beachedMermaid

I appreciate your gentle probe into this matter. We are indeed drinking in moderation. We keep to the standard of never more than 6 standard units of alcohol per week (never more than 3 per day, either, per US medical standards), and more often than not we drink nothing at all during the week. I track my booze intake as religiously as I track my food intake. I discussed this with my doctor at length (after the first round of blood tests) and she sees no problem with it. (The second round of blood tests was because she says she always has patients do them twice to be sure.) I realize most on this site consider complete abstinence to be the only long-term solution and I absolutely respect that. Within the short time I've been on this site I've already seen posts where people are in such severe denial they've got yellow eyes and are making regular ER trips and still don't think they have a problem, so no doubt some reading my post will assume I'm sneaking whiskey to work in a hip flask or something. That's fine. I'm being absolutely honest about my intake, but people aren't obligated to believe me. However, the reality is there are many people who successfully cut back to moderation and stay that way, who are on different levels of the alcohol abuse spectrum.

Now, I think you ARE right about the cognitive dissonance in the sense that we drink in moderation despite my issue with health anxiety. I can read between the lines of your post enough to see the "If you're not addicted, why not just quit altogether?" We absolutely could. Logically, removing alcohol from our lives altogether should ease my paranoia about liver cirrhosis. Unfortunately, I fear logic has no place in my health anxiety, so even dropping the occasional glass of wine or martini from our menu would not be enough. I could be completely dry right now and still panic over a stomach-ache, imagining my liver was a scarred mess from the abuse I put it through in 2015. I could go back in to my doctor for a liver ultrasound and have her find nothing and months later insist on coming back for a liver biopsy because I was afraid the liver ultrasound missed something. :-p That's the level of crazy we're talking about here.

Perhaps this anxiety will subside as I put more years between myself and 2015, and learn to enjoy it without needing something to stress over. In the past--well before my year of drinking--I have had anxiety over other things like hostile work environments and such. I guess now that work is good it's manifesting as health anxiety.

I am looking into behavioral counseling, because I'm starting to suspect I might have GAD....just found out my mom has it.