Was this really me?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 2
Was this really me?
Hello everyone,
I hope you are all doing well, this is my first post so I apologise in advance if I have posted in the wrong place. I just would really like some advice.
About 3 weeks ago I got black out drunk but I woke up with a few snapshot memories of doing something so shameful and unlike me. I don't want to say what it was but I really hurt someone I love very very much. I haven't been able to stop obsessing over this and questioning 'why, why, why?' So I started googling things and everywhere I look tells me that as alcohol removes inhibitions it makes you less anxious to do things you deep down want to do. I understand alcohol doesn't 'change' you as such but is it really that black and white? I'm going crazy over this, I haven't been eating or sleeping and the anxiety is so crippling I can't function. I spoke to a counselor, she said that as I was so inebriated I can hardly remember I need to forgive myself but I can't stop myself from trying to explain and apply meaning to these vague memories. What are your opinions on this?
Thank you and best of luck
I hope you are all doing well, this is my first post so I apologise in advance if I have posted in the wrong place. I just would really like some advice.
About 3 weeks ago I got black out drunk but I woke up with a few snapshot memories of doing something so shameful and unlike me. I don't want to say what it was but I really hurt someone I love very very much. I haven't been able to stop obsessing over this and questioning 'why, why, why?' So I started googling things and everywhere I look tells me that as alcohol removes inhibitions it makes you less anxious to do things you deep down want to do. I understand alcohol doesn't 'change' you as such but is it really that black and white? I'm going crazy over this, I haven't been eating or sleeping and the anxiety is so crippling I can't function. I spoke to a counselor, she said that as I was so inebriated I can hardly remember I need to forgive myself but I can't stop myself from trying to explain and apply meaning to these vague memories. What are your opinions on this?
Thank you and best of luck
Catch 22
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: South Africa
Posts: 327
I would say no, it was not you. It was what alcohol did to you. You know who you are when you are sober and in control of all your senses. That is the real you. Try if you van to forgive yourself and be the person you want to be.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome SR trafficlights and thanks for sharing your story. Alcohol can absolutely put us in situations we regret and enable/make/prompt us to do things we wouldn't do sober. WHY that happens is really not important, but recognizing that we cannot control it is important. Many of us have done things we regret while drunk, sometimes horrible/illegal/immoral things. And it's quire normal to feel regret and anxiety about it.
The solution is to recognize our problems with alcohol and make a plan to quit. We can never undo what we've done, but we can change what we do today. Stick around and you'll meet lots of helpful folks who have been there before and understand.
The solution is to recognize our problems with alcohol and make a plan to quit. We can never undo what we've done, but we can change what we do today. Stick around and you'll meet lots of helpful folks who have been there before and understand.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 1,183
Originally Posted by Trafficlights 
I spoke to a counselor, she said that as I was so inebriated I can hardly remember I need to forgive myself...
But it can take a while. Lots of us have shameful stories about drunken actions, but I think the notion that alcohol somehow reveals "who we really are" is wrong and not productive - when we're drunk, we're just plain drunk.Has this incident changed your drinking habits at all?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 2
Originally Posted by JeffreyAK
That sounds about right. But it can take a while. Lots of us have shameful stories about drunken actions, but I think the notion that alcohol somehow reveals "who we really are" is wrong and not productive - when we're drunk, we're just plain drunk.
Has this incident changed your drinking habits at all?
But it can take a while. Lots of us have shameful stories about drunken actions, but I think the notion that alcohol somehow reveals "who we really are" is wrong and not productive - when we're drunk, we're just plain drunk.Has this incident changed your drinking habits at all?
Yes. Most of the time I am capable of drinking responsibly but every so often I switch and drink so much I lose control and now my actions have crossed over from just being embarrassing to hurtful and shameful. I am starting regular counselling on Tuesday.
I really hope this feeling goes away, it's been 3 weeks and even though I have been forgiven and told multiple times to just let it go I just can't seem to accept it as a mistake.
Thank you
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Every one of us has a dark side that is filled with primitive instincts. This dark side of us has been called the "shadow". The most effective way to keep it from doing damage is first and formost to acknowledge that it exists. People who don't shine a light on it are more prone to its influence.
"Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is." Carl Jung
"To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light. Once one has experienced a few times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant by the self. Anyone who perceives his shadow and his light simultaneously sees himself from two sides and thus gets in the middle." Carl Jung
"Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is." Carl Jung
"To confront a person with his shadow is to show him his own light. Once one has experienced a few times what it is like to stand judgingly between the opposites, one begins to understand what is meant by the self. Anyone who perceives his shadow and his light simultaneously sees himself from two sides and thus gets in the middle." Carl Jung
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 104
I had a similar experience a few year back. Got insane drunk and did something that would've hurt a person I loved more than anything in the world. I couldn't sleep, I felt so bad I wanted to die. I feel for you man but all I can say is that eventually you do forgive yourself. Wishing you the best.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Drinking turned me into a completely different person. I definitely did out-of-character things. Usually they were not things I would ever find appealing if I was sober. I don't know where the behavior came from. That's why I had to stop - I was reckless & in danger. It's such a relief to be free of it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
That was one of the things I hated to wake up and check my phone/social media and hope I didn't post/text people stupid crap again when I was drunk. I've done it many times and lost a few close friends because of stupid drunken antics. Alcohol makes you do stupid things you often times later deeply regret.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
Trafficlights,
it's not helpful, i think, to obsess about this after you've spoken with the other person and been forgiven by them.
i don't know about forgiving ourselves. i don't really understand the concept. what i do understand is accepting.
accepting that i did those things, and that it was i who did them.
doesn't matter if it was "the real me" or the "alcohol-driven me" or the "not-the-real-me me" or the "fake me".
i did those things.
my job is to take the steps to do whatever is possible for me to do to make sure i don't do stuff like that again.
in my case, that meant at the very least quitting drinking.
it's not helpful, i think, to obsess about this after you've spoken with the other person and been forgiven by them.
i don't know about forgiving ourselves. i don't really understand the concept. what i do understand is accepting.
accepting that i did those things, and that it was i who did them.
doesn't matter if it was "the real me" or the "alcohol-driven me" or the "not-the-real-me me" or the "fake me".
i did those things.
my job is to take the steps to do whatever is possible for me to do to make sure i don't do stuff like that again.
in my case, that meant at the very least quitting drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 568
Originally Posted by Forward12
That was one of the things I hated to wake up and check my phone/social media and hope I didn't post/text people stupid crap again when I was drunk. I've done it many times and lost a few close friends because of stupid drunken antics. Alcohol makes you do stupid things you often times later deeply regret.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
When we take mind altering drugs our minds get altered. If I am in a grocery store and they have a case of doughnuts I can be completely sober and still have a desire to snag one and eat it but because my moral compass tells me it is wrong I don't. When we drink our moral compass stops functioning and there is no stop button. We just do whatever we want regardless of other people or consequences.
I have done horrible things drinking but for the most part have forgiven myself because I don't drink and am not that person anymore
I have done horrible things drinking but for the most part have forgiven myself because I don't drink and am not that person anymore
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
What is "you"? I think this sort of popular reasoning stems from a false intuition that we are living untruthfully, or that we have a wild animal burried inside. But why is the truer self the self awash in a foreign molecule? If you put say mdma on top of that, wouls that be yet an even truer self? I think it also represents the trepedation people feel regarding their own natures, the anxiety of selfhood. Instead of face up to a more abundant picture, a picture which is harder to grasp, its easier to be content with a false duality, human, animal, control, release. But what if release was finding deeper stability, deeper sanity? Why is wild, destructive and civilized the opposite of that?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 103
There's two different people - Drunk you and sober you. Drunk you is literally a devil. It brings out the worst in you. It likes to vocalise and materialise thoughts (and only THOUGHTS) that sober you keeps quiet for a reason.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Boston Ma
Posts: 980
I'm grateful to hear others reports of putting things in the past that cannot be taken back, figuring out that feelings of shame and guilt are not part of the equation now, they take too much of my time. Trying to focus, develop more purpose in my life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I was just thinking about this tonight. I am 4+ years sober and I was thinking back (for some reason) to a trip to Puerto Rico that I took right before I finally quit. I took some actions while on that 'vacation' that were completely out of character. I feel like apologizing to someone, but the people I offended are unknown to me.
So do I beat myself up? Or do I take solace in my sobriety and achievements today? I think the best thing to do is the latter. In fact, it's the only way to move forward. Drunk behavior gets many people in a LOT of trouble that they can NEVER get away from. Consider yourself lucky that you can walk away from this scare - and move on with a brighter future. Embrace the 'now', embrace your sober decisions, and love your true self, the sober self.
So do I beat myself up? Or do I take solace in my sobriety and achievements today? I think the best thing to do is the latter. In fact, it's the only way to move forward. Drunk behavior gets many people in a LOT of trouble that they can NEVER get away from. Consider yourself lucky that you can walk away from this scare - and move on with a brighter future. Embrace the 'now', embrace your sober decisions, and love your true self, the sober self.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
There are some people who take a different view that everything we are capable of doing is something that we eventually "want" to do. The desire resides within what we are and what we are capable of doing as human beings. Societal norms, laws, ethics and conscience prevent most of us from acting out on our impulses. People without due restraint have long been isolated or banished from the larger population for thousands of years. So, a moral code from hundreds or thousands of years ago would seem to be either grossly inadequate or overly punitive in modern society.
Human beings are gifted and burdened by consciousness and a largely learned sense of right and wrong. But this only further suggests that there's something within us that needs to be tamed or controlled. We are not born to be altruistic, beyond helping the human race to survive.
Violent and sexual dreams, for example, are a way of fulfilling our darker desires, as awuh describes with such excellence. I may want to consciously kill my boss, but personal, psychological, legal and societal restraints, including the desire to avoid punishment, make this impossible for most people. If I kill my boss in my dreams, it registers a level of satisfaction. Same with sleeping with a woman outside of my relationship. No one is hurt, and no one's the wiser. To deny the content and message in such dreams is to deny Jung's "shadow," only giving it more power as it thrives in the darkness.
Yet this is generally considered to be a grey area. I think it's enough (for me) to acknowledge that I acted out on things while drinking that I am always capable of doing because it was I who did what was required to compromise the normal restraints. I drank.
In the end, I made the choice to drink. I'm as responsible for whatever I do while I'm drinking as when I'm sober. Ask anyone who's been penalized, paid a large fine or served jail time for drinking while driving.
Human beings are gifted and burdened by consciousness and a largely learned sense of right and wrong. But this only further suggests that there's something within us that needs to be tamed or controlled. We are not born to be altruistic, beyond helping the human race to survive.
Violent and sexual dreams, for example, are a way of fulfilling our darker desires, as awuh describes with such excellence. I may want to consciously kill my boss, but personal, psychological, legal and societal restraints, including the desire to avoid punishment, make this impossible for most people. If I kill my boss in my dreams, it registers a level of satisfaction. Same with sleeping with a woman outside of my relationship. No one is hurt, and no one's the wiser. To deny the content and message in such dreams is to deny Jung's "shadow," only giving it more power as it thrives in the darkness.
Yet this is generally considered to be a grey area. I think it's enough (for me) to acknowledge that I acted out on things while drinking that I am always capable of doing because it was I who did what was required to compromise the normal restraints. I drank.
In the end, I made the choice to drink. I'm as responsible for whatever I do while I'm drinking as when I'm sober. Ask anyone who's been penalized, paid a large fine or served jail time for drinking while driving.
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