Welcome SR trafficlights and thanks for sharing your story. Alcohol can absolutely put us in situations we regret and enable/make/prompt us to do things we wouldn't do sober. WHY that happens is really not important, but recognizing that we cannot control it is important. Many of us have done things we regret while drunk, sometimes horrible/illegal/immoral things. And it's quire normal to feel regret and anxiety about it.
The solution is to recognize our problems with alcohol and make a plan to quit. We can never undo what we've done, but we can change what we do today. Stick around and you'll meet lots of helpful folks who have been there before and understand.