't stay that way tho
I think I got better mentally for two reasons - I was no longer contributing to the problem and every week that went by I wasn't dead, in fact I felt a little better...
and secondly...around 3 months in, I began to realise how much even little amounts of alcohol could affect me and my world view, and the way I thought about my myself.
I appreciate that you're not committing to abstinence - but I really genuinely feel that last point may be something to consider if this panic turns out to be an on-going problem.
D
It didn't stay that way tho
I think I got better mentally for two reasons - I was no longer contributing to the problem and every week that went by I wasn't dead, in fact I felt a little better...
and secondly...around 3 months in, I began to realise how much even little amounts of alcohol could affect me and my world view, and the way I thought about my myself.
I appreciate that you're not committing to abstinence - but I really genuinely feel that last point may be something to consider if this panic turns out to be an on-going problem.
D
Thanks for your kind words, D!
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
I use to have horrific health anxiety and have made quite a few trips to the urgent care and ER thinking I was dying, just to be told it's all just anxiety.
After I got a great doc that I see regularly, it has eased my mind quite a bit along with seeking therapy and medication. I think seeking a therapist as well for your anxiety could be a big help.
After I got a great doc that I see regularly, it has eased my mind quite a bit along with seeking therapy and medication. I think seeking a therapist as well for your anxiety could be a big help.
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